“Jason Canals (39, Spring Hill) has been arrested and charged with eight counts of interstate transport of stolen property. If convicted on all counts, Canals faces a maximum penalty of 10 years in federal prison. The indictment also notifies Canals that the United States intends to forfeit the proceeds traceable to the offenses. US Attorney Gregory W Kehoe made the announcement.”

“According to the indictment, Canals perpetrated multiple schemes to defraud wholesale produce companies. In one scheme, Canals, without permission, used a company’s name and email signature block to send communications to victim companies requesting produce. While the shipments were enroute, Canals diverted the produce to a new location and never paid the victim companies. In a separate scheme, Canals provided victim companies false documentation making the companies believe he had prepaid for the produce, when no such payment was ever made. In total, between the cost of the produce and its transportation, Canals’s schemes resulted in a loss of over $600,000 to the victim companies,” says a release from the Middle District of Florida’s US Attorney’s office.

Per usual it doesn’t say his political affiliation but that’s what VoterRecords.com is for.

Also Republican is James Melady, the former Flagler County paramedic recently sentenced to 10 years in prison for raping a patient in the back of an ambulance. This week Melady was indicted on separate charges in another county, where he’s accused of breaking into his ex-girlfriend’s house to plant multiple cameras to spy on her while she and her kids were getting undressed.

Amanda Laurel Thorpe, the 33 year-old Orlando-area woman whose 12 year-old daughter was found sitting on a barstool crying at 10:28 PM alone last Saturday because Thorpe wanted to go dancing at a club down the street, is a registered Democrat. See, not all of the most deranged, disgraceful, and criminally insane Floridians are Republicans. Just the very, very, very vast majority of them.

National Zero has been trying to put out a grand comprehensive piece on the SAVE Act but events continue to conspire against completing such a (relatively) ambitious project – including the increasingly connected soap opera of the Texas GOP Senate primary. Wednesday saw a visible increase in panic on incumbent John Cornhole Cornyn’s part in this convoluted tit-for-tat game to defeat Picasso-faced Attorney General Ken Paxton in the fraught quest to win convicted felon President Trump’s affections, starting with the New York Post printing Cornyn’s op-ed calling for a filibuster exception for the draconian voter suppression bill. Cornyn was obviously full of shit, probably had ChatGPT write it for him, and that Paxton forced him to react was painfully obvious.

If it was a principled stand he sure as hell wouldn’t be going all “talk to the hand” to a reporter in the goddamned Capitol, lol. At least face her and try to sell the kayfabe, you freaking weenie.

That was this morning. Just a little while ago CNN laid out, and pretty comprehensively so, how Cornyn’s fears are coming to fruition: A Trump minion tells the network that Paxton’s vow to drop out if the Senate passes the SAVE Act was a “genius move” and got Trump to back off from showering Cornyn with the golden, glorious endorsement that he’d been “gravitating” toward last week.

In fact Donald himself loved the idea so much that, as Politico reported on Tuesday, he’s just not going to endorse until the Senate passes the bill which led Cornyn, at zero political cost since it (all but certainly) isn’t happening, to assert that he’s all for bending the rules to appease the God-King.

Citing “multiple” state and federal law enforcement officials in California, CBS’s Jen Jacobs reports that none of them are actually taking that very highly hyped threat of Iranian drone attacks seriously, mostly because it was a tip the FBI in Los Angeles received prior to Trump’s February 28th attack.

“This is not actionable,” said a fed. A local official said “All this means is we got this information and we want to get it out to law enforcement executives to make sure they’re up to speed on it. There is absolutely nothing more to it.” So yeah, more K$H incompetence and circlejerking.

The Texarkana, Texas Police Department on Monday informed locals they’ve been “trying to track down 32 year old Tatyana Fisher, but she’s managed to avoid us so far. She currently has a felony warrant for Engaging in Organized Criminal Activity, and we’re hoping someone out there knows where we might be able to find her. Fisher was another participant in the case we told you about last month involving two employees at a payday loan business who were arrested for stealing more than $150,000 from their company by creating almost 200 fake loans in other people’s names.”

