A Grovetown, Georgia woman was arrested Tuesday after “simulating a sex act” with random cars in the parking lots of a PetSense, a Taco Bell, and a T-Mobile store, the Augusta Chronicle reports.

The unnamed 30 year-old woman, known to deputies with the Columbia County Sheriff’s Office for her history of “irrational behavior,” was first approached in the PetSense lot at 10 AM on Tuesday after bystanders called about her screaming and car-fucking while waving around an empty plastic Starbucks cup. Deputies told her stop and warned they would arrest her if they got another call.

Two hours later they got that call. Witnesses at the Taco Bell location reported the car-fucker was back at it. Deputies arrived but she had already left. Then 911 got a call from the nearby T-Mobile about – yup – more screaming loud car-fucking. This time the Starbucks cup was filled with booze, which she poured on one of the cops and kicked him in the leg. The woman was booked on three counts of willful obstruction of a law enforcement officer and public drunkenness.

Vice President Kamala Harris’s vote count in the still-ongoing virtual roll call vote to become the 2024 Democratic presidential nominee officially crossed the 2,350 mark on Friday, making her only the second female major party presidential candidate in US history, CBS News reports.

“I am so proud to confirm that Vice President Harris has earned more than a majority of votes from all convention delegates and will be the nominee of the Democratic Party following the close of voting on Monday,” said DNC chair Jaime Harrison on a call with Harris’s campaign. “Today is special, we can proudly say we will have the first woman of color at the top of a major party ticket.”

WARNING: “Phantom Voters” Registered In Key Swing States Could Cost Trump The 2024 Election — OAN VIDEO https://t.co/gRXatvRBBs

— The Gateway Pundit (@gatewaypundit) August 2, 2024

HOLY SMOKES! BREAKING! WOW! This is MASSIVE for Pod Save America listeners and several dozen other hardcore Democratic Party insider nerds: Politico Playbook reports longtime veteran Democrat guy – some would probably say he’s like a “guru” or even a “legend” – DAVID PLOUFFE is joining Vice President Kamala Harris’s campaign. That’s VERY BIG NEWS for some people.

Anything we can pick up to avoid giving into impulse and reporting “news” like the Hodge Twins telling Brenden Dilley to stop “sucking the [Trump] campaign’s dick” after Dilley responded angrily to the Hodges calling Chris LaCivita a clown, even if that’s more inside our comfort zone than the Plouffe guy. We’ve heard he’s a pro but he’s no Brenden Dilley… even if that’s a good thing.

“In a life otherwise devoid of accomplishment (eg dropping out of college, failing as a minor league baseball player, starting a series of sketchy businesses), your nominations by the Republican Party were signal honors, without which you would have never served as a member of the Georgia General Assembly or the Lieutenant Governor of this Great State. You repaid this debt of gratitude with a single, largely self embarrassing term in office as Lieutenant Governor.”

“As Chairman of the Georgia Republican Party, I write to demand that you cease referring to yourself as a Republican. You are not one. Your lapses and failings as Lieutenant Governor alone are insufficient to forfeit your claim to membership in our party. But your desperate and ridiculous endorsements of Joe Biden and now Kamala Harris for President, coupled with your inexplicable opposition in 2022 to Burt Jones and Herschel Walker, not to mention your comical attempt to run for President as an independent candidate, are violations of the oaths of loyalty you repeatedly swore when you qualified as a Republican candidate for office,” writes Georgia GOP chair Josh McKoon in an open letter to former Lt Governor Geoff Duncan for the sin of endorsing Kamala Harris.

A new national survey of registered voters by Scott Rasmussen’s RMG Research finds Vice President Kamala Harris leading convicted felon former President Trump 47 to 42 percent with brainwormed independent candidate Robert F Kennedy Jr in a distant third at 6 percent support.

This is not to be confused with “Rasmussen Reports,” the company founded by Scott Rasmussen that he sold off in 2013 to some right wing freak who just makes shit up to feed MAGA narratives.

We’re going to get a shit ton of “Who cares about fucking Catturd and Forgiatio Blow and Kyle Rittenhouse?!?” comments but this is too goddamned funny to leave alone. Sorry not sorry.

I knew these were coming soon – 😂

— Catturd ™ (@catturd2) August 2, 2024

For how quickly they turn on their own for standing up for his murderous “principles” and walking away from an unreliable and demented scumbag of a leader. And no, that’s not “praise” for Rittenhouse, who by rights should be in prison for the next several decades at least right now, it’s simply acknowledging the root cause of all his “friends” turning on him so hilariously.

Taiwanese boxer Lin Yu-ting won a 3-0 decision against Uzbekistan’s Sitora Turdibekova in Paris on Friday, Fox News reported with great alacrity, thereby dooming Americans to suffer through at least another few days of shrieking from right wing demagogues over Lin and Algerian Imane Khelif’s questionable prior disqualifications from an IBA tournament last year due to having elevated levels of testosterone… which is now somehow a winning message to American voters about Kamala Harris.

