Convicted felon President-Elect Trump’s lawyers are conducting their own internal investigation into whether other lawyer, indicted piece of shit Boris Epshteyn is selling access to their boss, somebody leaked to CNN so the message would get out and presumably Epshteyn could be knifed.

What the fuck, lol. The headline of the story is literally “Trump lawyers investigate allegations that top aide sought financial gain from influence with president-elect, sources say,” written as if this is something new and verboten inside the fat fuck’s crew of misfits and dipshits. Might as well be about Barry Bonds accusing Jose Canseco of using steroids for Christ’s sake. Michael Cohen testified that he raked in millions for doing basically nothing while billing it as “consulting” and everyone was like “Yeah, no shit Trump runs a tight ship of corruption and bribery.”

For those actually interested in the specifics, the accusation is that Epshteyn is shaking down some donor or whoever for $100,000 a month to get access to Trump. If anything that’s a piker rate and maybe Boris’s relative modesty is what so inflamed whoever leaked this. In all seriousness however, Epshteyn and Elon Musk have been butting heads lately so here’s CNN carrying the water for Ketamine Brain or someone in his faction of the Orange God Emperor’s court, maybe Don Jr and Eric.

There’s also the whole Russian-ness of this, and not just because Epshteyn’s a Russian immigrant. If you’re one of Putin’s guys you can fuck around all you want – until a rival gains his favor and accuses you of some transgression, real or imagined. Then you’re lucky if all that happens is your business gets appropriated. If not then you get tossed in the gulag – or out an upper-story window.

NBC News just broke in to announce "Special Counsel Jack Smith just filed a motion to dismiss the federal criminal case against the president-elect."

This is a MASSIVE WIN for the rule of law. pic.twitter.com/2lkzsE2v1t

— Trump War Room (@TrumpWarRoom) November 25, 2024

You hear that libtards? “THE RULE OF LAW” just won over lawlessness and anarchy or government overreach or Antifa who secretly staged the Capitol insurrection. Get used to more such winning.

In giving up the ghost against convicted felon President-Elect Trump, soon-to-be-former Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith on Monday requested that Judge Chutkan dismiss the four counts against the fat fuck without prejudice, writing “consistent with the temporary nature of the immunity afforded a sitting President, it does not require dismissal with prejudice…(‘immunity from prosecution for a sitting President would not preclude such prosecution once the President’s term is over or he is otherwise removed from office by resignation or impeachment’). This outcome is not based on the merits or strength of the case against the defendant,” which we guess is Smith leaving the door open to going after King Donald again in 2029. There’s always the hope, right?

“Jimmy Patronis, Chief Financial Officer for the Great State of Florida, has done a tremendous job as CFO, where he also serves as the State’s Fire Marshall, and as an important member of the Florida Cabinet. I hear that Jimmy is now considering launching a Campaign for Congress in Florida’s 1st Congressional District! A fourth generation Floridian from the beautiful Panhandle, and [blah blah blah]… Should he decide to enter this Race, Jimmy Patronis has my Complete and Total Endorsement. RUN, JIMMY, RUN!” posted convicted felon President-Elect Trump on Monday.

What did Patronis do to earn this coveted honor? Our guess is when he announced he wanted to set up a fund that would cover Trump’s legal bills with taxpayer money. That probably did it.

UPDATE 11/25/2024 1:09 PM EST: Patronis accepted, tweeting “Put me to work, Mr President! I am ready to serve,” thus for a long time, probably forever, closing the door on a Gaetz comeback.

You will not be shocked to learn that, according to a lawsuit filed Monday by a former dancer with the culty extremist performance troupe, Shen Yun is a human trafficking operation that forces vulnerable children to work its shows for little to no pay, the New York Times reports.

Former dancer Chang Chun-Ko, 28, filed the complaint in a White Plains, New York federal court, alleging that Shen Yun, an organization of the dissident Falun Gong cult that also runs the MAGA propaganda outlet/money laundering front Epoch Times, forces obedience from its dancers through confiscating their passports, isolating them from outside media, accusing them of being ChiCom spies for asking questions, and humiliating them in front of the rest of the troupe.