“During the investigation, Detective Jarrod Dean determined that Fisher’s role in the scheme was mainly creating the paperwork needed to make the fake loan applications look legitimate – things like forged bank statements and other supporting documents,” the department continued imploring the public to help bring Fisher to justice for defrauding a pillar of the local community. Even worse was how she and the two rogue payday loan professionals cruelly misled management into thinking they could collect between 400 and 600 percent APR on the $150,000 on the loans they falsified.

The nerve of some people to think they can just abuse a system built on mutual trust and honesty.

Sitting on stage at the House GOP’s Miami retreat, Jesus Dork Speaker Mike Johnson on Tuesday admitted to his caucus that they’ve “got a little hiccup with some of the Hispanic and Latino voters for certain, because some of the immigration enforcement was viewed to be overzealous. And, you know, everybody can describe it differently. But here’s the good news: We’re in a course correction mode right now. We’re going to have a new secretary” at DHS, the New York Times reports on the pretty obvious panic growing inside the party on what was supposed to be their top issue.

The admission came hours after cueball-headed Trump political minion James Blair asked members to stop hyping “mass deportations” as a policy win for the regime which, coupled with Johnson’s stammering, just miiiiiiiiight be an indication that things are even worse than we might assume.

On October 5, 2024, a Buffalo, New York woman Dena Diebold told Fox News she was thrilled to have driven three hours to then-former President Trump’s second rally in Butler, Pennsylvania, because she “felt safer when Trump was in office. There was peace around the world.”

“Not so much right now,” Diebold added. The prior year a Waxahachie, Texas man named Brian told the Baylor Laritat that when Trump “was in office I felt safer as a citizen. There’s so many things to list that are wrong that were right before, and I want it back like it was. That’s what it boils down to.”

A year before that in 2022 Nancy Celano of Sebastian, Florida wrote “While Donald Trump was in the Oval Office, the entire world felt safer. China knew, when Trump ordered bombings in Syria while the Chinese president was visiting him in Florida, that a new, tough, strong president had taken over the White House. Russia, North Korea, Iran and other autocratic regimes realized they now had to behave themselves… Many who hated him had to respect him for what he accomplished. And, now, dear God. we miss him,” in a March 2022 letter to the editors of the TC Palm Newspapers.

It’s not clear if any of those three are current or prospective clients of Texas-based firm Atlas Survival Shelters, whose phones are ringing off the hook these days, right wing astroturf site the Dallas Express reports, citing recent interviews with CEO Ron Hubbard. “Most shelters I do are usually for riding out the aftermath after a nuclear bomb goes off. They wouldn’t withstand a direct nuclear blast, but they are made to ride out the aftermath,” Hubbard told a Texas radio station.

“We recently acquired information that as of early February 2026, Iran allegedly aspired to conduct a surprise attack using unmanned aerial vehicles from an unidentified vessel off the coast of the United State Homeland, specifically against unspecified targets in California, in the event that the US conducted strikes against Iran.We have no additional information on the timing, method, target, or perpetrators of this alleged attack,” says an FBI memo distributed to police departments on the Pacific coast late last month, according to ABC News. Seems a little dated, right?

A new survey of Ohio voters by Republican pollster OnMessage Public Strategies finds Dem former Ohio Senator Sherrod Brown ahead of Jaydee’s replacement Jon Husted 47 to 45 percent, the polling obviously conducted before Husted told everyone that poor people are stupid.

You would think there’d be a lot more screaming and pants-pissing from the GOP over this one, or at the very least as much screaming and pants-pissing as there is over the Texas seat. It would be VERY foolish to write this one off simply given how Brown performed in his last two elections: In 2018 he comfortably survived a wave that felled four other red state Dem Senate incumbents and in 2024 he lost by 3.6 percent when former Vice President Kamala Harris lost Ohio by 10.

