The whole lamestream media is going crazy over the text message thing with the Jeffrey Goldbrick guy and the Houthis and it’s hard to escape the feeling of why is this such a big deal when Hillary Clinton deleted all of those emails? What about that? Where was the media when then?

How come she never faced any consequences for that or the uranium thing? Libs say this new story with the patriots Pete Hegseth, JD Vance, Tulsi Gabbard, and Mike Waltz is a major breach of national security but they never got mad when Hillary acid-washed her secret bathroom server. She used some kind of acid that could melt the hard drives and vaporize them but CNN has refused to report on it for 10 years and NOW they want to do wall-to-wall coverage of the Houthi attack chat?

No wonder nobody wants to watch them. Plus Jeffrey Goldbutt has been completely discredited over his losers and suckers hoax because Jim Jordan said that Trump never said those things. The text chat that he was a part of showed that the Trump Administration is a really strong team that collaborates positively and even uses cool emojis to affirm each other. You can bet that Kamala’s national security and Defense Department team never would’ve worked that well together.

In fact it would’ve been so much worse. They probably would’ve texted nuclear secrets to the Ayatollah or Tren de Aragua or even Bill Gates. America is so lucky she didn’t win. This sill Atlantic story is nothing compared to what could have happened in the nightmare of a Harris Administration.

In conclusion, we never got the bottom of what happened with Hillary’s emails and Congress should open up an investigation into her server and acid-washing practices immediately.

National Zero will resume our regular coverage after this woefully insufficient attempt to color within the lines of Poe’s Law on how to message 👊🇺🇸🔥-gate. Actually 👊🇺🇸🔥-ghazi probably works better.

In an article that demonstrates them being actually useful, printed on the same day as their incredibly fucking insufferable “Dems in disarray” circlejerk, Axios reports that the White House has ordered the Social Security Administration to begin their planned gutting of phone-based services vital to seniors and disabled folks unable or unwilling to use the internet, a de facto reduction in recipients by creating unnecessary barriers to apply for and accessing benefits.

Incel administrator Leland Dudek is pursuing an expedited schedule for the cuts, saying what would normally take two years is being done in two weeks. Move fast and break things faster.

An unnamed Seattle pedophile made an unforced error when he threw out a shit ton binders full of child porn along with some personal files containing his name, making it real easy for cops to track him down after two homeless people found the binders and alerted police earlier this month, KIRO reports. Scroll down for a comment section filled with suggestions on who should hire him.

Florida gas prices drop to ‘lows not seen in more than a year’ https://t.co/wE1Z4jZ2Ei

— GOP (@GOP) March 24, 2025

Great of them to be pretending to stay on top of this. But just click “like” and not the article itself, otherwise you’d have to read the part where the AAA guy says “Low oil prices and strong gasoline production numbers have helped push gas prices to lows not seen in more than a year. However, it’s not clear how much lower prices will go. Springtime factors like refinery maintenance, strong demand, and the switch to summer gasoline typically keep upward pressure on prices at the pump.”

And it’s down to $2.97 a gallon now, still pretty freaking far from the $1.87 promised.

Convicted felon President Trump on Monday ordered the Secret Service to pull its protection detail for former Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas, the Post Millennial reports.

“If this was the Biden administration would we ever know about it? Of course not. It would be completely covered up with help by the Atlantic. At least the transparency is real here” – The top comment on the New York Post story “Trump national security team messaged plans for Yemen strikes to Atlantic editor in chief in stunning breach,” posted Monday and that right there ladies and gents is an all-time great. Holy freaking shit, lol. The 110 percent ironclad unfalsifiability seems to be trending big these days. Also, what the hell kind of feckless chickenshit cope is “At least the transparency is real here”? Wow. It was the Atlantic being transparent about it, most certainly after some lengthy conversations with national security lawyers so Goldberg was playing it safe.

“If our government is using non secure app to conduct government business that is a problem unless the whole exercise is to get the information out as a deliberate leak” – Top comment on the Gateway Pundit’s article. Love how this asshole starts out principled and inflexible and then keeps the out handy that you know he’s going to end up using. The article itself is a riot, picking up where Jaydee questioned the Orange God Emperor’s judgment, with Jim “Pundit” Hoft writing “The chat itself, as recounted by Goldberg, is a masterclass in leadership. Vance raised legit concerns about timing and messaging—proving he’s a thinker, not a yes-man—while Hegseth laid out the stakes: restoring freedom of navigation and reestablishing deterrence that Biden let crumble.” Hahaha, holy fuck.