That Turdibekova went three full rounds rather than tap out after 46 seconds will of course be lost on the screaming dipshits unwilling to consider that Lin and Khelif are cisgender women.

Asked on Friday whether he would grab his balls and debate Vice President Kamala Harris on ABC News as scheduled next month, convicted felon former President Trump told Fox News idiot Maria Bartiromo “Well, I want to. Right now I say, ‘Why should I do a debate?’ I’m leading in the polls, and everybody knows her, everybody knows me,” thereby revealing that his campaign’s line of “she’s not officially the nominee yet so we can’t commit” from last week was complete bullshit.

The part about “I’m leading in the polls” would indicate where he’s going with this. Harris actually pulled slightly ahead of the fat bastard this week in the FiveThirtyEight average, but that’s neither here nor there especially when he’s got a whole galaxy of right wing circlejerk pollsters that will show him up by 9 percent that he can cite if he bitches out and choses that as his excuse.

Which means the real question is whether he believes his minions and his fanbase will actually buy that line based on what Rasmussen or Trafalgar say while the MSM pollsters paint it as a close race.

You must stand by your principles. https://t.co/EHSOxPxez4

— Kyle Rittenhouse (@ThisIsKyleR) August 2, 2024

Fat teenage vigilante-turned-acquitted double-murdered Kyle Rittenhouse on Thursday announced his official undorsement of convicted felon former President Trump due to what Rittenhouse sees as the Orange God Emperor’s less-than-absolutist record on the Second Amendment. Rittenhouse, now a gun rights advocate since that’s really the only job he can get, said he’s writing in former Congressman Ron “ItsHappening.gif” Paul, father of really short Kentucky Senator Rand Paul.

A new report by the Washington Post connects the dots between convicted felon former President Trump’s late October 2016 self-funding of $10 million to his campaign, a $10 million cash withdrawal of sovereign funds held in US currency from a Cairo branch of the state-run National Bank of Egypt by intelligence agents circa January 15th, 2017, and a federal criminal investigation starting that year that was later squashed by Attorney General Bill Barr, who sources say blocked FBI agents from obtaining the bank records necessary to continue pursuing the fat fuck’s boundless corruption.

“A key theory investigators pursued, based on intelligence and on international money transfers, was that Trump was willing to provide the funds to his campaign in October 2016 because he expected to be repaid by [still-currently-reigning Egyptian dictator Abdel Fatah] El-Sisi, according to people familiar with the probe,” the Post writes summarizing the not-at-all unbelievable textbook bribery.

It’s not even just on Trump’s end either considering what just happened to soon-to-be-ex-Senator Bob Menendez, who took freaking gold bars from El-Sisi’s regime. The detailed leak to the Post is also (hopefully) just the first taste of what we anticipated going into the home stretch of this election year: that Joe Biden isn’t going to repeat Barack Obama’s mistakes and passivity in the final months in 2016. Anything and everything that can be dug up and weaponized against the Orange Menace must be deployed to damage him on the margins. Donald spent four years failing to lead the nation, far more documents than Mark Meadows could burn in his fireplace during the last week of their maladministration sits at the ready, so here’s hoping much more of it sees daylight.

“My view on this has been very clear, and I think the question betrays a certain presumption that’s wrong. It’s not whether women should be forced to bring a child to term, it’s whether a child should be allowed to live even though the circumstances of that child’s birth are somehow inconvenient or a problem to the society,” said eyeliner-wearing Senator JD Vance in a 2021 podcast interview with Spectrum News, just another bad look for the couchfucker surfacing again on Thursday.

As did his comments from the same year about Olympic gymnast Simone Biles, saying the praise she received for stepping away from competition in that year’s Tokyo games “reflects pretty poorly on our sort of therapeutic society that we try to praise people, not for moments of strength, not for moments of heroism, but for their weakest moments,” being printed by the New York Times on the day Biles won her sixth gold medal for the US, making her the winningest gymnast of all time.

#NEWS: @Jim_Jordan Demands Documents from Loren Merchan, President of Authentic Campaigns Inc. and a former Kamala Harris campaign staffer.

Loren Merchan’s father, Judge Juan Merchan, presided over President Trump’s trial and refused to recuse himself despite the apparent… pic.twitter.com/sJ002k4ake

— House Judiciary GOP 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 (@JudiciaryGOP) August 1, 2024

Spandex-wearing grapple freak Congressman Jim Jordan on Thursday belatedly realized 11 days into Vice President Kamala Harris’s presidential campaign that Judge Juan Merchan’s daughter Loren did some consulting work for the veep’s failed 2020 primary campaign and then the not-failed Biden-Harris 2020 campaign. So Jordan did what he always does: send Loren a letter full of impotent whining, two months after Loren’s father presided over a trial in which 12 New Yorkers convicted Jordan’s Orange God Emperor on 34 felony counts of falsifying business records.

