Congratulations to Republican Policy Committee Chairman @JayObernolte! pic.twitter.com/MWs4kxMITS

— House Republicans (@HouseGOP) April 15, 2026

There’s just something off here. You could simply say the guy’s ugly, sure, but that doesn’t quite capture it. And look, Oregon Senator Ron Wyden is a weird looking man too. He’s also been around for a while so familiarity takes the edge off the weirdness. And this isn’t saying every man in Congress needs to look like Idris Elba. Schlubby men like Steve Scalise and James Comer are schlubby and it’s not their appearance that makes them detestable. Then there’s the deliberately unremarkable and neutral like Mike Johnson, Tim Scott, Alex Padilla or even the only marginally weird-looking like Jim Jordan, Adam Schiff, and Ted Cruz. Rick Scott’s reptilian-ism is creepy but again, the familiarity kind of takes the edge off. You know he’s only got some shapeshifting skills.

Jay Oberbnolte though. This dude’s just fucking weird looking and it’s vaguely unsettling.

“As the US war with Iran drives up gasoline prices, 65 percent of voters blame President Donald Trump either a lot (51 percent) or some (14 percent) for the recent rise in gasoline prices, while 34 percent blame Trump either not much (11 percent) or not at all (23 percent), according to a Quinnipiac University national poll of registered voters released today. Among Republicans, 22 percent blame Trump either a lot (9 percent) or some (13 percent) for the recent rise in gasoline prices, while 76 percent blame Trump either not much (23 percent) or not at all (53 percent).”

“Among Democrats, 97 percent blame Trump either a lot (91 percent) or some (6 percent) for the recent rise in gasoline prices, while 1 percent blame Trump not much. Among independents, 73 percent blame Trump either a lot (53 percent) or some (20 percent) for the recent rise in gasoline prices, while 25 percent blame Trump not much (10 percent) or not at all (15 percent),” says the toplines of this month’s Quinnipiac national survey that also finds the fat bastard 17 percent underwater on overall job rating at a dismal 38 to 55 percent approve/disapprove.

Kind of a poll design fail in that it could’ve made Trump fanboys look dumber by providing them options for who they do actually blame for it. Come on, give us some real embarrassment.

Not actually a Congresswoman but still a ballbuster US Virgin Islands Delegate Stacey Plaskett on Wednesday filed to run for governor of the American territory in the Carribbean, local station WTJX reports without mentioning the connections between Plaskett and Jeffrey Epstein that were formed after he was already a convicted sex offender. In fact Plaskett might be the one currently elected official in DC besides Donald Trump most closely connected to Jeff – stipulating of course out of what’s actually publicly released so far in the Epstein files. Or hasn’t been shredded.

But your mileage may vary on how complicit she would have been. She was texting him back and forth during the Michael Cohen hearing in 2019 as Jeff gave her tips on what to probe. Plaskett took $10,400 in campaign contributions from Jeff over the years and last year she made a donation of the same amount to women’s organizations. In any event it would seem like she’s unconcerned with whatever baggage that might follow her into a primary campaign in the territory.

“Today, Los Angeles County Supervisor Janice Hahn is calling for the FAA to investigate how a large block of ice fell from the sky and crashed through the roof of an unincorporated Whittier home. The incident happened Friday, April 10, 2026 at around 11:15 am when resident Yuder Grau heard what sounded like an explosion. He found that a large block of what appeared to be dirty ice had crashed through the ceiling and into the living room, landing on the couch. Luckily, no one was harmed.”

“According to the homeowner, Thania Magana, flight data showed that a plane was passing directly over the neighborhood at the time of the incident. In a letter to FAA Regional Administrator Raquel Girvin, Supervisor Hahn requested a thorough and timely investigation into this incident,” says a Tuesday press release from Los Angeles County District 4 Supervisor Janice Hahn’s office.

Gavin Newsom is giving free sex-change procedures to homeless illegal aliens—and he’s using federal Medicaid dollars to do it.

