According to a timeline pieced together by CNN’s Brian Stelter, a woman identified only as “Linda in Arizona” on Friday called into supreme chodes Clay Travis and Butt Buck Sexton’s radio show and floated the idea of deploying ICE agents to airports as TSA disintegrates, which Travis later brought up during a Fox News appearance while Trump was watching, leading the Orange God Emperor to make his decree on Truth Social less than 24 hours after Linda’s call to the show.

The White House refused to comment on the timeline, per Stelter. Travis and Sexton’s show wasn’t so shy, posting “On Friday, a caller named Linda proposed a brilliant idea. Friday night, Clay talked about it on Fox. Today, President Trump took the advice! Way to go, Linda,” on Facebook.

Jeff Webb, a right wing douche who founded some kind of cheerleading competition business – so in all likelihood a sex prest too – and billed himself as Charlie Kirk’s “mentor” following the 31 year-old propagandist’s September 2025 assassination, died Thursday at the age of 76, two weeks after suffering what the Daily Mail describes as a “freak” pickleball accident during a game.

The trashy British rag did not elaborate upon what made the accident so “freaky” in nature, like if it was some kind of gruesome Final Destination-type shit or what – or what Candace Owens’ theory is and how it fits into her grander narrative. Either way, Webb’s death follows that of Kirk’s and of the other Turning Point USA co-founder Bill Montgomery, who died of COVID in July 2020, aged 80.

This live feed picked up after Trump threatened a Newsmax reporter and said Iranian state TV is “going to have to get better public relations people” for contradicting him, lol.

A Welsh drug dealer in the midst of a crisis of conscience and desperate to turn himself at a police station in late December was told to come back during regular business hours so that his self-criminal complaint could be handled, the man told a court last week, Wales Online reports.

Anthony Edgell, 36, was driving an Audi A3 in Carmarthen on December 27 when he plowed the starter luxury sedan into a utility pole and fled on foot from the scene, leaving £5,100, worth of weed, £1,050 in heroin, £30 of cocaine in the vehicle. Cops were looking for him when Edgell dialed 999 (the UK’s 911) and confessed to the dispatcher that on top of all that he was driving without insurance. Edgell then walked to a police station and, per his lawyer, told the station was closed and he needed to “go back there in normal business hours.” The weed and heroin guy neglected to return but didn’t put up a fight either when cops found him at his sister’s house 10 days later.

Edgell, a longtime recidivist, pleaded guilty to possession with intent to supply class A and B drugs, possession of cocaine, and driving without insurance. The judge gave him 36 months in the clink.

Hungarian dictator Viktor Orban on Monday ordered an immediate investigation into reports that his party is colluding with Russian intelligence agents ahead of next month’s big election, specifically demanding they find out who “wiretapped” his foreign minister and exposed the collusion with Russian intelligence agents, rather than if any of his own allies broke the law, Reuters reports.

The reporting – that Budapest’s Foreign Minister Peter ⁠Szijjarto would take breaks from private EU meetings to personally call his Kremlin counterpart Sergei Lavrov to keep him posted – could’ve been timed better for Team Orban given that his far-right Fidesz party may really indeed be doomed in the April 12 election. Center-right opposition Tisza party leads most polls with a wide margin.

House Oversight Chairbilly James Comer and similarly stupid Fox Business News anchor Maria Bartiromo on Monday expressed deep skepticism over Iranian state TV’s responses to convicted felon President Trump’s claims of productive peace talks. The response, described by Bartiromo as Tehran saying that “Trump capitulated” and “There are no direct or indirect talks taking place with the Trump regime, this is from a spokesperson for the IRGC and it is being run on Iran state TV. They say it’s a ploy to buy time for military preparations,” was dismissed by Comer who said he doesn’t “know how trustworthy Iranian state TV is. It’s probably like a couple liberals networks that come to mind.” Set aside the fact that irony’s still dead and he’s saying this on the American version of state TV – and you’re still left with this painfully fucking dumb idiot questioning the official reaction of Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps leadership delivered via their state media channel. It was not in any way “reporting” like this dipshit conflates it with. It was an official statement, not subject to interpretation of whether the statement was or was not issued, irrespective of one’s priors.

