Former Trump White House official Ivanka Trump on Thursday asked a New York appeals court to pause the ongoing trial in New York Attorney General Letitia James’s $250 million lawsuit against her obese orange father’s deeply corrupt business empire because her upcoming testimony is scheduled “in the middle of a school week” which would cause “undue hardship,” CNBC reports.

Ivanka did not elaborate on why she simply couldn’t just hire a babysitter considering she was already pretty wealthy before her husband scored a $2 billion payday from the Saudi royal family.

The newly-hired North Dakota Republican Party Executive Director Dave Roetman is now the newly-fired North Dakota Republican Party Executive Director after just 10 days on the job after the Forum of Fargo-Moorhead started asking Chair Sandi Sanford why the fuck she would take on an asshole who wrote shit like Black people “should move to Wakanda,” replying “I’d eat there” to an article about a restaurant that had a whites males-only hiring policy, “Here’s a quarter, keep it between your knees” to a woman asking for relationship advice, and other MAGA-type stuff.

Trump: They want to build just low-income—everyone’s gonna build low-income housing. At some point, or senior citizen. At some point, though, people have to, like, work and create things, you know, not just places to stay pic.twitter.com/iguqyb0len

— Biden-Harris HQ (@BidenHQ) November 2, 2023

“Having considered the parties’ briefs identifying certain jury procedures that both parties have agreed upon, and for good cause shown, the Court orders as follows: 1. The Court will use a written questionnaire in advance of in-person jury selection. The Government will prepare a written questionnaire for distribution to prospective jurors and meet and confer with defense counsel regarding the questionnaire before submitting it for Court approval on January 9, 2024.”

“To the extent the parties do not agree on any question, the Government, at the time it submits the proposed questionnaire, shall also submit a joint filing identifying the disputed language and succinctly stating the parties’ respective positions. After review and approval by the Court, the questionnaire will be distributed to prospective jurors summoned to complete it at the courthouse on February 9, 2024,” wrote DC Circuit Court Judge Tanya Chutkan in a Thursday order making it very clear she is not screwing around when it comes to starting the trial on time in early March.

Fox News host Jesse Watters was abruptly “on a pre-planned vacation” Thursday, a day after he went on a deranged rant about Arab Americans saying he’s “had it” with them over reactions to the Israel-Gaza conflict, a mid-week absence that’s unlikely to be a coincidence.

New Jersey Dem Congressman Rob Menendez on Thursday put out a statement explaining why he voted against expelling lying piece of shit Long Island Republican Congressman George Santos over the dozens of federal felony charges Santos currently faces, writing “Last night, I joined over 30 of my House Democratic colleagues to prevent what we believe would be a bad precedent for this institution. In the history of our country, only five Members of Congress have been expelled, three for joining the Confederacy, two after being convicted of serious crimes. A decision of this magnitude must not be based on our opinions about the suitability of a colleague or their politics.”

“Instead, it must be based on facts and the final determinations of any ongoing legal proceedings or investigation by the House Ethics Committee. Without these critical steps completed, we must trust in the voters who elect Members of Congress to make their own decisions about who will represent them in Washington. With all the challenges we are facing both domestically and abroad, we must return to the important work of the American people, and I look forward to doing so,” he continued.

We just looked into it and it turns out there’s another Democrat named Menendez from New Jersey currently serving in Congress. He works in the other chamber, the Senate. And *checks notes* that guy’s also facing trial for federal felonies in- Oh shit! He’s actually Rob Menendez’s dad! Wow! That’s freaking funny. Weird how Rob didn’t mention his dad in this one though. All he said was the decision “must be based on facts and the final determinations of any ongoing legal proceedings.” Oh well.

You can tell the fat bastard is really freaked out if he’s sounding the CARAVANS alarm again. Maybe it’s his idiot sons testimony in New York, maybe it’s something else. Must be good either way.

A Connecticut judge on Wednesday ordered a new Dem primary election in the Bridgeport mayoral race after candidate John Gomes brought forth some pretty credible and damning evidence of ballot box stuffing to rig the September 12th primary for Dem incumbent Joe Ganim, the AP reports.

Confusingly, the re-do primary election is scheduled for after next week’s general election – in which Gomes is also on the ballot as an independent. How that’s actually supposed to work in practice we have no idea, though Gomes’s lawyer proposed to the judge the re-do would only be necessary if Ganim won the general. What would happen next is again a black box as we don’t know if that primary winner is then the mayor or if there’s another general election.

