Convicted felon President Trump rejected his longtime minion Corey Lewandowski’s bid to become Department of Homeland Security Chief of Staff, the Atlantic reports on the Orange Overlord personally nixing it knowing that it was Corey just trying to find a way to regularly fuck now-DHS Secretary Kristi Noem during work hours. Extramarital sex for me, none for thee.

Yet Corey found a way. “The president’s decision has not stopped Lewandowski from working closely with Noem in her new role, functioning as a traveling adviser while overseeing other employees in her office. The situation has alarmed some in Trump’s circle, who view Lewandowski as a chaotic presence, even by MAGA standards,” the Atlantic’s story continues, raising the important question of when, not if, Corey is taken out of the DHS building in handcuffs.

All it took was 11 packs of instant ramen, women’s boots, blue jeans, and a t-shirt from Walmart, totaling $137.34 swiped from the Walmart on 5255 Elvis Presley Boulevard in the Whitehaven neighborhood of Memphis, Tennessee to finally unlock an elite badge of shoplifting notoriety for 37 year-old Ashley Cross: A lifetime ban from every Walmart store, according to WREG.

“We value our customers and associates and want them to have a pleasant shopping experience. Though rare, there are instances when someone is no longer welcome in our stores,” the company said in a statement following Cross’s arrest in which she was caught on camera using an old watch barcode battery to scan all her items for $1 at the self-checkout. It’s not clear from the article how many times Cross had been caught stealing from Walmart or any other stores though it does mention that she’s “a well-known shoplifter,” per police. Cross is in the clink on $7,500 bond.

"MaYbe shE's goiNg to be in TroUble nOw"

Maybe he can learn to read. The Constitution would be a good place to start https://t.co/vQ69UDyQnT

— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@AOC) February 14, 2025

Project 2025 architect and newly reappointed Office of Management and Budget Director Russ Vought is among just 108 followers of an OnlyFans creator named Chloe Harper, Path to Progress director Sam Weinberg reports, noting that the Project 2025 manual called for a ban on porn.

Fairness asterisk: Harper follows Vought, convicted felon President Trump, Third Lady Melania Trump, Trump’s official presidential account, and “Team Trump” on Instagram, making it fairly reasonable to conclude she’s MAGA herself. So while Vought following her is definitely not a good look, there’s a hell of a lot more plausible deniability of it being an innocuous follow-back (there’s plenty of apparent randos on his follow list) here than there was in a situation like, for example, the time Ted Cruz got caught liking milf porn. Or when George Santos used campaign funds to pay for his OnlyFans porn subscriptions. Short of Vought appearing on some list of her OnlyFans subscribers, it’s unlikely this is going to be a thing… then again would it be a thing even if he did?

America is like a third world country under the failed and feckless “leadership” of fat fuck President Trump just over three weeks into his second administration. Nowhere is this more apparent than the egg crisis that has only gotten worse while he and Elon Musk jerk each other off with their administrative purges that mean nothing to the Arizona voter who said “I like Trump because he’s like good at business and will get us a new economy after all this crazy inflation and shit, fam.”

In the latest escalation of this crisis, NPR reports that grocery chains Kroger and Trader Joe’s are limiting purchases of cartons of eggs to one or two max per customer – and the Orange Caligula has done nothing about it, let alone the insane price of $4.95/dozen on average nationally. Instead he dicks around with renaming the Gulf of Mexico as if working families give a fuck.

“We hope these limits will help to ensure that as many of our customers who need eggs are able to purchase them when they visit Trader Joe’s,” the grocer said in a statement. “The rule could be lifted when there are no issues on the supply.” Kroger meanwhile said the limits are not nation-wide yet, but in certain divisions at “two dozen per customer, per trip.” Total bummer, eh fam?

In a letter obtained by the New York Post, now-former acting US Attorney for the Southern District of New York Danielle Sassoon – a Federalist Society member and former clerk for dead extremist Justice Antonin Scalia, thus no flaming libtard – wrote Thursday to far right Attorney General Pam Bondi that “because the law does not support a dismissal, and because I am confident that Adams has committed the crimes with which he is charged,” Sassoon “cannot agree to seek a dismissal driven by improper considerations,” namely the leashing of Adams to the MAGA Reich.

“Rather than be rewarded, Adams’s advocacy should be called out for what it is: an improper offer of immigration enforcement assistance in exchange for a dismissal of his case,” Sassoon wrote.

Bove, a creepy looking fuck who was once himself a prosecutor at SDNY less than four years ago, told the Post he “concluded earlier this week that the prosecution of Mayor Adams must be dismissed in order to prioritize national security and public safety over continuing with a case that has been tainted from the start by troubling tactics. There is no room at the Justice Department for attorneys who refuse to execute on the priorities of the Executive Branch — priorities determined by the American people. I look forward to working with new leadership at SDNY on the important priorities President Trump has laid out for us to make America safe again.” Sorry, not sorry.

