Elections officials in northern Kentucky on Friday warned that the “wireless monitoring devices” being hawked by MyPillow assclown Mike Lindell aren’t going to do shit to detect election hacking and it could be a crime to bring them to a polling place, the Cincinnati Enquirer reports.

“These devices appear to be nothing more sophisticated, or dangerous, than a simple cell phone, which also can detect a Wi-Fi signal… The presence of Wi-Fi in a building does not mean that ballot scanners are connected to the internet, state law prohibits that and we do not certify ballot scanners for use if they have any capacity for connectivity,” said Secretary of State Mike Adams’s office in a statement on Lindell’s $500 wifi detectors. The mustachioed pillow salesman announced the new product line at his Election Crime Bureau Summit in Missouri in August.

A lengthy Washington Post piece (available here through a gift link) details lawyer Sidney Powell’s sudden rise through the consortium of counsel to take a starring role in pitching the Trump campaign’s argument for a stolen election, to a pariah within the Mar-a-Lago mob, to a witness for the prosecution in a Fulton County racketeering criminal trial against Trump.

Powell is just as screwed as Giuliani, if not more so:  unless his multitude of ex-wives has claims to it, Giuliani still has his New York City pension.  Like Giuliani, Powell’s facing other legal issues besides Fani Willis’s prosecution.  She’s got civil lawsuits from Dominion Voting Systems and Smartmatic; she’s one of the unindicted co-conspirators in Trump’s federal case in Washington, DC for trying to undermine the election; and she’s facing bar association disciplinary hearings in at least two jurisdictions.

Her decision to take a deal in Fulton County may be as much pragmatic as it is a sign of surrendering to the reality that the election was not, in fact, stolen.  Regardless of whether she believed Trump won in 2020, she finally realized, her actions were criminal and she would incur millions in legal fees before being found guilty.  It’s not unreasonable to believe she’s already talked to Jack Smith’s team to cooperate and avoid major legal fees and jail time.  And this puts someone on the witness stand who was in the room with Donald Trump talking about how he could stay in office.  The bigger fish up the food chain from the Kraken should be very concerned right now.

The Earth spins at roughly 1,000 miles per hour.

We have no idea we are even moving.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you God’s not real.

— Marjorie Taylor Greene 🇺🇸 (@mtgreenee) October 21, 2023

Is this a failed haiku?  Or has Marge tried cannabis for the first time?  Whatever the cause, the dipshit from the deep South doesn’t seem to understand the fact that physics, not God, is what keeps us pinned to the Earth’s surface.

Cops in Detroit are investigating after Samantha Woll, president of the Isaac Agree Synagogue and a prominent Democrat who campaigned for Attorney General Dana Nessel and Congresswoman Elissa Slotkin, was found stabbed to death Saturday morning outside her home, the Free Press reports.

“I am shocked, saddened and horrified to learn of Sam’s brutal murder,” said Nessel in a statement. “Sam was as kind a person as I’ve ever known. She was driven by her sincere love of her community, state and country. Sam truly used her faith and activism to create a better place for everyone.”

Well goes without saying that this is some fucked up shit. It’s already horrible that a person of faith and a community leader gets murdered at age 40, it’s going to get considerably uglier if there was a religious or political motivation to it, particularly one tied to war in Israel and Gaza.

You can tell the Washington Post had anticipated that Jim Jordan would have already been elected Speaker of the House by the time they had published their roughly 11,000-word feature on multiple credible allegations he had ignored reports of sexual abuse of male wrestlers and other NCAA athletes at the filthy hands of now-deceased sports doctor Richard Strauss in the late 1980s and early 1990s while Jordan served as an assistant coach on the men’s wrestling team.

They probably had it pretty much ready to go on Monday when Jordan winning the full House floor vote was being treated as more or less inevitable by both the mainstream and right wing media. Then over the rest of the week it would seem they started working in a bunch of revisions to an alternate draft in case he didn’t actually end up getting there, finally dumping that version on Saturday morning after his defeat had been sealed by a secret ballot vote of the House GOP caucus.

Anyway, if it wasn’t already clear that Jordan could not have not known about the abuse, this story makes that unambiguous on a subatomic level. He absolutely knew. Everyone did, even to the point where the Post includes an anecdote of the upperclassmen telling then-incoming freshman Mike Schyck “Ohhh, Strauss is going to like you!” It wasn’t an “open secret,” it wasn’t even a secret at all.

Despite having already secured the endorsement of former Speaker Kevin McCarthy, House Majority Whip Tom Emmer is almost certainly already fucked in his bid to replace the cowardly California cuck, as Politico reports the Orange God Emperor is opposed because Emmer is not loyal enough, did not object to certifying the 2020 election (though he did sign on to Ken Paxton’s stupid lawsuit in December 2020), has not “forcefully defended him against the indictments [Trump] is facing,” and, in Emmer’s role last year as head of the NRCC, advised candidates to distance themselves from the fat orange fuck… even though that worked in a enough districts to help them win a slim majority.

