No one is above the law.

— Joe Biden (@JoeBiden) May 31, 2024

Wow, they really stuck it to Old Man Joe on the Twitters, huh? Bet he’s really stinging from this crowdsourced rebuke courtesy of all the MAGA users who took exception to his pardon.

Anyway, remember that old “process crimes” chestnut from back during the Mueller investigation? It was what Trump fanboys said minions like Paul Manafort and Roger Stone were hit with because those were easier offenses to prosecute and leverage their cooperation with the larger probe into the fat fuck’s traitorous alliance with the Kremlin, as if they weren’t actual crimes. That’s pretty much what happened to Hunter, but the crimes were even more picayune and he tried to resolve them with a plea deal. And that the larger investigation into the “Biden Crime Family” was a fucking dead end and a waste of time, far more so than the Trump-Russia investigation ever was.

Finally, and most pertinently, Trump pardoned all of those fucking worms too – after having dangled the possibility of a pardon to get them to hold out on cooperating, which they definitely did. That just might be kind of a bigger deal than Biden simply reversing a pledge to not pardon Hunter.

So our official editorial stance is you are entitled to take issue with Joe pardoning Hunter and/or walking back on his pledge not to, so long as you also took issue with Trump pardoning his minions as a recompense for keeping quiet during the Mueller investigation – as well as Steve Bannon separately, since he literally ripped off Trump fans donating to build a stupid border wall. If however you find yourself outraged at the Bidens but also said Trump’s pardons were justified then you can go fuck yourself with a pine cone. You cannot and will not be taken seriously here.

Previously unseen reports and corroborating statements from witnesses to the New Yorker paint exactly the picture you already pretty much imagined about convicted felon President-Elect Trump’s Defense Secretary nominee Pete Hegseth during his time running two Koch-backed political operations, with one report from staffers at Concerned Veterans of America detailing how Pete was so shitfaced at more than one fundraiser event that he needed to be physically carried out, had to be dragged off the stage at a Louisiana strip joint in 2015, and systemically pursued sex with female staff members of the organization by dividing them into “party girls” and “not party girls.”

Oh and Hegseth screamed “Kill All Muslims! Kill All Muslims!” in the early morning hours while in a bar during a work trip in Ohio. After Hegseth was canned in 2016, a staffer wrote in an email that the Fox News host had “a history of alcohol abuse” and “treated the organization funds like they were a personal expense account – for partying, drinking, and using CVA events as little more than opportunities to ‘hook up’ with women on the road.” The other, similarly astroturfed operation, Veterans For Freedom, was completely run into the ground by Hegseth, its coffers depleted to under a thousand dollars with $434,833 in debts and $75,000 in credit card bills in 2010.

And of course there’s more sexual harassment stuff in there, but this is about as much as we can summarize right now. At the end of the story there’s one other lie exposed however: MAGA lawyer Tim Parlatore told the New Yorker that, despite Hegseth having agreed to a confidential settlement with his rape accuser in 2020, the cops who investigated the 2017 incident dropped it because the woman had made a false accusation previously. Reporter Jane Mayer then followed up with the local DA’s office and, sur-fucking-prise, they responded promptly to say there was no evidence of that.

Convicted felon President-Elect Trump’s vicious German Shepherd spokeswoman and incoming White House Press Secretary Karoline “Blondi” Leavitt is all MAGA these days, but CNN reports that in the immediate aftermath of the January 6th, 2021 Capitol insurrection the then-Trump Reich comms staffer linked a video of a Capitol cop directing rioters away from where he knew Senator Mitt Romney to be, with the comment “A hero” and also retweeted another post by Tim Scott staffer Ken Farnaso who wrote “VP @Mike_Pence was a steady hand through the chaos that ensued at our Capitol yesterday. Love him or hate him, he kept the wheels of democracy moving and pushed forward to certify his own loss,” with a video of Pence calling it “a dark day” in the Capitol’s history.

Both posts were subsequently deleted from Leavitt’s Twitter profile however it’s not clear from the article exactly when this happened, specifically if it was in response to a request for comment from Leavitt. Obviously someone had the foresight to archive them before she could pretend it had never happened. It’s possible they were saved while Leavitt ran a failed campaign for New Hampshire’s 1st District in 2022, though our guess is it was more recent because they probably would’ve surfaced publicly during that bid by her primary opponent or by the incumbent Dem, Chris Pappas.