“Looks like a pretty well thought out discussion and decision making. I see nothing wrong in the conversation. The real question is, were they trying to trap him or was someone trying to set up a leak from within the admin?” – Top comment on the Daily Wire story and Jesus Christ these people with their “5D chess” shit always having to QAnon-ify it everytime their heroes fuck up and fail.

Dickhead US Postmaster General Louis DeJoy tendered his resignation on Monday, five years after he was hired to fuck up the mail system so private sector competitors could take over, freelancer Dave Shepardson reports. It’s not clear why Joe Biden never fired the asshole

Former Media Matters reporter Kat Abugazaleh on Monday announced she’ll be taking on 80 year-old Chicago Dem Congresswoman Jan Schakowsky in a primary – or just running for the seat without even waiting for a retirement announcement from the octogenarian, Axios reports.

Abugazaleh, 26, is the genius behind a satirical bit titled “Conservative Comedy,” with zingers such as “My pronouns are not/vaccinated” and “Cancel culture is ruining comedy… I mean you’re telling me the n-word isn’t funny anymore?” Congress needs more such acerbic mockery of MAGA.

“On Monday, March 24, 2025, at approximately 8:04 am, Austin Police Department (APD) officers responded to a Found/Abandoned Hazardous call at the Tesla dealership located at 12845 N US 183 Hwy SVRD NB. When officers arrived on scene, they located suspicious devices, and called the APD Bomb Squad to investigate. The devices, which were determined to be incendiary, were taken into police custody without incident. This is an open and ongoing investigation, and there is no further information available for release at this time,” says an Austin Police Department press release.

So yeah, this is a false flag by the DOGE State until proven otherwise. There’s no evidence any leftists planted these and it’s far more likely that it’s a plot to justify a crackdown on the civil liberties of those outraged by the attack on hardworking regular Americans led by Elon Musk.

Anyone who disagrees with this theory is also a homosexual pedophile sex trafficker.

This is false and defamatory

It warrants litigation — especially if he doesn’t take it down

— Mike Lee (@BasedMikeLee) March 24, 2025

Fake propaganda is bad again, say the Vice President of the United States and the Senior Senator from Utah. It used to be good when it was about Haitians eating cats, dogs, and waterfowl or an AI image of a little girl neglected by the Biden Administration shivering in a flood, but now it’s bad again. It’s defamatory and illegal now. Only scumbags would spread it.

“Fireball Whisky is cranking up the heat with a lifetime supply offering exclusively for the folks who put the ‘social’ in social security and are ready to twi-light up their final years. Saluting the 90+ legends who’ve spent nearly a century making memories, surviving life’s curveballs, and keeping the party rolling, Fireball is offering the most epic senior discount of all: free lifetime supplies of its signature cinnamon whisky to those born on or before 1935. This supply is for the elders who don’t just raise glasses, they raise hell, too. ‘We’ve seen them all over social, we’ve heard directly from the source, and we can confirm one undeniable truth: senior citizens love Fireball. And who are we to argue with their years of wisdom? After all, they were born right as Prohibition was ending and have been breaking barriers and bringing the heat ever since,’ said Danny Suich, Global Brand Director for Fireball. ‘It’s time to celebrate the 90+ crowd, the party royalty who never stopped turning up.'”

“Starting today and running through March 31, aka the 90th day of the year, those 90+ who are ready to prove the fun is far from over can enter for the chance to win a lifetime supply of Fireball. But this red-hot reward is strictly for the winner. No passing it down in the will, no sneaky ‘whisky inheritance’ loopholes, and definitely no ghostly reappearances to claim a refill,” says a press release from the makers of Big Red gum-flavored whisky-ish concoction Fireball.

Ed Durr, the onomatopoeically-named MAGA trucker who shocked New Jersey Dems by defeating then-incumbent Dem state Senate President Steve Sweeney in 2021 after spending $153 on his campaign and served one term before he was defeated by a Dem challenger in 2023, announced Monday that he’s ending his campaign for governor of the Garden State and endorsing a similarly unfortunately-surnamed Republican, Bill Spadea, the New Jersey Globe reports.

Durr decided to drop out after being unable to raise the $580,000 to qualify for matching funds under the state’s public campaign financing program. Probably not terribly surprising that a guy who won a single race on a fluke from a $153 war chest isn’t that good at attracting donors.

“The world found out shortly before 2 pm eastern time on March 15 that the United States was bombing Houthi targets across Yemen. I, however, knew two hours before the first bombs exploded that the attack might be coming. The reason I knew this is that Pete Hegseth, the secretary of defense, had texted me the war plan at 11:44 am. The plan included precise information about weapons packages, targets, and timing. This is going to require some explaining,” writes Atlantic Editor-in-Chief Jeff Goldberg about a wacky fuckup by the idiots running the country.

