Hi Marjorie! I’m Brigitte and I’m the queen in the clip. I’m born female and not a man. You are just proving that gender is socially constructed and have no idea what you’re talking about and why you should have no say in our lives. https://t.co/VjG81j2fO3

— Brigitte Bandit💘 (@BrigitteBandit) June 26, 2024

A nonbinary Texas drag queen who was labeled as female when born points out to Republican Georgia missing link Marjorie Taylor Greene that her gender stereotypes and biases are hilariously wrong.  Under laws proposed by Republicans in their culture war–undertaken because they have no policies or accomplishments to run on–Brigitte Bandit would be allowed to perform in full drag regalia while her male counterparts could not.

A former Georgia Garda armored truck driver spending the next 63 months in a federal prison has a lot of free time to figure out what he might’ve done differently in that armed robbery he staged with the help of four other dudes he recruited via Snapchat, per WSB-TV. Maybe 28 year-old Terry Pollard should’ve tried to be more convincing to the cops who responded to the scene in North Charleston, South Carolina and became suspicious during their initial interview, alerting the FBI immediately. Maybe he should have been a little more discerning in picking his accomplices because they all pleaded guilty and he Pollard was the only one to take it to a jury that convicted him quickly.

But we’d have to think that maybe, just maybe, the one thing Pollard wishes he didn’t do was hold up a wad of cash from the stolen $1.4 million in a video posted to Snapchat by one of his co-defendants while they were celebrating after the robbery. That’s the kind of thing that jurors are allowed to draw one of those “adverse inferences” in deciding whether or no the accused is guilty.

CORRECTION: I fucked this up. Pollard was not the Garda driver, he was one of the recruits. All other details are accurate. Leaving article intact because it was funnier this way.

Bragg's office faces bar complaint alleging discrimination in 'diversity' hiring practices https://t.co/QodUnUSmrg

— Fox News (@FoxNews) June 26, 2024

Oh jeez. Bolivia’s army seems to be feeling kind of feverish and antsy, which is an early warning sign of the coups. Reuters reports heavily armed soldiers and armored vehicles were seen assembling in the capital city of La Paz’s Plaza Murillo and the president, Luis Arce, denounced the “irregular mobilization” of the troops he’s supposed to command. Definitely sounds like coup symptoms.

Everyone in Bolivia should have some chicken soup and take a nap or watch soap operas on the couch for a while instead of arresting and summarily executing bureaucrats loyal to the regime.

A Republican candidate for the Hennepin County, Minnesota Board of Commissioners is facing fifth degree assault charges for tossing a live tarantula at her roommate in a rented home, KARE reports.

Marisa Christina Simonetti, 30, was arrested on Friday, June 21 after the roommate called cops to report Simonetti trespassing into her side of the house screaming and throwing stuff, including the giant spider, at the other woman. It’s not Simonetti’s first brush with the law as her ex accused Simonetti of creating a phony Grindr account using his name and photo and messaging several men who then showed up at his house expecting sex. They have a child and mutual restraining orders.

A new Marquette University Law School survey finds President Biden leading convicted felon former President Trump 51 to 49 percent among likely voters in Wisconsin. Incumbent Dem Senator Tammy Baldwin leads assclown Republican challenger Eric Hovde 49 to 40 percent.

The US Supreme Court on Wednesday accidentally posted to its website a ruling in Moyle v Idaho over whether abortions in the case of medical emergencies are allowed, Bloomberg reports, their brief viewing of the decision long enough to see that the case was deemed “improvidently granted.”

Oh look, Kinzinger finally came out of the closet.

As usual, we knew all along, so not a surprise and none of us care. pic.twitter.com/e9Sjj5z6fv

— Marjorie Taylor Greene 🇺🇸 (@mtgreenee) June 26, 2024

Kenyan President William Ruto on Wednesday announced he’s backed down from a massive tax hike plan that had sparked violent and sometimes deadly protests, one of which saw former President Barack Obama’s half-sister Auma tear-gassed in Nairobi on Tuesday, Sky News reports

“Listening keenly to the people of Kenya who have said loudly that they want nothing to do with this finance bill 2024. I concede. And therefore, I will not sign the 2024 finance bill, and it shall subsequently be withdrawn,” Ruto said in the announcement of his surrender to the woke mob.

