One person is dead, at least nine injured, and three are in custody after shots rang out Wednesday during the Super Bowl victory parade for the Kansas City Chiefs, Fox4KC’s Marcus Officer reports.

Just like Republicans and the NRA drew it up. Thoughts and prayers and shit to the dead and injured.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Speaker Johnson! pic.twitter.com/0NPB04W4YR

— The White House (@WhiteHouse) February 14, 2024

Investigators on the House Ethics Committee have obtained 2017 texts sent by credibly suspected statutory rapist Matt Gaetz to at least one woman – who was 21 at the time – his former bro Joel Greenberg had been paying for sex with himself and other men, ABC News reports on the walls not really closing in on Gaetz so much legally as maybe eventually ending up being a case for expulsion.

“Hey – any interest in flying on a private plane to the keys May 19-21? 2 guys, 4 girls. A very high-quality adventurous group,” Gaetz wrote in 2017. The woman accepted and then Gaetz wrote “Fantastic. As is true with all time you spend w me, it’ll be fun and chill… You have a passport?”

Sources said the woman ended up backing out after that, but per ABC the texts are significant because it’s the first proof of contact with a woman who Greenberg – the former Seminole County tax collector and now a convicted felon serving a lengthy sentence for all sorts of shit – had been pimping out to other men, a line of inquiry House Ethics are interested in seeing if Gaetz may have traded political favors for sexual ones. Again this is a political/HR investigation retracing a criminal one that ultimately did not meet the burden of proof to bring charges but a burden the House doesn’t have to meet if they want to push forward on trying to expel Gaetz.

House Oversight Ranking Member Jamie Raskin on Wednesday provided another update in the continuing failure show of Chairbilly James Comer’s attempt to impeach Joe Biden, this time laying out why Comer accused Raskin and the Dems of “witness intimidation” after the interview with former Hunter Biden pal Tony Bobulinski, the same dipshit Trump brought to a debate in 2020:

“Just as expected, Republicans’ ‘star witness’ and Donald Trump’s political pawn repeated the same debunked and vacuous allegations against President Biden, recycled from Trump’s 2020 campaign. Over the course of his more than eight-hour long interview, Mr Bobulinski did not provide any evidence of wrongdoing by President Biden, nor did he provide any evidence at all that President Biden was involved in his family’s business dealings. Mr Bobulinski testified that neither Hunter nor James Biden ever indicated that Joe Biden would receive money from their business dealings, and Mr Bobulinski confirmed that Joe Biden was not part of their business structure.”

“Mr Bobulinski conceded that he only ever had two brief, non-substantive conversations with Joe Biden – both at a time when Joe Biden was a private citizen – and Mr Bobulinski could not point to any discussion he had with Joe Biden about his son’s business dealings. When asked about who invited him to the October 2020 presidential debate or organized his press conference hours earlier, Mr Bobulinski repeatedly claimed not to know. Eventually, he admitted that Jason Miller, who was then a senior advisor to the Trump campaign, introduced him at his 2020 press conference and that he was likely a guest of President Trump’s at the debate. Unable to support his claims against President Biden with any evidence, Mr Bobulinski accused multiple FBI agents of lying in their Form FD-302 report, accused the Wall Street Journal of lying in their reporting which dismissed Mr Bobulinski’s claims, accused Cassidy Hutchinson of lying, and accused his former business partners as well as nine of Republicans’ own witnesses of lying because they have affirmed that Joe Biden was not involved in his son’s business ventures,” Raskin wrote, like he’s having fun with this now.

Hard to put a headline to this. Would be better if we didn’t need one at all, but such is life vicariously watching the drama between such unlikeable people. Semafor’s got more on this.

House Intelligence Committee Chairman Mike Turner on Wednesday publicly asked President Biden to declassify something something that he shared in a big SCIF meeting about with the rest of Congress, which CNN’s Natasha Bertrand reports from sources is a “‘highly concerning and destabilizing’ Russian threat.” Sounds really exciting in like a Tom Clancy kind of way.

