Clicking the “subscribe” button on disgraced former President Trump’s Truth Social account requires a strong stomach for meaningless bullshit, especially when you also have your phone configured to pick up the alerts. Unlike with Twitter you can’t see any of the actual content of the post in the push notification – all it says is “@realDonaldTrump just posted” – requiring you to tap on it and see what it says and the vast majority of the time it’s just who gives a shit. Maybe – maybe – one in every 20 posts is something funny, stupid, and/or outrageous enough to be worth picking up here, and by now we’ve discerned a pattern to the notifications that makes handling them a little easier.

When there’s just one or two notifications then it’s probably something Trump actually wrote himself and thus worth our attention (relatively speaking). See our articles like “Orange God Emperor explodes over Meadows betrayal,” “Orange Pharaoh officially undorses Tom Emmer for Speaker,” or “Trump tries to disown Kraken” for recent examples of such newsworthy-ish pronouncements.

If it’s four, five or more – and it’s always more – we know that it’s not Donald himself but one of his minions binge-posting articles from right wing news sites, stupid memes, screenshots of tweets of favorable numbers from poll tracker Twitter accounts like the one above. Most of the time we ignore these flurries completely, however this one polling result from Tennessee definitely stuck out.

House Republicans are trying to gauge what momentum, if any, they still have for impeaching Biden after the 22 day speakership shitshow that left their caucus riven by division, CNN reports.

It might seem like a lifetime ago given the separate self-inflicted clusterfuck of the four attempts to find a new Speaker after Kevin McCarthy was taken down in Matt Gaetz’s palace coup – of which McCarthy’s unilaterally-announced and thus invalid impeachment inquiry failed to stave off – but it’s been just under a month since Oversight Chairbilly James Comer’s utterly disastrous first hearing in the “inquiry” and now Republicans are looking to figure out a new way forward as new Speaker Mike Johnson has tepidly endorsed continuing the effort… if they can find any actual evidence, with Johnson on Thursday stressing to Sean Hannity that’s an important requirement.

House Judiciary spokesman Russel Dye insisted that the inquiry has been “ramped up” and they keep grinding to find new material for “future public consumption,” which was about the only quote CNN included that had any sort of positivity for the fake inquiry getting anywhere whatsoever.

How am I supposed to take liberals’ complaints about mass shootings seriously when half of them don’t even know what the “A” in AR-15 stands for?

— New York Times Pitchbot (@DougJBalloon) October 26, 2023

I’m not going to be lectured about gun safety by people who think the “AR” in AR-15 stands for “assault rifle”.

— Lauren Boebert (@laurenboebert) October 27, 2023

Writing good satire can be hard. Writing about good satire can be even harder. Some of us who might be pretty clever on some days find it exceedingly difficult on others to elucidate even the simplest description of the process or why the inspiration to produce it comes and goes like the weather. Which is to say when it rains it pours. Every so often some of us find the correct thread and follow it long enough to print something electrifyingly funny – especially in the MAGA era where a lot of this shit is more than absurd enough on its own that no thread need be pulled.

Satire can be easy too, paradoxically. Sometimes all one need do is just shift the context ever so slightly on a situation to properly demonstrate how stupid and/or outrageous it is. Or a prior situation. Whatever. We doubt the guy behind the New York Times Pitchbot account spends much time contemplating the nuts and bolts of the art however. He seems to just practice it, coasting rightfully on his talent at quick and concise burns of the political-media ecosystem with ease.

Pitchbot posted screenshots of both these tweets side-by-side a little while ago leading us to embed them above. He didn’t comment, so we have no insight into how he felt about his prophecy being unintentionally fulfilled by a frequent target of such mockery. We’ve been there too not long ago, and while it is funny on the surface, it can also somehow feel vaguely unsatisfying – even infuriating – underneath. Like a retroactive undermining of a good effort that makes one want to say “Hey fuck you asshole, get your own line!” as though Boebert had knowingly stole someone else’s joke. Or maybe Picthbot is just spiking the football like normal-ish people would do.

Manhattan Judge Arthur Engoron on Friday ruled that Ivanka Trump has to come in and testify in the trial over New York AG Letitia James’s $250 million lawsuit against her demented father’s corrupt business empire, the Messenger’s Adam Klasfeld reports, adding that she can still appeal.

Arizona Attorney General Kris Mayes’s office has been making steady progress in its investigation into disgraced former President Trump and his minions pressuring officials in the state to overturn his circa-10,000 vote defeat in the state in the 2020 election, conducting interviews with all the current and former members of the Maricopa County Board of Supervisors and former state House Speaker Rusty Bowers to build a case, the Washington Post reports on movement in a possible fifth jurisdiction in which the fat bastard could end up facing criminal charges.

The investigation had previously been more akin to Michigan Attorney General Dana Nessel’s case against the 16 fake Trump 2020 electors in the Great Lakes State – as in local yokels only – than Fulton District Attorney Fani Willis’s sweeping RICO indictment against Donald and 18 of his minions, only two of them fake electors. But the Post’s reporting indicates a scope widening to the post-election meltdown inciting violent threats against Bowers and the Maricopa officials.

