North Dakota’s one and only Congressman Kelly Armstrong announced Tuesday he’s fucking off from Washington to go run for state governor now that Doug Burgum is fucking off from that job.

In our book leaving Congress to go run for statewide office back home is the same as simply retiring so our count of Republicans fucking off (or expelled) from the House thus term stands at 19.

Don't break our hearts like this, Judith. https://t.co/CM4l5a6yKJ

— Breitbart News (@BreitbartNews) January 23, 2024

Why couldn’t she just be loyal like other fake TV judge and raging alcoholic Jeanine Pirro?

Turkey’s parliament on Tuesday became the 29th and final NATO member’s national legislature to ratify Sweden’s accession to the bloc, Bloomberg reports on the completion of a long and dragged-out process to get IKEAstan and neighboring Finland approved while the Turks and Hungarians dicked around needlessly in the face of Russian dictator Vladimir Putin’s threats.

Alaska state House member David Eastman, a thrice-censured Oath Keeper who reps Sarah Palin’s hometown of Wasilla and for some fucking reason is still in office despite lengthy attempts to expel him over his allegiance to the MAGA terrorist group and being on the US Capitol grounds on January 6th, 2021, was removed from the chamber’s Judiciary Committee on Monday by a near-unanimous vote, or unanimous if you don’t count Eastman’s lone no vote, Alaska Public Media reports.

“For what reason are the residents of Wasilla being punished in this report? I see if this report passes unamended that the citizens of Wasilla will be the only district in this house, frankly, or in the other body, that has a representative without a single committee to be their voice in our committee process,” Eastman said, protesting his removal. It’s not clear if this was before or after Eastman knew his seat on the committee was reassigned to state Representative Jesse Sumner (R-Wasilla).

Wouldn’t be surprised if it was afterward. Also unclear is if the Republicans are willing to kick Eastman off the committee and out of their caucus then – which we get that they’re trying to tell his district’s primary voters to take a fucking hint – why the hell won’t they just expel him? It wasn’t already bad enough that he wants abused children to die of neglect, testified for the defense in Stewie Rhodes’s seditious conspiracy trial, and paid John Eastman (no relation) $500 an hour to testify in his defense during the 14th Amendment case brought by voters? Just kick his ass out.

Disgraced former President Trump on Tuesday told reporters he was two weeks away from some kind of a peace deal with Iran before the 2020 election. None asked him any follow up question on it, so nobody got any further detail of the previously unreported would-be diplomatic breakthrough.

“State Superintendent Ryan Walters has issued the following statement announcing the appointment of Chaya Raichik, the woman behind the ‘Libs of TikTok’ account on X, to OSDE’s Library Media Advisory Committee: ‘Chaya is on the front lines showing the world exactly what the radical left is all about – lowering standards, porn in schools, and pushing woke indoctrination on our kids,’ said Walters. ‘Because of her work, families across the country know just what is going on in schools. around the country. Her unique perspective is invaluable as part of my plan to make Oklahoma schools safer for kids and friendly to parents. Chaya has a much-needed and powerful voice as well as a tremendous platform that will benefit Oklahoma students and their families,'” says a statement from Oklahoma state Superintendent Ryan Walters, the dickhead who didn’t know what the “T” in CRT stands for and told teachers to avoid race in lessons about the Tulsa race massacre.

Raichik’s tweets have inspired multiple bomb threats called into schools and libraries across the state, including at least six over a post about a Tulsa elementary school librarian last year.

The full bench of the DC Circuit Court of Appeals on Tuesday tossed disgraced former President Trump’s bid for a full bench rehearing of his challenge to the gag order imposed by Judge Tanya S Chutkan in the still-stayed criminal conspiracy case over his post-2020 election coup attempt.

The gag order itself remains in effect even while pretrial motions are paused while the Appeals Court considers his stupid “presidential immunity” bid to have the charges tossed. A ruling on that appeal could come any minute, though they sure are taking their fucking time with it.

We’re not saying Chris Sununu isn’t a worm. He sure as shit is for saying he’s eventually going to end up supporting Trump, even while calling him demented. It’s still funny how testy the famously frigid Fox News anchor Harris Faulkner tries and fails to get him to stop badmouthing Donald.

