Aboard a SpaceX Falcon Heavy rocket, the seventh (acknowledged) mission of the Pentagon’s X-37B, an uncrewed satellite that resembles a miniature space shuttle without windows.  According to CNN, the X-37B will continue to conduct tests, but at a higher orbital distance thanks to the power of the Falcon Heavy.

Known as an Orbital Test Vehicle, the X-37B has been the subject of much speculation and conspiracy theories.  First launched into orbit in 2010, the reusable autonomous vehicle stayed in orbit for over two years on one mission.  Conspiracy theorists believe the craft is a space bomber that can release deadly kinetic missiles that can destroy entire cities or that it is a floating spy platform keeping an eye on the Chinese space station.

Here’s the scene:  In New Hampshire, the questioner literally tells Republican presidential candidate and professional equivocator Nikki Haley that he’s giving her a softball question to “redeem” herself from her “forgetting slavery” flub at a New Hampshire town hall Wednesday night… and Haley flubs the response.

The question:  Would you accept the VP slot on a Trump-led ticket?  The answer, as we (except a certain former South Carolina governor) all know the answer should be an immediate, “No, I have said he is unfit for office and I would not serve in another Trump administration.”  But Haley doesn’t come close to that.  (And this is one of those times when the CNN edit in the middle doesn’t allow us to truly appreciate the great lengths to which Nikki Haley will talk to get out of answering a direct question.)

Well it happened once again with it the MAGAverse is screaming in horror over democracy working to reject the horrible sickness they’ve infected it with for the past seven going on eight years.

“So much for being considered innocent before found guilty by a jury. Last I checked nobody has been even charged with the crime of insurrection, let alone tried, convicted and sentenced” – Top comment on Fox News’s article. It’s almost like none of the fanboys ever heard of Couy Griffin.

“America has a liberal problem, a female liberal problem to be exact” – Top comment on Gateway Pundit’s article. We wish to express our deepest sympathies for that guy’s Fleshlight.

“We need to take the gloves off and fight with brass knuckles like the Democrat’s do. Red states need to take biden off the ballots for corruption and treason. The democrats are trying to start a civil war again. And we need to take it seriously and start fighting just as hard and dirty as they do or else we are screwed” – Top comment on TownHall’s article. Let us know how that goes.

“‘Trump has never been charged with sedition or participating in an insurrection.’ There’s also that nasty little fact that there wasn’t an insurrection, unless you count every similar incident as an insurrection. In which case, the US suffers them as often as car dealers have sales” – Top comment on an Instapundit post. Maybe like two examples of “similar incidents” would help. Or even just one.

“These SecStates should be impeached. They won’t be, but they should” – Top comment on PJ Media’s article. There’s something perversely admirable about this admission of impotence.

Apparently, China gets great wifi:  According to US intelligence officials, the Chinese spy balloon that floated over parts of Canada and the United States in the first months of 2023 connected to a US-based internet provider to exchange data and get instructions from its controllers, NBC News reports.

Yep, the Chinese balloon, flying 60,000 feet above the ground, was apparently able to use cell phone systems to dial into the home base and use high-burst signals to send and receive data.  But US intelligence agencies monitored the signals coming from the various balloons, and NBC News reports that the Biden Administration got a FISA warrant to monitor any commercial communications it sent over traditional methods.

“We have four years of history with Donald Trump,” bobblehead host Jason Chaffetz asserts.  “He never tried any of these shenanigans,” to which albino celery stalk Laura Ingraham responds, “Bingo! Who’s the autocrat now?  Where’s the autocratic behavior coming from?  I would submit it’s coming from the Left, which is refusing to allow people to make basic decisions about their lives,” before reciting a list of grievances from 2021 lockdown protocols but conveniently forgetting abortion.

But Chaffetz’s effort to un-history Donald Trump’s history is MAGAdmirable:  insisting Barack Obama was ineligible to be on the ballot, leading chants calling for the extrajudicial incarceration of his opponent in 2016, AND (allegedly) leading a criminal attempt to subvert the Constitution and install himself for a illegal second term in 2020.  But yeah, no shenanigans, just outright insurrection.