It’s not clear yet if or when Trump himself could find himself targeted in the probe. A lot would depend on the level of cooperation from guys like Bowers and former Governor Doug Ducey, who reportedly had a conversation with Trump similar to the one Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger did on January 2, 2021. Ducey did not however leak a recording of it the very next day (he didn’t record it at all) and the Post only got it from a second-hand source earlier this year.

Continuing to struggle with a tanking ruble, Russia’s Central Bank on Friday again raised interest rates by 200 “basis points,” which is the fancy word for 2 percent, to 15 percent total, fully doubling from the rate of 7.5 percent in the first half of this year, the Associated Press reports.

The bank also said the annualized price growth rate exceeded 12 percent in the third quarter which is, uh, pretty fucking high. We were to understand from the MAGA trolls who also constantly bitch about inflation that Russia is awesome and Putin is such a better leader than Joe Biden. As such we welcome those who haven’t been banned yet to continue such assertions. Please be sure to incorporate the US Commerce Department’s latest monthly core personal consumption expenditures price index report showing only a 0.3 percent domestic increase in the measure for comparison.

In a new motion filed late Thursday in the DC federal court where he faces four federal criminal charges for his failed post-2020 election coup attempt disgraced former autocrat Donald Trump continued claiming that he had “presidential immunity” for his actions by citing scandals that dogged past administrations having gone unprosecuted to be some sort of defense for his own fuckery.

First off, Nixon was preemptively pardoned by his successor, Gerald Ford, who wanted to move forward. We don’t know how close Tricky Dick came to getting prosecuted since it was just a month after his resignation. We would venture it was probably pretty close given that Nixon was already listed as an “un-indicted co-conspirator” in the federal criminal cases against his minions.

Gaza hospital coverage proves media needs to be skeptical of sources, expert says: ‘All the facts were wrong’ https://t.co/Ae8XmaVDkY

— Fox News (@FoxNews) October 27, 2023

Sources close to disgraced former President Trump’s 2024 campaign tells the Daily Beast that their team are limiting their deranged candidate’s rallies in part due to the increased legal exposure that letting him say whatever the fuck he wants on stage could invite. “Honestly, given he has legal risk on many fronts, I’d probably do the same just to minimize anything that would fuck up his legal defense,” a former Trump adviser told the Beast. “Let everyone else flame out. Then hit the gas.”

Other factors include that his campaign itself is actually somewhat hurting for money and rallies are expensive to put on even after he stiffs local police departments for security costs.

“Today, at President Biden’s direction, US military forces conducted self-defense strikes on two facilities in eastern Syria used by Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps (IRGC) and affiliated groups. These precision self-defense strikes are a response to a series of ongoing and mostly unsuccessful attacks against US personnel in Iraq and Syria by Iranian-backed militia groups that began on October 17. As a result of these attacks, one US citizen contractor died from a cardiac incident while sheltering in place; 21 US personnel suffered from minor injuries, but all have since returned to duty. The President has no higher priority than the safety of US personnel, and he directed today’s action to make clear that the United States will not tolerate such attacks and will defend itself, its personnel, and its interests. The United States does not seek conflict and has no intention nor desire to engage in further hostilities, but these Iranian-backed attacks against US forces are unacceptable and must stop. Iran wants to hide its hand and deny its role in these attacks against our forces. We will not let them. If attacks by Iran’s proxies against US forces continue, we will not hesitate to take further necessary measures to protect our people” – Statement from Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin on the Air Force pew-pewing some Iranian-backed bad guys.

A group of House Republicans from New York will force a floor vote next week on expelling fellow New York Republican Congressman and guy who unfortunately will have a movie made out of his life George Santos from Congress because of, oh, so many things, Bloomberg reports.

Long Islander Anthony D’Esposito made the formal motion for a expedited vote in the House because Santos was indicted on charges including wire fraud, conspiracy, making false statements, falsifying records, aggravated identity theft and credit card fraud, as well as admitting to fraud in a Brazilian incident.

OMG!  It’s the end of the world!  Minnesota Democratic Congressman Dean Phillips has thrown his hat into the ring for the 2024 Democratic nomination for president, challenging incumbent president and Corn Pop fighter Joe Biden, per CBS News.  So, who’s Dean Phillips?  Good question. He’s more legit than RFK Jr. but less of a following.  A third term Congressman, Phillips flipped a traditionally Red district to go to Washington.  He’ll have a celebratory announcement in New Hampshire on Friday that multiple people are expected to attend.

US military forces conducted attacks against facilities operated by the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps and affiliated groups in Syria, the Pentagon announced Thursday, in an operation officials say thwarted operations against American personnel, the Washington Post reports.

“These precision self-defense strikes are a response to a series of ongoing and mostly unsuccessful attacks against U.S. personnel in Iraq and Syria by Iranian-backed militia groups that began on October 17,” Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin said in a statement, before adding that the US has no intention to carry on further operations at this time.

