Politico’s Jonathan Lemire on Thursday told MSNBC’s Morning Joe that sources say the reason fat former President Trump had ripped former close ally Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu at a MAGA rally on Wednesday was that “Bibi” had “had praised President Biden, of course, Trump’s likely rival in 2024. And Trump simply couldn’t stand for that.” So typical jealousy from the fat bastard.

I respectfully disagree.

I think the vote would likely have been the same public or private – though I surely prefer public.

My basis for this belief is that Republican voters never wanted McCarthy and (in public) I watched most all of them vote for Kevin 15 times in January.…

— Matt Gaetz (@mattgaetz) October 12, 2023

Day 8 of the Reign of Terror of Speaker pro tempore Patrick McHenry continues!  Okay, it’s not so much a “Reign of Terror” as it is a “Reign of Administrative Mediocrity” for McHenry, who successfully dismissed the House Wednesday afternoon when it became clear Republicans had not settled on a replace to ousted Paul Ryan photonegative Kevin McCarthy.

Scalice won the majority of the Republican ballots with 113 votes to 99 for Jim Jordan–the 212 votes equals the number of Democratic seats in the House–and according to the Washington Post, continues to work to get the 217 votes needed to be named Speaker.  At least seven nihilists within the Republican conference–people like Marge, Santos, Boebert, Roy and Mace–have already said they will not support Scalise.  Another half-dozen reportedly remain undecided.

At this point, no vote is planned for the House floor on Thursday, with Republican House leadership cognizant of the lingering embarrassment caused by the fifteen rounds of voting it took to install McCarthy for nine months.  Scalise will work behind the scenes to sell his soul instead of having it done in front of CSPAN cameras.

Mike Lindell wasn’t kidding:  he really must be broke.  According to the Daily Beast, Lindell’s MyPillow cut all advertising for a month due to financial distress at the company, a blackout that will end next week.  Lindell’s facing increasing financial burdens, from legal fees defending himself in lawsuits from Dominion Voting Systems, SmartMatic, some of those companies’ employees, and perhaps even his own lawyers, to whom he reportedly owes “millions” and who asked to withdraw from the case last week.   And all this comes on top of a judge ruling he owes $5 million to a software engineer who debunked one of his key election conspiracy theories.

Federal officials will announce charges against “dozens” of Broward County (Florida) Sheriff’s Office deputies and detention officers in one of the largest investigations into Paycheck Protection Program fraud, the Miami Herald reports.

The officers are accused of using corporations they owned to claim lost income, which was recouped through PPP, which was set up to compensate people for wages lost due to the pandemic.  The online watchdog site Florida Bulldog reports that as many as  70 officers could be named when indictments are announced Thursday.

In a fun bit of candor, the Miami Herald notes that the region has gained an unwelcome bit of renown:  “South Florida, long known as the nation’s capital of fraud schemes, has incurred more than 140 PPP criminal cases over the past three years, according to the U.S. Attorney’s Office.”  If the expected maximum number of cases is brought tomorrow, that total will jump by 50%.

You probably don’t remember Wisconsin Republican Congressman Derrick Van Orden, a man so unmemorable that the only thing notable he’s done in his first term in the House is dispensing a profanity-laced tirade at Congressional pages who were taking a break in the Capitol Rotunda, something done prior to a shitload of empty liquor bottles were photographed in his office.  Van Orden, of course, denied alcohol influenced his conduct, but in a bipartisan move, the House denounced his actions.

Well, he’s at it again, but this time, he spewed an expletive-laced diatribe at Administration officials who were giving members of Congress a briefing on the Hamas attack on Israel, Politico reports.  Van Orden repeatedly berated the presenters in what fellow members described as “offensive and inappropriate.”  After Minnesota Democrat Dean Phillips shouted “shame on you” as he continued his rant, Van Orden used the word “fuck” in his reply; it’s unclear if he yelled “fuck you” or “fuck off.”

Three teenagers are in custody after police learned of their plot to shoot up their North Florida high school, which included curated target lists of students they wanted to kill and another to which they just “wanted to physically harm,” CNN reports.

Police said they collected text messages sent between the teens discussing targets and plans.  One said that he would use an AR-15 assault rifle; it’s unclear if the students actually had access to the weapons they claimed.  The teens, ages 14 and 15, attended Creekside High School in the St. John’s County School District.  Police were tipped off to the plan by another student who the three warned, saying they were getting revenge for bullying.

“A charitable explanation of your correspondence is that you are ignorant of the United States and Georgia Constitutions and codes. A more troubling explanation is that you are abusing your authority as Chairman of the Committee on the Judiciary to attempt to obstruct and interfere with a Georgia criminal prosecution. See OCGA § 16-10-24. Indeed, you confessed to this motivation on Mark Levin’s September 10, 2023, show: when discussing one of my office’s active prosecutions, you boasted, ‘We’re trying to get all the answers, but we’re trying to stop this stuff as well‘ (emphasis added). While you may enjoy immunity under the United States Constitution’s Speech or Debate Clause, that does not make your behavior any less offensive to the rule of law.”