She herself did not provide a statement for the story, instead handing it off to similarly angry and unhinged Trump spokesanimal Steven Cheung, who said simply “Karoline was completely correct in saying there were irregularities with the 2020 election and any cases of fraud should be investigated in order to protect and preserve the sanctity of our Democracy. She will make a wonderful Press Secretary championing the policies and agenda of President Trump, and there is nobody better who can articulate that to the public,” without addressing the deleted Twitter posts at all.

“As those who have seen the film or read the book know, ‘2000 Mules’ was based on cell phone geolocation data collected and reviewed by True the Vote. An analysis of this data revealed highly suspicious patterns of certain cell phones, which were recorded in the location of ten or more dropboxes. This data was the premise of the film. During the production of this film, as a supplement to the geolocation data, True the Vote provided my team with ballot drop box surveillance footage that had been obtained through open records requests. We were assured that the surveillance videos had been linked to geolocation cell phone data, such that each video depicted an individual who had made at least 10 visits to drop boxes. Indeed, it is clear from the interviews within the film itself that True the Vote was correlating the videos to geolocation data,” says conspiracy asshole Dinesh D’Souza in a statement disowning his moronic 2022 conspiracy “documentary.”

“We recently learned that surveillance videos used in the film may not have actually been correlated with the geolocation data. I know that the film and my book create the impression that these individuals were mules that had been identified as suspected ballot harvesters based on their geotracked cell phone data. While all of these individuals’ images were blurred and unrecognizable, one of the individuals has since come forward publicly and has initiated a lawsuit over the use of his blurred image in the film and the book. I owe this individual, Mark Andrews, an apology. I now understand that the surveillance videos used in the film were characterized on the basis of inaccurate information provided to me and my team. If I had known then that the videos were not linked to geolocation data, I would have clarified this and produced and edited the film differently.”

He keeps going So someone else lied to him and the premise flawed but it’s still true and blah blah blah. “Indeed, the accuracy of the general proposition of ‘2000 Mules” was publicly confirmed recently by the disclosure of a leading Democratic organizer, who admitted to an undercover journalist that the premise of ‘2000 Mules’ is accurate,” D’Souza even writes. What a dick.

“Does the Pardon given by Joe to Hunter include the J-6 Hostages, who have now been imprisoned for years? Such an abuse and miscarriage of Justice!” posted convicted felon President-Elect Trump on Sunday and now he pretty much has to pardon the “Hostages” meaning the violent felons currently locked up and awaiting trial in the “DC gulag.” What a fat fucking idiot.

It was on October 20th when Russian asset MAGA podcaster/influencer Benny Johnson posted a video of him at a run-down gas station in a mixed neighborhood of Tampa, Florida that he allegedly rented out and spent his hard-earned rubles to cut the price of a gallon down to $1.84 for a few hours. The four-eyed propaganda-producing penis titled the video “I Built A Trump Gas Station And Charged $1.84 Per Gallon | What Happened Next is INSANE…” which was already a lie since he didn’t build the station. The still image above is a lie because the station doesn’t look anything like that. All Johnson and crew did was print a large vinyl placard that was held up by a low-rent version of “MAGA rapper” Forgiato Blow, as if the real Forgiato Blow isn’t low-rent enough himself.

President Joe Biden has pardoned his son Hunter as an early Christmas gift. “Today, I signed a pardon for my son Hunter. From the day I took office, I said I would not interfere with the Justice Department’s decision-making, and I kept my word even as I have watched my son being selectively, and unfairly, prosecuted. Without aggravating factors like use in a crime, multiple purchases, or buying a weapon as a straw purchaser, people are almost never brought to trial on felony charges solely for how they filled out a gun form. Those who were late paying their taxes because of serious addictions, but paid them back subsequently with interest and penalties, are typically given non-criminal resolutions. It is clear that Hunter was treated differently,” said the president in a statement.

The pardon itself is pretty freaking sweeping, covering “those offenses against the United States which he has committed or may have committed or taken part in during the period from January 1, 2014 through December 1, 2024, including but not limited to all offenses charged or prosecuted (including any that have resulted in convictions) by Special Counsel David C Weiss.”

