“APPLY TODAY! HELP GET-OUT-THE-VOTE FOR PRESIDENT TRUMP! Turnout for Trump has one purpose: To translate President Trump’s massive, once-in-a-generation support among voters across America into a grassroots door-to-door Get-Out-The-Vote army. All we do is canvass neighborhoods in Battleground States, knocking on doors to get people out to vote. If you’re interested in being part of the door-to-door army supporting the President, sign up today,” says the home page of TurnoutForTrump.com, encouraging fans to apply for paid canvasser positions for the Orange God Emperor’s effort to return to the White House to end American democracy.

At the bottom of the page it says “Paid for by Turnout for America and not authorized by any candidate or candidate’s committee. turnoutforamerica.org,” which had us fooled because the fat bastard himself posted “New Job opportunities are available to help GET OUT THE VOTE FOR TRUMP! Visit turnoutfortrump.com/ to apply. We must SWAMP THE VOTE!” late Sunday night. That such a disclaimer is present and that Trump went ahead and promoted it anyway carries the vague air of some sort of FEC violation, but we’re not under any illusion any enforcement is forthcoming.

A new survey by Republican pollster SoCal Strategies finds Dem Ohio Senator Sherrod Brown leading MAGA clown Bernie Moreno 50 to 45 percent among likely voters in the Buckeye State.

The poll also found convicted felon former President Trump leading Vice President Kamala Harris 52 to 43 percent in the state. “Despite Sherrod Brown’s lead, Ohio voters say they’d rather have a Republican controlled senate by a 5 percent margin. This finding suggests Brown has successfully separated himself from his party in the eyes of Ohioans,” SoCal says in their write-up.

Vice President Kamala Harris will celebrate Labor Day with union members in Detroit.

“This garbage is pure fiction which sensationalizes lies that have been long debunked. As with the illegal Biden Trials, this is election interference by Hollywood elites, who know that President Trump will retake the White House and beat their candidate of choice because nothing they have done has worked. This ‘film’ is pure malicious defamation, should not see the light of day, and doesn’t even deserve a place in the straight-to-DVD section of a bargain bin at a soon-to-be-closed discount movie store, it belongs in a dumpster fire,” said large-headed Trump spokesman Steven Cheung in a May 20 statement to Vanity Fair about Trump biopic The Apprentice getting rave reviews at Cannes.

“This garbage is pure fiction which sensationalizes lies that have been long debunked. As with the illegal Kamala witch-hunts, this is election interference by Hollywood elites right before November, who know that President Trump will retake the White House and beat their candidate of choice because nothing they have done has worked. This ‘film’ is pure malicious defamation, should never see the light of day, and doesn’t even deserve a place in the straight-to-DVD section of a bargain bin at a soon-to-be-closed discount movie store, it belongs in a dumpster fire,” said large-headed Trump spokesman Steven Cheung in a September 1 statement to Deadline about Trump biopic The Apprentice getting a domestic distribution deal and being set for an October release in US theaters.

Now-former WKYC meteorologist Hollie Strano on Monday shared with her fans the news that she had been fired over her Thanksgiving 2023 drunk driving arrest, the Akron Beacon Journal reports.

“I am sad to share that after 22 plus years of dedicated work, WKYC and [affiliate owner] Tegna decided to terminate my employment after I shared my recovery journey publicly,” Strano wrote in a Facebook post about the career change. “I believe the actions of WKYC and Tegna demonstrate the stigma surrounding addiction that so many in our community experience every day,” she continued.

Agents with the Department of Homeland Security on Monday seized Venezuelan dictator Nicholas Maduro’s plane from an airfield in the Dominican Republican and flew it to Florida, CNN reports.

“This sends a message all the way up to the top,” a DHS official told CNN. “Seizing the foreign head of state’s plane is unheard-of for criminal matters. We’re sending a clear message here that no one is above the law, no one is above the reach of US sanctions.” The plane, valued at approximately $13 million had been sitting in the DR for several months, but officials didn’t disclose why.

