Jesus Dork Speaker of the House Mike Johnson on Thursday arrived at Andrews Air Force Base expecting to jet off to London only to be told his designated plane was experiencing some mechanical issues. Per Punchbowl News, officials offered to bump another Congressional delegation off their flight but he declined and booked an economy-plus United Airlines seat to head to England.

Which means one of two things happened: (A) Johnson called Trump, JD Vance, or Pete Hegseth to ask to borrow Air Force One or some other government/military plane that wasn’t booked and was told “Lol, no” or (B) He didn’t even bother asking because he knew the answer would be “Lol, no.”

Look, you can laugh all day about the Trump Regime caring so little about the second in line to the presidency and the top-ranking elected official in a putatively coequal branch of government that he has to book a commercial ticket, question whether there’s any real actual purpose to him flying to London to exchange awkward handshakes with Tory leaders, and so on. It’s funny when it happens to Mike Johnson. But to the Speaker of the House, especially when in 350-odd days that Speaker of the House is more likely than not to be Hakeem Jeffries? No, that’s not cool. Even if you wouldn’t be all that upset if five burly soccer hooligans somehow drunkenly mistook Johnson for Inter Milan’s president and summarily throttled him to death while the United flight was two hours from the nearest landmass with a runway it could divert to, the office is important enough to merit access to a plane good enough to take a high-ranking passenger. Doesn’t mean there has to be a “Speaker Force One” fueled, crewed, and flight-ready 24/7 everywhere he goes, but the largest single air fleet in the world also should be able to shake one loose for him or her at the last minute if need be.

“Brooklyn Football Club (Brooklyn FC) men today announced that it has signed American midfielder Peter Mangione to its inaugural USL Championship roster, pending league and federation approval.”

“Mangione, 24, an American midfielder from Hunt Valley, Md, joins Brooklyn from the FC Cincinnati organization after turning pro with FC Cincinnati 2 in MLS NEXT Pro. He built his resume at Penn State, where he scored 31 career goals and earned Big Ten Offensive Player of the Year honors in 2021 and 2023. Mangione played a key role for FC Cincinnati 2 in 2025, making 28 appearances (26 starts) and recording two goals and five assists across 2,218 minutes. He brings a balanced midfield profile to Brooklyn, with the engine to cover ground and the end product to impact matches in the final third. Brooklyn FC will debut in the USL Championship on March 8, 2026 when the team takes on Indy Eleven at Maimonides Park,” said Brooklyn FC in a press release on Wednesday.

The absolute killer shot Mangione’s new home field is just under six miles from where his absolute killer shot cousin Luigi is incarcerated awaiting trial. Soccer fan Nicolas Maduro is staying there too.

President Donald J. Trump meets with María Corina Machado of Venezuela in the Oval Office, during which she presented the President with her Nobel Peace Prize in recognition and honor.🕊️ pic.twitter.com/v7pYHjVNVO

— The White House (@WhiteHouse) January 16, 2026

Now it’s not totally set in stone that Trump will forego any serious action to support Maria Corina Machado for Venezuela’s presidency – and it was also worth trying for her since it’s just a medal.

And yet it would seem more likely than not that the Orange God Emperor is happy enough with Delcy Rodriguez and won’t be particularly forcibly demanding she let Machado back into the country to stand in a free and fair election under pain of more military action or sanctions against Caracas.

Trump got the oil, “his” Nobel Peace Prize, and Machado gets his “gratitude” for the token plus absolutely brutal derision from Norwegian elites in the Nobel Committee’s orbit, like an Oslo professor and former politician who called her “gift” to Donald “meaningless” and “pathetic,” that showed “a total lack of respect for the award, on her part,” according to Bloomberg.

Really the only question now is – assuming he’s still alive on January 21st, 2029 and a Dem candidate wins the presidency in 2028 – whether the future DC US Attorney is going to have the balls to prosecute him for felony theft of US government property. There’s no need to “assume” the fat fuck is going to take the medal with him to Mar-a-Lago because assumption implies a conditional sequence. He will take it with him and a self-pardon on the way out the door won’t mean shit if he’s still in possession of stolen federal government property as of the end of his term, so nail him on it.