The type of human shit who call the Capitol rioters “political prisoners” are getting nervous over convicted felon President-Elect Trump’s silence on his campaign promise to pardon the insurrectionists who stormed the US Capitol on his orders on January 6th, 2021, Politico reports.

A lot of the apprehension in particular stems from spokesanimal Karoline “Blondi” Leavitt saying shit like “President Trump will make pardon decisions on a case-by-case basis,” in a statement for the story, which is definitely far short of his previous pledges to let all of them off the hook.

“It is just a phrase. ‘Case by case,’ It isn’t a policy, or a strategy, or anything. It is a catch phrase the media is using to push the ‘only some will be pardoned’ narrative,” tweeted MAGA activist Suzzanne Monk and lol. It’s not “the media” saying this, but whatever helps them cope with Donald’s fuckery.

Reporter Kyle Cheney later tweeted some notes he left out of his story, adding that “Some advocates for J6ers say they are against blanket pardons because it might accidentally help feds in the crowd,” which is so on brand for MAGA. “Dismissing cases pre-sentencing is the dream because pardons might entail accepting guilt,” Cheney continued and we agree that’s probably where you’re going to see the most action, because it’s something that can be done a little more quietly than one big mass amnesty. Simply ordering the courtroom prosecutors not to show up to hearings and trials, which would probably push them into resigning and the judges to toss the cases unilaterally would take care of the active ones. Then there’s the misdemeanants and non-violent felons like the QAnon Shaman and similar middle-ground cases he can probably pardon with minimum fuss.

“Growing expectation of a slog to pardon those charged w assault because of politics/optics,” is Cheney’s last point and yeah, that’ll be a slog. For a few days, maybe a week, because if Trump just does it on day one then it’ll be buried under so much other shit so quickly everyone will have forgotten about it. After all he incited the riot itself and then got elected again four years later.

Corrupt Picasso-faced piece of shit Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton is considering mounting a primary challenge against Senator John Cornhole Cornyn in 2026, the Dallas Morning News reports on what’s sure to be an entertaining battle between two Republicans that already hate each other.

Like really hate each other. And now that Paxton doesn’t have to worry about federal prosecution anymore he’s free to get revenge on Cornyn for publicly mocking his criminal behavior. Any challenge would be a tall order money-wise as Cornyn’s a formidable fundraiser. But as a “RINO” and a Mitch McConnell ally he’s already pretty unpopular with MAGA and should Pax enter probably the absolute best Cornyn could hope for is for convicted felon President-Elect Trump to stay neutral.

Cornyn’s already declared his intent to run again, but Dallas-area right wing radio host Mark Davis said it all depends on how he handles himself over the next year or so with Trump’s batshit scumbag nominees. “If he is a good soldier, not an obstructionist, not an annoyance to the Trump agenda, then he’ll be very hard to beat, even by someone as popular as Ken Paxton,” said Davis. “If Cornyn obstructs Trump’s nominees and then proceeds to do other things that reveal a certain distance between him and Trump, that will be all Paxton needs to be motivated to take him on. There’s still no guarantee that it’ll be successful, but it’ll be a battle of the titans that’ll show where we are in 2026.”

We’d like to be able to say a Paxton win against Cornyn makes it easier for a Dem to win, but this is Texas we’re talking about. They freaking reelected that asshole twice when he was under criminal indictment for nine years until he weaseled his way out if it. If anything – and it’s gotta be a really bad year for the GOP, like worse than 2006 – then it’s probably Cornyn who’d be more vulnerable than Paxton, who can count on a shit ton of “grassroots” MAGA support when the chips are down.

“I am proud to announce that Massad Boulos will serve as Senior Advisor to the President on Arab and Middle Eastern affairs. Massad is an accomplished lawyer and a highly respected leader in the business world, with extensive experience on the International scene. He has been a longtime proponent of Republican and Conservative values, an asset to my Campaign, and was instrumental in building tremendous new coalitions with the Arab American Community. Massad is a dealmaker, and an unwavering supporter of PEACE in the Middle East. He will be a strong advocate for the US, and its interests, and I am pleased to have him on our team!” posted convicted felon President-Elect Trump on Sunday. Boulos is the father of Tiffany Trump’s husband, whatever his stupid name is.

