Donald Trump has now issued his basis for membership in his cult:  anyone who donates to his last remaining opponent in the GOP presidential primary will be “banned from the MAGA camp,” according to a new post on his failing social media platform.

“Nikki ‘Birdbrain’ Haley is very bad for the Republican Party and, indeed, our Country,” starts Trump’s missive, using his fifth-grade derogatory nickname for the former South Carolina governor before issuing the ultimatum:  “Anybody that makes a ‘Contribution’ to Birdbrain, from this moment forth, will be permanently barred from the MAGA camp. We don’t want them, and will not accept them, because we Put America First, and ALWAYS WILL!”

“… because we Put America First,” Trump claims in a statement where he’s literally putting loyalty to him above all else.

Marc Bru, a 44-year-old Proud Boy domestic terrorist who attacked the Capitol on January 6th and then tried to spark a revolution in Portland, Oregon weeks later, told the judge who had just sentenced him to six years in prison that he would take part in such an attack again, CBS New reports.

“You could give me a hundred years and I would still do it all over again,” Bru said in court.  Prosecutors has sought a seven-year sentence for Bru, who was one of the first of the Republican-led domestic terrorists to breach the outer perimeter set up by Capitol Police before entering the Capitol.  Six weeks later, prosecutors said Bru tried to organize a similar, but more violent, protest in Portland.

“The most bigoted comments I hear today are from liberals,” Republican South Carolina Senator and guy who hasn’t figured out why he’s front and center in every Republican Senate Conference photo Tim Scott babbles.  “The racist, we should just turn our focus towards are teachers’ unions who trap poor Black kids in the city of Chicago out of their greatest future because they refuse to let them go to good schools.  I can’t imagine why the Democrats have not just said, ‘They’re people.  I’m sorry.  We resign. Love, DNC.”

But… Nikki Haley said America was never a racist country…  And Donald Trump has “[his] African American.”

Senate GOP Leader Moscow Mitch “cast doubt” on any border bill now that fat former President Trump has commanded Republicans to block any deal, Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman reports.

“The politics on this have changed,” McConnell said, and since Donald wants to run his campaign on the border they “don’t want to do anything to undermine him. We’re in a quandry,” he added.

Tim Scott confirmed the reporting on Frau Ingraham’s show, saying “It’s dead on arrival. Democrats prefer the issue rather than any solution.” Should be a hell of a State of the Union.

The Federal Aviation Administration approved an inspection and maintenance program for the troubled Boeing 737 Max 9s that will allow the planes to return to service for airlines after the agency grounded the aircraft because a door plug on an Alaska Airlines flight blew out when it reached 16,000 feet, leaving a gaping hole in the fuselage.

“The exhaustive, enhanced review our team completed after several weeks of information gathering gives me and the FAA confidence to proceed to the inspection and maintenance phase,” FAA administrator Mike Whitaker said in a statement, with the Guardian reporting the FAA will halt any additional production of the Boeing aircraft.

Once again, television political comic Jon Stewart will return to the show that put him in the homes of millions of Americans during some of the most turbulent times in recent American history, taking the anchor chair for “The Daily Show” on Monday nights through the November election, CNN reports.

The show will continue to feature guest hosts for the other three new shows recorded each week, but Stewart will host the Monday show, giving him the opportunity to comment on the Sunday show interviews and review weekend events.  He’ll start the run on Monday, February 12th.

House Ethics Committee investigators are seeking testimony from Republican Congressbro Matt Gaetz’s formerly underage sidepiece as well as evidence collected by federal prosecutors in their failed criminal probe into Matt’s totally awesome Red Bull and Viagra party life, CNN reports

Apropos of nothing that we’ve seen that might have prompted this, fat former President Trump on Wednesday afternoon screamed “MASSIVE PROSECUTORIAL MISCONDUCT BY CROOKED JOE AND THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION AGAINST HIS POLITICAL OPPONENT!” on Truth Social.

While the twice-impeached loser is prone to random outbursts like this, there’s always a decent chance that it was spurred by him receiving some bad news from his lawyers behind the scenes, maybe a subpoena from Jack Smith in a new investigation or even Michigan Attorney General Dana Nessel to Trump or Ronna Not-Romney for their post-2020 election fuckery in the Great Lakes State.

Doubt he’d be able to get early word of an adverse ruling from the DC Court of Appeals ruling on his bullshit “presidential immunity” argument – which by the way it’s been 15 days since the hearing on that and the turnaround on their gag order ruling was 18 days from hearing to the opinion dropping.

So probably has to be a subpoena – if it is anything causing Trump to freak out right now and not just him randomly ranting at the demons lurking in the abyss that is his syphilis-ravaged mind.

The Democrats condemning my friendly visits with Trump supporters outside his rally are the same people coronating Joe Biden and questioning why America is so red.

