Former Trump Justice Department Associate Attorney General and Georgia RICO co-defendant Jeffrey Clark also got kicked in the balls by the DC Circuit Court of Appeals on Tuesday as the court tossed his bid for immunity from the district’s Bar Association’s misconduct investigation.

Tonight I will be voting NO on both the impeachment and supplemental bills, as they are grotesque political plays by Speaker Johnson to serve Donald Trump’s interests over American interests.

Pathetic and irresponsible.

— Dean Phillips (@deanbphillips) February 6, 2024

To the surprise of no one but still worth picking up, the New York Times’s Maggie Haberman reports a Trump spokesworm told her they will be taking the DC Circuit Court of Appeals’ decision ending the fat former president’s bid for immunity from prosecution to the US Supreme Court.

Smart guy Steve Vladeck expects Los Supremos “to rule on the stay application either late next week or early the week of February 19. So we should know a lot more about the timing of the next steps sometime in the next two weeks.” Former Solicitor General Neal Katyal tells MSNBC he thinks they’re going to toss Trump’s petition right off the bat and the trial can begin in the spring.

It’s not all bad news for Trump though, as under that scenario then President Biden has just until the end of the month to order SEAL Team Six to storm Mar-a-Lago and take no prisoners.

The DC Circuit Court of Appeals on Tuesday at long last tossed disgraced former President Trump’s bid for immunity from federal prosecution over his failed post-2020 election coup attempt.

The bad news is that the court gave the fat fuck six days to appeal for an en banc to the DC Circuit’s full bench or to the Supreme Court, increasing the chances that the stay of the pretrial motions and then the start of the actual trial – which its March 4th kickoff is already shot – will be postponed into summer or even fall. The good news is that the decision was unanimous, decreasing those chances.

“For the purpose of this criminal case, former President Trump has become citizen Trump, with all of the defenses of any other criminal defendant. But any executive immunity that may have protected him while he served as President no longer protects him against this prosecution,” the panel of three judges wrote in their bloodbath of a decision. More details to come as we read through it.

The hardest dickpunch in the per curium (signed by the three judge panel) opinion: “We have balanced former President Trump’s asserted interests in executive immunity against the vital public interests that favor allowing this prosecution to proceed. We conclude that ‘[c]oncerns of public policy, especially as illuminated by our history and the structure of our government’ compel the rejection of his claim of immunity in this case. We also have considered his contention that he is entitled to categorical immunity from criminal liability for any assertedly ‘official’ action that he took as President – a contention that is unsupported by precedent, history or the text and structure of the Constitution. Finally, we are unpersuaded by his argument that this prosecution is barred by ‘double jeopardy principles.’ Accordingly, the order of the district court is AFFIRMED.”

Fearing that certain books being sold on Amazon potentially endangered public health and national security by encouraging people to help spread a deadly virus engineered by Dr Anthony Fauci and his Chinese communist allies, the Biden Administration allegedly pressured the e-commerce giant to limit their availability in searches or even pull them altogether, the Gateway Pundit reports citing internal emails obtained by House Judiciary Committee chair Congressman Jim Jordan.

That’s our take on a story headlined “POLICE STATE: Emails Released by Jim Jordan Expose How the Biden Regime Bullied Amazon into Censoring Books Critical of the COVID Shot and Identify the Official Who Led the Charge” because when you look at our way – and let’s be honest, calling the “ChinaVirus” a bioweapon designed with the help of Anthony Fauci is the way the Gateway Pundit and their ilk look at it when they feel like doing so – “censoring books” is actually a good thing.

We could’ve gone with “Biden Administration pressured Amazon to stop selling Iranian books on how to build explosive drones” or “Biden Administration pressured Amazon to stop selling books on how to make rainbow fentanyl look more like Skittles” and then fairly quickly explained to our audience the actual point was to make the right wing media look fucking stupid again with a slight shift in context, but why go apples and oranges when we have the fruit of the same tree? The “ChinaVirus” is right there. It’s the whole reason for the “deadly” vaccine and why these MAGA twatwaffles can’t even be consistent in their outrage over their “free speech” rights to mis-and-disinformation.

A Florida train engineer found out the hard way that cats are more afraid of water than they are thousands of tons of metal loaded with raw cane sugar when a US Sugar Corporation train struck and killed a panther on a trestle in Glades County west of Miami last week, the Miami Herald reports.