Police on Hawaii’s Big Island are investigating whether a 20 year-old Romanian man who on Monday emerged from a swim in the waters off Anaeho’omalu Bay in Waikoloa with bloody lacerations to his foot consistent with teeth marks was bitten by a shark, MauiNow.com reports.

It’s not clear why “consistent with” a shark bite isn’t enough to just say a shark bit the poor bastard since the available circumstantial evidence strongly indicates it was a shark. Unless they’re prepared to reveal knowledge of the existence of some kind of new form of predatory sea life previously unknown to the public they should just go ahead and blame a shark. Like what else is there to this “investigation” if the cops aren’t also considering that a radioactive bear with a mutated ability to breathe underwater found its way from Siberia to Hawaii? And if and when they find the shark and its teeth marks match perfectly to the bite are they going to say it “allegedly” bit the guy?

If we had to guess we would say this is Jesus Dork’s mini-“damage control” or “walkback” from a Tuesday night CNN bit in which he said all the MAGAverse’s accusations that Biden will be cocaine, Adderall, bath salts, or some kind of secret experimental super serum were “said in jest” and now Johnson has to at least nod at the whole narrative with “a gallon of energy drinks.”

The US Supreme Court on Wednesday ruled 6-3 that MAGA states lack standing to sue the federal government over COVID “censorship” on social media. Alito, Gorsuch, and Thomas dissented.

Verbatim from CNN’s Wednesday morning article hyping their big debate and on the Trump Campaign’s efforts to coax their Dear Leader into at least trying to act like an adult: “Sources close to the former president say that while Trump is aware of the gravity of Thursday’s debate and the importance of hammering a message, they acknowledged his propensity to veer into lengthy, off topic rants that leaves the possibility they may have fallout to manage come Friday morning.”

The reporting also details the convicted felon’s team are starting to come to terms with the idea that the lack of a live audience and automatic muting that they were pissed he got cornered into accepting might actually be helpful with getting him to stay “policy-based.” One “Trump ally” tells CNN “The moment Biden said to him ‘shut up man’ [during the 2020 debate], I knew we’d lose the election,” adding that the muted mics could ending up helping save Donald from himself.

The Orange Tyrant’s minions put the pedal to the metal over the last week on their contradictory Joe’s on drugs, the debate is rigged, it’ll be 3-on-1, he was actually pretty good against Paul Ryan in 2012, blah blah blah messaging after having learned the president was spending the week at Camp David prepping for the showdown, with CNN describing it as “a realization that one Trump adviser described as a turning point in their plans to try and raise the bar for how Biden may perform.”

“EVAN GERSHKOVICH, the young Wall Street Journal reporter who is being harshly detained in Russia as his ESPIONAGE TRIAL is about to begin, will be released prior to my taking office if I WIN the Election on NOVEMBER 5th. Crooked Joe can’t do anything right, although it is likely that he will pay $BILLIONS, which continues a very bad ‘Biden Precedent,’ to get Evan home. I got a record 58 hostages brought home, paying next to nothing. Putin has no respect for Biden – and that’s the way it goes!!! Fear not, Evan, I will get you home soon, and you will be safe while there!!!” posted convicted felon former President Trump on Wednesday, again revealing he’s been communicating with the Kremlin and prolonging Gershkovich’s ordeal for his own political gain.

Convicted felon former President Trump’s campaign legal team on Tuesday sent a cease and desist to the Pennsylvania Values PAC demanding they take down an ad accurately quoting the fat orange fuck in his years-long crusade against mail-in voting, something Team Trump have tried to reverse on knowing that it cost them at least a few winnable elections since 2020, NBC News reports.

“We are aware of your advertisement falsely claiming that President Trump has asked Pennsylvania voters not to vote by mail. This advertisement may constitute both a criminal and civil conspiracy to injure the rights of President Trump’s supporters to cast their ballots in Pennsylvania. Cease and desist broadcasting, or otherwise distributing via the internet or elsewhere, this false advertisement immediately and preserve all relevant documents in anticipation of likely litigation,” some shitbag Trump campaign lawyer wrote in the letter, which also mentioned the Ku Klux Klan Act as a potential criminal liability for the PAC. Sounds like they’re “over the target” as the fanboys say.

