Convicted felon former President Trump on Tuesday told CNN that he’s “open” to Brainwormed independent candidate Robert F Kennedy Jr’s offer to end his presidential bid and endorse fat Donald in exchange for a promise of a job in a second Reich should Trump win in November.

“I like him, and I respect him,” Trump said after his rambling speech in Michigan. “He’s a brilliant guy. He’s a very smart guy. I’ve known him for a very long time. I didn’t know he was thinking about getting out, but if he is thinking about getting out, certainly I’d be open to it.”

The whole thing was supposed to be a secret until video of Kennedy making the offer last month surfaced and Trump’s campaign talked him out of accepting it. Then on Tuesday Bobby’s running mate Nicole Shanahan just openly confirmed that they were looking at this for an exit plan.

The first night combined broadcast audience share of the DNC’s first night across 44 media markets was 21 percent higher than the RNC’s last month, as the Dems drew 11.4 million viewers to the Republicans’ 9.4 million, Fox TV ratings analyst Michael Mulvihill reports, while cautioning that this is preliminary and could shrink significantly with full national numbers. Mulvihill also mentions that the Dems’ night one broadcast was 2:15 long to the RNC’s one hour first night, and not knowing shit about ratings we have no idea if that makes it more or less of a win relative to the GOP’s.

In related news, Rolling Stone on Monday reported the Orange God Emperor is preemptively freaking out that Vice President Kamala Harris’s acceptance speech could draw more viewers than his.

Day Two of the Democratic National Convention means it’s also day two of the tired, demented old man’s attempts to draw attention back on himself, this time at a police station in Howell, Michigan, a town widely considered to be the Ku Klux Klan capitol of the Great Lakes State.

The scene at a Portage, Indiana Applebee’s on August 2nd was one of utter mayhem after a customer insisted that the $15.99 endless boneless wings, riblets and double crunch shrimp could be shared amongst a table of four rather than each pay that amount, USA Today reports.

“Words were exchanged,” the police report said of a manager’s visit to the table. The four female patrons told cops the manager became “very unprofessional” towards them, and that nowhere on the menu did it state the terms of the deal as “per person.” Spoiler Alert: The menu actually did in fact say “per Person” underneath the bold letterings of “All You Can Eat” on the insert promoting the endless meat nuggets. The responding officer found it right away and showed it to the group.

When a couple the cheap bastards had earlier tangled with over an unrelated matter were walking toward the exit, a 28 year-old woman among Team Endless became “very loud and disorderly, attracting the attention of other patrons,” screaming at the couple in front of the cops, prompting a warning of disorderly conduct. Another person on Team Endless tried to cover the woman’s mouth but were unable to quiet her verbal abuse, prompting police to arrest the 28 year-old. Cops stayed while one of Team Endless paid the group’s check for the full cost of the $15.99 per person deal.

Roadkill collector Robert F Kennedy Jr’s running mate Nicole Shanahan on Tuesday told some podcaster that Bobby may soon drop out of the race and endorse Trump – while getting nothing in return – because they don’t want to hurt Donald’s chances, Meidas Touch’s Ron Filipkowski reports.

A Greensboro, North Carolina man was arrested in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina last week, a day after he pointed a gun at two employees at Sugar Life Ice Cream & Candy Bar in a dispute over a refund for the candy he bought, WBTW reports on a balding white man losing it over petty bullshit.

Joshua Roger Kim was sought and pulled over on Thursday following the indicdent. As a bonus, cops found cocaine and weed in the car, further adding to Kim’s massive self-ownery. Over candy.

“In the US House, I think we not only have an opportunity to protect incumbents like Susan Wild, Matt Cartwright, Chris Deluzio, and I’m spending a lot of energy doing that, but mark my words. I think we got a chance to beat Scott Perry. This is a guy who literally went to the floor of the United States House of Representatives on January 6 after the mob that he encouraged left the floor, and he rose to his feet and lied about Pennsylvania. And said that the ballot that returned him to Congress was lawful, but the ballot that sent Joe Biden to the White House was not.”

“He is absolutely, fundamentally full of shit. The people of Pennsylvania know that, and I’m going to do everything in my power to defeat that guy. He is not a real patriot, and he is not someone who deserves a seat in the House of Representatives. He’s offended the good people of Pennsylvania, and he’s offended me,” said Pennsylvania Gov Josh Shapiro to reporters in Chicago on Tuesday.

CNN gave us our 15 seconds of fame by sharing my Swifties for Trump satire post: pic.twitter.com/FFUGKDV4z1

— @amuse (@amuse) August 20, 2024

Then again what else is “Amuse” supposed to say when an image clearly labeled “satire” gets in front of his Orange Allah who immediately thinks it means Taylor Swift endorsed him and writes “I accept,” does “Amuse” jus- Damn. Trump really is that much of a fucking simp. The gravity of it didn’t really sink in until we summarized it just now. He really thought these kids jerking off on Twitter with AI pics (one of them was definitely real) meant that Swift herself had endorsed him.