Also Tucker Carlson has a serious vendetta against Emmer for having once pointed out that former rival for the House whip Jim Banks had hired Carlson’s son Buckley as a communications aide.

Already on Saturday the Gateway Pundit is reporting “You Just Can’t Make This Up: GOP House Members Are Likely to Elect Former Soros Group Spokesman as Speaker of the House – Who Wanted to End Electoral College – AND There’s Video!” which should tell you all you need to know about how this is going to go for Emmer… if he even wins the Republican conference vote.

• At this point, the GOP are the old, rich, white men on the Titanic trying to use buckets to stave off the inevitable disaster.  
• Remember all those MAGA personalities screeching about how the Fulton County charges were nothing?  “What’s a county prosecutor know?”  Well, two lawyers thought the cases brought by that county prosecutor were severe enough to motivate a plea deal.
• As Joe Biden was on a historic trip to Israel where he negotiated the delivery of aid to civilians in Gaza, Donald Trump was sitting at the defense table in a Manhattan courtroom.  How that juxtaposition doesn’t decide the GOP nomination, if not the entire election, is beyond my understanding.
• Republicans seem upset that the violent threats that the far-right faction of the Party regularly uses against Democrats are now targeting them, and they find that shocking.  They fostered it when it was used to their advantage, but it’s completely unwarranted against them.  The Brownshirts thought the same thing in 1934.
  Read More ▶ “Random thoughts Friday, Volume CXLIII”

Federal agents who raided an Ohio poultry processing plant found the company’s workforce included more than two dozen children, most from Guatemala, NBC News reports, in yet another example of companies exploiting undocumented immigrants.

Officials from the Department of Homeland Security and the FBI raided the Gerber’s Poultry plant in Kidron, Ohio, which produces Amish Farm Chicken, at around 9 p.m. last night, asking employees to produce identification and reviewed the plant’s sanitation.  Video posted to Tik Tok show some workers feared the raid was for immigration enforcement.

Federal law prevents anyone under the age of 18 from working in meat processing facilities.  Locals said minors work the second shift so they can go to school during the day.  Officials said they were investigating claims that the minors were being forced to work at the plant by non-related adults who were housing them and taking all their wages.

Caroline Wren, the probable love child of Sarah Huckabee Sanders and Jim Jordan, is laying out Steve Bannon’s hit list for the survivors in the Speaker pool he doesn’t agree with.  The puppetmaster’s apprentice slams into Tom Emmer, the House GOP whip who did too much to support Kevin McCarthy’s RINO agenda… or so she says.

In a move that will devastating to tens, maybe even dozens, of Republican presidential primary voters, former Michigan auto executive Perry Johnson has suspended his 2024 presidential campaign, announcing in a statement that he’s “said it before and I’ll say it again, the people should decide the next president of the United States, not the head of the RNC and her cronies. With no opportunity to share my vision on the debate stage, I have decided at this time, suspending my campaign is the right thing to do,” and blah blah blah whatever who freaking cares.

Having spent literally more than $20 million of his own money between his 2022 Michigan gubernatorial campaign and this presidential “campaign” to appear on the primary ballot in neither of them – the first one being because he hired a scam outfit to run the access petition drive – Johnson’s departure now further widens the “lane” for other hopefuls on the same tier such as Larry Elder, Asa Hutchinson, Ryan Binkley, and Will Hurd… Oh wait, fuck. Hurd dropped out 11 days ago.

With Jim Jordan’s latest spectacular public failure trying to secure the House Speakership, Republican leadership–well, what there is of it–have announced a new Speaker candidate forum scheduled for Monday, October 23rd, with the internal vote slated for the following day, per reporting from Jake Sherman.  Candidates must file their intent to run with Elise Stefanik by noon on Sunday.

New York Judge Arthur Engoron on Friday fined fat former President Trump a measly $5,000 for failing to remove a copy of his Truth Social post attacking Engoron’s court clerk from the Trump campaign website after Engoron had imposed a gag order on such invective earlier this month.

“Donald Trump has received ample warning from this Court as to the possible repercussions of violating the gag order. He specifically acknowledged that he understood and would abide by it. Accordingly, issuing yet another warning is no longer appropriate; this Court is way beyond the ‘warning’ stage. Given defendant’s position that the violation was inadvertent, and given that it is a first time violation, this Court will impose a nominal fine, $5,000, payable to the New York Lawyers’ Fund for Client Protection, within ten (10) days of the date of this order. Make no mistake: future violations, whether intentional or unintentional, will subject the violator to far more severe sanctions, which may include, but are not limited to, steeper financial penalties, holding Donald Trump in contempt of court, and possibly imprisoning him,” Engoron wrote in the sanction order.