A recent Monmouth University Polling Institute survey’s question of “Do you think that a covert government effort for Taylor Swift to help Joe Biden win the presidential election actually exists, or not?” 32 percent of self-identified Republican respondents think it’s real compared with 18 percent of independents and 6 percent of Dems – who maybe expressed it out of wishful thinking.

Another 57 percent of Republicans said it doesn’t exist, with the remaining 11 percent saying they don’t know. On an earlier question was whether or not the respondents were even aware of the “psy-op” and only 46 percent of the GOP respondents said yes. Further muddying things is that the sampling period was February 8th to 12th and the Super Bowl was on the 11th, so there’s nothing on our end as to how much, if any, impact the Chiefs’ win over the 49ers had on the answers.

The best finding however might be the motivated reasoning (though “reasoning” is doing a lot of work there) behind the “psy-op”: On “Do you approve or disapprove of Taylor Swift encouraging her fans to vote in the upcoming presidential election?” 42 percent of Republicans disapprove.

https://youtu.be/_UucICSaffM

After he crowed about how Tom Suozzi running on being “tough on the border” was actually good for Republicans something something, a reporter had the temerity to remind Jesus dork Mike Johnson that what Suozzi specifically ran on was how Johnson and the rest of his buddies fucked off on doing at least something to address the issue (something that CNN’s Dana Bash said she heard from voters she’d spoken with), Johnson got himself all pretzeled up before scurrying away.

“The Ginsu, also sometimes referred to as the Ninja bomb, is designed to plunge more than 100 pounds of metal through the tops of cars and buildings to kill its target without harming individuals and property close by. Instead of exploding, it has telescoping knives that eject out of its nose at the moment of impact,” is how the Wall Street Journal describes means of the very messy fate that met Iranian proxy group Kataib Hezbollah’s leader Abu Baqr al-Saadi in Baghdad last week in retaliation for the drone strike that killed three American troops on a base in Jordan last month.

It’s a good paragraph in media res, but a little more background: The weapon, which was also used to end, among others, Al-Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri in 2022, is a standard Hellfire missile with the explodey parts removed as to minimize collateral damage – important because al-Saadi knew he was a marked man and is believed to have purposely traveled through crowded areas knowing there would be backlash if he was blown up by standard munitions. That’s why America (almost literally) brought a knife to a gunfight, turning the fucker and his entourage into applesauce while hurting only the feelings of the Shiite locals pissed their terrorist hero was martyred so gruesomely.

House Speaker Mike Johnson told the members of the House Republican Caucus on Wednesday not to panic about what happened in New York’s 3rd District because Dems spent $15 million while they only spent about half that, Mazi Pilip sucked as a candidate, it was a Biden District, Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman reports, obviously having missed the part where Johnson squared that with the fact that he personally had traveled to the district to campaign for her, it was a 16 point swing from George Santos’s win in 2022, and when he explained why they let the Democrats outspend them.

Sherman did report earlier that there was a lot of “finger-pointing” going on inside the meeting, blaming Pilip, leadership, the Nassau County GOP, and each other for expelling Santos.

This it it folks! Just under 24 hours to go until you can walk into your local Target, Walmart, CVS, Walgreens, Stop and Shop, whatever and get good candy for like 50 percent off or more. Tons and tons of red, pink, and white M&Ms, Hershey Kisses, Reeses Peanut Butter Hearts, heart-shaped jelly beans, individually-wrapped Skittles with hearts on the packaging, Twizzlers that may or may not be bent into heart-like shapes… All of it yours for prices unseen since December 26th, 2023.

If you feel too skinny or want to give diabetes a try then Thursday’s your day! Give something else up for Lent. You won’t see deals like this until April 1st. And then November 1st after that.

Statement from NRCC Chairman Richard Hudson on #NY03: pic.twitter.com/JaqN7ahGGX

— NRCC (@NRCC) February 14, 2024

We’ll never know – in terms of actual margin – how Tuesday in NY-03 would’ve turned out if Winter Storm Kitara hadn’t dumped heavy, slushy snow across the district. We can however, with almost complete certainty, say Mazi Pilip would not have won even if it was 55 degrees and partly cloudy like it was in the area on Saturday. There’s only so much you can blame on the snow, especially when a Republican PAC literally sent out snowplows to help clear the roads.