Fun fact: Boulos isn’t even a Muslim, he’s a Lebanese Christian, and thus probably isn’t the kind of guy all those Michigan voters who were furious with the Biden Administration over support for Israel were expecting. If anything he’s probably more of a “Gaza’s waterfront is valuable real estate” type.

CONGRATS Leftists and Free Palestine people! You got your revenge! You really stuck it to Biden!

"The objective here, obviously, is to reform the DOJ and the FBI and get it back to its mission of going after CRIMINALS," says Rep. @lawler4ny.

"That's what my hope is as the DOJ moves forward under Pam Bondi and the FBI under Kash Patel." pic.twitter.com/JnVpxMDSkt

— Trump War Room (@TrumpWarRoom) December 1, 2024

One has to wonder what the hell there is to be gained for convicted felon President-Elect Trump’s propaganda operation to be airing this Blackface-wearing dipshit saying he doesn’t “think the American people are interested in a revenge tour” even though the act of firing current FBI Director Chris Wray is by its very nature the start of that revenge tour. This is the whole point. It’s Deadpool & Wolverine levels of fan service to the MAGA base. Exactly what the shitbags voted for.

As expected, Wisconsin Democratic Party Chairman Ben Wikler on Sunday told the New York Times he’s making a bid to lead the national party, taking on Minnesota Dem chair Ken Martin, former Maryland Gov Martin O’Malley, and Jim Skoufis, a New York state senator nobody ever heard of.

“My platform in this race is unite, fight, win. Uniting starts not with recriminations but with reckoning and with curiosity and data. And then you use all that to inform the way that you fight the next battle,” Wikler said in the interview with the Times, who noted he did not answer a question about how much support he already has among the national party’s delegates. Kind of important as Martin claims he’s already wrangled 83 out of the 448 voting delegates for the February 1st chair election.

That said, Wikler probably isn’t too far behind O’Malley in name recognition given his profile and if you put it strictly in terms of Ws and Ls his record leading the party since 2019 is solid if not sterling. He couldn’t unseat piece of shit Senator Ron “RonAnon” Johnson in 2022 and obviously convicted felon President-Elect Trump flipped the Badger State back red this year, but those were both very narrow losses (in fact Wisconsin was Kamala Harris’s closest defeat). The wins include 2020 for Biden, successful defenses for Gov Tony Evers and Senator Tammy Baldwin, and, most significantly within Wisconsin, two state Supreme Court seats that flipped the bench from 5-2 conservative to 4-3 liberal, a new majority which broke the extreme GOP-rigged gerrymanders in the state legislature.

So Dems could do worse for a new captain at the helm. We’ve yet to hear the other guys make their cases to lead the party, but Wikler’s record – and age, at 43 – make it hard to argue against him.

The Pete Hegseth-less Fox and Friends weekend crew on Sunday were thrilled by convicted felon President-Elect Trump’s announcement that he’ll fire FBI Director Chris Wray and replace him with shitty children’s book author/conspiracy freak Kash Patel, simply because it triggers all the libtards and is “making so many of the right people nervous” about a systemic destruction of the top federal law enforcement agency as revenge for all the criminal investigations into Trump and his minions.

International megacorporation/coffee chain Starbucks on Friday opened the doors to what’s perhaps its most artillery fire-prone location, a new outpost located in the Aegibong Peace Ecopark atop a hill overlooking the demilitarized zone stretching across the Korean peninsula and the Potemkin Village sitting directly across in the communist northern half, the Associated Press reports.

Officials in the South Korean city of Gimpo said hosting Starbucks was part of efforts to develop the area as a tourist destination and said the shop symbolizes “robust security on the Korean Peninsula through the presence of this iconic capitalist brand,” and yeah this is a troll to the commies.

“I am proud to announce that Kashyap ‘Kash’ Patel will serve as the next Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Kash is a brilliant lawyer, investigator, and “America First” fighter who has spent his career exposing corruption, defending Justice, and protecting the American People. He played a pivotal role in uncovering the Russia, Russia, Russia Hoax, standing as an advocate for truth, accountability, and the Constitution. Kash did an incredible job during my First Term, where he served as Chief of Staff at the Department of Defense, Deputy Director of National Intelligence, and Senior Director for Counterterrorism at the National Security Council. Kash has also tried over 60 jury trials. This FBI will end the growing crime epidemic in America, dismantle the migrant criminal gangs, and stop the evil scourge of human and drug trafficking across the Border. Kash will work under our great Attorney General, Pam Bondi, to bring back Fidelity, Bravery, and Integrity to the FBI,” posted convicted felon President-Elect Trump on Saturday.

