House Oversight Chairbilly James Comer and similarly stupid Fox Business News anchor Maria Bartiromo on Monday expressed deep skepticism over Iranian state TV’s responses to convicted felon President Trump’s claims of productive peace talks. The response, described by Bartiromo as Tehran saying that “Trump capitulated” and “There are no direct or indirect talks taking place with the Trump regime, this is from a spokesperson for the IRGC and it is being run on Iran state TV. They say it’s a ploy to buy time for military preparations,” was dismissed by Comer who said he doesn’t “know how trustworthy Iranian state TV is. It’s probably like a couple liberals networks that come to mind.” Set aside the fact that irony’s still dead and he’s saying this on the American version of state TV – and you’re still left with this painfully fucking dumb idiot questioning the official reaction of Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps leadership delivered via their state media channel. It was not in any way “reporting” like this dipshit conflates it with. It was an official statement, not subject to interpretation of whether the statement was or was not issued, irrespective of one’s priors.

“At approximately 10:18 am this morning, IPD was contacted by Cargo Largo Security regarding a suspicious powder substance located in the packaging of a Barbie Doll. IPD determined the substance was fentanyl and immediately began an investigation with Cargo Largo to determine how many compromised units were sold. It was determined five compromised units were sold. IPD has tracked down four of the units. Only one unit remains outstanding and we have an active lead we are working to track it down. IPD’s investigation revealed the dolls themselves were not compromised.”

“Fentanyl was discovered taped inside the back packaging of the dolls. There is no reason to believe compromised units were sent to other retailers and no injuries have been reported. This remains an active investigation,” wrote the Independence, Missouri Police Department in a Facebook post on Sunday, later updating it to say they tracked down the fifth one before some little girl opened it and was killed on contact with the powerful opioid. Hopefully they had a clean replacement handy.

Stay tuned to National Zero for much more in “Shit that Joe Biden would be directly blamed for if it had happened in 2023 but the right wing and mainstream media ignore in 2026” news.

The Federal Aviation Administration on Monday ordered a ground stop at Newark International Airport after the air traffic control tower filled with smoke for who the hell knows what reason, all flights are halted until at least 8:30 as controllers get set up at a backup facility, ABC 7 reports.

Whether Trump was telling the truth or not Iran is calling him a bitch with this comment

They have no interest in de-escalation

Trump will likely ignore this as any response would be bad for the markets

Its looking like failure at this point https://t.co/IsTn30qV2N

— Tim Pool (@Timcast) March 23, 2026

Without further details available at the moment, the AP reports chyrons on Iranian state TV say “US president backs down following Iran’s firm warning,” of mass destruction in the Strait of Hormuz.

Non-zero chance the Orange Ayatollah breaks his unilateral ceasefire just because of that.

“I AM PLEASE TO REPORT THAT THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND THE COUNTRY OF IRAN, HAVE HAD, OVER THE LAST TWO DAYS, VERY GOOD AND PRODUCTIVE CONVERSATIONS REGARDING A COMPLETE AND TOTAL RESOLUTION OF OUR HOSTILITIES IN THE MIDDLE EAST.”

“BASED ON THE TENOR AND TONE OF THESE IN DEPTH, DETAILED, AND CONSTRUCTIVE CONVERSATIONS, WITCH WILL CONTINUE THROUGHOUT THE WEEK, I HAVE INSTRUCTED THE DEPARTMENT OF WAR TO POSTPONE ANY AND ALL MILITARY STRIKES AGAINST IRANIAN POWER PLANTS AND ENERGY INFRASTRUCTURE FOR A FIVE DAY PERIOD, SUBJECT TO THE SUCCESS OF THE ONGOING MEETINGS AND DISCUSSIONS,” POSTED PRESIDENT TRUMP ON MONDAY MORNING, LOOKING LIKE A TOTAL PUSSY IN RESPONSE TO IRANIAN THREATS. WHAT A GREAT LEADER AMERICA HAS BEEN BLESSED WITH BY JOE ROGAN PODCAST LISTENERS.