The specifics don’t really matter however since the MAGA chodes already had all the “facts” they needed in the “surveillance videos show possible ballot stuffing” part of the AP’s headline. It’s been a while since we had any fresh stories of election fraud in local contests that the 2020 truthers could use to “prove” their fantasies of a massive conspiracy to steal the presidency from their Orange Overlord. The stuff they had was getting pretty stale, but now this Bridgeport shitshow hits all too close to the narrative in Dinesh D’Souza’s widely-derided “2000 Mules” in which he claimed that five weeks’ worth of cellular GPS tracking data proved that “traffickers” were dumping massive quantities of ballots into drop boxes in the Atlanta area in the run-up to the 2020 election.

https://twitter.com/MrSantosNY/status/1720114231490576653

House Republicans are finally getting ready to grab their balls and subpoena Hunter Biden after 10 months of overpromising and underdelivering for their fans, the Messenger reports.

“The Television Reporting of the Biden Opponent Trial going on now in Manhattan is disgraceful. We have won virtually every single point, and it turned out that the publicity seeking Judge is the Fraud for saying that a Billion Dollar house is worth only $18,000,000, and for disregarding the Appeals Court decision against his actions. However, if you only listen to Fake News CNN or MSDNC, you will never hear the TRUTH!” wrote disgraced former President Trump on Truth Social on Thursday.

The rant came just after the grandpa called Judge Arthur Engoron “a wacko who is having a great time endlessly sanctioning, fining, and pushing around ‘TRUMP,’ hurting my very good children, and working to damage and defame me for purposes of Interfering with the 2024 Presidential Election.”

Trump’s meltdown may have come in response to his son Eric being apparently caught in a lie while testifying about his involvement in the financial statements about the family company’s assets.

Hopefully we’ll have better luck carrying this one in contrast to Colorado, as on Wednesday the sole feed for that trial we could find was from some bullshit right wing channel on Rumble literally got called out by the judge in real time for rebroadcasting the trial without prior permission.

Prominent right wing influencer and credibly suspected cocaine abuser Donald Trump Jr’s testimony to the court in New York Attorney General Letitia James’s $250 million lawsuit against his father’s corrupt business empire ended abruptly on Thursday when the defense declined to cross-examine the idiot Trump Organization “executive,” the Messenger’s Adam Klasfeld reports on an apparent sign that there wasn’t anything he could say that could actually help their case.

A read of Don Jr’s exchanges with the New York AG’s counsel in Klasfeld’s live thread shows Don Jr repeatedly trying to put the blame on clear misstatements and valuations on the Trump family’s accountants and lawyers, even the shit that Don Jr himself signed. Things could get worse for the defense, and probably will, as his brother Eric then took the stand to testify at press time.

National Zero’s crack internet reporting team have been unable to find any reports of rainbow fentanyl or any other lethal drugs killing trick-or-treaters surfacing in the 36 hours since the end of Halloween 2023, not even a news story about parents merely finding colorful, fruit-flavored narcotics in candy upon diligently checking their children’s plastic jack-o-lantern buckets.

So for the moment it appears this is now the second year in a row in which no children overdosed on powerful synthetic opioids distributed freely by drug dealers. In contrast to last year however, there were no frenzied warnings in the right wing media about the coming spooky-themed apocalypse.

“I am just glad the awareness of this candy fentanyl appears to have prevented deaths,” wrote one MAGA Disqus user on a November 2, 2022 Mediaite article titled “ZERO! That’s How Many Kids Reportedly Got ‘Rainbow Fentanyl’ in Trick-or-Treat Candy After Media Fear Mongering.” Click on the link to ask the asshole why there were also no deaths this year when there was no “awareness.”

I’m sorry we hurt your feelings, Congressman.

— GOP Josh 🇺🇸 (@GOPJosh20) November 2, 2023

Wisconsin Republican Congressman Derrick Van Orden, famous for drunkenly screaming at a group of House pages in the Capitol rotunda in July, continued letting his contempt for these goddamned disrespectful little shits be known Wednesday, this time taking it online to rip into “Josh” and his homies for acting like they know everything and are better than everybody else on Twitter.

There’s a decent chance we still would’ve picked this up if Van Orden were a Democrat. That he’s a fellow Republican sealed that deal and makes this that much more fucking hilarious. The only hard part here was picking which of “GOP Josh’s” replies to include, with the “I’m sorry we hurt your feelings, Congressman,” just narrowly winning over another where the little shitweasel wrote “Hey Derrick, where’s the question in my tweet?” disrespectfully addressing Van Orden by his first name.