“[The panther] could have jumped into the water. He did not,” said Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission official Ryan Sheets, adding that the engineer tried to brake before hitting the 2.5 year old male. It’s not clear if there was an alligator or Burmese python in the water and the panther decided the train was the less bad and much quicker of his two very bad options.

Nikki Haley has applied for Secret Service protection amid an uptick of threats in her GOP primary run vs. front-runner Donald Trump. https://t.co/KfGjJFecrQ

— NEWSMAX (@NEWSMAX) February 6, 2024

At 6:40 PM EDT on Monday, the Wall Street Journal’s editorial board posed the question “Do Republicans want to better secure the US border, or do they want to keep what has become an open sore festering for another year as an election issue?” and approximately 75 minutes later they got their answer when Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman tweeted “NEWS: @LeaderMcConnell recommended a NO vote on the supplemental Wednesday in a closed Senate GOP meeting.”

Maybe they should’ve updated the piece to remove the conditionals and put all their warnings in the present tense. Like it wouldn’t have been that hard to change “If Republicans reject this bill, they will hand Democrats an argument that the GOP wants border chaos that they can exploit as a campaign issue. The chaos will continue for at least another year. Republicans may think they can write a better law if Mr Trump wins in November, but don’t count on it. Democrats will again demand much more in return. If Republicans pass up this rare chance at border reform, they may not get a better one,” to “Republicans have handed Democrats the argument that the GOP wants border chaos that they can exploit as a campaign issue…” because that’s pretty much what’s happened.

Former top Fox News propagandist Tucker Carlson has in fact sat down for an exclusive interview in Moscow with his true Lord and Savior, Russian dictator Vladimir Putin, Financial Times’ Max Seddon reports citing a reliable “media gadfly” source within the vast irradiated wasteland.

Tuesday morning’s edition of Punchbowl News AM doesn’t include any direct quotes from Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell on why he backed down from the border-Ukraine-Israel bill he just spent months and a shit ton of intra-GOP political capital trying to cobble together with Democrats, just that he “said his view was that the problem isn’t the bill itself but that the political mood in the country has shifted since the Senate first began this effort four months ago. This is a reference to former President Donald Trump’s surge toward the 2024 Republican presidential nomination, plus the poor outlook for the proposal among House GOP lawmakers,” emphasis ours to emphasize how fucking stupid this is, that a once-tenacious and formidable leader who for decades has been all to pleased to impose his will on the American people would just bitch out like this.

Do they realize how this is going to look when the House debates impeaching Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas in just a few hours from now? That the Democrats now get to cite all the shit that Trump posted on Truth Social, the head of the goddamned Border Patrol Union endorsing the bill, quotes like one of McConnell’s deputies, Wyoming MAGA Senator John Barrasso telling Politico that “Americans will turn to the upcoming election to end the border crisis”?

The asshole literally used the words “border crisis” and they want to wait 11 months to address it, betting that fat former President Trump is going to win in November when he’s facing 91 felony charges, a serious cash crunch due to legal fees, a non-zero chance of being disqualified in key states in the electoral college, a surging economy under Biden, and so on and so forth. Not to mention McConnell himself just a few weeks ago telling his caucus that Trump would never get a similar border security package passed even with majorities in both chambers in 2025.

Far right country music star Toby Keith died late Monday at the age of 62, leaving behind a legacy of performing Red State power ballads at the Orange God Emperor’s 2017 inauguration, fundraisers for pro-Trump PACs, and at a men-only concert in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia in 2018, CBS News reports.

Keith had suffered from stomach cancer for the past year. It was probably pretty painful.

5 Super Bowl essentials all Taylor Swift fans need for game day https://t.co/cfzc3stzXa

— Fox News (@FoxNews) February 6, 2024

“IF IMMUNITY IS NOT GRANTED TO A PRESIDENT, EVERY PRESIDENT THAT LEAVES OFFICE WILL BE IMMEDIATELY INDICTED BY THE OPPOSING PARTY. WITHOUT COMPLETE IMMUNITY, A PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO PROPERLY FUNCTION!” posted fat former President Trump late on Monday night, writing as if he could “properly function” in office.

