A federal judge on Wednesday sentenced Alexander Smirnov, the former FBI source that fed the agency a load of bullshit about President Joe Biden accepting bribes from who the fuck knows what Eastern European scumbag, the Republicans couldn’t even get their story straight, and who MAGA Congressman Brad Wenstrup claimed was the victim of a “two tiered justice system,” to six years in the joint after pleading guilty to causing the creation of a false and fictitious record in a federal investigation – as in that FD-1023 form the dipshits hailed as a “smoking gun” of the “Biden Crime Family” atrocities last year – as well as three counts of tax evasion later added, the AP reports.

Smirnov’s lawyers had informed US District Judge Otis Wright that both Hunter Biden and convicted felon President-Elect Trump “have walked free and clear of any meaningful punishment,” as part of his argument that the lying piece of shit should get no more than four years in the clink, lol.

“Takeshi Ebisawa, 60, of Japan, pleaded guilty in Manhattan, New York, today to conspiring with a network of associates to traffic nuclear materials, including uranium and weapons-grade plutonium, from Burma to other countries, as well as to international narcotics trafficking and weapons charges,” says a Justice Department press release that sounds like a friggin comic book.

“According to the court documents and evidence presented at court, since at least in 2019, the DEA investigated Ebisawa in connection with large-scale narcotics and weapons trafficking. During the investigation, Ebisawa unwittingly introduced an undercover DEA agent (UC-1), posing as a narcotics and weapons trafficker, to Ebisawa’s international network of criminal associates, which spanned Japan, Thailand, Burma, Sri Lanka, and the United States, among other places, for the purpose of arranging large-scale narcotics and weapons transactions. Ebisawa and his network, including his co-defendants, negotiated multiple narcotics and weapons transactions with UC-1.”

“Ebisawa conspired to broker the purchase, from UC-1, of US-made surface-to-air missiles, as well as other heavy-duty weaponry, intended for multiple ethnic armed groups in Burma (including the leader of an ethnic insurgent group in Burma (CC-1)), and to accept large quantities of heroin and methamphetamine for distribution as partial payment for the weapons. Ebisawa understood the weapons to have been manufactured in the US and taken from US military bases in Afghanistan. Ebisawa planned for the heroin and methamphetamine to be distributed in the New York market.”

California Governor Gavin “Newscum” on Wednesday unpolitcized the deadly fires ripping through the Los Angeles area refusing outright to rile up the MAGA base by engaging with President-Elect Trump’s unorthodox and provocative critiques of water infrastructure and usage in the area.

“In response to the vacancy by the incumbent in the 91st House District, the Berkeley County Democratic Executive Committee will be overseeing the nomination of three highly qualified candidates for the unexpired term. These individuals will be forwarded to the Governor for consideration within the 15 day timeframe per WV Code 3-10-5. An emergency meeting of the BCDEC will be announced in the coming days for potential appointee interviews and selection,” said the Berkeley County, West Virginia Democratic Party in a statement on Wednesday, the end result of the meltdown by now-former state Delegate Joe DeSoto who threatened to murder state House Speaker Roger Hanshaw and other Republicans after he “had a vision to destroy them from the angel of Moroni” within days after the freshman lawmaker was sworn-in following his election win.

DeSoto ran and won as a Republican but in what was possibly some terroristic fuck-the-world move, switch his registration to Democratic just before cops arrested him over threats. West Virginia has no special elections and replacements are appointed by the governor – who can select only from a choice of one out of three candidates submitted by the local party, thus handing the seat to a Democrat. A real one and not a criminally insane freak. Now the state House of Delegates will, until at least 2027, have a 90-10 Republican-to-Democratic super-duper-majority instead of 89-11. Yay?

“As of this moment, Gavin Newscum and his Los Angeles crew have contained exactly ZERO percent of the fire. It is burning at levels that even surpass last night. This is not Government. I can’t wait till January 20th!” posted convicted felon fireighting expert Trump on Wednesday.

Later the renowned expert further continued his in-depth analysis with “NO WATER IN THE FIRE HYDRANTS, NO MONEY IN FEMA. THIS IS WHAT JOE BIDEN IS LEAVING ME. THANKS JOE!” and then “The fires in Los Angeles may go down, in dollar amount, as the worst in the History of our Country. In many circles, they’re doubting whether insurance companies will even have enough money to pay for this catastrophe. Let this serve, and be emblematic, of the gross incompetence and mismanagement of the Biden/Newscum Duo. January 20th cannot come fast enough!”

Dinesh D’Souza’s son-in-law Brandon Gill, now five days into pretending to represent the 26th District of Texas, brought some real always-online incel energy to his first CNN hit on Wednesday, cheerfully reciting some lines he had road tested in a Patriots.win post even as anchor Brianna Keilar was more about speaking like adults actual discussing politics on a nationally televised newscast.

“With thick smoke covering the sky, President Biden has arrived at Cedars-Sinai in LA for the birth of his great-grandchild. Hunter Biden has also arrived, with Naomi due to have a c-section” – Verbatim of a tweet by the Washington Post’s Matt Vizer. Good atmospherics there, didn’t want to butcher it.