“At approximately 10:18 am this morning, IPD was contacted by Cargo Largo Security regarding a suspicious powder substance located in the packaging of a Barbie Doll. IPD determined the substance was fentanyl and immediately began an investigation with Cargo Largo to determine how many compromised units were sold. It was determined five compromised units were sold. IPD has tracked down four of the units. Only one unit remains outstanding and we have an active lead we are working to track it down. IPD’s investigation revealed the dolls themselves were not compromised.”

“Fentanyl was discovered taped inside the back packaging of the dolls. There is no reason to believe compromised units were sent to other retailers and no injuries have been reported. This remains an active investigation,” wrote the Independence, Missouri Police Department in a Facebook post on Sunday, later updating it to say they tracked down the fifth one before some little girl opened it and was killed on contact with the powerful opioid. Hopefully they had a clean replacement handy.

Stay tuned to National Zero for much more in “Shit that Joe Biden would be directly blamed for if it had happened in 2023 but the right wing and mainstream media ignore in 2026” news.

The Federal Aviation Administration on Monday ordered a ground stop at Newark International Airport after the air traffic control tower filled with smoke for who the hell knows what reason, all flights are halted until at least 8:30 as controllers get set up at a backup facility, ABC 7 reports.

Whether Trump was telling the truth or not Iran is calling him a bitch with this comment

They have no interest in de-escalation

Trump will likely ignore this as any response would be bad for the markets

Its looking like failure at this point https://t.co/IsTn30qV2N

— Tim Pool (@Timcast) March 23, 2026

Without further details available at the moment, the AP reports chyrons on Iranian state TV say “US president backs down following Iran’s firm warning,” of mass destruction in the Strait of Hormuz.

Non-zero chance the Orange Ayatollah breaks his unilateral ceasefire just because of that.

“I AM PLEASE TO REPORT THAT THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND THE COUNTRY OF IRAN, HAVE HAD, OVER THE LAST TWO DAYS, VERY GOOD AND PRODUCTIVE CONVERSATIONS REGARDING A COMPLETE AND TOTAL RESOLUTION OF OUR HOSTILITIES IN THE MIDDLE EAST.”

“BASED ON THE TENOR AND TONE OF THESE IN DEPTH, DETAILED, AND CONSTRUCTIVE CONVERSATIONS, WITCH WILL CONTINUE THROUGHOUT THE WEEK, I HAVE INSTRUCTED THE DEPARTMENT OF WAR TO POSTPONE ANY AND ALL MILITARY STRIKES AGAINST IRANIAN POWER PLANTS AND ENERGY INFRASTRUCTURE FOR A FIVE DAY PERIOD, SUBJECT TO THE SUCCESS OF THE ONGOING MEETINGS AND DISCUSSIONS,” POSTED PRESIDENT TRUMP ON MONDAY MORNING, LOOKING LIKE A TOTAL PUSSY IN RESPONSE TO IRANIAN THREATS. WHAT A GREAT LEADER AMERICA HAS BEEN BLESSED WITH BY JOE ROGAN PODCAST LISTENERS.

Urged on by fellow Republicans in the chamber and even some White House aides – according to Punchbowl News – Senate Majority Leader John Thune on Sunday approached convicted felon President Trump with a new plan to break the Homeland Security funding with Democrats, funding the whole department except for ICE, which Thune said could be taken care of in a party-line reconciliation bill in which the Dems would be denied their main goals of banning masks, requiring judicial warrants, et cetera to rein in the violent white nationalist schutzstaffel korps.