The Trump Administration needs to shut it down. Now.

— Christopher F. Rufo ⚔️ (@christopherrufo) April 15, 2026

Ehhhh, wasn’t this guy supposed to be some kind of like Machiavellian mastermind who had written the ur-textbook on how to create a completely made-up culture war issue to manipulate low-info schmucks into voting against their own interest? Why does it seem like he’s just letting ChatGPT write the next volume for him with this uninspired jumble of trigger words any klansman running in some rural shithole district in southwestern Nebraska could’ve just slapped together on his own?

Could it be that Chris Rufo was never really that smart or talented and is more like the Tommy Tutone of politics, author of a catchy earworm that rocketed up the charts once and then that was it? Like this wiener is getting agitated about it publicly, on the internet, instead of authoring a white paper to campaign managers on how to pitch it to voters currently more concerned about their own healthcare, housing, and gas prices than they are about stopping transition surgeries for homeless Mexicans in California. Fuck man. Squeeze rainbow fentanyl in their somewhere, you lazy hack.

American Private jet pilot Brad Schlenker’s feeling a little buyer’s remorse over his Trump vote, telling Semafor that the G.O.A.T. 45-47 administration has been “useless” in getting him and his co-pilot out of legal trouble in Guinea they’ve been stuck with for months on accusations that kept changing depending on how quickly the previous one fell apart due to lack of, you know, supporting evidence.

“I voted for this administration because they were supposed to protect Americans,” said Schlenker, 66, whiloe his 33 year-old co-pilot Fabio Espinal Nunez did not issue a similar comment. The two had been at the helm of a leased Gulfstream IV in late December, ferrying a family of five from Suriname to Dubai when they landed in Conakry for a refueling stop typical for the route. Suddenly dozens of armed soldiers pulled up, swarmed the plane, and took the two airmen to jail where they rotted for three months until being granted bail on charges that were unfalsifiable enough.

First it was drug smuggling, which somebody in the small west African state’s military junta fucked up and forgot to bring to plant on the plane. Then it was unauthorized landing, undone by the transcripts of air traffic controllers clearing them to land. Finally it was suspicion of flying a stolen aircraft which is also most likely bullshit because Schlenker says checked the tail number’s FAA file and found no red flags and even if it was somehow stolen how the hell is that a freelance pilot flying a charter’s problem? Guess he and Nunez are about to find out because unless the regime decides one of their voters is worth potentially jeopardizing some neocolonial mineral extraction deal being run by a syndicate of former Trump State Department officials, they’re headed for trial.

A 30 year-old involuntarily celibate wizard’s magic powers proved woefully inadequate in his quest to whisk a young girl away from her parents and in vanishing into a haze of sparkles when police arrived at the scene of a home invasion attempt in California’s Bay Area last week, KRON reports.

“My name is Harry Dresden, motherfucker,” screamed Jason Nichols into into the doorbell camera of the home on April 7, with “Harry Dresden” referring to a series of novels about a wizard detective in of that name, lol. “Open the door. This is my neighborhood. Open the fucking door now or I will end you. Do you understand me?” Nichols continued. The homeowner was not actually present but communicating with Nichols through the doorbell cam as the homeowner sped toward the house.

Again, rather than using his wizardry to unlock the front door telekinetically, Nichols simply walked around the house and entered through an unlocked sliding door in the back. It was then that the homeowner burst in through the front door and began beating Nichols with a shovel. Rather than pulling out a magic wand and screaming “EXPLODOCIO!” to cause his antagonist to burst into a red mist of gore, Nichols struggled with the homeowner and inflicted some unspecified injuries upon the unnamed man. Police had already been called and found Nichols outside the home, where he was taken into custody. The wizard faces multiple felony charges and will likely find himself involuntarily non-celibate in the notoriously violent and ruthless California prison system after he’s sentenced.