That’s the charitable response to the MSM horserace circlejerkers who keep insisting Dem over-performance in special elections doesn’t mean shit for November, that it’s all polls polls polls and “viral” TikTok videos complaining about a fucking $18 Big Mac extra value meal on Door Dash that are really forecasting how it’s going to go. The real response is what the fuck gives YOU so much confidence that all these dipshits who couldn’t be bothered to show up for specials are so “activated” against Biden and Democrats when they’re too fucking lazy to just drive to McDonald’s to pay half that price themselves? The round-the-clock “OMG THE NASSAU SUBURBAN MOM VOTERS ARE MUCH CONCERN OVER NYC CRIME AND MIGRANT CRISIS-FLATION! IT’S GOING TO BE AN EXTRA-INNINGS NAIL-BITER!” headlines were still totally worth all the clicks, right?

Fuck you and fuck your “vibes.” We’re going with ours: The people who actually care about democracy are the ones who are going to show up in November where it counts the most, the people who cite “gambling losses” for reasons why the economy isn’t working out for them are the ones who are going to stay home and watch a Fast and Furious movie marathon on the USA Network. We’ve got election results, the shit that actually counts. You’ve got polls polls polls.

“US Customs and Border Protection (CBP) released operational statistics today for January 2024. Migrant encounters along the southwest border were significantly lower than experienced in December. CBP monthly reporting can be viewed on CBP’s Stats and Summaries webpage.”

“‘As a result of seasonal trends, as well as enhanced enforcement efforts by the men and women of CBP and our international partners, southwest border encounters between ports of entry dropped by 50 percent in January. We continue to experience serious challenges along our border which surpass the capacity of the immigration system,’ said Troy A Miller, Senior Official Performing the Duties of the Commissioner. ‘CBP remains on the frontline in preventing fentanyl and other dangerous drugs from entering our country, enforcing our nation’s laws and interdicting 34 percent more fentanyl and 68 percent more cocaine than the previous month,'” says a statement from US Customs and Border Patrol, which further down specifies the number encountered was 124,220.

Wonder how long it’ll take for Trump to explain it by saying the migrants think he’s going to be reelected and they don’t want to come claim asylum only to be deported in a sweep next year.

Disgraced former President Trump is on track to piss away the remaining $26.8 million he has left in his legal war chest by July – possibly right in the middle of his DC coup attempt conspiracy trial depending on what the Supreme Court does – and will have to make hard decisions on how to continue paying his attorneys to make bullshit arguments in front of a jury, Bloomberg reports.

Which probably helps explain why the fat bastard is staging a full-on palace coup inside the RNC, installing douchebag North Carolina GOP Chair Mike Whatley (credibly suspected of rigging his election to that post) to serve as pliant figurehead while the actual power to run the party will be with top campaign advisor Chris LaCivita and, probably to a lesser extent, his asshole daughter-in-law Lara Trump. The aim of course is to turn the national party into Donald’s personal piggy bank to pay for his self-inflicted legal clusterfuck while down-ballot Republicans are on their own.

Dark matter, one of the most mysterious materials in astrophysics, has been detected for the first time in the universe, with a team from a Korean university using an 8.2-meter optical-infrared telescope in Hawaii to indirectly detect it hanging from the threads of the cosmic web, Space.com reports.

By measuring the effect its gravity has on light, the team from Yonsei University in Seoul identified dark matter in the Coma Cluster, a group of more than one thousand galaxies.  In astrophysics, dark matter is thought to be one of the factors responsible for holding the cosmic web–a network of filaments that run billions of light years through space on which matter and energy travel between galaxies–together.  The alteration of light from the previously undetected wonder of physics is still more evidence than James Comer has in Biden’s impeachment hunt.

