Scumbag US Attorney General Pam Bondi has joined other top Trump minions Stephen Miller, dog-murdering soon-to-be-former-Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem, binge-drinking date rapist “War” Secretary Pete Hegseth, below-average-height Secretary of State Marco Rubio, and Navy Secretary John Phelan by moving onto an unnamed military base in the DC area to hide from a population angered by her incompetence and malevolence, the New York Times reports.

The move from an apartment in DC was fairly recent, within the last month, and was due to “threats from drug cartels and critics of her actions in handling the Jeffrey Epstein case,” the Times writes in the lede, summing up Bondi’s abject cowardice and suckery. The paper also got no public comment from the DOJ whatsoever besides a rep asking them not to print the name of the base itself.

Meaning the Trump Regime passed up a chance to spew some shit about “radical leftist Antifa terrorists threatening our brave, patriotic Attorney General” while also acting as if said insurgent elements capable of breaching a US military base and inflicting their violent designs on Bondi would not also be capable of tracking her movements to and from said base and DOJ headquarters.

The Andrew formerly known as Prince was supposed to have an “escape hatch” in the Middle East, but convicted felon President Trump ruined that for him by antagonizing Iran, the National Enquirer reports and l-o-freaking-l. It’s the National Enquirer but that makes total sense Trump would ruin it.

GOP Sen. Husted: People living in poverty are just not very… um… experienced at navigating the real world pic.twitter.com/Gz5WWc62eu

— Headquarters (@HQNewsNow) March 10, 2026

Senator Jon Husted didn’t mean you Ohio Republican voters. He meant Democratic voters and minorities. All those people who don’t deserve food stamps like you do.

Trying to make it look like he’s doing something whilst also being responsive to Fox News circlejerks, South Dakota Governor Larry Rhoden on Tuesday signed a bill making it a felony to disrupt a religious service, the South Dakota Searchlight reports on spreading anti-Don Lemonism.

There aren’t even two dozen mosques, synagogues, Hindu temples, or other non-Christian old world houses of worship in the vast, desolate state so the chances that this blows back on the MAGA electorate are pretty slim – unless they disrupt an Indigenous American ceremony.

You know for a movement that prides itself on hyper-masculinity and domination the whole American right wing sure has a lot of, um, Marc Thiessens. Say what you will about guys like Dan Bongino and Eli Crane being angry meatheads, they actually do fit the archetype of intimidation and readiness for violence. Marc Thiessen on the other hand seems like the archetype of pees sitting down. That’s before even addressing what he’s actually saying here, but why even bother. His soft facial features tell you everything you need to know about his capacity for courage.

“If Iran has put out any mines in the Hormuz Strait, and we have no reports of them doing so, we want them removed, IMMEDIATELY! If for any reason mines were placed, and they are not removed forthwith, the Military consequences to Iran will be at a level never seen before. If, on the other hand, they remove what may have been placed, it will be a giant step in the right direction!” posted the golden-haired, makeup-covered boomer that needed to be in the ground ten years ago.

“On Sunday, March 8, #TexasGameWardens in Wood County were contacted by organizers of the Lake Fork Lure Co Tournament to investigate a bass presented during weigh-in that raised concerns of possible tampering. The fish was flagged after a metal detecting wand alerted tournament staff to the potential presence of a foreign object. After confirming the alert, wardens conducted a necropsy on the fish and discovered three weights in its stomach that showed no signs of erosion.”

“Wardens also located weights of the same style and size in the angler’s boat. Curtis Lee Daniels, of Willow Park, was arrested and charged with violating fishing tournament law. Because the tournament’s total prize value exceeded $10,000, the charge is a third-degree felony,” says a Facebook post from the Texas Game Wardens on the foiled fishing fete fuckery.

Guess the “erosion” part means that the asshole had wanted to try claiming that the fish had swallowed them on its own as his cover story. Also, the Facebook post should’ve said “Daniels was by far the heaviest of the slippery, slimy son-of-a-bitches caught at the tournament” or similar.

“I’m working with Governor Gretchen Whitmer on trying to save The Great Lakes from the rather violent and destructive Asian Carp, which is rapidly taking over Lake Michigan, and all of the beautiful surrounds. I’ll be asking other Governors to join into this fight, including those of Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, New York and, of course, the future Governor of Canada, Mark Carney, who I know will be happy to contribute to this worthy cause. Separately, I am also working to save The Great Salt Lake, in Utah, which, in a short period of time, if nothing is done, will have no water. This is on top of everything else I am doing. Only ‘TRUMP’ CAN DO IT!” posted the Orange Largemouth Bass on Tuesday above a video of the carp jumping out of shallow water.

Guess Americans – and Canadians, who are just that much less likely to ever become Americans with every single gratuitous insertion of the stupid “Governor” joke – are supposed to be thanking him for pretending to give a shit on top of everything else stupid that he’s doing.

“President Trump is maintaining stability of global energy during military operations against Iran. The US Navy successfully escorted an oil tanker through the Strait of Hormuz to ensure oil remains flowing to global markets. We are having restrictions of flow of energy,” posted Energy Suckretary Chris Wright on Tuesday before deleting it minutes later because it was a lie.

Not big on copying headlines from upstream sources verbatim but, well, there you have it. Fact-check-ory Snopes.com went there because apparently enough people thought those two deeply disquieting photos were real. Not pasting them in here because they are indeed disquieting.