As had been hinted in contemporaneous reporting, the delay in convicted felon former President Trump taking the stage at Wednesday’s National Association of Black Journalists panel interview was not due to some audio equipment issues – ones that were minor and resolved well before the fat bastard finally sat down, but because there was a standoff over whether interviewers Rachel Scott and Kadia Goba could fact-check him in real-time, NABJ president Ken Lemon tells Axios.

“[Trump’s team] said, ‘Well, can you not fact check? He’s not going to take the stage if you fact-check,'” said Lemon, adding Trump only caved when Lemon was ready to cancel. “I was prepared to go on stage to craft a statement, saying he decided not to go on stage because of fact-checking… we couldn’t compromise on that.” Lemon also said Trump’s team eventually asked NABJ not to post the fact-checking on its social media platforms or allow moderator Rachel Scott to disclose that there would be fact-checking. That’s a lot of uses of the phrase “fact-checking” when in reality it’s simply a euphemism for “calling out bullshit lies and white nationalist demagoguery.”

Really that’s what this is: Trump did not want to be called out in public in a situation he otherwise was not in control of and he almost fucked off until Ken Lemon called his bluff. Describing this as “a dispute over fact-checking” obfuscates this very naked example of the Orange Slob’s cuntish sense of entitlement to create his own reality crumbling under the stricter demands of actual reality.

VP Kamala Harris’s campaign says they raised a staggering $310 million in July and have $377 million in cash on hand, $200 million of that was raised in the first week, CNN’s Manu Raju reports.

The haul means not only did they more than double Trump’s haul of $138 million for the month, but they’re ahead of the fat bastard’s campaign in cash on hand by more than $50 million.

Recognizing that its new decision would not just get appealed to the Supreme Court but that it upended decades of the appeal court’s own precedent, the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that diverse groups could not join together to challenge election rules that dilute minorities’ voting rights, NBC News reports.

In an 11-6 ruling, with one Republican appointee joining all five Democratic judges in dissent, the Republicans stated that the Voting Rights Act doesn’t provide for groups to band together to push for reform; instead, each class of voters must make their cases individually.

“Nowhere does Section 2 indicate that two minority groups may combine forces to pursue a vote dilution claim,” Judge Edith Jones, a Reagan appointee, wrote. “On the contrary, the statute identifies the subject of a vote dilution claim as ‘a class,’ in the singular, not the plural.”

February’s Smokehouse Creek Fire that scorched more than a million acres of the Texas panhandle and killed thousands of head of cattle was sparked by a privately-owned electrical wire powering an oil well that fell from a disintegrating telephone, the Texas Tribune reports.

Famously underregulated, Texas does not monitor or inspect power cables that run on private property even if they’re split off from Texas’s failing power grid.  In the case of the Smokehouse Creek Fire, the power line that sparked the blaze was owned by Xcel Energy.

The Tribune report details how at least three other fires were started by faulty, privately-owned power lines.  In one case, conduits were improperly installed, leading to lines sparking in wind.  Another contractor strung three power lines through a small tree, which eventually caught fire and caused the Windy Deuce Fire, which burned 140,000 acres.

A new nugget of information relating to Wednesday’s assassination of one of Hamas’s leaders while he was in Iran:  while early media reports coming out of Iran stated he was killed in a strategic, precise airstrike, the New York Times reports that Ismail Haniyeh was actually killed by a bomb that had been planted in the guesthouse he was staying in about two months ago.

Confirmed by multiple officials including one American and two Iranians, the report outlines that the bomb was smuggled into the compound run by Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guard in northern Teheran.  The political leader of Hamas working out of Qatar, Haniyeh had stayed at the guesthouse during previous trips to Teheran.

Incumbent Republican Senator Marsha Blackburn will attempt to fend off a challenge from state representative Gloria Johnson following the results of Tennessee’s oddly scheduled statewide primary, according to the Tennessean.  Neither candidate faced serious opposition.

One of three members of the state house who were censured for joining an anti-gun violence protest in the chamber’s gallery, Johnson received the least severe punishment of the group for a fairly obvious reason.  While articles ousting all three were brought to the floor for a vote, the Republican-dominated legislature voted to expel Johnson’s two colleagues, two young Black men, but not Johnson, a white woman.  Her two colleagues, Justin Jones and Justin Pearson, eventually regained their seats in special elections.

“But the dust is starting to settle and we’re picking up a few clues,” supersleuth with Velcro-tied shoes Jesse Watters declares.  “The media barely covered Trump’s comments today.  If these comments were supposed to be devastating to the Trump campaign, the media would be playing it every hour.  If this was so explosive, why didn’t Kamala capitalize on it?  She put out a bland paper statement last night but never brought it up again.  They haven’t cut an ad.  Her surrogates aren’t going wall-to-wall.