Chang says she was recruited into Shen Yun from her native Taiwan in at the age of 13 in 2009, managing to leave in 2020 and settle in New York. While she’s the only plaintiff currently, Chang seeks to have the case certified as a class action against the “forced labor enterprise.”

Future US Attorney General Pam Bondi did not comment for the story, but if she was asked whether her she would open a criminal investigation into Shen Yun the answer would probably be “Lol, no.”

Convicted felon President-Elect Trump’s FCC nominee on Monday told batshit idiot Maria Bartiromo he’s pumped to do what he can to thwart George Soros’s purchase of the Audacy radio network.

Pro-Russian Romanian ultranationalist Calin Georgescu, who was kicked out of another far right party for praising an early 20th century antisemitic fascist movement called the Iron Guard, took the lead in the first round of the country’s presidential election on Sunday, the BBC reports.

Georgescu took 22.94 percent of the vote, followed by liberal reformist candidate Elena Lasconi on 19.18 percent, with center-left Prime Minister Marcel Ciolacu in third at 19.15 percent, trailing by just 2,700 votes. Another hard-right candidate, George Simion – who leads the Alliance for the Union of Romanians from which Georgescu was expelled – trailed in fourth with 13.86 percent support.

Simion on Monday conceded and urged his fans to support Georgescu in the runoff being held on December 8th. Though the normie candidates’ combined share adds up to 38.33 percent, narrowly ahead of the far right combo’s 36.8 percent, the path is much clearer for Georgescu given weak support for Lasconi’s Save Romania Union in rural areas – if Ciolacu even endorses Lasconi.

Georgescu’s platform might as well have been written by a cheap Kremlin-funded knockoff of ChatGPT: He’s argued that the EU and NATO do not properly represent Romanian interests and claimed Russia’s war in Ukraine was manipulated by American military companies. In 2022, Georgescu claimed the US anti-missile shield located in the southern Romanian village of Deveselu is part of a confrontation policy and not a peaceful measure, a line word-for-word taken from Russian dictator Vladimir Putin. The candidate himself claimed at the time that he’s had no support from Russia but an affinity for its culture, describing Putin as “a man who loves his country.”

In an article titled “Ashley Madison reveals top 20 American cities for scandalous, adulterous behavior this winter,” the dating site for fucking-around-the-side’s Chief Strategy Officer Paul Keable assures Fox News that their readers need not travel to warmer climes to fuck around this winter as many of the best metros for extramarital sex-seeking users lie well within the snow belt.

“It’s a really interesting time of the year as we walk into winter and what a lot of online daters like to refer to as ‘cuffing season,’ where you try to lock down a partner for the colder months. We at Ashley Madison wanted to take a look at our data to see where affairs are more likely to potentially happen this coming winter,” said Keable and this article is seriously a fucking infomercial for goddamned Ashley Madison, lol. “What’s fascinating, the top hot spots for the cold nights are certainly in a lot of the warm weather spots with four of the top five places landing in Florida, including Miami, Orlando and Tampa, with Las Vegas dropping in at number three But when you drill down a little bit beyond the top five, you start to see that a lot of winter hot spots and possibly some après-ski areas are going to be the highlight of activity for a lot of online married daters this winter.”

Noting the Skyline Chili City’s placement in the fifth spot, Keable describes Cincinnati as “a perfect encapsulation of why our business exists. It’s not a hotbed of traditional dating activity in the winter, people would assume because it’s colder weather, you’re going to get a lot of snow. But what it shows you is that typical middle America, average blue-collar people are looking for things outside of the traditional norms of monogamy,” and holy shit dude just admit this article is payola.

