“Crazy Nancy Pelosi is more of a cognitive mess than Sleepy Crooked Joe. She also suffers from a terminal case of TDS, Trump Derangement Syndrome. She is a total nut job, who impeached me TWICE, and lost. Now I see her going around, barely, and saying that I am a threat to Democracy.”

“No, this is just Radical Left Democrat Disinformation, which is all that they’re good at. She’s trying to convince anyone that will listen that Crooked Joe is a mental giant, and in great form, which everyone knows, he is not. She’s just continuing the LIE to the American People. Crazy Nancy is a threat to Democracy, a very sick one – And remember, she took full responsibility for not doing her job on Jan 6. It was her fault, and I’d like to thank her daughter for supplying the tape of Nancy’s ‘confession,’ but what took so long? Hiding evidence is a crime!” posted convicted felon former President Trump on Tuesday, lying on top of lying for the fun of it or he actually believes this shit.

“National Park Service archeologists working at Minute Man National Historical Park recently discovered five musket balls that were fired during the world-changing event known as ‘The Shot Heard Round the World’ on April 19, 1775. Early analysis of the 18th-century musket balls indicates they were fired by colonial militia members at British forces during the North Bridge fight.”

“The North Bridge battle site in Concord, Massachusetts, is a key location within Minute Man NHP and marks the moment when provincial militia leaders ordered members to fire upon their own government’s soldiers for the first time. The event was later termed ‘The Shot Heard Round the World’ by Ralph Waldo Emerson in his 1837 Concord Hymn because it immediately escalated an already boiling conflict between colonial rebels and British forces. The musket balls were discovered by archeologists conducting compliance activities in preparation for the park’s Great American Outdoors Act project. The musket balls were found in an area where, according to contemporary accounts, British soldiers formed up to resist the river crossing. Further analysis of the musket balls indicates that each one was fired from the opposite side of the river and not dropped during the process of reloading,” says a National Park Service press release about the old bullets.

Yeah. Old bullets, huge deal. The whole press release is almost friggin 900 words long. They just keep going on and on about them. You will learn far, far more than you ever needed to know about these goddamn 18th century musket balls by reading the whole thing. At least they didn’t give away what the bullets look like. No, they saved that for Saturday’s big debut in a display case at the North Bridge Visitor Center. From 10:30 AM to 4:30 PM you can see the bullets for yourself in real life if you happen to be in eastern Massachusetts. Or you could just start driving now and be first in line.

A Spanish tourist met the business end of a wild South African elephant’s foot on Sunday, getting the absolute snot stomped out of him for taking pictures of a calf, the AP reports.

The 43 year-old sucker had stepped out of his vehicle in the Pilanesberg National Park to snap the pics and, before he knew it, BAM! those freaking elephants flattened him like he was a plant or something. Just total elephant domination. Dude didn’t even have a chance. “In some cases, people are oblivious to the dangers in the parks,” said North West Parks Chief Conservation Officer Piet Nel after the elephant stomp-fest. “We must remember that you are entering a wild area.”

London police are searching for the individual responsible for a multiple murderer after three women from the same family were found shot dead from crossbow bolts inside the family home NBC News reports.

Police are searching for 25-year-old Kyle Clifford after finding the women, aged 25, 28 and 61; the women are believed to be from the same family but their potential relation to Clifford was not announced.  Officials instructed the public that Clifford is considered armed and dangerous, so if you’re in London and see a man walking down the street with a crossbow, take cover.

Former Trump “fixer” Michael Cohen on Wednesday petitioned the Supreme Court to weigh if the fat bastard can be held liable for jailing Cohen as a suspected act of revenge in 2020, NOTUS reports.

A patient in Colorado tested positive for plague last week, and officials have been unable to track the source of the infection, according to CNN.  Humans get plague through bites from fleas infected with the bacterium Yersinia pestis.

Shockingly, the United States reports an average of seven cases of plague each year–sometimes as high as 17–with Colorado one of the hot spots, having 67 reported cases since 1970.  If you don’t want to get plague, don’t hang out around the rodents the infected fleas live on.