Maine Secretary of State Shenna Bellows on Thursday ruled fat former President Trump ineligible to run in 2024 under the proscriptions of Article 3 of the 14th Amendment. “Trump’s occasional requests that rioters be peaceful and support law enforcement do not immunize his actions. A brief call to obey the law does not erase conduct over the course of months,” Bellows wrote.

Large headed Trump spokesman Steven Cheung responded in a typically angry statement, saying “The Maine Secretary of State is a former ACLU attorney, a virulent leftist and a hyper-partisan Biden-supporting Democrat who has decided to interfere in the presidential election on behalf of Crooked Joe Biden. We are witnessing, in real-time, the attempted theft of an election and the disenfranchisement of the American voter. Democrats in blue states are recklessly and un-Constitutionally suspending the civil rights of the American voters by attempting to summarily remove President Trump’s name from the ballot. Make no mistake, these partisan election interference efforts are a hostile assault on American democracy. Biden and the Democrats simply do not trust the American voter in a free and fair election and are now relying on the force of government institutions to protect their grip on power. State courts in Michigan and Minnesota have rejected these bad-faith, bogus 14th Amendment ballot challenges, as have federal courts in New Hampshire, Arizona, Florida, Rhode Island, West Virginia, along with ten other federal jurisdictions.”

“We know both the Constitution and the American people are on our side in this fight. President Trump’s dominating campaign has a commanding lead in the polls that has dramatically expanded as Crooked Joe Biden’s presidency continues to fail. We will quickly file a legal objection in state court to prevent this atrocious decision in Maine from taking effect, and President Trump will never stop fighting to Make America Great Again,” Cheung’s giant cranium continued angrily.

Dordt University, an evangelical Christian college with 1,500 students in Sioux Center, Iowa, announced it was canceling a town hall with Republican presidential candidate and multi-venue defendant Donald Trump because Trump insisted on hosting a rally at the campus and didn’t want to take questions from students, KCAU ABC-9 in Sioux City reports.

In a statement, the university said it would no longer host the event at a campus location that holds around 900 people because the Trump campaign did not want him taking questions and instead preferred his normal vocal diarrhea.  The university said it would continue hosting forums for the other GOP candidates who committed to the format.

“These events are intended to be educational in nature, including questions directly from Dordt students to the candidates. The Trump campaign started the process of lining up a campaign stop but desired a rally format,” a statement from the school read.  “Dordt understood that President Trump’s visit would not be publicized until the format was finalized after the new year. Ultimately, the vision of the Trump campaign and Dordt were incongruent, and the event will not take place at the university.”

What could go wrong with a handheld battery-powered device that spins sharp blades rapidly to make smoothies in a society that demands immediate satisfaction?  Well, unshockingly, a lot, which is why BlendJet is recalling nearly five million units of their portable blender for defects that can cause a fire and fling the sharp blades, the Associated Press reports.  The company is recalling 4.8 million BlendJet 2 Portable Blenders after more than 300 incidents that have led to burns, cuts and other injuries to users.

Saying the court needed more minority representation, five justices on the Louisiana Supreme Court asked the state legislature to redrawn the judicial districts to get more equitable representation on the panel, KDSU NBC-6 New Orleans reports.  The Louisiana Supreme Court sits seven justices elected in district elections.  Currently, the court has five Republicans, one Democrat and one independent, with the letter being submitted to legislative leaders by the Dem and four Republicans.

Stating that they hoped redrawing the districts to include a new minority-majority district would end a four-and-a-half-year federal lawsuit seeking to improve representation in the state, where non-white citizens make up 40% of the population. “The current election districts have not been updated in more than 25 years. We feel the time to act relative to these issues is now. In this regard, a redistricting proposal has been prepared that has the support of a majority of the Supreme Court, and which addresses the issues described above,” the five justices said in their letter.  “It creates a second majority minority (voting age population) election district, allowing that seat to be filled in the Fall of 2024.”

At last we have some more details about piece of shit Republican Wisconsin Senator Ron “RonAnon” Johnson’s involvement in disgraced former President Trump’s January 6th, 2021 coup attempt via CNN’s newest reporting on Jack Smith’s investigation. Best to go in a straight line here, based on what now-flipped Trump lawyer Kenny Chesebro and other cooperating witnesses have told prosecutors with Justice Department Special counsel Jack Smith’s team in DC, and state-level prosectors in Michigan and, in a fairly new bad development for Team MAGA, Wisconsin too.