“As the person chosen by the citizens of Fulton County to be their District Attorney, I serve them, and my team and I are exceptionally busy. We have already written a letter – which I have attached again for your reference – explaining why the legal positions you advance are meritless. Nothing you’ve said in your latest letter changes that fact. As I have explained, your requests implicate significant, well recognized confidentiality interests related to an ongoing criminal matter, as well as serious constitutional concerns regarding federalism and separation of powers,” writes Fulton County, Georgia District Attorney Fani Willis to Jim Jordan, once again telling him to fuck off.

Was tough picking between this clip and the one when Mace said she “cannot in good conscience, vote for someone who attended a white supremacist conference and compared himself to David Duke,” meaning she’s cool with the Joe Paterno of Ohio State but not the KKK guy for Speaker.

“Pursuant to Fed R Crim P 17(c), President Donald J Trump respectfully requests leave to issue the attached subpoenas duces tecum (the ‘Requested Subpoenas’) for the pretrial production of records, addressed to the following: (1) the Archivist of the United States at the National Archives and Records Administration (NARA), (2) the Clerk of the House of Representatives, (3) the current Committee on House Administration, which is the successor entity to the January 6 Select Committee; (4) Richard Sauber, the Special Counsel to the President ; (5) Johnathan Meyer, the General Counsel of the Department of Homeland Security; (6) Representative Barry Loudermilk, US House of Representatives; and (7) Representative Bennie Thompson, US House of Representatives. The House Committee on Administration has identified these records as missing from the archived records of the January 6 Select Committee. By these subpoenas, President Trump seeks to retrieve certain missing records and uncover information about their disposition,” write fat former President Trump’s lawyers in a motion submitted to DC Judge Tanya Chutkan’s court.

Former Mueller Investigation prosecutor Andrew Weissman says this is complete bullshit: “Nothing about this complies with Rule 17; Rule 17 does not permit pretrial production of generalized documents vs calling for production of specific, known, docs needed for and admissible at a trial.”

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky’s office on Wednesday sent a request to the Israeli Foreign Ministry asking to coordinate a visit for Zelensky to show solidarity between the two nations in the aftermath of the savage Hamas terrorist attack last weekend, Axios reports.

“I urge all leaders to visit Israel and show their support for the people. I’m not talking about any institutions, but about support for the people who suffered from terrorist attacks and are dying today,” said Zelensky to reporters in Brussels following a meeting with NATO chief Jens Stoltenberg.

“Amidst this chaotic mix, more wrenches are being thrown, further complicating matters. It’s disheartening to witness my colleagues prioritize their campaigns over the essential work that needs to be done. However, we must remain steadfast in our commitment to upholding due process and respecting the Constitution. It is the cornerstone of our democracy and the guiding light that ensures justice and fairness for all. An expulsion of myself as a member of Congress before being found guilty from a criminal investigation will set a dangerous precedent.”

“This will do nothing other than erase the voices of the electorate. Let us not succumb to the distractions and let the political games take precedence over the people’s welfare. We must stay focused on the task at hand, working diligently to address the pressing issues that affect the lives of our constituents. Stay strong my fellow Americans, and trust that the process will unfold as it should. Together, we can overcome these challenges and forge a better future for all Americans,” says scumbag Congressman George Santos in a statement about recent momentum to expel him.

Note the unsubtle “chaotic mix,” likely aimed at Scalise to ask for continued protection.

This was supposed to be another one of those satire articles written in a right-wing voice but not really feeling it right now. It’d be too flippant with the miseries being inflicted upon innocent people in both Israel and Gaza starting with the horrific Hamas terrorist attack on Saturday.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t shitpost for just a little bit here and ask the question posed in the headline here: Where’s the “King of Israel” now? How come he isn’t heading to the country to provide comfort to the people he says would elect him Prime Minister “easily” if he wanted to run there? If this never would’ve started if he were still president then surely he could do something to stop it now on his own, right? So why doesn’t he just take “Trump Force One” there?

This isn’t as deeply couched in bad faith as it would first seem. Yeah it’s not “good faith” either, though it should follow that if Trump’s fanboys screamed at Biden for not visiting the East Palestine, Ohio train wreck like Trump did, and Detroit during the auto workers’ strike – Trump announced first but Biden visited strikers a day before Donald’s non-union rally – then lib trolls should nag the MAGA assholes about Trump visiting Israel. If he’s serious about winning American Jews’ votes and so they can “get their act together” then Trump should 100 percent go there right now. Show the leadership Biden supposedly isn’t. Make a fiery speech to a gathering of right wing politicians. Rally the IDF’s troops. Whatever. It’s a long flight, he can figure out what to do on the way. Israel needs their King.