Wrote JD Vance as they debated the attack: “Team, I am out for the day doing an economic event in Michigan. But I think we are making a mistake… 3 percent of US trade runs through the suez. 40 percent of European trade does. There is a real risk that the public doesn’t understand this or why it’s necessary. The strongest reason to do this is, as POTUS said, to send a message.”

“Top Democrats tell us their party is in its deepest hole in nearly 50 years – and they fear things could actually get worse: The party has its lowest favorability ever. No popular national leader to help improve it. Insufficient numbers to stop most legislation in Congress,” Axios reported Monday in listicle form for extra pleasure fapping it to the time-honored classic “Dems in disarray” porn.

“Democrats’ dismal reality is not Republican spin. In fact, there’s broad consensus among leaders that most current political, cultural, media and generational trends are cutting against them,” the insufferable duo of founding editors Mike Allen and Jim VandeHei continued in the article.

Be smart: Fuck Axios.

Why it matters: Because the mouth sores they’ve developed from servicing Trump and Republicans regularly for years are gross and they’re not suddenly going to look appealing to MAGA readers.

The big picture: Serious news operations should stop writing articles like they’re PowerPoint slides.

Are the Dems in bad shape, lack a true leader, need to figure their shit out to compete with a propaganda machine AND supplicating Beltway MSM twats with their stupid bullet points? Sure, it’s rough. That they still managed to win five major statewide races in states that went red MIGHT be a sign that maybe it was more Trump than the GOP that edged out Kamala Harris in November so if anything that would mean Republicans face certain difficulties without him on the ticket.

On Day Zero of this “new reality” we already knew that these dumbass splitters weren’t so on board with the GOP brand, long before any of the damage being inflicted came into view. Does Axios mention that? No because they’re fucking weasels rubbing their nipples to “Dems in Disarray.”

Grassley, 91, waves and smiles to booing, cursing protesters https://t.co/cqSEqU4PJp

— Fox News (@FoxNews) March 24, 2025

“It is with great pleasure that I am announcing Alina Habba, Esq, who is currently serving as Counselor to the President, and has represented me for a long time, will be our interim US Attorney for the District of New Jersey, her Home State, effective immediately! Alina will lead with the same diligence and conviction that has defined her career, and she will fight tirelessly to secure a Legal System that is both ‘Fair and Just’ for the wonderful people of New Jersey. Additionally, John Giordano, who has done a terrific job as the interim US Attorney in New Jersey, will now be nominated as the new Ambassador to Namibia!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Monday. Never heard for John Giordano but damn that is some public diminution right there, lol.

“President Donald J Trump announced today that the United States of America will be putting what is known as a Secondary Tariff on the Country of Venezuela, for numerous reasons, including the fact that Venezuela has purposefully and deceitfully sent to the United States, undercover, tens of thousands of high level, and other, criminals, many of whom are murderers and people of a very violent nature. Among the gangs they sent to the United States, is Tren de Aragua, which has been given the designation of ‘Foreign Terrorist Organization.’ We are in the process of returning them to Venezuela — It is a big task! In addition, Venezuela has been very hostile to the United States and the Freedoms which we espouse. Therefore, any Country that purchases Oil and/or Gas from Venezuela will be forced to pay a Tariff of 25 percent to the United States on any Trade they do with our Country. All documentation will be signed and registered, and the Tariff will take place on April 2nd, 2025, LIBERATION DAY IN AMERICA. Please let this notification serve to represent that the Department of Homeland Security, Border Patrol, and all other Law Enforcement Agencies within our Country have been so notified,” the fat fuck also posted. That “secondary tariff” thing’s probably gonna have some implications and not good ones if this asshole’s actually serious.

Convicted felon President Trump’s lawyers on Monday petitioned the Supreme Court to overturn a circuit judge’s ruling ordering the regime to reinstate the thousands of “probationary” employees fired from six federal departments for alleged “poor performance,” Reuters reports.

Reporting over the last weeks from various outlets seemed to hint very strongly that a large share, maybe even the majority, of those purged were not new hires in off the street but were lateral transfers or even had been promoted to new positions but “probationary” all the same due to those changes. That vulnerability exploited without regard to any logic or common sense – unless the argument’s going to be some cunty “Well the whole government’s performing poorly, libs” – meant that someone being promoted to supervisor at the wrong time got them fired. For poor performance.

But because we live in this world those workers have to hope that John Roberts and Amy Coney Barrett don’t come up with some made-up reason to side with the Orange God Emperor.