Crypto douchebag Changpeng Zhao, aka “CZ” to the fanboys in the online communities that worship his genius, was pardoned by convicted felon President Trump and his company Binance allowed to operate domestically again last year because the Orange God Emperor had decreed that it had been a “witch hunt” when the Biden DOJ prosecuted CZ for allowing terrorist groups, drug cartels, child sex trafficking rings, and all other Fox News villains to launder money through his crypto market.

This was of course TOTALLY unrelated to Zhao having partnered with Eric and Don Jr on the $TRUMP shitcoin and their “World Liberty Financial” scam operation. Basically just an “autopen” pardon. But in any case, what did Binance – no longer led by Zhao day-to-day but he still owns as much as 90 percent of the company – do with their newfound lease on business life in the US?

The above was self-plagiarized from a February 24th National Zero post headlined “‘CZ’ fired staff investigating Iran terror funding after Trump pardon,” because the initial underlying facts are all the same – as is the upstream source. This time the Wall Street Journal reports that federal prosecutors are now investigating whether Binance is still allowing Iran to evade Treasury Department sanctions, requesting from the company internal documents and records to see if they’re complying with the fiction that it was all a Biden witch hunt and they never laundered money for the Iranian regime.

The Journal posted the story at 7:00 AM EDT on Wednesday. At 8:10 AM EDT on Wednesday crypto podcaster Elanor Terrett tweeted that Binance had filed a federal defamation lawsuit against the Journal for their previous story about CZ firing all the internal watchdogs. Awesome timing.

He knows sh*t https://t.co/BjIHZdVCmr

— Mark R. Levin (@marklevinshow) March 11, 2026

The Providence, Rhode Island Police Department on Tuesday announced the death of one of their brothers in blue, 12 year-old Thunder, a surplus Budweiser clydesdale donated to the force for use as a mount, writing on Facebook they were “saddened to share the passing of Mounted Command equine Thunder,” who was “born at Grant’s Farm in St Louis, Missouri and was later purchased and generously donated to the department by McLaughlin and Moran, Inc. Thunder proudly served the City of Providence and will be deeply missed by the police department, especially his partner, Officer Jose Mendez, and Commanding Office of the Mounted Command, Sgt Steven Courville.”

It’s not clear why Thunder made it less than half the typical 25 to 30 year lifespan of an active clydesdale, especially one under the employ of a well-resourced mid-sized police department with the budget to provide veterinary care not to mention a bond with an officer who regularly rode him as needed for high-attendance public gatherings. Maybe just a hint of an explanation of the cause would probably go a long way to allaying suspicions that there was neglect or abuse involved.

In May it’ll be eight years exactly since some anonymous scumbag in convicted felon President Trump’s first failed administration fairly famously told Axios that “to cover my tracks, I usually pay attention to other staffers’ idioms and use that in my background quotes. That throws the scent off me,” while the Orange God Emperor was raging over this or that leak to the press.

The brazen meta-impunity was and still is pretty funny – and also worth the callback to contrast with this Tuesday night New York Times account headlined “How Trump and His Advisers Miscalculated Iran’s Response to War” that, despite billing itself as “based on interviews with a dozen US officials, who asked for anonymity to discuss private conversations,” contains zero direct quotes from those witnessing and experiencing the tempest inside the demented old tyrant’s castle.

Really the only explanations are fear that even the most neutral language could be traced back to an individual and/or that the language was too neutral/boring for the Times to bother print. Still weird that they spoke to “a dozen US officials” who obviously weren’t so afraid to talk at all and couldn’t get anything. Whatever the filter was, the only color conveyed to readers comes in the Times’s own composition on the internal discomfit and even that’s kind of isolated within the piece.

First there’s “Inside the administration, some officials are growing pessimistic about the lack of a clear strategy to finish the war. But they have been careful not to express that directly to the president, who has repeatedly declared that the military operation is a complete success” and then further down a “Since the start of the war, Trump has not offered a consistent message. In private, his aides have said they feel frustration over his lack of discipline in communicating the objectives of the military campaign to the public.” Way to tease us out here in the ignorant masses, NYT.