“Republicans just don’t learn, but maybe she was still a Democrat? I have an almost 99 percent Endorsement Success Rate in Primaries, and a very good number in the General Elections, as well, but just watched this very foolish woman, Mazi Melesa Pilip, running in a race where she didn’t endorse me and tried to ‘straddle the fence,’ when she would have easily WON if she understood anything about MODERN DAY politics in America. MAGA, WHICH IS MOST OF THE REPUBLICAN PARTY, STAYED HOME – AND IT ALWAYS WILL, UNLESS IT IS TREATED WITH THE RESPECT THAT IT DESERVES. I STAYED OUT OF THE RACE, ‘I WANT TO BE LOVED!’ GIVE US A REAL CANDIDATE IN THE DISTRICT FOR NOVEMBER. SUOZZI, I KNOW HIM WELL, CAN BE EASILY BEATEN!” wrote fat former President Trump in a Tuesday night Truth Social post, making it clear he does not support Republican New York 3rd Congressional District special election candidate Mazi Pilip.

Weird how Trump held back waited until after the race was over to write this post on how much he thought Pilip – who is currently 8.4 percent behind Suozzi with 85 percent counted – sucked. It’s almost as if he would have found a way to take credit for her victory if she had won.

Also, what the fuck was with that “I WANT TO BE LOVED!” shit? Why’s he being so honest for once?

“And the Democrats need to turn out to vote in November for Donald Trump and say we’re sending a message to our city councilmen and mayors a-a-and Democrats in Congress.  We’re fed up.  We’ve had it.  We don’t want these illegal immigrants taking over our communities,” Texas Lt. Governor Dan Patrick yells at his webcam as Fox host and Mike Pence stand-in Trace Gallegher suppresses laughter at Patrick’s hope of getting Democrats to vote for Trump.

Democrats are in firm-ish control of the Pennsylvania state house after Democrat Jim Prokopiak won a special election in a state district outside Philadelphia, giving Democrats a two-seat majority in the chamber, the New York Times reports.

Why was this important?  Until last Friday, the state house was evenly split, but under Democratic leadership through an administrative agreement between Party leaders.  So what happened Friday?  Delaware County Republican Joe Adams literally ghosted the Legislature:  he announced his resignation which apparently took effect immediately, scrubbed his website and left Harrisburg.  (I completely understand the impulse.)  Adams’ departure gave Democrats a one-seat majority for the last 96 hours; Prokopiak’s victory gives a two-seat majority until a special election can be held for Adams’ vacant (but warm) seat.

Dem former Congressman Tom Suozzi will return to the House as the Associated Press projects – and pretty early on after polls closed at 9PM EDT on Tuesday – that Suozzi has defeated registered Dem but still somehow ran as a Republican Mazi Pilip in the special election to replace Cameo star George Santos, flipping the seat blue despite the GOP’s army of snowplows.

Hey Americans!

Please thank these two gems for losing a seat in the house today! pic.twitter.com/ePSG72Ht1N

— George Santos (@MrSantosNY) February 14, 2024

This of course means nothing for November and it’s actually a warning sign for Biden something something because the New York Times will explain why in great detail shortly. The Hill will likely similarly react nonchalantly to a race they had described as dire for the Dems with stupid horserace bullshit headlines such as “Democrats move to avert embarrassing defeat in New York race for Santos’s seat” and “Democrats’ must-win race for Santos seat comes down to wire,” like it somehow wasn’t also a big deal for Republicans and they didn’t spend fucking millions on it too.

UPDATE 2/13/2024 10:21 PM EDT: Pilip concedes to Suozzi.

Asked by covert Trump advisor and overt propagandist Sean Hannity about potential impeachable offenses President Joe Biden might be facing, Republican House Ways and Means Committee chair Jason Smith lists… nothing impeachable.  “Well, Sean, if you just look.  Joe Biden, the Biden family has been cashin’ in in his position of power in government.  We have numerous examples of witnesses who have said that, the IRS whistleblower have highlighted evidence of that.  Joe Biden’s gonna go down as the most corrupt, compromised President in our lifetime.”