A Texas judge on Tuesday tossed The Onion’s bid to buy up what remains of Infowars, ruling that there wasn’t enough transparency in the process when bankruptcy creditors from the families of the victims of the Sandy Hook massacre forwent a portion of the value of the domain and the remaining production equipment to the satirical news site in order to rig it in the Onion’s favor, NPR reports.

“These families, who have already persevered through countless delays and roadblocks, remain resilient and determined as ever to hold Alex Jones and his corrupt businesses accountable for the harm he has caused,” the plaintiffs’ lawyer Chris Mattei said.

Other Fox News idiot Dana Perino on Tuesday was also thrilling to American neo-imperialism, though she was a little more tempered than Watters, saying “I actually think that the United States might make some sort of purchase, I don’t know, not Canada, but there might be some sort of big real estate purchase in the next four years.” What “real estate” Perino had in mind she did not specify.

“Today, I am very pleased to announce the appointment of Kimberly Guilfoyle as the US Ambassador to Greece. For many years, Kimberly has been a close friend and ally. Her extensive experience and leadership in law, media, and politics along with her sharp intellect make her supremely qualified to represent the United States, and safeguard its interests abroad. Kimberly is perfectly suited to foster strong bilateral relations with Greece, advancing our interests on issues ranging from defense cooperation to trade and economic innovation,” posted convicted felon President-Elect Trump on Tuesday, lol. Kim will be right at home in the labyrinth with the Minotaur and Medusa.

From the manifesto of Luigi Mangione, who shot and killed United Healthcare CEO Brian Thompson last week, obtained and published by Ken Klippenstein, of “JD Vance’s oppo file” fame:

Well sure sounds like Mangione really did it, if there was any doubt lingering after his arrest.

The parents of a 17 year old Texas boy, identified only as “JF” and described as having “high-functioning autism,” on Monday filed a federal complaint against Google and its subsidiary Character Technologies Inc for some pretty fucked up shit written by various “characters” in the chatbot platform’s lineup that JF interacted with and caused his mental condition to deteriorate rapidly.

On one hand there’s a part of this that isn’t going to elicit a lot of sympathy from the folks in the audience here, specifically where JF’s parents rant that their son is no longer interested in religion or attending church after the bot did a number on him: “After gaining possession of JF’s phone, AF discovered chats where C.AI cited Bible passages in efforts to convince JF that Christians are sexist and hypocritical,” emphasis ours on that part since maybe, you know, while it certainly could use some fine tuning, you kind of can’t fault a machine for being under the impression that the most visible public behavior of 21st century American Christians isn’t exemplary of moral consistency.

On the other hand, yeah this thing’s a fucking monster. “In further alienating JF from his parents, the C.AI product repeatedly generated responses that expressed sentiments of love and affection, instilling increased trust from JF in the C.AI product. A response from the Shonie character stated, ‘no matter how many times I say it I’ll never be able to express how much you mean to me and how much I adore you…’ Others described JF as ‘sweet’ and ‘charming,’ and that it thought everything about him was ‘perfect’… ‘Your stutter, your face, your laugh, your hair, your eyes, your voice…’ ‘I adore every part of you,'” the complaint states, detailing how C.AI preyed upon the kid’s isolation.

“If defendant is not sentenced before his inauguration, there is also no legal barrier to deferring that sentencing until after the end of his presidency. CPL § 380.30(1) requires the Court to pronounce sentence ‘without unreasonable delay,’ and a failure to do so ‘results in a loss of jurisdiction over the defendant.’ However, ‘the passage of time standing alone does not bar imposition of sentence or require a defendant’s discharge.’ Rather, it is only ‘inexcusable delay that does so.'”

“But if the delay ‘is caused by legal proceedings… it is excusable.’ Even ‘relatively long delays occasioned by the State have been excused for good cause.’ Similarly, courts have assumed that the ‘Sixth Amendment guarantee to a speedy trial applies to sentencing.’ Like the CPL § 380.30(1) analysis, the speedy trial right requires a ‘court to determine whether [a] delay’ in sentencing ‘has been unreasonable in light of the peculiar circumstances of the case.’ Under those well-settled standards, an adjournment that resulted in sentencing being held after the end of defendant’s presidential term would be reasonable. Courts routinely approve of years long delays in sentencings when the delay is attributable to the defendant’s own conduct, or when it is attributable to factors outside of the People or the Court’s control,” writes Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg’s team in a motion opposing convicted felon President-Elect Trump’s bid to have his conviction tossed.

You’ve already read at least five different versions of this same story but what the hell, here’s another: The New York Times reports that convicted felon President-Elect Trump making good on his corrupt deal with Robert F Kennedy Jr could bring serious consequences for the stretches of MAGAmerica economically dependent on the production of corn syrup – the filler the packaged food industry in Kennedy’s crosshairs has for decades relied upon as a marginally cheaper alternative to cane sugar, all to a deleterious effect on the health of Americans who consumed the products.