There’s a whole Saturday Night Massacre currently going on at SDNY, right as Adams is being ripped a new asshole by Trump Reichsminister Tom Homan in a meeting at ICE’s Manhattan office.

The somehow still-functional US Consumer Product Safety Commission on Thursday issued a recall for Igloo brand 90 Qt Flip and Tow Rolling Coolers manufactured prior to January 2024, due to at least “12 reports of fingertip injuries, including fingertip amputations, bone fractures, and lacerations,” per the notice, which also specifies “the recalled coolers have a tow handle. ‘IGLOO’ is printed on the side of the coolers. The coolers were sold in multiple body and lid color combinations, some of which are pictured above. The following cooler models with tow handles are included in the recall. The model number is located on labels affixed to the bottom of the cooler.”

Bad as this is, at least it’s sort convenient in that you’d have somewhere to keep your severed fingertip(s) on ice so they could be surgically reattached. Can’t say that about an edge trimmer.

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky told convicted felon President Trump that Russian dictator Vladimir Putin is only pretending to want to negotiate a peace deal because he is “afraid of you,” sources tell Axios of the ego-stroking that may or may not actually work.

“Putin told you he wants a deal only because he is afraid of you, because you are strong,” said Zelensky to Trump, to which the fat bastard said “We will know soon,” whether Putin is serious.

CPAC chief Matt Schlapp is in not-very-closeted trouble again as independent journalist Yashar Ali reports there was little dick-grabbing incident at a bar near Schlappy’s home in Virginia last weekend. A man told Ali that “Every time I looked around – whether we were on the dance floor, at the bar, or back at the table talking to people – every time I turned around, this guy was right there, one foot behind me. And I was just not comfortable with this.” The man’s wife/girlfriend (not specified) said she confronted Schlapp and told him to back off, to which Schlapp promptly grabbed the man’s crotch. Schlapp was then ejected from the premises. Ali confirmed Schlapp was there by viewing security footage from the bar, but did not see the specific incident.

“After I texted Schlapp the allegations and information about my story, he quickly called me twice and also texted, asking me to call him. I told him I would call him back in five minutes, and he acknowledged my response. I returned the call five minutes later but received no answer. My text message not only laid out the allegations but also provided Schlapp with a specific deadline for comment. I stated that I would only speak to him or his representatives on the record and would not engage in off-the-record or on-background conversations a long-standing policy I follow when stories involve allegations of misconduct. Schlapp never returned my call. Since that brief text exchange, I have texted him several more times, called him again, and emailed him. I also tweeted at him before I published this story,” Ali wrote. Sounds pretty on-brand for Schlapp.

“Since around January 27, 2025, federal agencies have restricted Pennsylvania agencies’ ability to access funding for grant programs that, in total, obligated over $3.1 billion to Pennsylvania for fiscal years 2022 to 2026. In addition to funding for the programs described above (and many more), these include around $800 million in funding authorized and appropriated for Pennsylvania to provide grants for investment in clean water infrastructure…” says the intro to a federal complaint filed against the Trump Regime by Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro on Thursday.

“Governor Josh Shapiro and members of Pennsylvania’s agencies have been working with federal partners and legislators to try to fully restore access to these funds. Despite that work, and despite two temporary restraining orders requiring federal agencies to restore access to suspended funds, federal agencies continue to deny Pennsylvania agencies funding that they are entitled to receive.”

“So, Governor Shapiro and several Pennsylvania executive agencies now seek relief from the federal agencies’ flagrantly lawless actions,” the intro continued in the complaint that Greg Abbott and Jeff Landry and the rest would never have the balls to file even as their states get fucked just as badly.

Faced with questions from the New York Times about why the State Department is buying $400 million worth of Cybertrucks from Ketamine Brain this year, the Trump Administration did not answer but instead just amended the document to say “armored electric vehicles,” and not Teslas.

Forget the whole hypocrisy thing from the “Waste, Fraud, and Abuse” crowd here. Nothing new about that. The real question is how the fuck does the State Department need $400 million worth of road vehicles? Planes, helicopters, boats? Fine. Those are pricey. They also can be fueled pretty much anywhere a pump exists. How many Tesla chargers are there in Uganda or Kyrgyzstan or North Macedonia? Probably not that many. So how the fuck does Marco Rubio justify buying 4,000 Cybertrucks the next time he’s on a Sunday morning show? Probably just acts like a bitch.

Fake fighting circus executive Linda McMahon will sit in front of the Senate HELP Committee on Thursday to answer questions on her bid to dismantle the US Department of Education, a day after the Justice Department dropped an investigation into her husband.