“Governor Gavin Newscum refused to sign the water restoration declaration put before him that would have allowed millions of gallons of water, from excess rain and snow melt from the North, to flow daily into many parts of California, including the areas that are currently burning in a virtually apocalyptic way. He wanted to protect an essentially worthless fish called a smelt, by giving it less water (it didn’t work!), but didn’t care about the people of California. Now the ultimate price is being paid. I will demand that this incompetent governor allow beautiful, clean, fresh water to FLOW INTO CALIFORNIA! He is the blame for this. On top of it all, no water for fire hydrants, not firefighting planes. A true disaster!” posted a noted hydrology expert on Wednesday.

The polymathic expert previously demonstrated his masterful command of forestry management in 2018 after a massive, fast-moving wildfire killed 85 people in the town of Paradise, California.

Attorney General Merrick Garland on Wednesday informed the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals that the Justice Department will release the half of special counsel Jack Smith’s final report concerning convicted felon President-Elect Trump’s failed post-2020 election coup attempt but not the theft of classified documents pending a decision from the appellate bench after shitbag MAGA Judge Aileen Cannon enjoined them from releasing it. Will be funny if Cannon comes back and orders them to withhold the whole thing, even from the case that was completely outside of her jurisdiction.

In an excerpt of Politico correspondent Alex Isenstadt’s upcoming Revenge: The Inside Story of How Trump Returned to Power,” CNN reports that someone at Fox News gave convicted felon President-Elect Trump’s team a list of every question moderators Bret Baier and Martha McCallum were going to ask the fat fuck at a town hall they broadcasted ahead of the Iowa caucuses last January.

“About 30 minutes before the town hall was due to start, a senior aide started getting text messages from a person on the inside at Fox. Holy shit, the team thought. Images of all the questions Trump would be asked and the planned follow-ups, down to the exact wording. Jackpot. This was like a student getting a peek at the test before the exam started,” Isenstadt writes.

“Trump was pissed,” that Baier and MacCallum “planned to ask Trump if he would divest from his businesses if he won, and whether the party was taking a risk nominating him given his indictments,” planning to “press Trump to “disavow political violence” and ask him if his White House “would be focused on retribution,” per CNN’s clip of Isenstadt’s book, which goes on to say Donald felt the questions were “like attacks designed to put him on the defensive.” But having the questions in hand, Team Orange “workshopped answers.” A Fox spokesperson denied this, saying “While we do not have any evidence of this occurring, and Alex Isenstadt has conveniently refused to release the images for fact checking, we take these matters very seriously and plan to investigate should there prove to be a breach within the network.” So it’s bullshit but they’re taking it seriously.

The US Supreme Court on Thursday asked Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg’s office to respond by 10 AM Thursday to convicted felon President-Elect Trump’s emergency petition to halt his sentencing scheduled for Friday, ABC News’s Peter Charalambous reports on the court’s evident willingness to entertain the fat fuck’s last ditch effort to evade non-accountability for his crimes.

Meet Los Angeles Fire Chief Kristin Crowley. She boasts about being the first female and LGBTQ fire chief in the LA Fire Department. Promoting a culture of DEI is her priority.

Does this make you feel safer? pic.twitter.com/9PG9bUmYCY

— Libs of TikTok (@libsoftiktok) January 8, 2025

As for the actual cause of this nightmare, the National Weather Service’s Los Angeles office on Wednesday issued an update saying “Widespread damaging north to northeast winds and extreme fire weather conditions will continue through mid afternoon. Downed trees and power lines, power outages, hazardous driving conditions, increased traffic, and airport delays should be expected across the Southland. Any wildfires that start will likely spread rapidly with extreme fire behavior.”

“Otherwise, dry conditions are expected with warmer conditions to develop for late week. The high speed river of air remains over LA County this morning and is fueling a widespread major wind event. The core of this low level jet will slowly move southward during the day and this will cause the winds over LA to slowly decrease. Since the wind speeds are so high now (mtn gusts 70 to 90 mph) the slow decrease will not bring the winds down to below warning levels until early evening. There will, however, be a fairly notable drop off in wind speeds late this morning,” the bulletin continued.

The California Department of Forestry and Fire Protection this morning reported the Pacific Palisades fire had grown to at about 2,921 acres, the Eaton Canyon fire was about 1,000 acres and the fire in Sylmar was about 500 acres, all were zero percent contained, according to ABC News.

“As is often the case with Trump, there’s a value in taking him seriously but not literally,” Wednesday morning’s Politico Playbook writes of the convicted felon President-Elect’s deranged Tuesday press conference, opting for that extremely fucking tired trope to explain the fat bastard’s implied threats of military force against Denmark and Panama to seize Greenland and the canal, respectively.

“Even if this isn’t something he literally intends to do, publicly flirting with the concept signals a seriousness about a foreign policy approach in his second term in which the so-called ‘madman’ theory will play a big role. (That’s the RICHARD NIXON-era idea that the US would gain an upper hand on the international stage if it made adversarial nations think that the president was so volatile that they should avoid provoking the US, lest Nixon respond with fury and force),” the Beltway newsletter continued, plainly in awe of the cerebral genius of a man who, at the very same press conference, also claimed Hezbollah agents were at the Capitol riot he incited and went on a rant about how electric home heating systems cause people to itch more than fossil fuel-based ones.