Standing at a gasoline pump next to his son’s Ford F-150 and making a frowny face, 43 year-old De Soto, Iowa factory worker Francisco Castillo tells the AP he used to be friends with the gasoline pumps that make the big truck go “glug glug glug – AHHHHHHH! Yummy! My belly is full again! Now I can go vroom vroom vroom and say hi to all the animals I see when we drive!” but now the gasoline pumps are mean and aren’t listening to Francisco, who voted for them to be more generous.

“I thought that he was going to bring some of those things back,” said Francisco, who was sad because the plump Orange Man who likes to touch ladies’ private parts without asking if it’s okay first was going to make Mr Gasoline Pump be Francisco’s friend again. “He said he was going to bring gas down, but the war in Iran is now making everything worse,” said Francisco, who doesn’t understand yet that sometimes grownups don’t always tell the truth and that part of being a Big Boy is knowing when they might not be telling the truth. That every once in a while the kind of grownups that tell boys like Francisco there are puppies and candy in their van that you can come see if you just follow them across the supermarket parking lot will also tell him whatever he wants to hear if it means they don’t have to go to jail for stealing super-secret spy papers from the Army.

Don’t worry. Francisco most likely wasn’t sad for long after the truck went vroom vroom again so he could go home and listen to a man on a podcast talk about how easy it is to win lots and lots of money by betting on an important basketball game happening in a different state far away, which made Francisco smile and forget about the plump Orange Man and the mean Gasoline Pump.

Wednesday morning’s edition of Punchbowl’s newsletter makes space to note that “Democrats have major problems, too,” because “only 30 percent of respondents in an NBC News poll had a favorable view of Democrats, versus 52 percent with a negative view,” before then immediately veering into what should be otherwise deemed as advantages for the GOP: “Gobs of money, literally hundreds of millions of dollars, to spend on contested races,” the paucity of competitive House districts, and a Senate map that – as usual – favors Republicans. As in things that were true in 2022, 2024, and will continue to be true in 2028, 2030, 2032, and so on, almost entirely irrespective of Democrats.

But hey, “Democrats have major problems, too” is at least supported by that NBC polling showing them at a favorability disadvantage at 22 percent underwater, 8 percent lower than Republicans.

Thus it’s “major” enough to warrant its inclusion in a section of the newsletter headlined “The GOP’s March blues” and led with “It’s a tough time to be a Hill Republican. Dragged by President Donald Trump into another war in the Middle East, the GOP’s problems are growing worse every day, and there’s no sign things have hit bottom yet.” Even if that 8 percent delta is almost certainly simply explained by the vast numbers of super plugged-in Dem voters who hate Chuck Schumer.

Scumbag US Attorney General Pam Bondi has joined other top Trump minions Stephen Miller, dog-murdering soon-to-be-former-Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem, binge-drinking date rapist “War” Secretary Pete Hegseth, below-average-height Secretary of State Marco Rubio, and Navy Secretary John Phelan by moving onto an unnamed military base in the DC area to hide from a population angered by her incompetence and malevolence, the New York Times reports.

The move from an apartment in DC was fairly recent, within the last month, and was due to “threats from drug cartels and critics of her actions in handling the Jeffrey Epstein case,” the Times writes in the lede, summing up Bondi’s abject cowardice and suckery. The paper also got no public comment from the DOJ whatsoever besides a rep asking them not to print the name of the base itself.

Meaning the Trump Regime passed up a chance to spew some shit about “radical leftist Antifa terrorists threatening our brave, patriotic Attorney General” while also acting as if said insurgent elements capable of breaching a US military base and inflicting their violent designs on Bondi would not also be capable of tracking her movements to and from said base and DOJ headquarters.

The Andrew formerly known as Prince was supposed to have an “escape hatch” in the Middle East, but convicted felon President Trump ruined that for him by antagonizing Iran, the National Enquirer reports and l-o-freaking-l. It’s the National Enquirer but that makes total sense Trump would ruin it.