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’s boots have been unable to lift him high enough to meet the evidently low bar his predecessor and current Senator Rick Scott set for an endorsement in the 2024 GOP presidential primary, as Scott on Thursday announced his support for his obese, orange makeup-slathered constituent in the contest in a Newsweek editorial. A reporter for the Messenger scooped it before Scott made the nod, noting that the skeletal white collar criminal was breaking a personal rule where he wouldn’t endorse in contested Florida primaries. If we had to guess, this was probably a shakedown by the Orange Warlord where he threatened to support some MAGA asshole in a 2024 Senate primary against the not-particularly-popular Scott if he didn’t come out for Trump.

“Governor Greg Abbott this morning arrived in Israel to reaffirm Texas’ enduring and unwavering support of the State of Israel, the Israeli people, and Israel’s right to self-defense amid acts of war by the brutal terrorist organization Hamas. This is Governor Abbott’s third trip to Israel since elected Governor in 2015… During the trip, Governor Abbott will meet with Israeli officials and visit with victims and impacted families to gain first-hand knowledge about the impacts of the Israel-Hamas war and ways Texas can continue to support Israel – America’s strongest ally in the Middle East. The Governor is joined on the trip by Oklahoma Governor Kevin Stitt,” says Abbott’s office in a statement.

Interesting how the Republican governors of Texas and Oklahoma, states with Jewish populations totaling 0.6 and 0.1 percent, respectively, feel it necessary to take a trip to a potentially dangerous war zone. Contrast it New York Governor Kathy Hochul, who visited last month: The Jewish population of her state, 8.8 percent, is actually larger than her margin of victory last year over Tribesman Republican former Congressman Lee Zeldin. Even with Ron DeSantis supposedly sending weapons to Israel makes sense given that Florida’s Jewish population at 3.3 percent is greater than his initial margin of victory in 2018 over former Dem Tallahassee Mayor Andrew Gillum.

Abbott and Stitt on the other hand are pretty obviously not trying to show solidarity with their near non-existent Jewish electorates so much as pissing away taxpayer money to pander to the bizarre Evangelical obsession with Israel and the Islamophobic racists in the MAGA base.

You voted to kick me out of the freedom caucus, but keep CNN wannabe Ken Buck and vaping groping Lauren Boebert and you voted with the Democrats to protect Terrorist Tlaib.

You hate Trump, certified Biden’s election, and could care less about J6 defendants being persecuted. https://t.co/OIgUvndXek

— Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene🇺🇸 (@RepMTG) November 2, 2023

UPDATE 11/2/2023 9:55 AM EDT: Chip Roy later responded to the meltdown by telling The Hill’s Mychael Schnell to tell Greene “to go chase so-called Jewish space lasers if she wants to spend time on that sort of thing,” to which the QAnon-loving psychopath quote-tweeted “Oh shut up Colonel Sanders, you’re not even from Texas, more like the DMV. Chip Roy’s career exist of working for politicians, working for campaigns for politicians, and being a politician himself. Unity Party all the way! Which is why you will never hold anyone accountable.” Jesus Christ, lol.

“Yesterday, the Court conducted a hearing on the defendants’ motion to adjourn trial, in which defendant Trump claimed that trial in this matter should be delayed in part because ‘[t]he March 4, 2024 trial date in the District of Columbia, and the underlying schedule in that case, currently require President Trump and his lawyers to be in two places at once.’ Defendant Trump’s counsel reiterated that argument during the hearing yesterday. However, defendant Trump’s counsel failed to disclose at the hearing that they were planning to file – and yesterday evening did file – the attached motion to stay the proceedings in the District of Columbia until their motion to dismiss the indictment based on presidential immunity is ‘fully resolved.’ As the Government argued to the Court yesterday, the trial date in the District of Columbia case should not be a determinative factor in the Court’s decision whether to modify the dates in this matter. Defendant Trump’s actions in the hours following the hearing in this case illustrate the point and confirm his overriding interest in delaying both trials at any cost. This Court should allow itself to be manipulated in this fashion,” writes Justice Department national security division chief Jay Bratt to Florida MAGA Judge Aileen Cannon.

On Wednesday disgraced former President Trump’s lawyers in DC filed a motion seeking a stay in his post-2020 election coup attempt trial until his “presidential immunity” scam can be resolved. On the same day Cannon told the parties in the classified documents theft case that she’s probably going to end up pushing back the start of the trial there, almost certainly past the 2024 election.

The Villages, Florida man John Witkowski has stolen his last custom made sub from the deli counter at the Publix at La Plaza Grande, or indeed entered the supermarket whatsoever without violating a court order as judge has sentenced the 46 year-old New York native to a permanent ban from the premises and to pay restitution and court costs for his shoplifting spree, Villages-News.com reports.

Witkowski was accused of having entered the store at least three times in late July and early August and exiting without paying for custom subs – with the last one ending with his arrest as he attempted to make off with three sandwiches valued at a total of $31.77, per the Lady Lake Police.