While historically plague is real killer–you don’t get the name The Black Death for nothing–modern antibiotics can defeat the infection if treated promptly.  Currently, the United States has no vaccine against plague, although the Biden Administration awarded a $22 million research contract to develop one to protect the military who are deployed in areas where an outbreak may occur.

President Joe Biden told the Houston Chronicle that the White House tried contacting Republican Texas Governor Greg Abbott to get the state requests required to release federal aid for victims of Hurricane Beryl, but they’ve not been able to “track down” state officials.

Abbott is on an “economic development” trip to Asia, so Republican Lt. Governor Dan Patrick should have assumed the duties of the Governor.  Patrick, however, apparently doesn’t know what the Governor of Texas is supposed to do.  Biden said he was responding to requests from Houston Mayor John Whitmire and Harris County Judge Lina Hidalgo, but was unable to release aid without a request from the governor.

“I’ve been trying to track down the governor to see — I don’t have any authority to do that without a specific request from the governor,” Biden told the paper, noting that he had been “tracking” Patrick but had not spoken to him.  Biden said he was able to speak with Patrick on Tuesday afternoon, after which Patrick apparently submitted the needed requests because Biden released the aid.

“… and my father would’ve been the person that sent me there,” a definite apple that didn’t fall from that money tree Donald Trump, Jr. shouts like an artillery field instructor.  “Hey, we all need a little kick in the ass sometimes in your life.  Hunter needed it about fifty years ago but never got it.”

Junior suddenly looks down into the audience and appears to repeat something he just heard.  “I’m much cuter than that?  Well, thank you,” Junior sneers before doing a really bad white fraternity boy version of Barry White:  “Oh, I like you, baby,” then miming “Call me.”  Like we said:  ew.

A Washington, DC man’s murderers cut off his thumb so they could access apps on his cell phone which they used to pay for marijuana and alcohol as well as Uber deliveries, NBC News reports.

Police say 53-year-old Fasil Teklemariam was beaten and stabbed to death, around which time 19-year-old Audrey Denise Miller and 22-year-old Tiffany Taylor Gray removed his thumb.  Teklemariam reportedly had a “sugar daddy” relationship with Gray, and after the man’s death, the women and two other men removed electronics and valuables from Teklemariam’s residence.

After ghoulish Fox host Laura Ingraham demands to see Joe Biden’s MRI after giggling away calls for Trump to release his medical records, Republican House Oversight Committee Chair and Gomer Pyle tribute artist Jamie Comer concurs:  “That, that’s what we want to do.  We wanna bring Dr. O’Connor in.  We have a lot of medical questions.  I’m gonna ask Ronny Jackson who was a White House Physician to come in and sit with us to help us ask the appropriate medical questions and we want to know, was there a coverup, and if there was a coverup was it because this physician has the same kind of liability that the President’s brother has with the Americorp Health scandal.”

That’s a lot of “ifs” Jamie’s throwing out to try to get something–anything–to stick in the minds of Fox viewers.  And O’Connor won’t violate HIPAA and discuss the President’s medical care without Biden’s permission.  It’s against professional ethics.  And speaking of professional ethics…

A sailor in the US Navy attempted to access Joe Biden’s medical record but did not succeed, the Navy said on Tuesday, in an incident that happened four months prior to the current questions swirling around the President’s reelection, Reuters reports.

In February, a coworker reported to supervisors that a sailor searched the military’s electronic medical records system for the President’s name but was unable to access any files.  Records indicate the unnamed individual tried to access the records two additional times within hours of the reported attempt.  The sailor received an administrative discipline for the attempted violation of privacy.

Despite previously calling Donald Trump “unhinged and unstable,” former South Carolina Republican Governor and last opponent in the primary Nikki Haley released her pledged convention delegates and urged them to support Trump, Politico reports.  But despite Haley’s albeit late statement of support, Trump’s vindictive campaign team refused to invite Haley to attend the convention, precluding any speaking slot or the possibility of a VP slot on the ticket.