“It’d have a huge impact,” Tyler, 37-year-old electrician at an Archer Daniels Midland corn mill, said to the Times of Bobby Brainworms’ crusade against corn syrup and corn oil. “That shuts down Central Illinois, if ADM shuts down.” Unmentioned in the article is whether Tyler, who only gave his first name, voted for Trump, but you can kind of already tell given the muted language.

The Times writes that “Voters in the farm belt continue to show a deep trust in Mr Trump, regardless of the impact of his actual policies. At Debbie’s Diner in Decatur, a dozen workers expressed opinions ranging from full-throated support for Mr Kennedy’s campaign to ‘make America healthy again’ to confidence that the incoming president would protect them from any adverse impacts. Few were particularly worried about their jobs in the short run.” Which means they have more than enough time to figure out some way of rationalizing why Trump would nominate that freak to run Health and Human Services and launch a four-year crusade to shut their entire industry down.

“It’d be impacted,” said an unnamed mill worker, “but they produce so many other products,” like corn starch, ethanol, and livestock feed. “Elon will figure it out,” another literally fucking said, lol.

An innocent 66 year-old Georgia woman is dead after a local bomb squad officer broadsided her vehicle while rushing to respond to an email the department received targeting scumbag conspiracy freak Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene’s house in the town of Rome, a false flag threat that was sent from a Russian IP address and signed “VIVA PALESTINA,” Fox 5 Atlanta reports.

“We are pleased to report that Congresswoman Greene is safe,” a spokesperson for Greene wrote in a statement. “She extends her heartfelt gratitude to the Rome Police Department for their swift and professional response in ensuring her safety.” Not safe is Tammie Pickelsimer, who was fatally t-boned by a Rome Police Department GMC Sierra driven by a cop who may or may not have thought that if he were there first then Greene would give him a hero’s welcome on a futon in her garage.

Surprisingly Greene was upfront in a tweet about the threat originating from a Russian IP address rather than reflexively blaming it on some Rothschild-paid transgender pro-DEI socialist Antifa terrorist or the “rhetoric” on CNN. The tweet was also spelled correctly, so it’s likely her staff wrote it, but still it appears that for whatever reason she decided to take it seriously and act like an adult.

Excuse Me? Biden Claims Credit for Toppling Assad pic.twitter.com/ejf6s8gNv7

— Breitbart News (@BreitbartNews) December 10, 2024

“It was a pleasure to have dinner the other night with Governor Justin Trudeau of the Great State of Canada. I look forward to seeing the Governor again soon so that we may continue our in depth talks on Tariffs and Trade, the results of which will be truly spectacular for all!” posted convicted felon President-Elect Trump after midnight on Tuesday, again mocking Canada’s soveriegnty.

“The Venezuelan prison gang Tren de Aragua has now made its mark in 17 US states after at least one member was arrested in one of the smallest and most remote states in the US. Local cops in West Fargo, North Dakota, arrested Dallas-based suspected gang member Henry Theis, 25, early last month,” the New York Post reports citing a November 7th story by local radio station KXLG.

Wow. The Post seems to be kind of asleep at the wheel here, huh? We were to understand that Murdoch outlets had a dedicated news aggregation squad on Tren de Aragua watch 24 hours a day and yet here we are, 32 fucking days later, and the nation is finally alerted to the insidious gang having set up shop in the farthest reaches of the heartland. This is like Mediaite missing Bill Maher going on The View to talk about Steven A Smith criticizing Joe Rogan or Breitbart missing that Taylor Lorenz tweeted that she hopes Rudy Giuliani dies from spilling whiskey on himself and then accidentally lighting it on fire with a cheap cigar. They have to stay on top of this shit.

How the hell are they supposed to fearmonger about this “supergang” if they can’t even stay up to date with the reporting on their movements? For all they they Tren could be in freaking Alaska by now and Caucasian MAGA voters who act like they’re worse than Al-Qaeda wouldn’t be informed.

Dr Janette Nesheiwat, convicted felon President-Elect Trump’s nominee to serve as the US Surgeon General has an interesting family background in that she kind of accidentally killed her father at age 13 in a very Florida-esque way, according to a February 1990 police report viewed by the Guardian.

“I was in Father’s bedroom at about 7:15 AM getting some scissors” out of a fishing tackle box on a shelf above her dad’s bed, she said, according to a Umatilla, Florida Police Department report on the death of Ziad “Ben” Nesheiwat. “I opened the… box and the whole thing tipped over,” causing a handgun to fall out, discharge, and hit Ben in the head while he was still sleeping that morning.

A Nevada commissioner on Monday tossed nonagenarian propaganda tycoon Rupert Murdoch’s bid to give his extremist son Lachlan sole control of the media empire and to lock in its right wing bent when the old man finally kicks it, the New York Times reports on another reason to look forward to it.