A Baltimore City judge who reviewed his credentials for admission to the Bar Association found Edward Garrison Draper “qualified in all respects,” and saying the Dartmouth graduate was “most intelligent and well informed in his answers,” but rejected him from the Bar because in 1857, Draper had the one thing even the smartest lawyer couldn’t hide:  he was Black, and therefore became the first person banned from the Bar solely because he was Black.

According to the Baltimore Sun, the Supreme Court of Maryland held a special session Thursday to right the wrong in the slightest bit and admit Draper to the Bar posthumously.  The effort to admit Draper was led by a former Texas judge, John Browning, who works to address past injustices.

Newsmax host Eric Bolling on Thursday asked Jim Jordan if he knows anything about whether Mark Meadows was wearing a wire while he was Chief of Staff, to which Jordan says “I don’t believe anything that gets written about- ya know- from- so many people in the mainstream press.” Problem is that, as we reported earlier, that “wire” story didn’t originate from the mainstream media but from this one hardcore MAGA asshole with a Nazi haircut who founded Students for Trump.

In a filing that put a smile on my face (in a “hahahaha… oh, he’s serious” kinda way), Donald Trump claims that because of foreign interference claims in the 2016 and 2020 elections, he wants to bring classified intelligence into the proceedings relating to his attempt to overthrow the Constitution and reinstall himself into a second term.

“The Indictment in this case adopts classified assessments by the Intelligence Community and others that minimized, and at times ignored, efforts by foreign actors to influence and interfere with the 2020 election. President Trump will offer classified information at trial relating to foreign influence activities that impacted the 2016 and 2020 elections, as well as efforts by his administration to combat those activities. President Trump will also present classified information relating to the biased and politicized nature of the intelligence assessments that he and others rejected during the events in question. Collectively, this evidence will undercut central theories of the prosecution and establish that President Trump acted at all times in good faith and on the belief that he was doing what he had been elected to do,” in a BIG over-promise Trump’s lawyers won’t be able to deliver on.

.@RepJasonSmith called me a liar.

It’s a somewhat predictable projection.

Because he lives a lie every day. pic.twitter.com/EUDhewyrCT

— Matt Gaetz (@mattgaetz) October 26, 2023

MAGA Congressman Matt Gaetz on Thursday pretty much outed House Ways and Means Committee Chairman Jason Smith. It’s not like Smith’s sexuality is any real surprise but this is pretty fucked up.

The statue of Confederate General Robert E Lee that formerly stood on a pedestal in Richmond, Virginia before its removal in 2021 has been melted down and its remains will be used to create a new piece of public art whose design is still in the works, the Washington Post reports.

Holy freaking shit this is so goddamned hilarious. And stupid… very stupid. We would’ve picked up this Meadows story itself anyway, but the way the Gateway Pundit handled it is just priceless.

Best to go in a straight line here. On the left is the Thursday story “EXCLUSIVE TO GATEWAY PUNDIT: Latest Rumors About Mark Meadows Wearing a Wire – COMPLETELY FALSE,” which is fucking funny enough on its own that Meadows’s team needs to comment to the Pundit to deny said “rumors” on the right side of the image. We take no position on whether or not it’s true, who gives a shit honestly. It’s true enough if ABC News and other outlets’ reporting that Meadows had been immunized to testify to the grand jury impaneled by Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith investigating Trump’s failed post-2020 election coup attempt conspiracy is true as well.

House Oversight Chairbilly James Comer on Thursday sent a letter to White House Counsel Ed Siskel demanding that Biden prove the $200,000 check from his brother James everyone already forgot about was indeed a repayment for a loan and not money laundering or bribery or some shit.

“The Committee on Oversight and Accountability has been investigating the Biden family’s influence peddling schemes. As part of this investigation, the Committee obtained bank records related to President Biden’s brother and sister-in-law, James and Sara Biden, and an entity associated with them. According to these bank records, Joe Biden received a $200,000 check from James Biden dated March 1, 2018. James Biden issued the check from his personal bank account on the same day he received $200,000 from Americore – a company going through bankruptcy proceedings to which James Biden made ‘representations that his last name, ‘Biden,’ could ‘open doors’ and that he could obtain a large investment from the Middle East based on his political connections.’ The White House has claimed Joe Biden loaned James Biden $200,000, and this check was repayment.”

“Records obtained by the Committee do show numerous large incoming transactions into the personal account of James and Sara Biden from various entities. Some of these transaction records may have obscured the identity of the true payer, but no records in the Committee’s possession state that Joe Biden made a large loan payment to his brother. If Joe Biden did personally loan James Biden an amount that was later repaid by the $200,000 check, please provide the loan documents, including the loan payment, loan agreement, and any other supporting loan documentation. As you may know, the Internal Revenue Code has specific requirements for delineating and reporting ‘below-market [rate] loans’ from gifts. While there are some exceptions, for example loans of $10,000 or less, the payment in question would not appear exempt from such requirements if it is a loan. Indeed, there appears to have been no interest paid on the ‘loan’ based upon the White House’s own representations,” Comer wrote in his stupid letter.