Scott Stapp taking the stage last night pic.twitter.com/S7cpQygPMB

— Jack Poso 🇺🇸 (@JackPosobiec) November 24, 2024

The return of Creed heralded the return of Trump and the dawn of the Golden Age

Few understand the necessity of this

The bridge

— Jack Poso 🇺🇸 (@JackPosobiec) November 24, 2024

The male emperor penguin who was found wandering on a beach in Western Australia earlier this month was deported to the waters an unknown distance toward his native Antarctica last week after 20 days in the care of local veterinarians who fed him fish and seafood slurry to regain his strength in the hopes that he would be able to swim back on his own, ABC Australia reports.

“The bird had put on a reasonable amount of weight,” said seabird carer Carol Biddulph, who nicknamed the penguin “Gus” after Roman Emperor Augustus Caesar. “The plumage was wonderful, well waterproofed, we had got the salt gland pumping. Sea birds have a salt gland so they can process the salt water,” Biddulph continued, adding she was on the boat that dumped Gus back into the icy waters of the Southern Ocean. “I’ve got every faith he will get home. I mean, he got here.”

In an article titled “How Trump could finally kick Tren de Aragua out of the US after Biden admin stopped deporting Venezuelans” the New York Post reports that on day one, literally right after he leaves the inauguration at the Capitol, a newly re-empowered President Trump will strap on body armor, load a high capacity mag into an XM7 6.8×51mm assault rifle, jump into the driver’s seat of the first in a convoy of armored assault vehicles, blast on “Ride of the Valkyries” thought the loudspeakers to get all the America First ICE and CBP SWAT agents in the operation pumped up, and smash through the metal shutters of Venezuelan street gang Tren de Aragua’s world headquarters, hidden in a warehouse on the edge of a rail yard in a grimy industrial section of Baltimore.

“Mierda! Esta Presidente Trump!” one of the goons will scream as the new 47th president steps out of the vehicle and begins blasting them, rivulets of blood mixed with $100 bills, tiny rainbow fentanyl candies, and photos of white sorority girls on Tren’s list of sex trafficking kidnap targets – all spiraling through the air in slow motion as their table is upended in the hail of bullets. One of the younger members of the gang, who dove down a staircase when the armored vehicle plowed in, will pull out a small handgun and fire at Trump, one of the rounds clipping the 47th president’s ear, causing him to kneel down in pain and drop his rifle. But before the Tren initiate can even adjust his aim, Trump will spin around and plant a throwing knife in his eye socket from 15 feet away, saying slyly “You should’ve googled what happened to the last punk-ass kid who did that to my ear.”

Tennessee Senator Bill Hagerty on Sunday was obviously frustrated that the rape allegation against dipshit white nationalist Fox News host Pete Hegseth became public after convicted felon President-Elect Trump announced Pete was his choice to lead the most powerful military on the planet. It’s not clear why Hagerty isn’t similarly frustrated at Team Trump for failing to do the proper vetting to make sure that they weren’t nominating some Neo-Nazi rapist and thus forcing him and other senators to spend their Sunday mornings making these fucking ridiculous arguments.

“When NASA’s Europa Clipper reaches its destination in 2030, the spacecraft will prepare to aim an array of powerful instruments toward Jupiter’s moon Europa during 49 flybys, looking for signs that the ocean beneath the moon’s icy crust could sustain life. While the spacecraft, which launched Oct 14, carries the most advanced science hardware NASA has ever sent to the outer solar system, teams are already developing the next generation of robotic concepts that could potentially plunge into the watery depths of Europa and other ocean worlds, taking the science even further.”

“This is where an ocean-exploration mission concept called SWIM comes in. Short for Sensing With Independent Micro-swimmers, the project envisions a swarm of dozens of self-propelled, cellphone-size swimming robots that, once delivered to a subsurface ocean by an ice-melting cryobot, would zoom off, looking for chemical and temperature signals that could indicate life,” says NASA on a concept for a future Europa mission should they find evidence of liquid water during Clipper.

There’s no mention of sterilization procedures for the SWIM bots, which is kind of important since a stray E Coli or Strep or some other kind of common bacteria stuck to the devices could utterly fuck up whatever that ecosystem may or may not be currently thriving under the icy surface of Europa.