Like people rip their hair out wondering why the most cunty and obtuse fans still want to vote for a criminal, racist, fraud, fascist, traitor, rapist etc. It’s because they either think of Trump as badass and those flaws are somehow virtues or they rationalize their way around it. Continuing to love and worship their god becomes more difficult when he comes across as simply pathetic.

Which he’s been doing more frequently lately. There have been other stretches where Trump was weaker and smaller, but none of them as consequential for him and his fans as now. Like he seriously just got fucking catfished. That’s utterly humiliating to him and his voters. Point and laugh.

The crusading journalists at the Austin American-Statesman have blown the lid open on a hidden shadowy nationwide plot being devised by at least two of its largest corporations. Leaked menus obtained by reporters indicate that Starbucks will begin serving pumpkin spice-flavored beverages and snacks as early as this Thursday with Dunkin Donuts to follow on Wednesday the 28th.

Seriously the article’s sourcing from “leaks” or marketing materials makes it sound like it’s a grand jury investigation or secret military operation they’re learning about on background. Who the fuck likes pumpkin spice so much that they’re actually eagerly anticipating these rollouts?

The freaking article contains detailed knowledge of past patterns – “Like Starbucks, Dunkin’ Donuts also has yet to confirm a launch date for its pumpkin spice coffee. In past years, the coffee chain has offered its fall drinks slightly earlier than its competitor, Starbucks. In fact, just last year, customers could get pumpkin spice items as early as Aug 16th,” as if this is some kind of goddamn Mayan astronomical prophecy with cosmic implications and not shitty “autumn-themed” liquid sugar.

A new survey of Nebraska’s 2nd District finds Vice President Kamala Harris leading convicted felon former President Trump 50 to 42 percent among likely voters for the single electoral college vote with roadkill collector Bobby Kennedy Jr in third at 2 percent, the Nebraska Examiner reports.

The poll, conducted by GOP-friendly Remington Research Group, puts Harris’s lead outside the margin of error in a district where previous surveys had found a much tighter race between Joe Biden and the fat orange fuck, one that Team Biden had pinned their hopes on being literally the 270th electoral college vote as their strategy had been to defend only Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin, while leaving Arizona, Georgia, and Nevada pretty much uncontested. It’s also why Trump had screamed at Nebraska Republicans to end apportioning electoral votes by district.

And then he bitched out of it when Maine Democrats threatened to retaliate by doing the same immediately, which would have actually been the riskier outcome for Trump. NE-2 flipped to Biden after Trump held it in 2016 following Romney’s flip in 2012, while ME-2 was red in both 2016 and 2020. Which meant he could either try to win NE-2 outright and net one more electoral vote or he could rig it and then net zero more electoral votes – which would have definitely made Biden’s Blue Wall-only plan easier. Now, whether this poll is accurate or not, the fate of American democracy seems extremely unlikely to come down to one single electoral vote in Nebraska or Maine.

Michelle Obama to give DNC a glimpse of Democrats’ dream candidate https://t.co/3cem51PWYS

— The Hill (@thehill) August 20, 2024

On Monday we mocked Newsmax for printing an article about Michelle Obama speaking at the DNC, saying it was meant to tantalize fans craving a “floor fight” between the former First Lady and Kamala Harris. Whether our estimate was accurate or not, the article itself didn’t actually make any mention whatsoever – neither in quotes or editorially – of presidential aspirations for Mrs Obama.

We can’t say the same about these fucking worms. A freaking propaganda mill like Newsmax manages to look like a paragon of integrity in comparison to the “objective” coverage at The Hill. It’s like somebody woke up one day and said “What if we launched a site that strived to embody all of the most negative canards about the political reporting from New York Times, Politico, Axios, etc but with a small fraction of the actual talent and production value going into that reporting? Just think of the clicks and ad revenue we’ll get with this kind of horseshit about Michelle Obama.”

Vice President Kamala Harris on Monday filed the paperwork to stand up a presidential transition team, a step that’s standard operating procedure months out from election day, CNN reports.

Listed as manager for the team is Yohannes Abraham, the current Indonesia-based US ambassador to the Association of Southeast Asian Nations, who also led Joe Biden’s transition four years ago.

Finally liberated from the daily grind of a tough job, Senator Bob Menendez will on Tuesday spend his last day representing the state of New Jersey, stepping into a new beginning of challenges and more than a little adventure as he faces what’s next in life: A lengthy federal prison sentence to be handed down on October 29th, then reporting for possibly the rest of his life in the clink for accepting cash, gold bars, and a Mercedes Benz from Egyptian and Qatari scumbags.

Which is actually kind of depressing when you think of it. Definitely not the kind of retirement one typically describes with saccharine platitudes like “new beginning” and “next adventure.” Really what’s next for Menendez is playing ping-pong with Sam Bankman-Fried and telling George Santos to fuck off when he asks for another cigarette when he’s already being a pack and a half in debt.