🚨🚨🚨 BIG! 🚨🚨🚨 RED SIREN EMOJIS! 🚨🚨🚨 EXPLOSIVE! 🚨🚨🚨 The Federalist reports that the House Oversight Committee investigators have found that James Biden wrote a $200,000 check to his brother Joe Biden on the same day in 2018 that a failing healthcare company called Americore had wired him $650,000 because they thought James would be able to leverage his brother’s connections to find foreign investors for the company! 🚨🚨🚨 THIS IS HUGE! 🚨🚨🚨 IT CAME UP IN A TRUTH SOCIAL ALERT THAT HAD RED SIREN EMOJIS ON IT! 🚨🚨🚨 IT’S FUCKING MASSIVE! 🚨🚨🚨

Anyway the Federalist’s report details how in early 2018 James Biden had been having trouble financing repairs to Naples, Florida-area vacation home that had been severely damaged by Hurricane Irma in late 2017 and had taken out loans before they acknowledge a simple and not really that red siren-y of an explanation. “It’s possible that the home loan James Biden sought to pay back was to his brother,” they write – and then promptly go on to a “However” with some bullshit fantasy that we didn’t even bother to read. Maybe if we did we would’ve seen that somehow Fani Willis got the Kraken and Kenny Chesebro to plead guilty because she knew that the House Oversight Committee had obtained the check “implicating” Joe Biden in his brother’s stupid scam.

Trump Georgia lawyer Steve Sadow on Friday responded to the plea deals from his client’s co-conspirators Sidney “Kraken” Powell and Kenny Chesebro with the usual bullshit, telling the Washington Examiner’s Kaelan Deese that it “appears to me that the guilty plea to count 15 of the Fulton indictment was the result of pressure by Fani Willis and her team and the prosecution’s looming threat of prison time… Once again, I fully expect that truthful testimony [from Chesebro and the Kraken] would be favorable to my defense strategy,” whatever the hell that means.

Congratulations Speaker-designate @SteveScalise! pic.twitter.com/9k8KjYLn4W

— Rep. Elise Stefanik (@RepStefanik) October 11, 2023

Congratulations Speaker-designate @Jim_Jordan! pic.twitter.com/xAF8LMhJn3

— Rep. Elise Stefanik (@RepStefanik) October 13, 2023

The results of the House Republican conference’s secret ballot to determine whether spandex-wearing grapple-freak Jim Jordan would remain the “Speaker-designate” after three failed full House rounds to try to get him elected are in: The caucus undesignated him, Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman reports, adding that the “Margin was large” according to his sources in the room.

The search continues for another Speaker and MAGA terrorists can stop threatening to sexually molest the wives of the members who voted against the guy who would’ve pretended it didn’t happen. Sherman says Republicans are packing it in for the weekend and will reconvene on Monday.

“The deep state won,” Jordan ally Ralph Norman told Politico’s Olivia Beavers after the meeting.

ABC News reports that Hamas released two American hostages–a mother and her teenage daughter–they were holding in Gaza, Israeli Defense forces reports.  Judith Raanan, 59, and her daughter, Natalie Raanan, 17, are from Illinois and they were visiting Israel for the birthday of a relative.

In a statement, Hamas said the two were released “for humanitarian reasons, and to prove to the American people and the world that the claims made by Biden and his fascist administration are false and baseless.” The pair’s condition is not known.

Realizing there’s room for only one Republican-backed Black guy with the surname West to run a third-party spoiler campaign specifically designed to siphon African-American votes from Joe Biden this time around, Kanye West has thrown in the towel and will not run in 2024, Rolling Stone reports.

MAGA lawyer Kenny Chesebro will pleaded guilty Friday afternoon in a Fulton County, Georgia court, averting an anticipated trial and joining his would-be co-defendant Sidney “Kraken” Powell in turning state’s evidence against disgraced former President Trump in the case, Meidas Touch reports.

The plea deal came just as jury selection was getting underway in the trial, and leaves Chesebro with one felony conviction, upping the stakes for the remaining 16 defendants as the Kraken and her accomplice Scott Hall walked away with only misdemeanor raps. Chesebro is dinged with five years probation, $5,000 restitution, 100 hours of community service, apology letter to the voters of Georgia, testify truthfully in all trials against co-defendants, no communications with co-defendants, witnesses or media, (communication block in force until all cases settled). Chesebro must record a profer for the state (as a baseline for future testimony in case of perjury).

This is probably worse for the Orange God Emperor than the Kraken’s cooperation agreement as Chesebro was in the White House in the final days before the January 6th insurrection. The bad news is a live trial will not be happening over the next month or so, depriving us of testimony and evidence that potentially could have damaged the fat bastard politically in the nearer term.