House Majority Leader Steve “David Duke without the Baggage” Scalise on Wednesday defeated Trump-endorsed wrestling freak Jim “Reacharound” Jordan in a Republican conference-wide secret ballot election to determine the party’s nominee for Speaker of the House, Newsmax reports.

Scalise won 113 to 99, according to Politico’s Olivia Beavers. What this means for Scalise actually obtaining the gavel is not clear yet, but it doesn’t sound great for him if the total votes were still shy of the 217 required to win. There may still be holdouts when the vote goes to the full floor.

NASA press release: “Initial studies of the 4.5-billion-year-old asteroid Bennu sample collected in space and brought to Earth by NASA show evidence of high-carbon content and water, which together could indicate the building blocks of life on Earth may be found in the rock. NASA made the news Wednesday from its Johnson Space Center in Houston where leadership and scientists showed off the asteroid material for the first time since it landed in September.”

“This finding was part of a preliminary assessment of NASA’s OSIRIS-REx (Origins, Spectral Interpretation, Resource Identification and Security – Regolith Explorer) science team. Although more work is needed to understand the nature of the carbon compounds found, the initial discovery bodes well for future analyses of the asteroid sample. The secrets held within the rocks and dust from the asteroid will be studied for decades to come, offering insights into how our solar system was formed, how the precursor materials to life may have been seeded on Earth, and what precautions need to be taken to avoid asteroid collisions with our home planet.”

Visiting the Capitol amid his former House colleagues’ speakership shitshow on Tuesday, disgraced ex-White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows told CBS’s Nikole Killion “I don’t comment on any of the J6 stuff,” in response to a question on whether he would take a plea deal in the Fulton County, Georgia RICO case against the Trump Regime for their post-2020 election coup attempt in the state.

Going by Killion’s video, it seems that the exchange was brief and Meadows was rushing to get away from reporters, making it possible he simply didn’t fully contemplate the question before responding. Had he done so maybe he would have realized that a “no comment”-type answer which, though obviously the smart move legally, is definitely not what Trump fans want to be hearing, that one of their heroes left the door open to testifying against the Orange God Emperor.

Sources inside the US intel community tell the New York Times that Iranian leadership were surprised by the Hamas attack on Israel last weekend, but since they’re all “Deep State” and trying to run political cover for Biden there’s no reason for right wingers to believe this.

House Republicans are having their phones confiscated as they walk into a meeting to elect their candidate for Speaker, Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman reported Wednesday, adding that “these are adults with staffs who are not able to bring their electronics into party meetings.”

Shortly afterward Marjorie Taylor Greene replied, saying “All warranted criticism, which I am frustrated with. However, at least checking our cell phones has cut down on your live tweeting of what’s being said in our conference meetings and that part I’m happy with. Not of fan of snitches.”

Fun fact: This was may have been why George Santos claimed he didn’t know he had been indicted again on Tuesday night until reporters told him after the House GOP’s speaker forum, saying “I did not have access to my phone. I have no idea what you guys are talking about.” Of course he could’ve just been bullshitting, but it’s just as possible he really was taken by surprise.

Money is fungible. We all know it.
 
Knowing that Biden was going to grant them $6 billion, Iran was able to allocate more of its money towards funding its terrorist proxies like Hamas and Hezbollah.

— Sen. Marsha Blackburn (@MarshaBlackburn) October 11, 2023

After finally getting it through their thick skulls that the $6 billion in Iranian oil profits impounded by the Trump Administration and still under the control of the US Treasury Department that was made available for the Iranian government to purchase food and medical from approved third-party providers – of which a dime has not yet been spent – money unfrozen in exchange for the release of five Americans held in Iranian captivity, Republicans decided to move the goalposts to “Well the money is fungible, so that means it freed up other funds to be spent on weapons for Hamas.”

That where we’re at. They’ve decided that Biden still has blood on his hands because they know exactly what the Ayatollah and his minions were thinking less than three weeks before Hamas slaughtered innocent Israelis. What, again, they aren’t mentioning is the Navy seized more than 3,000 assault rifles, 578,000 rounds of ammunition, and 23 anti-tank guided missiles bound for Yemen in January of this year and probably would have done the same if they had intercepted a shipment of guns for Gaza if they had caught it. Guns and bullets aren’t as “fungible” as money.

President Biden’s Tuesday address denouncing last weekend’s Hamas terrorist attacks and pledging support was viewed by 48 percent of Israeli television screens, ratings that don’t include streaming numbers in the country, Axios’s Barak Ravid reports on numbers that you-know-who would be fucking furious to hear about given his obsession with ratings and repeatedly claiming he could be easily elected Prime Minister of the Jewish State if he wanted to move there and run.