Now with all this talk about elections and voting these, I noticed a lot of really grump guys in red hats saying that the people who don’t wear red hats cheat in elections by casting fraudulent votes. I’m really interested to hear how voter fraud – in person – is supposed to work.

Now Trump fans, I’ve already covered mail voter fraud in August, so today I want to know how it works in person. Help me out here.

Obviously it varies state-by-state and sometimes within states, but let’s just use my experience as an example. Last time I voted in November 2018 went like this:

• I showed up at the polling place.

• I told the lady at the table by the door my name and address and she handed me a form.

• I filled out the form, signed it, and handed it to the lady.

• She looked up my registration and compared my signature to the one they had on file.

• When that checked out, she handed me a ballot.

• Then I filled out the ballot in a polling booth, and handed it to a guy who put it in a machine.

• After that I left the polling place – and I was pissed because I didn’t get a fucking “I voted” sticker since they didn’t buy them for some reason that year. Cheap assholes.

All that said, I want to hear where the action happens – at what point in that process would some Venezuelan or Chinese secret agent be able to vote as me? There’s no voter ID law in New York State, so my signature and correct address information served as my ID. I suppose they could’ve just rolled the dice and gotten there before me and forged my signature, but that involves a lot of luck and doesn’t really scale. How did it happen 3 million times in California in 2016? That’s what Trump said happened. He said it a bunch of times. Were there really 3 million illegal Mexicans in California who got away with secretly voting in-person?

And how do dead people vote too? Is it when somebody’s dead but their death certificate never made it to the state election board but then a Chinese secret agent shows up in a blue haired wig and 107-year-old Phyllis Drucker of Palm Beach, Florida casts her first vote since 2004?

Is that how this works? Does it require this much imagination?