Asked on Tuesday if there’s going to be any movement toward expelling credibly accused domestic abuser and absolute scumbag Florida MAGA Congressman Cory Mills, his colleague Republican Long Island Congressman Nick LaLota on Tuesday confidently told Politico that he has “a three part test – Has the member admitted to the conduct in question? Has there been a finding by a court? Or has there been a finding by the Ethics Committee? I don’t think that the Mills case meets any of those three criteria,” which was false on the first two and there sure as shit isn’t anything stopping LaLota from at least asking the committee to slap together an interim report on Mills.

If the Politico reporter wanted to do their job then they could’ve countered with “Yes, Mills admitted in court to sending threatening texts to one of his exes, Lindsey Langston, and yes, that court found Langston to have ‘reasonable cause to believe she is in imminent danger of becoming the victim of another act of dating violence without an injunction being entered’ and entered that injunction accordingly, so’s already checked two of your boxes, you sweaty, lasagna-bellied stoonad.”

A January poll by Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries’ PAC put Lalota at 41 to 38 percent against top-tier New York 1st District Dem primary contender Chris Gallant. They should poll the district again.

You wouldn’t want your children near this man. You wouldn’t want to be near this man. Even if he said things you agree with, you would be nauseated by his very presence. He’s a danger to himself.

“China is very happy that I am permanently opening the Strait of Hormuz. I am doing it for them, also – And the World. This situation will never happen again. They have agreed not to send weapons to Iran. President Xi will give me a big, fat, hug when I get there in a few weeks. We are working together smartly, and very well! Doesn’t that beat fighting??? BUT REMEMBER, we are very good at fighting, if we have to – far better than anyone else!!!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday, eagerly anticipating close physical contact with the chief rival to the United States.

“A physician is behind bars in Walton County after a Grand Jury indictment connected to the operating room death of an Alabama man. The Office of the State Attorney for the First Judicial Circuit announced that a Walton County Grand Jury has returned an indictment charging Dr Thomas Shaknovsky with second-degree manslaughter in the August 2024 death of a 70‑year‑old man from Muscle Shoals, Alabama,” says a Monday press release from the Walton County Sheriff’s Office.

“The indictment follows an extensive investigation conducted by the WSCO in coordination with the Office of the State Attorney 1st Judicial Circuit and additional state and medical authorities. On August 21, 2024, during what was scheduled to be a laparoscopic splenectomy, Shaknovsky removed the victim’s liver instead of his spleen, resulting in catastrophic blood loss and the patient’s death on the operating table. The Grand Jury found probable cause to charge that the actions taken in the operating room constituted criminal conduct under Florida law,” the press release continued.

The last part’s a nice touch, as if to say “Hey you know everything else about our state is a never-ending national embarrassment but a doctor incapable of remembering Anatomy 101 from his freshman year of college and couldn’t be bothered to dust off a fucking textbook to simply triple check that he had the right organ before going ahead and removing the wrong one is still a criminal under our statutes. We can say that about ourselves and proudly so before we elect a complete assclown felon from the Bronx like Byron Donalds to govern us for the next eight years.”

NEW: President Trump tells Maria Bartiromo that Americans can expect to see relief at the gas pump once the Iran conflict comes to an end, likely before the midterm elections in November. pic.twitter.com/a12NSKvtge

— Fox News (@FoxNews) April 15, 2026

Yes, Fox fans, you can forget that other Trump-Bartiromo interview from three days ago when he literally said gas prices “could be the same or maybe a little bit higher” by the November midterms.

This is actually the definitive, ultra hi-def version of his answer. Delete the previous one from your memory. It no longer happened. This is your final, most essential command.

Braden “Clavicular” Peters, the MAGA-adjacent “looksmaxxer” influencer whose take on Vice President JD Vance’s skull shape as being fatal to his presidential ambitions rocked the right wing political world several months ago, was hospitalized in Miami on Tuesday night after seemingly collapsing under the influence of an unspecified substance during a livestream, CBS News reports.

Other than a confirmation from the Miami Fire Department that they indeed responded to a call at Peters’s residence there were no further details about the nature of the incident made public. Peters had previously admitted to using meth to stay thin and also famously inadvertently chemically sterilized himself through abuse of other substances to maintain his appearance and physical shape.