The story begins on January 4, 2021, when Matt Morgan, a Trump 2020 Campaign lawyer (emphasis on campaign because of the fat fuck’s recent emphasis on claiming the coup attempt was an official act), emailed Chesebro and Trump 2020 fake electors’ quarterback Mike Roman for a confirmation that all the fraudulent electoral certificates were in Washington. Note that this was three weeks after the assholes had signed them in seven state capitols. Roman told Morgan that the Michigan certificates were still “in transit” at a USPS facility after having been mailed December 15th while they had no idea where the Wisconsin ones were. While Roman and Chesebro frantically worked to figure out what to do, Morgan emailed again to say “As I thought about this more, a courier will not be able to access the Capitol to deliver a sealed package. You will probably need to enlist the help of a legislator who can deliver to the appropriate place(s). I strongly recommend you guys discuss a revised delivery plan with Rudy (Giuliani) to make sure this gets done the way he wants.”

Both my daughter’s houses just got swatted today.

Big thanks to the police who responded! We appreciate you and support you!

Whoever is doing this, you are going to get caught and it won’t be funny to you anymore.@FBI

— Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene🇺🇸 (@RepMTG) December 28, 2023

Just throwing this out there but maybe, just maybe, if all these Republicans keep getting swatted and that if maybe whatever person or group is behind it hasn’t been caught yet that, at the very least, maybe if they’re that good at not getting caught then they might also be posting somewhere on the internet that they have been getting away with it. You know, like screenshots of a post on some black-background site frequented by extremist libs, avatar pic of the Guy Fawkes masks from V for Vendetta, maybe recordings of the calls to law enforcement. Those sorts of things.

And that if nothing like that, even so much as a hint of the perpetrator or perpetrators’ identities has surfaced yet then maybe at some point soon we might at the very least consider the same line of thought displayed in the comments on this Breitbart article about CNN’s overage of Trump fanboys threatening the Colorado Supreme Court justices after they disqualified him from the 2024 ballot.

“The ruling issued by the Colorado Supreme Court affirmed our clients’ argument: Donald Trump engaged in insurrection after taking an oath to support the Constitution and is consequently disqualified from serving as President and barred from Colorado primary ballots. The Colorado Supreme Court’s decision was well-rooted in the text and historical context of the Fourteenth Amendment and they correctly applied those principles to the facts of this case.”

“The Colorado Republican Party’s appeal of our clients’ case will address an issue of exceptional national importance – whether, as the Colorado Supreme Court found, a former president, and current candidate for office, who has engaged in insurrection against the Constitution is disqualified from holding office again. We have filed a motion asking the United States Supreme Court to expedite their consideration of the Colorado Republican Party’s appeal and any subsequent review on the issues so that the important question of Trump’s eligibility can be resolved before nearly all primary voters cast their ballots,” says Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington’s lawyer Sean Grimsley in a statement announcing his team are ready to do battle with the the Colorado Republican Party in front of the US Supreme Court. Read CREW’s petition here.

The Second Circuit Court of Appeals on Thursday rejected fat former President Trump’s motion for a stay postponing the scheduled January 16th start of the damages-only trial in the defamation suit brought by writer EJ Carroll after having already tossed his bullshit “absolute immunity” claim.

The Orange Rapist had asked for the stay while he considered taking his case to the Supreme Court, which is already expected to (eventually) deny his immunity claim on the criminal side too.

Fox News contributor Tammy Bruce had a great explanation for why Utah led in searches for some questions uncomfortable for the audience to address, calling it “classic spin” and that “people are hearing these terms” and are merely “curious” about them. Would love to hear her out on this one.

BOOM! Let’s see you libs spin this one! You keep saying there’s no “evidence” that the ChiComs have been bribing administration officials and NOW THERE’S TAPE! LMAO! Literally the AP reports a swamp creature was filmed COUNTING CASH some ChiCom businessman dumped on the table!