A spokesperson for Haley confirmed that she “was not invited, and she’s fine with that. Trump deserves the convention he wants. She’s made it clear she’s voting for him and wishes him the best.”  There can be no opposition in the cult.

“Terrorist organizations continue to plot evil schemes to cause mayhem and chaos and suffering.  In Europe, Putin’s war of aggression against Ukraine continues and Putin wants nothing less–nothing less–than Ukraine’s total subjugation, to end Ukraine’s democracy, destroy Ukraine’s culture, and to wipe Ukraine off the map,” President Joe Biden asserts in his address to NATO allies in Washington, DC.  “But make no mistake:  Ukraine can and will stop Putin.”

More than 36 hours after Hurricane Beryl made landfall in Texas, nearly two million residents are still without power and authorities said it could be days before electricity is restored for hundreds of thousands of Texans as the state sees temperatures soar into the 90s, the Washington Post reports.

As Republican Governor Greg Abbott tours Asia, more than 1.6 million people around Houston sat without electricity as high temperatures soared into the mid-90s with a heat index around 106.  Officials say power has been restored to more than seven million customers.  Four people in Texas and one in Louisiana were killed as Beryl crashed through the region.

“The Justice Department today announced the seizure of two domain names and the search of 968 social media accounts used by Russian actors to create an AI-enhanced social media bot farm that spread disinformation in the United States and abroad. The social media bot farm used elements of AI to create fictitious social media profiles – often purporting to belong to individuals in the United States – which the operators then used to promote messages in support of Russian government objectives, according to affidavits unsealed today,” says the Justice Department in a press release.

“In conjunction with the domain seizures and search warrant announced today, the FBI and the Cyber National Mission Force, in partnership with Canadian Centre for Cyber Security, the Netherlands General Intelligence and Security Service, Netherlands Military Intelligence and Security Service, and Netherlands Police released a joint cybersecurity advisory detailing the technology behind the social media bot farm, including details regarding how the bot farm’s creators leveraged their bespoke AI system in furtherance of the scheme. The advisory will allow social media platforms and researchers to identify and prevent the Russian government’s further use of the technology. In addition, X Corp (formerly, Twitter) voluntarily suspended the remaining bot accounts identified in the court documents for terms of service violations,” the release continued, and we’re waiting on Jim Jordan to start firing off subpoenas to all officials involved for weaponizing law enforcement and violating the Russian government’s constitutional right to free speech or whatever.

“One of President Biden’s most significant accomplishments was defeating a man who represented an existential threat to the nation and the institutions upon which this country has been founded: former President, Donald J. Trump. That’s why I ran for office in the first place. I know we cannot allow Trump to return to the White House and implement his dangerous Project 2025 plan that hurts the middle class and threatens rights and freedoms, including abortion.”

“I have heard from people in my district who are united in their concern for our country and our future. They want a leader who can continue to build on our successes but is also able to turn the nation’s attention to the urgent threat that Trump presents to our democracy, to our freedoms, and to our country. When I think of my four children and all of the rights that another Trump presidency endangers, and in light of the recent Supreme Court decision that gave inordinate power to the President of the United States, the stakes are too high – and the threat is too real – to stay silent.”

“I realize this is hard, but we have done hard things in pursuit of democracy since the founding of this nation. It is time to do so again. I know that President Biden and his team have been true public servants and have put the country and the best interests of democracy first and foremost in their considerations. And because I know President Biden cares deeply about the future of our country, I am asking that he declare that he won’t run for reelection and will help lead us through a process toward a new nominee,” says New Jersey Dem Congresswoman Mikie Sherrill in a statement, making her the seventh House Democrat to call on Biden to throw in the towel.

A lawyer for former Texas MAGAchruch Pastor Robert Morris, who served on convicted felon former President Trump’s “spiritual advisory council” and until last month led the large Gateway Church chain of congregations, had in 2007 told molestation victim Cindy Clemishire she was the one who had “initiated inappropriate behavior by coming into my client’s bedroom and getting in bed with him, which my client should not have allowed to happen,” on Christmas in 1980 when Clemshire was 12 and Morris was 20 or 21 and he had been staying with her family in Oklahoma, NBC News reports.