That’s why we need a candidate who leads with invitation, not condemnation, of fellow Americans. 🇺🇸 pic.twitter.com/GldmTZ6hPt

— Dean Phillips (@deanbphillips) January 24, 2024

“The release of our conversation by Lake confirms a disturbing tendency to exploit private interactions for personal gain and increases concerns about her habit of secretly recording personal and private conversations. This is obviously a concern given how much interaction she has with high profile people including President Trump. I question how effective a United States Senator can be when they cannot be trusted to engage in private and confidential conversations,” says soon-to-be former Arizona GOP Chairman Jeff DeWit after MAGA psychopath Kari Lake claimed his scalp over him attempting to bribe her to stay the hell out of the 2024 Senate race.

“I have now beaten the once very popular sitting Governor of Iowa, and the once fairly popular sitting Governor of New Hampshire – and now BOTH are extremely unpopular within their States, and within the Republican Party!” posted fat former President Trump on Truth Social on Wednesday.

Urrrggghhhh… It says a lot about National Zero and nothing really that good that we already know what the Orange Degenerate means when his scarcely functional lizard brain claims that’s he’s “beaten” the Governors Kim Reynolds of Iowa and Chris Sununu of New Hampshire while skipping the important detail that he defeating their respective endorsees Ron DeSantis and Nikki Haley.

The fun part is how we get to remind readers that by the very standard that Trump just set, he’s been “beaten” by – to name just a few examples from the last two years – Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear, Arizona Governor Katie Hobbs and Senator Mark Kelly, Georgia Senator Raphael Warnock and Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger, Wisconsin Governor Tony Evers, Nevada Senator Catherine Cortez-Masto, Maryland Governor Wes Moore, Pennsylvania Senator John Fetterman and Governor Josh Shapiro, and Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer. They all beat Trump because they beat his endorsees, same as Trump beat Reynolds and Sununu’s in this year’s GOP primary.

President Joe Biden will on Wednesday address the United Auto Workers conference in Washington, DC, where he is to be officially endorsed by the union’s leadership, no doubt much to the chagrin of the obese degenerate who demanded they “ENDORSE DONALD J TRUMP. I WILL KEEP YOUR JOBS AND MAKE YOU RICH!!!” amid a half-assed effort to secure the support of the industry’s workers he believes he is entitled to because of his appeal to most other “blue-collar” demographics.

White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre told reporters on Wednesday that Kate Cox, the Texas woman who was stuck with a non-viable pregnancy and had to leave the state to obtain an abortion after the state Supreme Court blocked a lower court ruling allowing her doctor to perform the procedure, will be a guest at Joe Biden’s 2024 State of The Union Address.

Jean-Pierre said Cox’s awful experience was “powerful, devastating, and it speaks to the moment that we are in now when we talk about women having the right to make these deeply personal decisions about their health care that was taken away by the Supreme Court. It is important for Americans to hear the harrowing stories that we’re hearing from women across the country.”

In very much related news, a research team on Wednesday published a paper in JAMA estimating that at least 60,000 rape victims were forced to carry to term in the Red States where total abortion bans came into effect or were enacted since the Supreme Court’s June 2022 Dobbs decision.

“As detailed in the government’s sentencing memorandum, defendant Marc Bru frequently calls into the ‘Freedom Corner,’ a nightly vigil for detained January 6 defendants outside of the DC Jail. The government writes to alert the Court to Bru’s recent concerning statements regarding his January 24, 2024 sentencing hearing before this Court. Bru made all of the below statements in the time since the government filed its sentencing memorandum. Last night, on January 23, 2024, Bru called into the Freedom Corner. Bru first informed his listeners that he had filed a motion demanding the Honorable James E Boasberg and the undersigned lead prosecutor disclose the last five years of their tax records so that he could expose their alleged financial conflicts.”

“Bru warned that ‘if they refuse, if they go on with sentencing, then I’m going to turn to the Marshals and command them to arrest the Judge and the prosecutor for human trafficking.’ Later in the same call, Bru – again referring to his sentencing hearing – remarked that ‘tomorrow’s going to be interesting I believe it’ll be very exciting for those who attend. I’ll try to put on a good show. Hope the tickets are worth the price…” says a memo filed Wednesday by the DC US Attorney’s office titled NOTICE OF DEFENDANT’S CONCERNING PRE-SENTENCING STATEMENTS.

Maybe we should’ve led with that Bru was sentenced to six years in the clink after calling Judge Boasberg a “clown” presiding over a “kangaroo court” and telling him he was “outside of your jurisdiction… You have trafficked me and you have committed war crimes against me.” Oh well.

Republican Colorado state Representative and 4th District US House primary candidate Mike Lynch resigned from his post as state House Minority Leader on Wednesday as he faced a no confidence vote amid a shitshow over a 2022 drunk driving and gun possession arrest, the AP reports.

“I want it to be clear that I’m not stepping down because I won a close vote of no confidence,” Lynch said to colleagues in the chamber. “I am stepping down because it’s the right thing to do because I’ve become a distraction for my caucus, and that is getting in the way of the hard work that we have to do in this building,” Lynch added, as if he was totally focused on the job and not trying to beat carpetbagging QAnon dipshit Lauren Boebert for the 4th District seat being vacated by Ken Buck.