Just minutes prior to this segment Trump posted “I GET MUCH BETTER POLE NUMBERS AGAINST BIDEN THAN NIKKI HALEY, NOT EVEN CLOSE!!!” While the previous post right before that was complaining about Sununu being on Fox News at all, there’s a possibility that the fat bastard might be aware of a survey by Echelon Insights, a firm run by by “Never Trumper” Republican strategist Kristen Soltis Anderson, which found “Birdbrain” leading Joe Biden 47 to 37 percent, while Trump and Biden tied at 46 with likely voters in what were only described as “battleground states.”

A Colorado pastor and his wife last week admitted that the charges from the state’s securities commission that the “INDXcoin” crypto was a complete scam and a lot of the $3.2 million they made selling it to their “flock” went to remodeling their home, the Guardian reports.

Like this wasn’t them reading a statement after pleading guilty in court or anything, Eli and Kaitlyn Regalado just outright telling their fans in a video that they “took God at his word and sold a cryptocurrency with no clear exit,” and “The charges are that me and Kaitlyn pocketed $1.3 million. I just wanted to come out and say those charges are true. A few hundred thousand dollars went to a home remodel the Lord told us to do.” Honesty is a Christian virtue.

We need to preface this with a few things: Pawn Stars on the History Channel fucking sucks and is emblematic of a once watchable network’s decline into trash TV. You can seriously learn more about real history watching their other staple, Ancient Aliens, than you can with goddamned Pawn Stars, and Ancient Aliens is utter shit. While we’re in now way under the impression that pawn brokering is somehow a noble calling, seeing some desperate schmuck coming in to their Las Vegas strip store to sell, say, a guitar used and signed by Elvis Presley, only to be met with “honest everyman” owner Rick Harrison being like “Ehhhh… I’ll give you $300 for it” was mind-meltingly infuriating.

‘Pawn Stars’ Rick Harrison Breaks Silence Over Son’s Tragic Death Due to Fentanyl Overdose — Blames Biden’s Open Border Policies via @gatewaypundit https://t.co/g25R1i6BXk

— The Gateway Pundit (@gatewaypundit) January 23, 2024

Naturally Harrison is an unabashed Trump fan, even showed up to that fake “union” rally in Michigan back in September to support the Caesar. And if you needed anymore proof he’s a fucking asshole, his own mother sued him in 2022 after he cut her out of the pawn business her late husband built.

Still it was hard not to feel sympathy for Harrison after a number of outlets reported that his son Adam, 39, died of a fentanyl overdose a few days ago. It’s still hard, even seeing the Gateway Pundit and other right wing outlets’ spin on what Harrison actually said in a statement.

A new Susquehanna Research survey finds President Joe Biden leading disgraced former President Trump 46 to 39 percent among likely voters in the general election in Pennsylvania and incumbent Dem Senator Bob Casey leading Connecticut man David McCormick by a closer 46 to 42 percent.

New Hampshire Dem Congresswoman Anne Kuster tells Punchbowl News she thinks New Age weirdo longshot candidate Marianne Williamson has a serious shot at second place over Kuster’s Minnesota colleague Dean Phillips in the Granite State’s Democratic primary, saying Williamson “been there campaigning for a year. She has a steady following,” and that locals in the Donkey Party aren’t really all that receptive to Phillips’s half-assed message of “generational change.”

Stupid story short, the New Hampshire primary is no longer sanctioned by the DNC and Joe Biden is only “running” as a write-in candidate just to head off any bullshit from the MAGA propagandists who would skip that fact and scream “BIDEN LOST THE NEW HAMPSHIRE PRIMARY!” The latest polling from American Research Group finds Biden leading Phillips 54 to 32 percent, with Williamson in third at 3 percent. So not likely. This is all a perceptions game, and a good night would be simply Biden as a write-in on the Dem side winning a higher percentage than Trump on the ballot on the GOP side. Phillips placing behind Williamson would just be icing on the cake.

At least 24 Israeli soldiers were killed in action in the Gaza Strip on Tuesday, 21 of them dead after a Hamas terrorist fired an RPG at a tank, detonating explosives that the soldiers had been readying to place to demolish a building held by the murderous group, the Washington Post reports.

