A statement from the British Ministry of Justice issued on Friday announced that “Statistics show that around 7,300 criminals either released from prison or serving a community sentence will be forced to wear alcohol tags at some point during” the World Cup. “The innovative tags work around the clock and quickly detect if an offender has been drinking by analysing their sweat. If an offender dares to have a drink, an alert is sent to their probation officer who can take action to punish them, such as an order to return to court or even prison. The tags are accurate enough to distinguish between those simply soaking up the atmosphere at pubs and fan zones where alcohol is present, and those risking a red card by actively drinking. The move comes as police forces and local authorities prepare for increased demand during the tournament, with alcohol often linked to incidents of violence, anti-social behaviour and disorder around major football fixtures,”

“It is expected that around 7,300 offenders will wear an alcohol tag at some point during the World Cup, with around 5,000 already fitted with a tag when the tournament started and a further 2,300 expected to receive new orders,” the cruelest, most dastardly part of the announcement read.

Yeah, maybe the headline’s a little too gentle but holy fucking shit this is one of those times when it’s simply too hard to respond proportionately to this level of batshittery. Like if the fat bastard had just left it at “Here is another example of a crazy pro-algae (likely paid) protestor,” then it’d be out of character for him to be sorta poking fun at himself a little tiny bit – and yet such levity would still be an adequate enough explanation. It’s not like he’s never self-deprecated, if much gentler than this.

The “The sign says, ‘First they came for the algae…’ which is in reference to a famous post-WW2 statement about Germans not speaking out against the Nazis: ‘…then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me – and there was no one left to speak for me,'” is not self-satire. That’s Trump being seriously “offended” and very much on-brand given his very well-documented love of messianic blasphemy and iconoclasm. This is real Trump.

Responding to questions from reporters about whether he still has a pulse or has finally joined his lord and savior Satan, former Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s staff tells CNN’s Manu Raju that old turtle face “is still working closely with staff on Senate business and Kentucky matters as he continues his recovery [from an unspecified ailment]. However, he will not be voting this week.”

If he dies the dem Kentucky Gov Andy Beshear can appoint a replacement. Yes, Mitch McConnell himself lobbied the Republicans in the state legislature to pass a law removing the governor’s power to appoint a replacement of a different party than the incumbent, but let’s see that get tested in court. He could also just refuse to appoint a replacement, just like Mitch did when Scalia died.

“House Democrats’ campaign arm and main super PAC are stopping short of saying they will go all-in to hold onto Maine’s lone swing district after failing to get their preferred nominee. This new headache comes as Democratic leaders were already grappling with the never-ending firestorm around Senate nominee Graham Platner,” writes top Disarray™ manufacturer Axios on Monday.

Minnesota federal Judge Patrick Schiltz on Monday quashed the Trump Regime’s subpoenas to Gov Tim Walz, Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey, Attorney General Keith Ellison and others, finding that the Reich’s DOJ “is not conducting a criminal investigation, but is instead using the grand jury process for other (unlawful) purposes. In addition, those on whom the subpoenas were served – as well as those who appear to be the targets of the Department’s misuse of the grand-jury process – want this matter disclosed. Finally, the public has a very strong interest in learning of this abuse of the grand-jury process by the Department,” handing yet another L to the fat fuck’s “fraud” crusade.

Now-former Detroit Department of Transportation chief safety officer Corie Holmes is suing the city, alleging a retaliatory termination for “misrepresentation of authority” for investigating a number of incidents that, as described in a Detroit Free Press column, are not necessarily “safety” issues. Like when bus system supervisor Andre Reece said “Why are you tryin’ to squeeze tight? Just let it go” and “I bet I can make it jiggle,” to driver Dayna Ruff while grabbing her ass as the two were making out in the front of a parked city bus, well, the bus was parked safely on the side of a street.

They weren’t trading pics of their genitals while Ruff was driving with passengers on board, so that’s outside of a safety officer’s jurisdiction. Same goes for the $300,000 no-bid contract for IT services by “Total Care Restoration,” a company with no experience whatsoever in the IT sector and almost certainly didn’t render any actual services for the automated people-mover system. If they didn’t write a single line of code to run the system then how could that have been a safety issue?

Now the January 23rd late night incident involving now-also-fired DOT Chief of Staff Jennie Whitfield is a closer call since she did create a safety hazard by throwing a glass bottle at a pigeon during a drunken tirade at the Rosa Parks Bus Station and then claimed she was simply pressure testing security personnel’s response. Yet even though Whitfield was eventually fired, Holmes was repeatedly told he was exceeding his remit by flagging the deranged Friday night meltdown by his superior, and that insubordination proved to be the final nail in the coffin of his time at the agency.

Put together it’s an important lesson to those who aspire to answer the call of public service: Just look busy instead of actually trying to make a difference in the workplace, however small.

You haven’t heard much from House Oversight Chairbilly James Comer in a while and if you ever considered his relative silence in the media as possibly a period of introspection and self-improvement to stop saying dumb shit well here he is to prove you wrong as he’s calling for every one of former President Joe Biden’s pardons to be voided. Lucky for him and his party that’s not going to happen since, well, that’d be an incredibly fucking stupid precedent for them to set – and just to merely see 86 year-old Dr Anthony Fauci prosecuted for some not-vert-well-defined offenses that would still have to get past a jury. That sure would suck for Trump’s cronies.