Trump said no and then posted “I don’t think we should make any deal with the Crazy, Country Destroying, Radical Left Democrats unless, and until, they Vote with Republicans to pass ‘THE SAVE AMERICA ACT.’ It is far more important than anything else we are doing in the Senate, and that includes giving these same terrible people, the Dems (who are to blame for this mess!), a Five Billion Dollar cut in ICE funding, a deal which, even when disguised as something else, is unacceptable to me and the American people – UNLESS it includes their approval of Voter ID, (with picture!), Citizenship to Vote, No Mail-In Voting (with exceptions), All Paper Ballots, No Men In Women’s Sports, and No Transgender MUTILIZATION of our precious children. Put it all together, and also, let Leader Thune clearly identify those few ‘Republicans’ that are Voting against AMERICA. They will never be elected again! In other words, lump everything together as one, and VOTE!!! Kill the Filibuster, and stay in DC for Easter, if necessary,” all of it very specific to Thune’s asks.

Punchbowl writes that Trump warned Thune “he’d publicly slam Senate Republicans if they left town for the upcoming recess. Trump also said he’d invite all the GOP senators and their families for Easter dinner at the White House. Some Republicans took that as a threat, not a reward.”

BREAKING: Air Canada flight, emergency vehicle collide at LaGuardia airport in New York Cityhttps://t.co/YKb6oeHtJP pic.twitter.com/icvwNIr9YI

— Fox News (@FoxNews) March 23, 2026

Riverside County, California MAGA Sheriff Chad Bianco – currently trailing bald British asshole Steve Hilton on the Republican side in the Gold State’s gubernatorial race – this week pulled off a pretty nifty stunt to appeal to the “Stop the Steal” dipshits: Seizing more than half a million ballots cast in the county in last Novembers Proposition 50 referendum to nuke five GOP-held congressional districts to make sure they weren’t made of bamboo and blah blah blah, the AP reports.

Bianco sold it as “a fact-finding mission” at a Friday press conference announcing the seizure. “This investigation is simple: Physically count the ballots and compare that result with the total votes reported,” said Bianco, obviously pissed they lost the very vast, very red county by 80,000 votes.

“I have a duty to investigate alleged crime in Riverside County,” the time-wasting jerkoff said.

Just over an hour after convicted felon President Trump posted “On Monday, ICE will be going to airports to help our wonderful TSA Agents who have stayed on the job despite the fact that the Radical Left Democrats, who are only focused on protecting hard line criminals who have entered our Country illegally, are endangering the USA by holding back the money that was long ago agreed to with signed and sealed contracts, and all. But watch, no matter how great a job ICE does, the Lunatics leading the incompetent Dems will be highly critical of their work. THEY WILL DO A FANTASTIC JOB. The great Tom Homan is in charge!!!” the Cava bag bribery czar was on CNN and was very plainly less than amped to be put on the job to unfuck the situation caused by GOP refusals to pass a bill to make sure TSA agents are paid while the rest of DHS remains shut down.

“Now with the death of Iran, the greatest enemy America has is the Radical Left, Highly Incompetent, Democrat Party! Thank you for your attention to this matter,” posted a mentally ill senior citizen on Sunday, still unable to decide if Iran has been defeated on top of his other deranged claim that the domestic opposition is a more serious national enemy than China, ISIS, Al-Qaeda, drug cartels, Tren de Aragua, MS-13, and so on. All in all pretty par for the course.

Asked to comment on a Saturday IDF post claiming “the Iranian terrorist regime poses a global threat… with missiles that can reach London, Paris or Berlin,” UK Housing Secretary Steve Reed on Sunday told the BBC that the Israeli claim that Iranian missiles could strike London isn’t actually supported by any current intel. Reed said there’s “no specific assessment that the Iranians are targeting the UK or even could, if they wanted to. We are perfectly capable of protecting this country and keeping this country safe, whether it’s here at home, or whether it’s our assets and nationals across the region. There is no assessment to substantiate what’s being said.”

It’s not clear why Reed – a housing official – was qualified to comment on the matter, with the IDF’s claim based on an attempted missile attack on Diego Garcia, which is 2,360 miles away from the closest Iranian territory. The distance between London and the northwesternmost tip of Iran is about 100 miles closer. Still, the missiles were intercepted well before they got anywhere close to Diego.