Morris resigned from Gateway last month after Clemishire came forward, obviously for not the first time as an adult, and admitted he had in fact molested her decades ago. The victim blaming bit was written by lawyer J Shelby Sharpe in response to Clemishire having hired a lawyer – Gentner Drummond, now Oklahoma’s Attorney General – and threatening to sue Morris, seeking $50,000 to cover the cost of counseling for the trauma of being molested, only for Clemishire to back out when Morris offered $25,000 if she signed an NDA. Sharpe denied to NBC he knew that Clemishire was 12 years old during the encounter. When confronted with a document stating it very clearly and that he definitely would have seen, Sharpe ceased contact with NBC and did not answer any emails.

Sharpe’s other clients include Southern Baptist Convention leader Paige Patterson, accused of covering up multiple instances of sexual assault and abuse within the organizations he oversaw.

WATCH:

Big crowd gathering to see President Trump ahead of his rally in Miami, Florida tonight at 7 pm EST!

It’s brutally humid here in Miami today, but people are waiting in the heat and rain showers to see President Trump! pic.twitter.com/EAOWhxfdl2

— Laura Loomer (@LauraLoomer) July 9, 2024

We mean we’ll have to source that from actual, reputable news sources on how many Trump fans were felled. Not Laura Loomer because she probably won’t give an accurate count. Or any count.

In a motion filed in just one of the several ongoing sexual assault cases against former Operation Underground Railroad founder Tim Ballard – played by adrenochrome-pilled freak Jim Caviezel in last year’s QAnon fan-favorite action thriller Sound of Freedom – accuser Celeste Borys told a court that a crime lab had informed her that DNA found on her skirt matched that of Ballard’s but the actual test result could not be released to her due to an ongoing criminal investigation, KTVX reports.

Twisted story short: Ballard, a Mormon former DHS agent, founded the anti-sex trafficking organization and went on undercover missions posing as an American pedophile interested in buying underage slaves in third world countries – a lamely melodramatic and action-packed fictionalization of which was the plot of Sound of Freedom. While on these missions, Ballard would recruit women to join him to pose as his wife and then proceed to coerce them into sex in a seedy hotel room overseas where they couldn’t escape. So really he was sex trafficking them himself.

Now Borys – Ballard’s former executive assistant – and at least four of these Utah Mormon housewives are exposing his rapey behavior. “It is believed that a search warrant was obtained, and Timothy Ballard provided a DNA sample. Approximately two weeks ago, the Utah County Detective verified to Plaintiffs, that the DNA was a 100 percent match of Ballard’s DNA,” Borys’s lawyers wrote in the motion filed Monday in opposition Ballard’s bid to dismiss the complaint.

“We write to request that you appoint a Special Counsel to investigate possible violations of federal ethics and tax laws by Associate Justice of the Supreme Court Clarence Thomas. Over the past year, public reporting and Senate investigations have uncovered evidence of repeated and willful omissions of gifts and income from Justice Thomas’s financial disclosure reports required by the Ethics in Government Act. The Senate is investigating these omissions as it considers improvements to ethics and tax laws,” write Dem Senators Sheldon White House and Ron Wyden in a letter to Attorney General Merrick Garland and damn it’s about fucking time, fellas.

Continued: “The scale of the potential ethics violations by Justice Thomas, and the willful pattern of disregard for ethics laws, exceeds the conduct of other government officials investigated by the Justice Department for similar violations. The breadth of the omissions uncovered, and the serious possibility of additional tax fraud and false statement violations by Thomas and his associates, warrant the appointment of a Special Counsel to investigate this misconduct. The Senate is not a prosecutorial body, and the Supreme Court has no fact-finding function of its own, making the executive all the more important if there is ever to be any complete determination of the facts.”