“I am pleased to nominate Charles Kushner, of New Jersey, to serve as the US Ambassador to France. He is a tremendous business leader, philanthropist, and dealmaker, who will be a strong advocate representing our Country and its interests. Charlie is the Founder and Chairman of Kushner Companies, one of the largest and most successful privately held Real Estate firms in the Nation. He was recognized as New Jersey Entrepreneur of the Year by Ernst and Young, appointed to the US Holocaust Memorial Council, and served as a Commissioner, and Chairman, of the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey, as well as on the Boards of our top institutions, including NYU.”

“Congratulations to Charlie, his wonderful wife Seryl, their 4 children, and 14 grandchildren. His son, Jared, worked closely with me in the White House, in particular on Operation Warp Speed, Criminal Justice Reform, and the Abraham Accords. Together, we will strengthen America’s partnership with France, our oldest Ally, and one of our greatest!” posted convicted felon President-Elect Trump as he named convicted felon Charles Kushner to an extremely kushy ambassadorship.

“An automobile collision claimed the life of a Marlboro County man today in Darlington County. George Garner II, 49, of McColl, SC died when the vehicle he was driving collided head on with a truck. The incident occurred on Hwy 34 in Mechanicsville around 2:40 PM,” wrote Darlington County, South Carolina coroner J Todd Hardee on his Facebook page on Tuesday. It’s his personal profile so in between official announcements there’s also “Go Tigers!” and telling people to stop by the Kitsler-Hardee Funeral Home for a free “AMERICAN ARMED FORCES” 2025 calendar.

“Mr Garner was the Mayor of McColl, SC and had recently been re-elected. The incident is under investigation by The Darlington County Coroner and the SCHP MAIT team. When the incident occurred Mr Garner was being pursued by a Marlboro County Deputy. The pursuit was not related to any laws being broken. The pursuit was taking place in an effort to protect the well being of Mr Garner. I will make a ruling on the manner of this death in the coming days. Please keep this family, and the fine folks in our neighboring Marlboro County in your prayers,” continued the coroner, emphasis ours on that very weird part about the Marlboro deputy chasing Garner to protect him.

Per the Independent, Garner plowed into an oncoming 18-wheeler just days after the entire police force in McColl resigned over what the now-former chief said was “unwarranted and malicious behavior aimed at undermining my integrity and leadership… These actions have not only affected me personally but have also created a toxic atmosphere that has hindered the department’s ability to function effectively,” leaving the town of about 1,900 without any local law enforcement.

ICYMI @PeteHegseth’s mom sent him a “you are behaving very badly” email during his divorce (she’s a good mom!) and the NYT is ALL IN on it. Next we will hear from his aunt who accused him of being late in sending his thank you cards after Christmas six years ago.

— Megyn Kelly (@megynkelly) November 30, 2024

From an email written on April 30, 2018 to Trump’s Secretary of Defense pick Pete Hegseth by his own mother, Penelope Hegseth, obtained by the New York Times:

Seems like kind of a feature and not a bug and all those other cliches about Trump’s crew.

• This is the weirdest of Fridays.  It’s like a Saturday because Thanksgiving feels something like a workday, but it’s also Sunday-ish because it’s the second consecutive day off from work.  But it is Friday and here we are.
• These aren’t even MAGA C-listers.  The A-listers were the first appointed in the first term.  The B-listers replaced them when they inevitably left office.  The C-listers were the ones who initially defended him in his various legal cases, and then dropped out.  Now, these remaining remoras are getting government posts.
• Enjoy the last White House holiday with any sophistication and class.  With Melania not moving to DC for a second term, Alina Habba will probably get the honor of decorating the nation’s most historic residence next year.
• During a pre-Black Friday Black Friday sale, a tea company advertised itself as “100% plant-based,” which makes me wonder why they think that was important to declare.
  Read More ▶ “Random thoughts Friday, Volume CCII”