Masked members of Venezuelan dictator Nicholas Maduro’s security forces laid siege to the Argentinian embassy in Caracas on Saturday, hell-bent on arresting six opposition politicians seeking asylum with a far less dysfunctional South American country, CNN reports.

Pedro Urruchurtu, international coordinator for opposition leader Maria Corina Machado, who has been holed up in the embassy since March, tweeted Saturday that armed hooded members of the National Police had closed off streets outside the embassy. Drones were hovering over the building and phone signals had been cut off, Urruchurtu wrote. It’s not clear how he otherwise managed to tweet about it without signal. This is the second time Maduro’s regime has threatened to storm the embassy since the rigged July election, the first was back in September when cheated oppo candidate Edmundo Gonzalez had been allowed to flee to asylum in Spain. “I alert the world to what may happen to fellow refugees in the Argentine Embassy in Caracas,” Gonzalez tweeted Saturday.

Jason Aldean's wife blames 'wokeness' for Billboard 100 greatest country artists of all time list snub https://t.co/414re7u4nD

— Fox News (@FoxNews) November 23, 2024

Philippines Vice President Sara Duterte on Saturday told reporters in an early morning press conference that she’s already spoken with an assassin and ordered him to kill President Ferdinand “Bongbong” Marcos, First Lady Liza Araneta, and House Speaker Martin Romualdez immediately if Duterte is killed, Reuters reports on a pretty wacky situation in the southeast Asian archipelago.

“I have talked to a person. I said, if I get killed, go kill BBM [Marcos], Liza Araneta, and Martin Romualdez. No joke. No joke,” Duterte, daughter of autocratic former President Rodrigo Duterte, said in what Reuters describes as a “profanity-laden briefing” to reporters. “I said, do not stop until you kill them, and then he said yes,” Duterte continued. The office of the Philippine vice president is elected separately from the president and has no official powers. Duterte resigned from Marcos’s cabinet in June after their temporary alliance had collapsed due to disagreements over foreign policy and the aftermath of Rodrigo Duterte’s murderous war on drugs which saw thousands summarily executed in the streets whether or not they had actually been involved in the narcotics trade. Then there’s also that Duterte Senior, who left office in 2022, has been agitating on and off for his home base in the poorer southern region of Mindanao to secede from the rest of the country.

It’s not clear if Sara Duterte had slipped a Mike Pence joke in her tirade against Marcos.

• Now we know it was Matt Gaetz who invited Madison Cawthorn to all those drug-fueled sex parties.
• Finishing < 50% of the vote means there is no mandate.  While he finally got the plurality of votes for the first time, he did not get the overwhelming support he’s claiming.
• It’s nice to have rediscovered the talent of John Mayer.  It had been more than a decade since I had given him a serious listen, but he reappeared randomly in a playlist at the right time.
• MSNBC is due for a shake-up, particularly on its daytime side.  It doesn’t have to be a Trump hate-fest 24/7, but it does need journalists willing to stand up to the Administration, not kowtow to a wannabe dictator.
  Read More ▶ “Random thoughts Friday, Volume CCI”

They’re no longer hiding it:  Sebastian Gorka, a man whose greetings are used to train Halloween haunted house Draculas, will be a deputy assistant to the Orange in the next administration and he’ll serve as senior director for counterterrorism, Politico reports.  Best known for his deep affection for the old Hungarian Nazi Party whose pin he regularly wears on his lapel, Gorka is currently a pundit for the Salem Radio Network and Newsmax.  (Apparently, no one at Fox would take the pay cut.)

Savor this while you can:  the Oval Office occupant honoring his job by acting with dignity and noting how he enjoys serving the American people, not eternally whining about difficult his life is.  Less than sixty days of sanity left.

At least this guy has some experience in the field:  the incoming embryonic dictatorship announced that a billionaire hedge fund manager, Scott Bessent, will be their Treasury Secretary nominee, CNN reports.  Bessent will inherit an economy that has slashed inflation to lower than pre-pandemic levels, maximized US fossil fuel production, and had a full term of consecutive job growth, all while his boss complains that he inherited an economy in the gutter.