Urged on by fellow Republicans in the chamber and even some White House aides – according to Punchbowl News – Senate Majority Leader John Thune on Sunday approached convicted felon President Trump with a new plan to break the Homeland Security funding with Democrats, funding the whole department except for ICE, which Thune said could be taken care of in a party-line reconciliation bill in which the Dems would be denied their main goals of banning masks, requiring judicial warrants, et cetera to rein in the violent white nationalist schutzstaffel korps.

Trump said no and then posted “I don’t think we should make any deal with the Crazy, Country Destroying, Radical Left Democrats unless, and until, they Vote with Republicans to pass ‘THE SAVE AMERICA ACT.’ It is far more important than anything else we are doing in the Senate, and that includes giving these same terrible people, the Dems (who are to blame for this mess!), a Five Billion Dollar cut in ICE funding, a deal which, even when disguised as something else, is unacceptable to me and the American people – UNLESS it includes their approval of Voter ID, (with picture!), Citizenship to Vote, No Mail-In Voting (with exceptions), All Paper Ballots, No Men In Women’s Sports, and No Transgender MUTILIZATION of our precious children. Put it all together, and also, let Leader Thune clearly identify those few ‘Republicans’ that are Voting against AMERICA. They will never be elected again! In other words, lump everything together as one, and VOTE!!! Kill the Filibuster, and stay in DC for Easter, if necessary,” all of it very specific to Thune’s asks.

Punchbowl writes that Trump warned Thune “he’d publicly slam Senate Republicans if they left town for the upcoming recess. Trump also said he’d invite all the GOP senators and their families for Easter dinner at the White House. Some Republicans took that as a threat, not a reward.”

BREAKING: Air Canada flight, emergency vehicle collide at LaGuardia airport in New York Cityhttps://t.co/YKb6oeHtJP pic.twitter.com/icvwNIr9YI

— Fox News (@FoxNews) March 23, 2026

Riverside County, California MAGA Sheriff Chad Bianco – currently trailing bald British asshole Steve Hilton on the Republican side in the Gold State’s gubernatorial race – this week pulled off a pretty nifty stunt to appeal to the “Stop the Steal” dipshits: Seizing more than half a million ballots cast in the county in last Novembers Proposition 50 referendum to nuke five GOP-held congressional districts to make sure they weren’t made of bamboo and blah blah blah, the AP reports.

Bianco sold it as “a fact-finding mission” at a Friday press conference announcing the seizure. “This investigation is simple: Physically count the ballots and compare that result with the total votes reported,” said Bianco, obviously pissed they lost the very vast, very red county by 80,000 votes.

“I have a duty to investigate alleged crime in Riverside County,” the time-wasting jerkoff said.

Just over an hour after convicted felon President Trump posted “On Monday, ICE will be going to airports to help our wonderful TSA Agents who have stayed on the job despite the fact that the Radical Left Democrats, who are only focused on protecting hard line criminals who have entered our Country illegally, are endangering the USA by holding back the money that was long ago agreed to with signed and sealed contracts, and all. But watch, no matter how great a job ICE does, the Lunatics leading the incompetent Dems will be highly critical of their work. THEY WILL DO A FANTASTIC JOB. The great Tom Homan is in charge!!!” the Cava bag bribery czar was on CNN and was very plainly less than amped to be put on the job to unfuck the situation caused by GOP refusals to pass a bill to make sure TSA agents are paid while the rest of DHS remains shut down.

“Now with the death of Iran, the greatest enemy America has is the Radical Left, Highly Incompetent, Democrat Party! Thank you for your attention to this matter,” posted a mentally ill senior citizen on Sunday, still unable to decide if Iran has been defeated on top of his other deranged claim that the domestic opposition is a more serious national enemy than China, ISIS, Al-Qaeda, drug cartels, Tren de Aragua, MS-13, and so on. All in all pretty par for the course.