Joe Biden’s presidency is consequential. We know that.  We see that.  The 2023 GDP growth and job creation numbers coming in above estimates are more indicators of that.  Add that to 13 million new jobs, lowering inflation, rising wages, avoiding a recession, and a renewed American presence on the world stage and yes, of course, Joe Biden’s presidency will be consequential in history.

But put aside the economic and foreign policy stuff:  Joe Biden matters because Joe Biden is normal.  And right now, America needs normal.  Like, “America’s sweetheart falling in love with the football star” normal.  Like “the guy in the White House has a name that’s synonymous with average” normal.  America craves normal now more than ever.

Republicans are ridiculously overplaying their hand, thinking voters want chaos, uncertainty and unrest.  Their quest to impeach… somebody… has proven to be such bad performance art Marjorie Taylor Greene is now the lead.  The chaos in the House comes from the top down:  any day now, the latest Speaker could be ousted because Matt Gaetz’s ego has an ouchie and he needs attention.  About the only normal thing about the House GOP is their abnormality:  it’s what we’ve come to expect over various sessions.  

While making Joe Biden sound like a secret badass who knows how to filter his speech like an adult, Sean Hannity repeatedly quotes alleged Biden statements about Trump, correctly describing him as a “F–king a–hole.”  It’s clear Hannity badly wants to just start yelling, “Joe Biden said ‘fuck’ and I’m acting like a prissy snowflake who never heard the word before!”

Republican South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem should be required to go to every resident of the state and collect their individual 30¢ portion of the $300,000 her transphobia cost them for illegally canceling a state grant with a transgender advocacy group, per the Daily Beast report.  She won’t though; Noem even staffed out the letter of apology the state was required to provide according to the settlement.

In 2022, Noem canceled a $136,000 grant with the Transformation Initiative, a transgender rights group that was helping members of the LGBTQ community, saying the state didn’t want to be involved with “this organization’s efforts.”  The organization assists  transgender youth and their families, and helps educate the community to reduce bias and violence against transgender people, something Noem apparently supports.

“On behalf of the State of South Dakota, I apologize that the Transformation Project’s contract was terminated and for treating the Transformation Project differently than other organizations awarded Community Health Worker contracts,” South Dakota Health Secretary Melissa Magstadt wrote on the letter of apology because Noem didn’t want her name on it.  “All South Dakotans are entitled to equal treatment under the law — regardless of their race, color, national origin, religion, disability, age, or sex.”

“I don’t think Gov. Haley, with all due respect, is representing conservatives that I represent when she’s going on SNL and she’s out, y’know, playing the establishment game and taking… Establishment money out of New York,” decries Republican Texas Congressman Chip Roy, who supports Queens-born Manhattan real estate developer Donald Trump, who himself appeared on Saturday Night Live.  Twice.

A 75-year-old Illinois man who tried to burn down a planned abortion clinic by backing his car–packed with filled gas cans–into the building but was arrested by police after he got trapped in the car by the wall he drove through, received a five-year sentence from a federal judge, the Associated Press reports.  Prophetstown resident Philip J. Buyno was also ordered to pay more than $300,000 in restitution and fines.

Conveniently for the cops, Buyno was trapped behind the wheel of his car in May 2023 when police arrived at the site in Danville, a town located by the Indiana state line where many desperate Indiana women could seek reproductive care that was being outlawed by Republicans in Indiana.

Right-wing muckraking enterprise Project Veritas and its former corrupt leader James O’Keefe have settled a defamation lawsuit brought by the postmaster of Erie, Pennsylvania for the group’s effort to spread a lie that fraudulent workers at a city postal facility were planting fake mail ballots for Biden into the mail system to be counted in the 2020 election, NBC News reports.

Although the terms of the settlement were not released, the lawyer representing Erie Postmaster Robert Weisenbach said, “the case was settled to the satisfaction of the parties,” but it was clear that it ended in Weisenbach’s favor after O’Keefe released a public statement saying, he was “aware of no evidence or other allegation that election fraud occurred in the Erie Post Office during the 2020 Presidential Election.”  In other words, all the conspiracy theories about Post Office workers rigging the mail-in vote for Biden was bullshit.

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell recommended a no vote to his caucus on the border-Israel-Ukraine bill, Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman reports on some good self-foot-shooting.