Former Trump White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham tells NBC News in a statement she’ll be speaking at the Democratic National Convention at some point this week. “I never thought I’d be speaking at a Democratic convention. But, after seeing firsthand who Donald Trump really is, and the threat he poses to our country, I feel very strongly about speaking out,” Grisham said, adding “While I don’t agree with Vice President Harris on everything, I am proud to be supporting her because I know she will defend our freedoms and represent our nation with honesty and integrity.”

Huh. On one hand Grisham went rogue a while ago so it’s not terribly surprising. On the other it is actually pretty goddamned extraordinary when you step back and think about it for a bit. There’s all these shades of recalcitrance from what little resistance there is left inside of the Republican Party and the former Trump regime. Like fucking Mitt Romney should grab his balls and be there, he’s retiring and he’s already voted twice to remove Trump from office, why not just take the last, natural step? Prick… Anyway, Grisham just earned a lot more of our respect for doing this. Anyone can write a tell-all book to cash in on their “betrayal” (which she did). This however is walking the walk.

Every little bit of the permission structure counts. Grisham, Adam Kinzinger, former Georgia Lt Gov Geoff Duncan, and all the everyday former MAGA voters stepping up rather than just saying they’re going to write in Ronald Reagan or whoever deserve sincere praise for going against the Reich.

“CLAIM: Rep Robert Garcia (D-CA) claimed during the first night of the DNC that Republican presidential nominee former President Trump told Americans ‘to inject bleach” into their bodies.'”

“VERDICT: False. As Breitbart News has previously reported, the White House transcript shows that Trump was talking about the future use of experimental ultraviolet (UV) light technology and how it could be used as a disinfectant. Trump questioned if it would be possible to ‘inject’ it into the human body but never suggested anyone should inject bleach.”

See that libs? You’ve been ANNIHILATED by the truth! It’s right here in Breitbart’s fact-check. Trump just questioned whether it was possible to treat COVID infections by injecting disinfectants and UV light into patients’ bodies! Simply having curiosity over such a novel approach to treating a deadly virus isn’t a sign of a lack of intelligence, but quite the opposite! He deserves four more years!

The story of MAGA US Air Force veteran and Republican former Holyoke, Massachusetts city councilman-turned Russian army drone operator Wilmer Puello-Mota sounds like a not particularly imaginative lib’s stereotype of a MAGA shitbag, especially the part where he ran for the seat without disclosing that he had been under indictment for possession of child pornography in neighboring Rhode Island since 2020 and had fled the country ahead of a court date earlier this year.

And yet it’s all true, according to NBC News, who report that Puello-Mota appeared in a recent Russian army propaganda video filmed in Ukraine’s eastern Donbass region, saying “I’m from Boston, Massachusetts, and I served 10 years in the US Air Force, some years in the Massachusetts International Guard, and I did two years as a city councilor,” and described by Moscow’s Defense Ministry as both an “American with Russian citizenship” and a “former American citizen.” They didn’t mention that he’s a fugitive from American justice who was caught by cops possessing nude images of a 17 year-old girl he met in a Warwick, Rhode Island hotel room some time in early 2020.

Puello-Mota’s defense lawyer, John Cicilline (brother of Dem former Rhode Island Congressman David Cicilline – whole other can of worms with John, lol), told the Boston Globe that in January he called his client ahead of a hearing where he was expected to plead guilty. That’s when Puello-Mota told him he would not be available to attend court. “He said, ‘I joined the Russian army,’ or something like that. I thought he was joking,” Cicilline said, adding, “I’m sure he joined the Russian army because he didn’t want to register as a sex offender.” It’s not clear how Puello-Mota was able to escape the US while facing charges though reports suggest he entered Russia via Turkey.

NBC cites the Globe article stating that Puello-Mota “was aligned with conservative council members who supported former President Donald Trump” during his 2021-2023 term on the council.

Brainwormed independent presidential candidate Robert F Kennedy Jr’s campaign is just about $400,000 in the black with $3.9 million cash on hand and $3.5 million in debt, Politico reports

Despite holding no actual rallies in July the bid managed to spend $7 million during the month, while weirdo “running mate” Nicole Shanahan apparently cut Kennedy off after dumping at least $10 million into the ill-fated bid and his polling dropped into the single digits. Probably didn’t help with fans that he tried to sell out to both the Trump and Harris campaigns in that stretch too.

A woman in an undisclosed location in China suffered bites and lacerations to her hands after a live mantis shrimp she had been trying to stick into a boiling pot on her table suddenly realized it didn’t want to die and attacked her in an incident documented on TikTok, the New York Post reports.

Monday is President Joe Biden’s big night and his long goodbye but there are plenty of other speakers on the slate, including Texas Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett, scheduled for 9 PM.

Oh and the AP reports the lefty protestors have broken through the perimeter.

British tech billionaire Mike Lynch is missing and probably dead after a freak waterspout sank his yacht where it had been moored off the coast of Sicily early Monday morning, just months after the 59 year-old was acquitted in US federal court on charges he had fraudulently inflated the value of his company before entering a deal to sell it to Hewlett Packard, NBC News reports.

Take that you prick. The bad news is that one other passenger is confirmed dead and six more are listed as missing. The good news is that a one year-old girl and her parents miraculously survived.