Asked to comment on a Saturday IDF post claiming “the Iranian terrorist regime poses a global threat… with missiles that can reach London, Paris or Berlin,” UK Housing Secretary Steve Reed on Sunday told the BBC that the Israeli claim that Iranian missiles could strike London isn’t actually supported by any current intel. Reed said there’s “no specific assessment that the Iranians are targeting the UK or even could, if they wanted to. We are perfectly capable of protecting this country and keeping this country safe, whether it’s here at home, or whether it’s our assets and nationals across the region. There is no assessment to substantiate what’s being said.”

It’s not clear why Reed – a housing official – was qualified to comment on the matter, with the IDF’s claim based on an attempted missile attack on Diego Garcia, which is 2,360 miles away from the closest Iranian territory. The distance between London and the northwesternmost tip of Iran is about 100 miles closer. Still, the missiles were intercepted well before they got anywhere close to Diego.

“Robert Mueller just died. Good, I’m glad he’s dead. He can no longer hurt innocent people!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Saturday, every word of it after “Mueller” his own future epitaph.

Not a whole lot else to say, like who should pretend to be shocked or even surprised by the fat fuck’s utter incapacity but also that, well, you know, all of us are going to say the same thing when he’s dead and the world will be a better place when it happens. Far more innocent people have been hurt – outright annihilated – because of Trump and the sooner and more painful he dies the better.

Still gotta wonder whether the fat fuck is doing this on purpose to make life more difficult for his lowly subs in the Congressional GOP. This isn’t what they need reporters asking about right now.

Long in the works but timely enough, this is National Zero’s guide to the SAVE Act – sorry, SAVE AMERICA Act, as a certain fat drama queen recently insisted as to raise the stakes:

It’s been in the works since early last year, but both chambers of the Florida state legislature have passed HB 991, known colloquially as the Florida SAVE Act which requires new voters, or current ones who change their address or party affiliation, to prove citizenship by presenting a passport, birth certificate, or the equivalent upon registration – excepting those with a REAL ID, as in a driver’s license/DMV-issued non-license ID as those would have already only been issued to citizens.

Yup, they’ve sent it over to heels-wearing Governor Ron DeSantis and he’ll sign it any day now, a bill that has been in the works for nearly a year just getting some last minute adjustments earlier this month because – you’re going to love this – they had to amend it to push back the effective date for the citizenship verification requirements to January 1, 2027. “This gives adequate time in order for that population who does not yet have a Real ID to come into compliance, or to in some other way prove their citizenship,” said Republican state Senator Erin Grall, one of the bill’s sponsors.

For those keeping score at home this would mean that the GOP’s laboratory of autocracy, the land of ethnic Cuban far-right sociopaths, bath salts, Scientology, the home of the hallowed cathedral of all corruption and degeneracy in the United States, Mar-a-Lago – is holding back until after the midterms on what’s already a pretty graduated, rolling process in which those who renew their driver’s license in December and remain at the same address will not have been officially verified as eligible citizen voters until December 2034. Simply because imposing that requirement all at once now would be far too disruptive – and let’s be real here, if they knew with full confidence that it would advantage Republicans in November they would’ve made it effective immediately.

An Ohio State Highway Patrol Trooper on March 9th noticed a northern barred owl struggling along the side of US 30 near US 42 and quickly stopped to render aid to the animal, bringing it to the Ohio Bird Sanctuary in Richland County, WHIO reports, citing a March 20th Facebook post from the Mansfield OSHP precinct, where presumably it is still being rehabilitated or has since been released rather than euthanized. You’d think that the patrol and/or the affiliate station would offer a little more detail about how things shook out for the bird given the 11 day lag from the rescue to the post.

Nevertheless a cop was kind to a wild animal that would otherwise most likely have perished from predation, starvation, or a vehicle strike if not for his intervention. You can appreciate the act of kindness and mercy toward one of God’s creations, an individual member of a species onto which mankind projects wisdom and enigmatic intent simply through pareidolia of a facial “expression” and thus personality. Such a mass perception of the owl belies the reality that they’re roughly on par with pigeons in intelligence, ranked below more prosaic, ubiquitous, and middle-sized corvids – as in common crows, ravens, and magpies – as the master brains of the North American Bird-iverse.