“Josh Turek leads Iowa’s Senate race despite the state’s strong Republican advantage. Today, Turek leads Hinson by 2 points (47 percent to 45 percent) in a highly competitive Senate race despite Iowa’s heavily Republican electorate. Republicans hold a 10-point advantage in voter registration (42 percent Rep to 32 percent Dem), a 9-point advantage on partisan self-ID (37 percent Rep to 28 percent Dem), and this electorate voted for Trump by 9 points (50 percent Trump to 41 percent Harris). However, a generic Republican for Senate leads a generic Democrat by just 2 points (47 percent to 45 percent), and Turek is outperforming both the partisan dynamics and a generic Democrat in his lead over Hinson,” says a Politico/Global Strategy Group poll of the Corn-filled state.

Former Federal Reserve chair Alan Greenspan has died at the age of 100, CNN reports on a demise that will be celebrated by various actors who blame him for this or that major fuckup.

FINANCIAL FUMBLE: Rep. Ilhan Omar's household finances are under fire again after a fresh disclosure shows her husband's reported income between $200 and $1,000.

The jaw-dropping dive follows previous filings that valued his business ventures at up to $30M — before the couple… pic.twitter.com/nt570uXYxt

— FOX & Friends (@foxandfriends) June 22, 2026

British Prime Minister Keir Starmer on Monday officially announced his resignation, Sky News reports, paving the way for a new leadership election in the Labour Party.

“The team has submitted its findings about mortality levels and the virus’s likely pathway to Heard Island to a scientific journal for consideration. Heard Island and McDonald Islands are an Australian external territory located in the Southern Ocean, about 4,000 km SW of mainland Australia. Samples from nine vertebrate species were tested at CSIRO’s Australian Centre for Disease Preparedness, with six species testing positive for the viral strain that has been spreading globally. These included southern elephant seal, king penguin, gentoo penguin, Antarctic fur seal and South Georgia diving petrel. Analysis of drone surveys taken on two voyages in October 2025 and January 2026 reveal very high mortality in southern elephant seal pups and elevated mortality in king and gentoo penguins. Analysis of data collected in October estimated average pup mortality was 76 per cent in the final surveys and as high as 97 per cent in one area. Total pup production was estimated at around 17,000 and island-wide mortality was estimated at around 13,000 pups on Heard Island.”

“By January 2026, widespread elephant seal pup mortality was detected in all surveyed breeding areas, including evidence of mortality at McDonald Island (by drone survey). However, due to the remoteness and protected status, no on-ground sampling was undertaken, meaning laboratory confirmation was not possible,” says a press release from the Australian Antarctic Program.

Definitely the worst thing to happen to the remote and unihabited rocks since convicted felon President Trump imposed a 10 percent tariff on their completely non-existent exports last year.

“The way the Corrupt and Failing New York Times is covering stories on a very battered and beat up Iran, through FAKE AND MADE UP ‘FACTS’ is, in my opinion, ‘TREASONOUS.’ I will be adding all of their false and ridiculous reporting to my multi Billion Dollar lawsuit against them. They are Criminals!” posted the President of the United States on Sunday. Shouldn’t treason be prosecuted?

Shoutout to all the divorced dads

— Mountain Dew® (@MountainDew) June 21, 2026

Convicted felon President Trump’s incompetence is now responsible for the death of one of nature’s cutest animals, as a baby duckling was found lifeless in the National Mall reflecting pool Sunday following weeks of counterproductive work in a failed attempt to ensure the pool remains free of algae. Per an expert asked by freelancer Rob Crilly, the fowl may have been killed by cyanobacteria.

Citing Tehran’s Tasnim news agency, Al-Jazeera reports that Iran’s delegation have walked out of the talks with convicted felon President Trump’s regime following the Orange God Emperor’s threats to strike Iran if it did not stop Hezbollah from “causing trouble.”

“The US Park Police have arrested multiple individuals for vandalizing our Nations magnificent Reflecting Poll. Who would do such a thing? These are very serious crimes having to do with the destruction of National Monuments. Years in jail! Work will begin immediately on its repair,” posted the Orange God Emperor on Saturday. He’s just hours away from nicknaming one “the Algae-ist.”

“On June 19, 2026, at approximately 20:03 hours, Michael Butler was traveling eastbound in the 21300 block of Rose Hollow Lane in a Tesla Model 3. Butler stated he was operating with an automated driving assistance system engaged at the time of the crash. Butler failed to drive in a single lane, left the roadway, and struck the residence of 1907 Blooming Park Lane. Butler’s Tesla entered through the brick residence, at a high rate of speed, and struck M Avila who was inside the residence. Avila was transported via Life Flight to a local hospital, where she was later pronounced deceased due to the injures she sustained from the crash. There were no signs of intoxication on Butler and he was corporative during the investigation. This case is under the investigation of the Harris County Sheriff’s Office Vehicular Crimes Division,” says a report by the Harris County, Texas Sheriff’s Office about the really fucking shitty way for this woman to die through no fault of her own.

“The advancement of human progress and indeed Western Civilization as a whole sometimes requires unfortunate sacrifices to be borne by those who benefitted from the fruits of past industrialists, ergo Ms Avila and her family should actually be thankful to those of us on the cutting edge of those advancements,” Elon Musk probably said to Tesla’s public relations team.