Following a few more few paragraphs of bullshit ascribing the madman’s rants to the “madman theory,” Playbook finally actually makes an attempt to map out the possible political implications of the imperialist batshittery in practice: “To MAGA diehards, there’s a substantial degree of trolling going on here – a delight in the idea of conquering Canada to own the libs. But to the large number of Americans who voted for Trump simply because they liked his economy or wanted lower grocery and gas prices, or because they agreed with the idea of putting Americans first instead of the folly of foreign interventionism – this probably all seems like a distraction at best or a bait-and-switch at worst. And that’s something Trump world would be wise to take both seriously and literally.”

Both seriously and literally go fuck yourselves, Politico Playbook.

Firefighters in and around Los Angeles early Wednesday rushed to contain the third major windstorm-driven fire that had broken out in the region since Tuesday with the Sylmar area of the San Fernando Valley going up in flames on top of two massive infernos, the first one in Pacific Palisades in the city’s western stretches and the second in Altadena, NBC4 reports.

Credibly accused sex trafficker Sean “Puff Daddy” Combs is jealous of the “hero’s welcome” vigilante assassin Luigi Mangione has been receiving from other inmates in the federal lockup in Brooklyn, the New York Post reports in their typical vein of inane “celebrity gossip” bullshit that nevertheless manages to be kind of entertaining and funny in this specific instance at least.

“Diddy has been throwing tantrums over the fact that Luigi is getting all of the attention in prison and is being revered as a hero after literally murdering someone on camera,” said a source, adding that Combs “always wants to be the center of everything. If he feels like anyone takes his attention, he doesn’t take it well. He gets pissed off, and if he has the power to do it, he makes the other person’s life miserable.” Sounds like someone else we know who should be in a federal facility.

Combs has no power to make Mangione’s life miserable – other inmates pissed with the healthcare system are giving Crazy Lou about as warm a welcome as an accused murderer can get – and can’t even kick his ass as they’re being housed in separate units while they await trial. “He’s going to have [Mangione] on his shitt list,” says “the Diddy insider” quoted by the Post. “He has to be the biggest star wherever he goes. It’s all that matters to him.” Again that sounds so familiar.

Lee County, Florida Sheriff Carmine Marceno on Tuesday told a Facebook livestream audience he’s “moved on” from being under federal criminal investigation over suspected money laundering and bribery, like it was a difficult period in his life but he’s putting it in the past and looking forward, the Fort Myers News-Press reports without mentioning anything about the investigation ending.

“People always look at the negative,” said the Republican top lawman in the county named in honor of Confederate General Robert E Lee. “They want the clicks, the clickbait. The FBI requested documents, we supplied the documents, and we moved on,” he continued, as if FBI agents flipped through them and said “Well everything looks good here. Thanks Sheriff, sorry to bother you.”

“Haters are motivators. People want to nitpick. They say, your budget has increased tremendously. Well you know what? The population has exploded,” Marceno added, apparently addressing a November 16 federal grand jury subpoena was looking into permits and payments for construction work at the sheriff’s office and at Marceno’s home. “I’m confident in how we spend our money.”

Yeah, nothing to add here. Just going to let it speak for itself. The above headline is a verbatim quote from what this woman said on Fox News. It’s not a joke or sarcasm or anything. Nobody corrected her. Panel-mate Greg Gutfeld even went “Hmmmmmm…” like he was intrigued.

And not like this was the dumbest part, but $100 million in 1867 would be $2.131 billion in 2025.

A fast moving brushfire driven by a massive windstorm prompted order an immediate evacuation order for thousands living in the Pacific Palisades area of Los Angeles on Tuesday, KABC reports.

“The Palisades Fire is burning near Palisades Drive,” the LAFD said in a statement through the NotifyLA alert system. “Those nearby should get set for a potential wildfire evacuation by gathering supplies and loved ones.” The fire was at 200-acres as of early afternoon West Coast time but already live video shows smoke pouring out of residential areas on a hilltop in the area and flames raging on the roof of an apartment building on Pacific Coast Highway and Sunset Boulevard.

A grand jury impaneled at the command of heels-wearing Florida Governor Ron DeSantis to investigate what if any criminal activity was involved in the development and distribution of COVID-19 vaccines has ended the probe and returned zero indictments, the AP reports

DeSantis, who ordered the investigation all the way back in 2022 when he thought he could run for president without getting steamrolled by convicted felon President-Elect Trump, probably forgot about the stupid bullshit MAGA virtue-signaling stunt even happened. Still, his minions tried to make lemons into ivermectin, writing “(N)ot finding any indictable criminal activity does not mean we did not find any problems. On the contrary, there are profound and serious issues involving the process of vaccine development and safety surveillance in the United States,” in the final report.

A DeSantis spokesperson did not comment on the failure to prosecute vaccine makers.