Still, that you’d be far less likely to see a story about a cop rescuing an injured crow doesn’t diminish the act that did occur. Just, you know, try to appreciate it without any intrusion of questioning which bird species illicit sympathy based solely on their appearance. Suppressing that thought will in turn crowd out any of the predictable “Oh bUt tHeN tEh c0P pR0LLy sh0T suM 1nn0CeNt dUdE aFtER tHaT” and maybe even all the actually horrible shit happening in the world that the headline was meant to be a little “SEE THINGS R NOT ALL BAD” respite from. Act accordingly, people.

Fragments from an intercepted Iranian missile rained down near Jerusalem’s Temple Mount on Friday, Breitbart reports. The near-hit threatened one of the holiest sites in Islam with the kind of damage that would cause some serious geopolitical issues to say the least if a missile actually destroyed the Al-Aqsa Mosque, aka the Dome of the Rock.

This is a damn good channel with a damn good narrator. Please DO NOT let the terrible, corny intro credit with a different voiceover dissuade you from listening to the whole story. It’s brief and you can skip past it. Fred Kiger’s a hidden gem though the rest of his work relies on a certain continuity of the American Civil War and he tends to jump around it. Like a lot. There’s no straight line at all, lol.

So the dark early days of 1860 into 1861 are as good of a spot as any to intro you to his work.

“We are getting very close to meeting our objectives as we consider winding down our great Military efforts in the Middle East with respect to the Terrorist Regime of Iran: (1) Completely degrading Iranian Missile Capability, Launchers, and everything else pertaining to them. (2) Destroying Iran’s Defense Industrial Base. (3) Eliminating their Navy and Air Force, including Anti Aircraft Weaponry.”

“(4) Never allowing Iran to get even close to Nuclear Capability, and always being in a position where the USA can quickly and powerfully react to such a situation, should it take place. (5) Protecting, at the highest level, our Middle Eastern Allies, including Israel, Saudi Arabia, Qatar, the UAE, Bahrain, Kuwait, and others. The Hormuz Strait will have to be guarded and policed, as necessary, by other Nations who use it — The US does not! If asked, we will help these Countries in their Hormuz efforts, but it shouldn’t be necessary once Iran’s threat is eradicated. Importantly, it will be an easy Military Operation for them” posted convicted felon President Trump on Friday.

Who feels like chicken TACOs? Now not everyone likes Taco Bell, sure, but it’s the only national chain you can order one with a Doritos shell for an accurate color for an authentic experience.

Spandex-wearing grapple-freak Jim Jordan’s House Judiciary Committee subpoenaed Arlington, Virginia DA Parisa Dehghani-Tafti seeking records on the alleged “political bias” that led her office to not really give a shit about libs whose protests led the Millers to go hide on a military base where they can instead be harassed by mysterious drones no one can stop, the Washington Post reports.

“Every decision made in my office rests on two things, and two things only – the facts and the law. That standard applies whether a matter involves a President’s aide, a local business owner, or a neighbor down the street,” Dehghani-Tafti said in a statement. “Chairman Jordan’s subpoena is an overreach, a trespass on state and local sovereignty with no legitimate federal interest.”

Convicted felon President Trump has been repeatedly asking how his birthday June 14th can be made into a national federal holiday, Zeteo reports, adding that he hasn’t dropped the stupid Mount Rushmore ambition either, with Zeteo writing he how the fat bastard keeps telling his minions how he is “a more accomplished president than some of those faces on the memorial.” Worth noting again is that it really is not possible to add another face to the South Dakota monument given the geological/spatial constraints that aren’t obvious from photos or observation deck-level.

The unfit and illegitimate president has naturally also “repeatedly inquired about” having a Donald Trump monument built somewhere in DC, as he wants final approval of the statue’s look.