Republican Montana Senate candidate Tim Sheehy, a douchebag with a lousy business record and a history of contradictory statements about how he got shot while serving in the military, is also a bit too comfortable with members of the Crow Nation in the state, as Char-Koosta News obtained audio of Sheehy saying he enjoys working the ranch Crow members, and that it’s “a great way to bond with all the Indians while they’re drunk at 8:00 AM” at a November 2023 campaign event.

A few days later Sheehy said the Crow will “let you know when they like you or not, if Coors Light cans flying by your head… They respect that” while marching in their parade. Sounds like Timmy’s zeroing in on a great way to win over voters who think Indigenous Americans are drunks.

The wreck of the RMS Titanic is falling apart due to the lack of regular maintenance to prevent corrosion from being immersed in seawater, as a team of researchers in operating a properly constructed underwater probe announced they’ve found that a large section of the railing on the ship’s bow having fallen off in recent years during a recent inspection, the BBC reports.

“The bow of Titanic is just iconic – you have all these moments in pop culture – and that’s what you think of when you think of the shipwreck. And it doesn’t look like that any more,” said Tomasina Ray, director of collections at RMS Titanic Inc, the company that carried out the expedition. “It’s just another reminder of the deterioration that’s happening every day. People ask all the time: ‘How long is Titanic going to be there?’ We just don’t know but we’re watching it in real time.”

It’s not clear what if anything can be done to prevent the further deterioration of the wreck. Even if applying a fresh coat of paint would be the least impractical option it would still be pretty goddamned impractical given the extreme hostility of the environment where the ship lies.

Cops in Tunisia on Monday arrested Ayachi Zammel just hours before the state electoral commission was to certify his candidacy for next month’s ballot as a challenger to autocratic incumbent President Kais Saied, the pretext being that Zammel lied about endorsements, Al-Jazeera reports.

This is where we would either go on sarcastically for a couple of paragraphs about how this is election interference or tediously rattle off a list of offenses that Zammel had not been accused of, such as inciting a mob to attack Tunisian parliament or stealing classified documents and hoarding them in a toilet, but how many more times can we remix that tune? You all already know the beat.

American right wingers are probably similarly just going to skip over this one too, even though some tiresome and predictably myopic whining about how Kais Saied is just like Joe Biden and Kamala Harris would be not much more than a copy and paste job from their previous minimal efforts.

5 Labor Day mattress deals you won't want to miss https://t.co/Kdc8RPm5L2

— Fox News (@FoxNews) September 2, 2024

Giving in to pressure from convicted felon former President Trump and his fanatic loyalists in the House GOP, Jesus Dork Speaker Mike Johnson is preparing to move forward on a plan to fund the government only through March 2025 in a continuing resolution with the SAVE Act attached, meaning that unless a moronic and redundant law to require proof of citizenship to vote in federal elections is signed into law, the government will shut down, Punchbowl News reports.

“Will this work? No. First, it’ll be difficult for Johnson to get 218 votes for this proposal. There are a lot of House Republicans who just won’t vote for any CR. The hope in the GOP leadership is that Johnson will gain Republican votes by inserting the SAVE Act. But moderate Republicans and those in swing districts have little to gain here by threatening a shutdown just five weeks before Election Day,” Punchbowl writes, not even bothering with speculating what will actually end up happening beyond “The Senate won’t go for it – including some Republicans – and the White House will say no.”

President Joe Biden will make his first campaign trail appearance for his chosen successor Vice President Kamala Harris on Monday with a joint stop at a union hall in Pittsburgh, CNN reports.

It will however be the only time the pair will share the stage in the near term, as Harris will scale back her public appearances to focus on preparing for the crucial September 10th debate against convicted felon former President Trump on ABC News. The president will spend the next five days hitting the road in the Blue Wall, with events also scheduled for Michigan and Wisconsin.

Demonstrations of public outrage against Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu’s government failing to secure a peace deal with Hamas continued Monday following the deaths of six hostages abducted into Gaza during the horrific October 7th, 2023 attacks, with labor leaders calling for a general strike as crowds estimated to be 500,000 strong flooded the streets of major cities, Reuters reports.