The best part is this scumbag Stanley Kakubo, who quit on Tuesday, tried to say “malicious claims over a business transaction between my private family business and our business partner. In due course, we will provide the accurate context.” LOL! Now Kabuko is under investigation too!

What? Who cares if Kabuko was the finance minister of Zambia? That part’s fake news! Zambia sounds made up anyway, like Wakanda. More like WOKE-kanda! LOL! And so what if Zambia is actually real? This still proves the ChiComs are paying off government officials in other countries which never would’ve happened if Trump was still president. The world has gone to hell since the stollen election. Crooked Joe was probably “on speakerphone” in this “business meeting” too.

National Zero will resume our regular coverage after pulling the old bait-and-switch on our MAGA readers. We hope they enjoyed the first two paragraphs and the free comment ideas in the third.

Gasoline price tracking site GasBuddy, which despite its folksy name is probably on par with JP Morgan or Goldman Sachs in terms of its analytical heft, have projected that the cost per gallon of dead dino juice nationwide will average out to $3.38 in 2024, CNN reports, down from $3.51 in 2023, and $3.89 in 2022, costing Americans $32 billion less than 2023 and $79 billion less than 2022.

“Next year should represent a continued march towards what most Americans would consider normal prices,” GasBuddy egghead Patrick De Haan told CNN. “Prices may still be a bit elevated but considering wage growth, it is taking less of Americans’ hard work to pay for that gallon of gasoline.”

“Of course the civil war was about slavery. We know that. That is unquestioned, always the case, we know the civil war was about slavery” said Nikki “Nimrata” Haley in New Hampshire on Thursday.

And then the “but”: “But it was also more than that. It was about the freedoms of every individual. It was about the role of government,” she continued, trying to make a “technical” case.

Reeling from looking like a complete asshole slavery denier at a Wednesday night town hall in New Hampshire, former South Carolina Governor Nimrata “Nikki” Haley on Thursday morning attempted some damage control by telling Granite State politics radio host Jack Heath that the guy who asked the question about the origins of the Civil War “was definitely a Democrat plant. When [reporters] asked him [after the event], he didn’t want to answer. He didn’t give reporters his name.”

“Why are they hitting me? See this for what it is… They want to run against Trump. In town halls, I answer every question, and they are planting questions there,” Haley said, blaming a secret agent sent by “Biden and the Democrats” for asking the question that led her to fucking say the Civil War was over “how government was gonna run, the freedoms and what people could and couldn’t do.”

“Crooked Joe Biden’s Prosecutorial Thug, Deranged Jack Smith, who is fighting viciously to damage his corrupt bosses Political Opponent, ME, much as they do in Third World Countries, wants to take away my right of Free Speech. He doesn’t want me to speak about the Rigged and Stollen Presidential Election of 2020, where the Evidence is MASSIVE & CONCLUSIVE, or Nancy Pelosi’s turning down 10,000 troops for January 6th, which would have quickly ended any problems, or why and how the Unselect Committee of Political Thugs & Misfits illegally deleted and destroyed all information and evidence pertaining to their findings, which we were going to use in our defence.”

“Why isn’t Deranged Jack investigating them for this destruction of important documents that were vital to my defense in any upcoming or potential trial? Because under Crooked Joe Biden we have become a two tiered system of INJUSTICE!” writes disgraced former President Trump on Truth Social, still freaking the fuck out over Smith’s Wednesday motion asking the court to limit Team Orange’s defense case in front of the jury to matters concerning objective reality.

It’s clear Trump should fire his lawyers if they can’t come up with a stack of sworn affidavits signed by reputable and respected public officials supporting all his claims about Venezuelan hacking operations and the House January 6th Select Committee illegally deleting evidence and Nancy Pelosi not ordering 10,000 troops to the Capitol to be ready to open fire on the MAGA rioters.

The fat bastard also posted “OUR BORDER IS OUT OF CONTROL LIKE NO BORDER IN HISTORY, FROM ANY COUNTRY, HAS EVER BEEN. WE ARE BEING EXTORTED BY MÉXICO AND OTHER COUNTRIES, WHEN IT SHOULD BE THE OTHER WAY AROUND,” making it clear that extortion is a plank of Trump’s foreign policy platform, even though we were told that was a “hoax” back in 2019.