Also not clear what the joke was. Like it’s an Epstein files thing, obviously, but why are the otherwise PG-rated fakes of the 42nd President of the United States wearing normal clothes and the severely disabled late astrophysicist in a generic fairy tale princess costume circulating at all? Like is this someone trying to make it look like Clinton had a thing for Hawking when he was dressed like a little girl? Isn’t there anything more prosaic “Epstein Island” and thus inculpating that could be faked?

“Thomas Britt Alewine of Williamston pled guilty last month to Attempted Murder and Armed Robbery for an incident at the Dollar General located on Highway 252 in Belton, South Carolina. The Honorable Scott R Sprouse sentenced Alewine to 20 years at the South Carolina Department of Corrections. He will not be eligible for parole as the offenses are considered violent and most serious under South Carolina Law,” says the South Carolina 10th Circuit DA’s office in a statement.

“Anderson County Sheriff’s Deputies responded to the Dollar General outside of Belton off Highway 252 on February 19, 2025, in reference to an armed robbery and shooting. When officers arrived, they found the victim on scene having been shot by an unknown white male who pulled out a gun and demanded money from the employees working the store. After a brief argument between the employees and Alewine, he fired a revolver at the victim, grabbed money from the register, and exited the building and the premises. The victim was struck by a bullet and was transported to the hospital and treated. Doctors determined that the bullet passed through the victim’s shoulder, avoiding striking any bones or any major arteries,” the pretty well-detailed press release continued.

Nice of them to just skip the specifics of the actual robbery part. It’s embarrassing enough that they mention it was a Dollar General. Saying he got 20 years for $37 would just completely level him.

Electing a Republican mayor has cost the Town of Pemberton, New Jersey’s taxpayers at least $1.125 million as NJ.com reports the third of former skipper Jack Tompkins’s six separate sexual harassment cases have hit the governing budget of the municipality home to over 26,000.

Tomkins resigned in December after local officials were getting ready to kick him off the township’s insurance policy. The latest payout, a $275,000 settlement to records clerk Patricia Everett for an April 2025 lawsuit, will also come with a co-insurance cost of $45,000. Everett had alleged that not only did Tomkins sexually harass her, he had also singled her out for eating lunch at her desk while male coworkers got away with the same thing. Three lawsuits down, three to go.

Apparently fully aware that their majority is doomed, House Republicans are putting the work in during the next eight months to passing a second “Big Beautiful” piece of shit, one that will further gut Medicaid and other safety-net benefits already savaged in the last one, Politico reports.

Of course, it doesn’t mean it’s actually going to happen, but why not waste time and effort?

Among the many stories that National Zero missed over the weekend was the “IED” thrown during a Saturday protest outside of Gracie Mansion in New York City, a reportedly functional bomb aimed not at Mayor Zohran Mamdani, but increasingly notorious pardoned Capitol rioter Jake Lang, 30, a prolific shit-stirrer supposedly running in the Florida GOP Senate primary against creepy incumbent Ashley Moody. Two teenage Pennsylvania men of Muslim backgrounds who allegedly pledged allegiance to ISIS were arrested at the scene and face grievous federal charges.

“Eagle Ed” Martin, the former Capitol rioter defense lawyer who sucked so badly at his first Trump 2.0 job of Acting DC US Attorney that he got replaced by deranged alcoholic crone Jeanine “Judge Box-o-Wine” Pirro and is on his way out the door from the other crony job convicted felon President Trump made up for him, is now facing DC Bar discipline for sending Georgetown University a letter accusing them of teaching DEI, and the unilaterally imposing sanctions by blocking the DOJ from hiring alumni without even waiting for a response from the school, CBS News reports.

“Acting in his official capacity and speaking on behalf of the government, he used coercion to punish or suppress a disfavored viewpoint, the teaching and promotion of DEI,” wrote DC Bar Disciplinary Counsel Hamilton “Phil” Fox in a filing. “He demanded that Georgetown Law relinquish its free speech and religious rights in order to obtain a benefit, employment opportunities for its students.”

The DNC on Tuesday sued convicted felon President Trump’s regime for any and all information on plans to send DHS agents or federal troops to polling places in November to intimidate voters and otherwise disrupt what should be a free and fair election, Marc Elias’s Democracy Docket reports.

Named in the complaint filed in DC are the Departments of Justice, Homeland Security, and Defense, accusing the agencies of essentially ignoring 11 Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) requests sent since October regarding the “potential employment of federal agents and troops to polling places, drop boxes, and election offices” to fuck with the midterms at Trump’s will.

The Orange God Emperor “wants to bully and cheat his way through a midterm election that he knows Republicans will lose, but we won’t let him,” DNC Chairman Ken Martin said in a statement, adding “The DNC will stand on the side of voters and use every tool in our arsenal to stop voter suppression and intimidation before it can even begin.” How big an arsenal are we talking?

“No one was whining about the price of gas when Biden/Harris were at the helm. This level of whining was absent during the Biden years. Now it’s an issue. I blame the media once again” – Top comment on Breitbart’s article “Oil Prices Jump Above $100 a Barrel for First Time in Four Years.”

What the fuck is National Zero supposed to do with this? Seriously. How is anything this site could ever type in response going to properly box and analyze what went into the comment? Other than noting that it is no longer “top” as of this printing because it got sank by downvotes, there’s really noting to add here, not even a goddamned Breitbart headline or comment from 2022 or 2023.