The top daily periodical of the financial industry of the largest economy on the planet on Friday printed a little ditty headlined “The Chain-Smoking Rock Star Who Made Indiana Football Hurt So Good: From a wooden shack atop the stadium, John Mellencamp has overseen the team’s transformation from laughingstock to No 1,” illustrated by a photo of Mellencamp standing in front of a bronze statue of his likeness installed on the campus of the Hoosier State’s top public university.

The article contains exceedingly pro-John Cougar Mellencamp content some individuals may find unnecessarily effusive to the point of being emotionally disturbing. Reader discretion is advised.

Convicted felon President Trump and his lowly minions are starting to worry about the public blowback to the quasi-genocidal campaign against non-US citizens who run afoul of their reich, with abysmal recent internal GOP polling numbers – but not that recent as it was conducted before Renee Good was murdered by an ICE agent – a particular source of anxiety, sources tell Axios.

The polling, which found 60 percent of indy voters and 58 percent of undecideds saying the Orange Caesar was “too focused” on deporting illegal immigrants as well as 33 percent saying Trump was primarily deporting otherwise law-abiding illegal immigrants as opposed to criminals, is actually not even that bad compared to where it could or – really should – be. Nevertheless the growing backlash has prompted Hill GOP members to complain that the brutality in Minneapolis has been “dominating the news and obscuring the White House’s work on cost-of-living issues that congressional Republicans, Trump and his team see as more important,” Axios writes, and fuckin lol at that part.

Seriously what the hell are they thinking? That ICE fulfilling its stated mission of apprehending criminal illegal aliens with competence, professionalism, and discretion would allow for more bandwidth to lie to people about their grocery prices going down? The GOP should at least be happy to be in their comfort zone of lying about Minneapolis and more or less outright saying that a leftist lesbian tried to kill an ICE agent with her vehicle and thus deserved to get shot in the face three times. That’s much more in their wheelhouse than being confronted with evidence that they have not and never did intend to follow through on addressing their main 2024 campaign issue via policy.

SCIENCE FUNDING: The ⁠Senate voted on Thursday to approve billions of dollars in funding for federal science agencies, rejecting deep cuts proposed ⁠by the White House. https://t.co/KzhmLoRCvu

— NEWSMAX (@NEWSMAX) January 16, 2026

“It was my Great Honor to meet María Corina Machado, of Venezuela, today. She is a wonderful woman who has been through so much. María presented me with her Nobel Peace Prize for the work I have done. Such a wonderful gesture of mutual respect. Thank you María!” posted the fat toddler on Thursday, making it unambiguous he now “owns” an official Nobel Peace Prize.

A real klutz of a North Carolina meth operation’s delivery guy is in trouble after he showed up to the wrong house at 1:45 AM on Sunday, expecting to drop off the stuff to a willing buyer, WSOC reports.

The unidentified 32 year-old suspect faces felony possession of Schedule I narcotics, felony conspiracy to deliver meth, felony conspiracy to traffic meth, misdemeanor possession of a controlled substance, and two misdemeanor counts of possession of marijuana/drug paraphernalia.

It’s not clear if the man was on meth at the time. Or maybe he was and it was just shitty meth that wasn’t making him alert enough to realize he was at the wrong address at 1:45 AM.

After having emerged from a meeting at the White House with convicted felon President Trump on Thursday, Venezuelan opposition leader Maria Corina Machado told reporters she “presented the President of the United States the medal, the peace, the Nobel Peace Prize” and a not particularly careful parsing of her words after that left the very strong impression that Trump “accepted.”

“The people of Bolivar are giving back to the heir of Washington a medal, the medal of the Nobel Peace Prize, for the recognition of his unique commitment to our freedom,” said Machado.

Well there you have it. The fat fuck will now consider himself a Nobel Peace Prize laureate, just hours after he threatened to turn the US military against the people of a major American city.

“Attorney General Matthew J Platkin and the Division on Civil Rights (DCR) announced today that they have filed a complaint in New Jersey Superior Court alleging that Clark Township and the Clark Police Department (CPD) systematically discriminated against and harassed Black and other non-white motorists in violation of the New Jersey Law Against Discrimination (LAD) and the New Jersey Constitution. The complaint is based on an investigation conducted by DCR that focused on the time period from 2015 through the end of the Union County Prosecutor’s Office’s (UCPO) supersession of CPD’s operations in March 2025. The investigation found that Clark Township and CPD instituted a variety of discriminatory policing practices at the behest of the longtime former Mayor of Clark, Salvatore Bonaccorso, and CPD leadership,” says the New Jersey AG’s office in a statement.