DC federal Judge Reggie Walton on Monday deemed that a follower of Jesus hath sinned before God when he tried to storm the Temple of Democracy on January 6th, 2021, condemning Pastor William Dunfee to an unspecified earthly torment as penance for two felony charges of obstruction of an official proceeding or aiding and abetting a civil disorder, and a misdemeanor charge of entering and remaining in a restricted building or grounds, the Columbus Dispatch reports.

“The election has been stolen right out from underneath our noses and it is time for the American people to rise up. Rise up. Rise up,” Dunfee preached to his flock during the Great Awakening of that January day. “Today is the day in which it is that these elected officials realize that we are no longer playing games. That we are not sheeple… We will stand up for our country. We are standing up for our freedoms. We are standing up for our president. And today is the day these senators and congressmen, understand that we are not going to allow this to continue any longer.”

This jackass never actually said whether he was for or against it. If you listen to him in the longer version, he sounds like he’s against it but of course for nonsense reasons. Either way, he’s not happy because he knows if the House rejects it then Biden can rail on them in the State of The Union.

Former South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley won all six Republican primary votes in “legendary” Dixville Notch, New Hampshire’s midnight voting session on Tuesday, NBC Boston reports.

In testimony before the GOP attempt to find something, anything to justify impeaching Joe Biden, the Los Angeles art dealer who sold art created by First Son Hunter Biden said he never discussed politics with any of his clients, but contradicted an earlier White House statement that Hunter didn’t know who bought his work, NBC News reports.

According to transcripts of the testimony, George Bergès told House committee investigators that Hunter insisted on knowing who bought his pieces, an unusual arrangement for clients of Bergès; Hunter later dropped the requirement in September 2021, but not before the White House had released a statement saying it helped craft a process that put a wall between Hunter and the art patron.

Investigators also asked the art dealer about Hunter’s association with Kevin Morris, a Hollywood attorney who reportedly paid off Hunter’s $2 million tax debt.  Morris purchased multiple pieces through Bergès’ gallery, and Bergès said he saw other Hunter Biden artwork at Morris’s house that Bergès did not sell him, leading investigators to question whether there was a separate arrangement that cut out the art dealer.

But not the Florida Republican who wields the veto pen… https://t.co/kkc2yyqVK0

— Ron DeSantis (@RonDeSantis) January 23, 2024

Just a day after dropping out of the presidential race with a humiliating endorsement of cult leader, Florida Republican Governor Ron DeSantis–finally back to work in Tallahassee after an extended leave of absence to tour Iowa agricultural sites–wants everyone to know he doesn’t endorse a plan from real Trump-supporting Republicans in the state to pay for the court-confirmed rapist’s legal fees.  It’s not personal at all, I’m sure.

For the second time since the start of the year, US and British military forces took out Houthi targets in Yemen in retaliation for continued strikes by the rebel group against commercial shipping and military vessels in and around the Red Sea, CNN reports.

Fighters from the USS Dwight D. Eisenhower, joined by fire from surface ships and submarines, struck eight sites in Yemen using between 25 and 30 precision munitions including Tomahawk cruise missiles.  US military officials say the attack “achieved the desired effect” on the Houthi camps, including destroying an underground storage facility where the rebels kept some of their more advanced weapons.

This Hill homepage story from Sunday is, uh, quite a breath of fresh air for those of us who have spent the last few months ripping our fucking hair out watching round-the-clock coverage of “concerns” over Biden being too old while Trump skated and skated on insane bullshit like saying Obama is the current president and repeatedly claiming he had some secret deal with Xi Jingping to stop fentanyl trafficking into the US but for some reason it blew up when Biden won.

Like everything with the lamest parts of our mainstream media’s lame hive mind, the bullshit tropes of “neutral” coverage still find their way to the surface, like another headline The Hill pushed out on a related story that said “Stefanik pushes back on reports Trump mixed up Haley, Pelosi,” emphasis on “reports” because it literally fucking happened on live television and those incompetent dumbasses acted like it was an account of some private meeting that got leaked anonymously.