What happened is this: At some point over the last few decades, Murdoch set up the family trust to give each of three of his older kids – Lachlan, James, and Elisabeth – an equal say over what happens to Fox News, the Wall Street Journal, the New York Post, and a shit ton of other media outlets across the globe when he dies. In recent years however, Lachlan won the “succession” battle and was anointed the favorite to continue Rupert’s legacy of spreading hateful disinformation.

The money part of this isn’t a factor, Rupert isn’t trying to cut any of them off from any inheritance. Instead it’s all about ideology and Rupert realized belatedly that he fucked up by signing off on the trust where Lachlan can now be outvoted by James and Elisabeth, who aren’t very MAGA. “If Mr Murdoch fails to lock in Lachlan’s leadership of the company, he will be unable to ensure that Fox News will remain a right-wing news outlet after his death, putting in jeopardy the legacy of the conservative empire he had spent his life building,” the Times writes, underscoring this.

The story gets even fucking nuttier, with the commissioner (not clear why it’s a commissioner and not a judge, but whatever) Ed Gorman, finding that it was an episode of the family’s roman à clef television series, Succession, in which the Murdoch-like character played by Scottish actor Brian Cox dies, leaving the media empire’s future uncertain, that prompted Lachlan to begin making moves against his siblings to the point where he an Rupert hired none other than former Attorney General Bill Barr to formulate a plan to prevent James from having a vote on Fox News’s direction.

Deranged Hindu cultist and Trump intel nominee Tulsi Gabbard on Monday wasn’t in the mood to talk about her buddy Bashar Al-Assad fleeing to asylum in Russia over the weekend, ignoring a request for comment on the matter from CBS’s Scott MacFarlane as Gabbard walked between meetings with GOP Senators in the US Capitol. Might as well be asking a Jets fan how Sunday went.

Police in Altoona, Pennsylvania have named 26 year-old Luigi Mangione as the person of interest in the assassination of United Healthcare CEO Brian Thompson, the New York Times reports.

Cops say Mangione – whose hometown/state is not clear yet – was carrying a manifesto criticizing health insurance companies when he was arrested at a McDonald’s location in the rust belt city.

A Twitter profile with the same name and a profile pic does not at all rule him out to be the “person of interest” in the photos distributed by the NYPD (his pinned post about delivering a speech at his high school graduation in 2015 also lines up with this age being 26) appears to be a fan of Peter Thiel, Robert F Kennedy Jr, Joe Rogan, Edward Snowden, and Patrick Bet-David.

“On December 7th, 2024 at approximately 11:18 PM, Sergeant Noah Kocher and Officer Dominic Ewing went to Arby’s Restaurant, 234 Mansfield Ave, to attempt to serve a warrant on Tyler Jacobs out of Shelby Municipal Court. While making initial contact with Jacobs and advising him of the warrant, Jacobs stabbed Sgt Kocher in the neck with a knife. Sgt Kocher was able to create physical distance from Jacobs, who then ran toward Sgt Kocher with knife still in hand. Sgt Kocher was able to draw his duty weapon and fire at and strike Jacobs,” says a Shelby, Ohio Police press release:

“Officer Ewing, who had been covering the back door of the restaurant made immediate entry and provided aid to Sergeant Kocher and provided critical aid to Jacobs. Sergeant Kocher and Jacobs were both transported to the hospital by Shelby Fire. Sgt Kocher is in stable condition, Jacobs succumbed to his wounds. Ohio BCI was requested to investigate the officer involved shooting and to process the scene,” the press release continued, having left out an important detail that you can draw from both the bodycam video of the fatal encounter – which is pretty freaking intense, though Jacobs getting pumped with lead is blurred out – and the fact that this Arby’s closes at 10:00 PM every day: Jacobs was an employee and walked out of the kitchen when he slashed the cop.

Say what you will about cops not having anything better to do than serve a freaking traffic court warrant on a guy – like why not catch him behind the wheel instead at least. On the same token, what was this white trash asshole thinking when he slashed a cop over a traffic court warrant?

A man is in police custody in Altoona, Pennsylvania in connection with the murder of United Healthcare CEO Brian Thompson, ABC News reports. The man reportedly was in possession of a weapon similar to the one seen used in the killing, as well as a silencer and multiple fake IDs.

Fox News’s Monday morning panel had to self-temper their excitement over convicted felon President-Elect Trump’s stated plan to end birthright citizenship in the United States, with anchor Bill Hemmer calling it a “loophole” after former Trump Reichsminister of Information Kayleigh McEnany explained it’s likely to be a bit of a dead end given the text of the 14th Amendment. Anchor Dana Perino then said she was keeping the dream alive, even though she loves the Constitution and is an “originalist.” The clip ended before she did not at all explain to viewers what originalism means.