“The complaint explains that, prior to UCPO’s supersession of CPD’s operations in July 2020, leadership in Clark Township and CPD leadership expressly instructed officers to keep Black people out of Clark and directed officers to engage in policing practices that were designed to accomplish exactly that. The complaint alleges that former Mayor Bonaccorso directed CPD leadership to engage in discriminatory policing to ‘keep chasing the spooks out of town,’ using a racial slur to refer to Black people. And CPD then implemented a variety of practices designed to achieve that outcome,” the press release continues and yes Bonaccorso is definitely, 100 percent MAGA.

Well yeah it was obvious from hating Blacks but you can see Trump shit on his Facebook page too.

“NASA’s SpaceX Crew-11 mission safely splashed down early Thursday morning in the Pacific Ocean off the coast of San Diego, concluding a more than five-month mission aboard the International Space Station. NASA astronauts Zena Cardman and Mike Fincke, JAXA (Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency) astronaut Kimiya Yui, and Roscosmos cosmonaut Oleg Platonov returned to Earth at 12:41 am PST. Teams aboard SpaceX recovery vessels retrieved the spacecraft and its crew shortly after landing. Crew-11 returned home about a month earlier than planned because of a medical concern teams are monitoring with one of the crew members, who remains stable.”

“Due to medical privacy, it is not appropriate for NASA to share more details about the crew member. Prior to return, NASA previously coordinated for all four crew members to be transported to a local hospital for additional evaluation, taking advantage of medical resources on Earth to provide the best care possible,” says a NASA press release and since when did HIPAA apply to astronauts?

At least just say it was something normal and don’t leave room to speculate it was like a horrific alien virus or weird cosmic energy wave that gave the astronaut super powers or some shit.

Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu is asking convicted felon President Trump to back off from striking Iran as Israel is not ready for real actual retaliatory attacks, the New York Times reports.

A highly organized and professional armed robbery crew barged into a high stakes card game in Manhattan on Wednesday night, making off with over $100,000 worth of prized loot in under three minutes, leaving the high rollers and their host utterly stunned by the brazen heist, WABC reports.

The Poke Court, a sophisticated parlor opened in the Meatpacking District in November to serve the city’s elite Pokemon card players, was a mess of glass from shattered display cases after the brazen rogues absconded with its most coveted and valuable depictions of Japanese cartoon fighting animals that players pit against each other in imaginary battles, a most inauspicious first “community night” for the venue. At least 40 of Gotham’s top Pokemon sharps witnessed the crime.

“That’s been the recommendation of the police and of other shops in the area to get an armed guard or like a doorman,” proprietor Courtney Chin told WABC, adding she hopes insurance will cover the losses. She did not say if the merchandise was actually insured or if this was more of like an aspirational hope that the typical policies held by commercial retail business will cover it.

The NYPD are asking for the public’s assistance in identifying the thieves. They gotta catch em all.

During the brief but wide-ranging interview with Reuters from which other portions were picked up here earlier, convicted felon President Trump on Thursday told reporters with the outlet that he doesn’t exactly have high hopes for the Republican Party in the November elections, saying “It’s some deep psychological thing, but when you win the presidency, you don’t win the midterms.”

The fat bastard then, per Reuters, “boasted that he had accomplished so much” that “when you think of it, we shouldn’t even have an election,” his addled mind germinating the seed of canceling the midterms because of whatever the fuck he thinks he actually accomplished domestically.

A warming center – basically a homeless shelter with a lot of space heaters – in Atlanta was the scene of a mass shooting on Thursday, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports and the details are extremely limited at this point as a 911 call was placed just before 10 AM this morning.

Not that it would be good if this was simply some vagrant asshole pulling a gun and shooting several others he did not like, but it’s still preferable to the place being targeted by someone not sheltering there and did not know anyone inside except that it’s a temporary shelter for homeless people, most of them likely Black given the area’s demographics. That would be far more unwelcome news.

Convicted felon President Trump’s supplicants were all over his deranged threat to impose the Insurrection Act in Minnesota on Thursday, completely thrilled by the idea of fucking shit up.