A group of House Democrats led by Arizona lib Yassamin Ansari will on Wednesday file five articles of impeachment against binge-drinking date rapist Pete Hegseth for “Unauthorized war against Iran and reckless endangerment of United States service members,” “Violations of the Law of Armed Conflict and targeting of civilians,” “Negligence and Reckless handling of sensitive military information,” “Obstruction of Congressional Oversight,” and “Conduct bringing disrepute upon the United States and its armed forces,” Axios reports on a preview of the next Congress.

Photo courtesy of the AJC’s Greg Bluestein because man it was freaking, um… Guess you could compare it to the Melania movie in attendance on like a per capita basis where if you mash all the aggregate capacity of this arena together to an equivalent number of theaters screening that piece of shit on the Friday evening of the day it premiered then yeah. It’d probably even out. This is how many people took advantage of free tickets to see the vice president speak… But not Erika Kirk, because she canceled due to “security threats,” presumably from Candace Owens fans.

All those pyrotechnics going to waste. Hopefully they’ll be donated to a local church or something.

Prosecutors with alcoholic DC US Attorney Jeanine “Judge Box-o-Wine” Pirro’s office showed up unannounced at the Federal Reserve headquarters on Tuesday because they just can’t let this stupid renovation project shit go, the Wall Street Journal reports, adding that it was a construction workers who told the lawyers they couldn’t let them in without pre-clearance and that was it.

Jesus Christ these fucking people… Seriously. What the hell were construction workers ever going to tell them? These are adults who work in the most important law enforcement office and they think this Nick Shirley bullshit is going to work somehow because it’s apparently all they have left after the grand jury system obviously didn’t work out for them. Actually typed that sentence… Goddamn.

But even if they were allowed in, did they think a construction worker making $37/hour is going to tell them ANYTHING that was somehow going to help them work backward from the criminal conspiracy they think fucking Jerome Powell is… What the fuck would Powell have personally done anyway? They think he’s embezzling plywood and selling it for 40 cents on the dollar in Maryland?

Goddamn it… Shit. One a funny side note, following the lame tresspass attempt the Fed’s general counsel wrote to Pirro reminding her she was already ordered to fuck off by Judge James Boasberg last month but should she “wish to challenge that finding, the courts provide an avenue for you; it is not appropriate for you to try to circumvent it. I ask that you commit not to seek to communicate with my client outside the presence of counsel.” That lawyer is none other than Robert K Hur, the former federal prosecutor who served as Biden documents clusterfuck special counsel.

The now-40 year-old woman whose toddler-hood adventure inspired the smash-hit Beau Bridges and Patty Duke made-for-TV-movie Everybody’s Baby: The Rescue of Jessica McClure found herself at least temporarily confined within a hard concrete structure in Midland, Texas again this week and this time it was kind of her fault rather than her idiot aunt’s. KMID reports that McClure, now McClure-Morales, was arrested Saturday night following a reported domestic disturbance at her home and was subsequently charged with assault causing bodily injury involving family violence.

Further details were unavailable, like if she threatened to throw her husband and/or kids down a well so they can fucking see how it feels to be trapped in one of those things for 58 fucking hours.

The full police report on the arrest will not be released until some time next week. Until then and once again, recommended reading for those who haven’t clicked the last two or three times National Zero recommended it: The New York Times’s 1995 feature on Robert O’Donnell, the firefighter who was the one to free McClure from the well but then spiraled into depression in the aftermath and subsequently committed suicide. Rob’s tragic end is not funny, the rest of the story is fucking hilarious. The part about there being two separate factions of rescuers – the McClure Rescue Association and the Jessica McClure Rescuers’ Association – formed to fight each other over the royalties from the TV movie when it eventually got made, is the most Simpsons-esque thing in real life ever and arguably even funnier than the “Timmy O’Toole” episode obviously inspired by Jessica.