“Hvaldimir,” the white Beluga whale suspected of being a Russian-trained spy mammal – on account of him being strapped with a camera-mounter harness that said “Equipment St Petersburg” in Cyrillic – has turned up dead in one of the Norwegian fjords he was known to frequent over the past five years or so, the Associated Press reports on a chainsaw gig for Robert F Kennedy Jr.

The 14-foot long whale – whose nickname was a clever portmanteau of hvald (“whale” in Norwegian) and Vladimir, for his boss, Russian dictator Vladimir Putin – was a beloved figure who enjoyed playing with locals despite his ostensible mission to spy on Norwegian civil and military infrastructure, known to follow people around and even respond to hand signals.

“Unfortunately, we found Hvaldimir floating in the sea. He has passed away but it’s not immediately clear what the cause of death is,” said marine biologist Sebastian Strand, who told local media he had examined the whale’s corpse and found no evidence of external injuries. Strand said he’d been following Hvaldimir’s movements for the past three years and was deeply affected by his death. “It’s absolutely horrible,” Strand said, adding that the whale had seemed happy and healthy. “He was apparently in good condition as of (Friday). We have to figure out what might have happened here.”

Germany’s far right extremist Alternative for Deutschland Party (AfD) made some serious gains in Sunday’s state elections, placing first in the eastern state of Thuringia with a third of the vote and grabbing a close second in neighboring Saxony, the BBC reports on the first state parliamentary win for a nationalist party in Germany since World War II. The victory in Thuringia is mostly symbolic however, as the other parties are very unlikely to want to work with the AfD and will form a coalition to shut them out of governance in the state. Obviously they can forget about it in Saxony too.

Still, the gains in the poorer, formerly communist east were a foreboding sign of AfD’s momentum going in the wrong direction for a country that prides itself on being a modern, plural democracy it infamously was not eight decades ago. “The AfD is damaging Germany. It is weakening the economy, dividing society and ruining our country’s reputation,” Chancellor Olaf Schultz said.

.⁦@KamalaHarris⁩ looking for 'escape hatch' to get out of @ABC debate against President ⁦@realDonaldTrump⁩

“[T]he Harris team's push to change the terms of the upcoming ABC debate and election integrity ahead of the November faceoff.” https://t.co/ThIm1jRn4a

— Jason Miller (@JasonMillerinDC) September 1, 2024

In a long, rambly interview with angry little man Mark Levin aired Sunday, angry obese man Donald Trump said “It’s so crazy that my poll numbers go up. Whoever heard – you get indicted for interfering with a presidential election where you have every right to do it – you get indicted and your poll numbers go up,” per CNN. Trump also told Levin that the way his 2024 opponent, Vice President Kamala Harris, “treated Mike Pence was horrible,” referring to their 2020 Vice Presidential debate, even though it was Trump himself who kind of tried to get Pence killed a few months later.

A 62 year-old California man has filed a lawsuit against the Venetian Resort and Casino in Las Vegas alleging that the staff of the hotel knew the place had been infested with poisonous scorpions and failed to do anything about it before one of the vicious arachnids crawled into his room and stung him in the balls while he was asleep during his stay over Christmas 2023, resulting in ongoing post-traumatic stress and a decreased ability to function sexually after the attack, KLAS reports.

Scorpion balls sting victim Michael Farchi has retained a high-powered lawyer specializing in a similar field: “My Bed Bug Lawyer” Brian Virag, who told KLAS he “can also indicate, as you saw in the complaint, we’re also making a claim for loss of consortium for Mr Farchi’s wife,” before clarifying that “consortium” meant fucking. Farchi’s complaint alleges the Venetian had been aware of an “infestation of poisonous, deadly scorpions,” and the staff mocked him by grabbing their crotches after he told them what had happened to his loins. “It really doesn’t matter, so much, how [the scorpion] got there. The fact that it was there and they were on notice that there were prior issues of scorpions at the subject property that’s obviously the main point here,” said Virag.