“Robert Mueller just died. Good, I’m glad he’s dead. He can no longer hurt innocent people!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Saturday, every word of it after “Mueller” his own future epitaph.

Not a whole lot else to say, like who should pretend to be shocked or even surprised by the fat fuck’s utter incapacity but also that, well, you know, all of us are going to say the same thing when he’s dead and the world will be a better place when it happens. Far more innocent people have been hurt – outright annihilated – because of Trump and the sooner and more painful he dies the better.

Still gotta wonder whether the fat fuck is doing this on purpose to make life more difficult for his lowly subs in the Congressional GOP. This isn’t what they need reporters asking about right now.

Long in the works but timely enough, this is National Zero’s guide to the SAVE Act – sorry, SAVE AMERICA Act, as a certain fat drama queen recently insisted as to raise the stakes:

It’s been in the works since early last year, but both chambers of the Florida state legislature have passed HB 991, known colloquially as the Florida SAVE Act which requires new voters, or current ones who change their address or party affiliation, to prove citizenship by presenting a passport, birth certificate, or the equivalent upon registration – excepting those with a REAL ID, as in a driver’s license/DMV-issued non-license ID as those would have already only been issued to citizens.

Yup, they’ve sent it over to heels-wearing Governor Ron DeSantis and he’ll sign it any day now, a bill that has been in the works for nearly a year just getting some last minute adjustments earlier this month because – you’re going to love this – they had to amend it to push back the effective date for the citizenship verification requirements to January 1, 2027. “This gives adequate time in order for that population who does not yet have a Real ID to come into compliance, or to in some other way prove their citizenship,” said Republican state Senator Erin Grall, one of the bill’s sponsors.

For those keeping score at home this would mean that the GOP’s laboratory of autocracy, the land of ethnic Cuban far-right sociopaths, bath salts, Scientology, the home of the hallowed cathedral of all corruption and degeneracy in the United States, Mar-a-Lago – is holding back until after the midterms on what’s already a pretty graduated, rolling process in which those who renew their driver’s license in December and remain at the same address will not have been officially verified as eligible citizen voters until December 2034. Simply because imposing that requirement all at once now would be far too disruptive – and let’s be real here, if they knew with full confidence that it would advantage Republicans in November they would’ve made it effective immediately.

An Ohio State Highway Patrol Trooper on March 9th noticed a northern barred owl struggling along the side of US 30 near US 42 and quickly stopped to render aid to the animal, bringing it to the Ohio Bird Sanctuary in Richland County, WHIO reports, citing a March 20th Facebook post from the Mansfield OSHP precinct, where presumably it is still being rehabilitated or has since been released rather than euthanized. You’d think that the patrol and/or the affiliate station would offer a little more detail about how things shook out for the bird given the 11 day lag from the rescue to the post.

Nevertheless a cop was kind to a wild animal that would otherwise most likely have perished from predation, starvation, or a vehicle strike if not for his intervention. You can appreciate the act of kindness and mercy toward one of God’s creations, an individual member of a species onto which mankind projects wisdom and enigmatic intent simply through pareidolia of a facial “expression” and thus personality. Such a mass perception of the owl belies the reality that they’re roughly on par with pigeons in intelligence, ranked below more prosaic, ubiquitous, and middle-sized corvids – as in common crows, ravens, and magpies – as the master brains of the North American Bird-iverse.

Still, that you’d be far less likely to see a story about a cop rescuing an injured crow doesn’t diminish the act that did occur. Just, you know, try to appreciate it without any intrusion of questioning which bird species illicit sympathy based solely on their appearance. Suppressing that thought will in turn crowd out any of the predictable “Oh bUt tHeN tEh c0P pR0LLy sh0T suM 1nn0CeNt dUdE aFtER tHaT” and maybe even all the actually horrible shit happening in the world that the headline was meant to be a little “SEE THINGS R NOT ALL BAD” respite from. Act accordingly, people.