Jesus Dork Speaker Mike Johnson and his minions on the leadership team announced Wednesday that “The Bipartisan Legal Advisory Group voted 3-2 to file a brief with the DC Circuit in the case against Steve Bannon. The amicus brief will be submitted after Bannon files a petition for rehearing en banc and will be in support of neither party. It will withdraw certain arguments made by the House earlier in the litigation about the organization of the Select Committee to Investigate the January 6 Attack on the US Capitol during the prior Congress. House Republican Leadership continues to believe Speaker Pelosi abused her authority when organizing the Select Committee.”

The shorter version, per Politico’s Kyle Cheney, is that Bannon will all but certainly already be two weeks into his stay at the big hotel by the time the House GOP can file their brief to Los Supremos, something that was supposed to be banged out by this morning as reported Tuesday night.

During her Tuesday night CO-4 GOP primary victory party – accurate because she successfully pulled off the switch into the safer seat – far right Colorado Congresswoman Lauren Boebert admitted the chintzy gold sneakers she was wearing were not in fact convicted felon former President Trump’s $399 super-limited edition “Never Surrender High-Tops” that sold out quickly earlier this year, but a Chinese knock-off that sells for $99 at “Sporty Slip Ons,” Westword reports.

“These are very China, but I’m ok with that,” Boebert told a Westword reporter. “If I could’ve bought the OGs I would have.” The “Sporty Slip Ons” version of the gold Trump sneaker made the rounds on Twitter a few months ago when some libs mistakenly believed too quickly they were the fat fuck’s official brand. Maybe it was an understandable-ish error at first glance given that the page touts them as “Never Surrender Sneakers” and lists the price as “$399.99 $99.99,” clearly intended to sucker fanboys (and fangirls) into buying some piece of shit that cost a no doubt tiny fraction of that to manufacture, scamming those already scammed into wanting fucking Trump sneakers.

Too bad Boebert didn’t try to lie her way out of it. Would’ve been funnier to see a whole stupid mini-scandal spring from this. Maybe Trump’s campaign will send her a cease and desist warning.

Other Trump ballsucker Congressman Troy Nehls was spotted by Semafor’s Kadia Goba wearing either the genuine article or a more convincing knockoff outside the Capitol on Tuesday.

In a not-terribly unexpected but no doubt welcome move, “RINO” former Illinois Congressman Adam Kinzinger on Wednesday officially endorsed President Joe Biden for reelection, the AP reports.

“While I certainly don’t agree with President Biden on everything, and I never thought I’d be endorsing a Democrat for president, I know that he will always protect the very thing that makes America the best country in the world: our democracy,” Kinzinger said in a video, adding that Trump would “hurt anyone or anything in pursuit of power.” The AP notes that the support appears to be timed to hand Biden some ammo in Thursday night’s debate (where he will also be hopped up on Mountain Dew) and reach to moderate Republicans and indies sick of the MAGA bullshit.

“Crooked Joe Biden’s ‘Handlers’ are loudly and profusely complaining that there will be no Fact Checkers during the Debate on Thursday. Actually, that is just DISINFORMATION – They could not be happier, because there is nobody that’s as loose with the TRUTH as Crooked Joe. From the 51 Fake Intelligence Agents, to Russia, Russia, Russia, to the Fake ‘Suckers and Losers Story’ he created about our beloved Military, to cheating in College and saying he was first in his Law School Class when he was actually LAST, to claiming he marched for Civil Rights, drove trucks, and has a 6.2 Handicap (He can’t hit the Golf Ball 10 yards, but that’s a minor detail!), and so many more falsehoods, the man is a walking LYING MACHINE, and a Fact Checker’s DREAM. Maybe we should call him ‘Lyin’ Joe’ in addition to Crooked?” posted convicted felon former President Trump on Wednesday morning, worried he’s going to appear dishonest during Thursday’s CNN debate.