Lynch had pleaded guilty to the DWI charge and was allowed to defer the firearm possession while drunk rap by taking a safety course, serving 18 months probation while not telling anyone about the sentence. Right off the bat we can tell you this guy’s going to lose the primary just because he didn’t tell the other Republicans to fuck off and call the controversy “fake news,” a “witch hunt,” et cetera.

Former Trump Press Secretary and current Fox News host Kayleigh “Binder Barbie” McEnany on Wednesday scolded Biden surrogate Kevin Wailing for pointing out her former boss’s deteriorating mental state, with McEnany’s defense coming less than 24 hours after the Donald screamed at his once-loyal reichsminister of propaganda for saying it was a “fairly good night” for Joe Biden based on the relatively non-Trumpy makeup of the New Hampshire GOP primary side’s turnout.

Almost immediately afterward Trump responded angrily on Truth Social with “I don’t need any advice from RINO Kayleigh McEnany on Fox. Just had a GIANT VICTORY over a badly failing candidate, ‘Birdbrain,’ and she’s telling me what I can do better. Save your advice for Nikki!”

“Over a dozen Republicans,” speaking anonymously (of course) to the Messenger say they’ve had enough of House Oversight Committee Chairbilly James Comer’s “🚨🚨🚨” bullshit and the gross incompetence with which he’s led the stalled impeachment inquiry into Hunter Joe Biden.

“One would be hard pressed to find the best moment for James Comer in the Oversight Committee. It’s been a parade of embarrassments,” said one House Republican. “Comer has cast a wide net and caught very little fish. That is a big problem for him,” a person described as a “personal ally” of fat former President Trump, who commanded Republicans to go on this “fishing” trip in the first place, adding that Comer “has set the bar too high when it shouldn’t be set that high for impeachment. Congress determines what is a high crime and misdemeanor.” Meaning that Trump is frustrated that Comer won’t just make something up that’ll get to 218 votes on impeachment articles.

“James Comer continues to embarrass himself and House Republicans. He screws up over and over and over,” a “source close to House GOP leadership” said. “I don’t know how Republicans actually impeach the president based on his clueless investigation and lack of leadership,” the person continued, noticeably omitting the word “evidence” from that brief list of necessary elements.

“It seems like they got played by Hunter Biden,” a senior House GOP aide said of that train wreck earlier this month when Hunter showed up. “It was a disaster. They looked like buffoons.” Another Trump minion said a skepticism that they’ll ever put articles on the floor is starting to set in and it’s pissing off the MAGA voters. “You have to start producing. The base is starting to get more and more frustrated with him because they see all this smoke but they don’t see the movement.”

At 61,181 write-in votes counted and another 13,581 currently “unprocessed,” most of which will go his way, President Joe Biden in 2024 has outperformed Barack Obama’s 2012 New Hampshire primary vote total of 49,080 votes, which we think means there’s “enthusiasm” on his side.

“United States Attorney Roger B Handberg announces that a federal jury has found Basilio Jim Diaz (64, Hernando County) guilty of destruction of evidence and accessing with the intent to view child sexual abuse material. Diaz faces a maximum penalty of 20 years in federal prison for each offense. His sentencing hearing is scheduled for April 17, 2024. Diaz has also agreed to forfeit his electronic devices which were used in the commission of the offense,” says a DOJ press release.

“According to testimony and evidence presented at trial, on March 9, 2023, the FBI executed a search warrant at Diaz’s home seeking evidence of child exploitation. When the FBI announced their presence, Diaz refused to exit his home. FBI SWAT members used an armored vehicle to break through the front door and obtain a visual inside the home. The SWAT agents also deployed two drones to better assess the situation inside the home. After nearly an hour, Diaz disabled one of the drones and while holding the second drone, the SWAT agents safely entered the home and detained Diaz. A search of the home revealed that Diaz had spent those 45 – 50 minutes destroying evidence. Despite Diaz’s efforts, the FBI used forensic tools to recover thousands of images and videos depicting the child sexual abuse and exploitation of children from Diaz’s laptop. Agents also recovered two child-like sex dolls,” the press release continued with that last awful detail.

What it doesn’t say is that Basilio Diaz is a registered Republican. We got that from a search of VoterRecords.com, which says he’s “affiliated with the Republican Party.” There’s even a red elephant on the page. The age and county match up with the details in the press release.

That’s it. We did our job here, confirming our audience’s biases about boomer-aged Florida men who would possess child pornography and sex dolls the size of children. National Zero 1, MAGA 0.

The United Auto Workers union on Wednesday will reject the gift of the wonderful, massive rally that Trump threw for them at a non-union machine shop outside Detroit a few months ago and officially endorse President Biden for reelection at an afternoon event in DC, NBC News reports.