A group of taxpayers on Thursday filed a federal civil complaint against Ketamine Brain, Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent, the Office of Personnel Management, and the Treasury itself “for damages resulting from Defendants’ unlawful ongoing, systematic, and continuous disclosure of personal and financial information contained in Defendants’ records to Elon Musk and other members of the so-called ‘Department of Government Efficiency’ (‘DOGE’),” seeking a class action status for others too.

Trump Regime Reichsminister of Racial Purity Tom Homan claims to Axios that his Orange Overlord’s hype of ICE raids on communities of undocumented immigrants has been counterproductive as they’ve had the effect of scaring people into hiding and avoiding the stormtroopers.

“It’s all about operational security. We may have to stop the media ride-alongs because – I’m not pointing the finger at them – but the less people that know about these operations, the safer it is for our agents,” said Homan, as if there have been gun battles between ICE and those targeted.

We examined false and misleading claims about the mass deportation raids in Colorado – from ICE's inaccurate description of a detainee's criminal history to Rep Gabe Evans (R-CO) dubiously claiming one raid netted nearly 50 Tren de Aragua members. #copolitics pic.twitter.com/pArYB6Or7F

— Kyle Clark (@KyleClark) February 12, 2025

And yet a lot of the hype is just that. Watch this clip of Colorado journo Kyle Clark for a succint summary of how full of shit the whole MAGA propaganda-industrial complex is these days.

“DOGE: Looks like Radical Left Reuters was paid $9,000,000 by the Department of Defense to study ‘large scale social deception.’ GIVE BACK THE MONEY, NOW!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday, after some asshole found a line item to ThomsonReuters for exactly that.

Problem is the fucking contract was signed on September 28, 2018, right in the middle of Trump’s failed first administration, so he’s screaming over something he was too addled and distracted to stop from happening. The actual nature of the (obviously legitimate) contract with ThomsonReuters, a much larger company with an array of products far beyond than the news reporting most people know from wire stories reprinted on other websites, doesn’t really matter when it’s something that he says is bad yet he was ultimately the one responsible for the $9 million being spent.

An arrest report from the St Lucie County Sheriff’s Office states that the husband of 50 year-old Julissa Negron told them that his wife “was well behaved all day on 02/08/2025 but started arguments about who he follows on Instagram on 02/09/2025. The VICTIM also stated that Negron was drinking alcoholic beverages resulting in her acting disorderly. Negron was angry at the VICTIM and began to get in the VICTIMS face which he believes was to antagonize him.”

“The VICTIM threatened to call law enforcement when Negron pulled out a dildo and began to hit the VICTIM with it. This is when the VICTIM stepped outside the residence and called Law Enforcement. Upon arriving on scene, Negron was found in the VICTIMS bed asleep I woke Negron up by knocking on the wall of the bedroom. Negron was disorderly and stated to be confused. While attempting to speak to Negron she continued to go in circles with her story repeating herself multiple times. I was unable to get a clear story from Negron,” the arrest report continued.

Negron was cuffed and booked in the county lockup on a domestic battery charge.

Denver Public Schools on Wednesday filed a lawsuit against the Trump Regime over their policy allowing ICE agents to raid classrooms to detain suspected illegal immigrants, with the complaint calling it a hinderance to the district’s “mission of providing education and life services to the students who are refraining from attending DPS schools for fear of immigration enforcement actions occurring on DPS school grounds” forcing them to “divert resources from its educational mission to prepare for immigration arrests on DPS school grounds,” Denverite reports.

There haven’t been any reports of ICE agents on the grounds of schools in the Colorado capital thus far but Superintendent Alex Marrero says the fear is working and “the fact that some folks feel that it’s going to happen in our schools is just going to really cripple the way we function.”

“A lot of kids, we haven’t seen,” teacher Matt Meyer said shortly after raids on an apartment complex last week. “What I’m worried about is it doesn’t help anyone to have kids not at school.”

Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Denies Heart Transplant to 12-Year-Old Girl Related to JD Vance Because She’s Not Vaccinated Against Covid

READ: https://t.co/knxwhlF64D pic.twitter.com/1SVLQH0B74

— The Gateway Pundit (@gatewaypundit) February 13, 2025

Ketamine-brained billionaire Elon Musk’s deathtrap car brand has a pretty sweet deal with the Chinese communist party where Tesla can just sue the fuck out of people for publicly complaining about safety failures. The AP reports that among the most recent of these wins was against a Zhang Yazhou who was in her Model 3 with her dad behind the wheel when the brakes suddenly shit out on them, sending the car crashing into a concrete barrier and the airbag into her face.

And now she’s on the hook for $23,000 and a public apology after the company won a defamation verdict against her for filing a complaint with a market regulator office over the 2021 crash. “Tesla’s employees were very arrogant and tough in dealing with my complaints,” Zhang said in an interview, describing her failed attempt to obtain the vehicle’s data from the crash. “I was burning with anger.”