Tourism officials on the tiny, isolated South Atlantic island of St Helena, population 4,439, really want you to come check out their 190 year-old tortoise Jonathan, whose recent birthday was celebrated with a “cake” made out of lettuce, tomatoes, and possibly some croutons too.
So apparently pivotal is the massive super-centenarian reptile to the British colony’s tourism industry that the bureau’s Twitter profile’s banner has been “Jonathan-ized” with both a photo and cartoon depiction him to beckon visitors to come to a place 1,200 miles from Africa and 2,500 miles from Brazil. It’s not clear what else there is to do there besides seeing a lumbering tortoise and Napoleon Bonaparte’s former grave site. Former, as his remains were exhumed and repatriated to France in 1840, 19 years after his death in exile on Saint Helena. There appears to be plenty of beautiful natural scenery to enjoy for hikers and beachgoers, but not enough to really justify flying out to the middle of nowhere in our opinion at least. So our official editorial position is to open up a massive tortoise-themed casino with a giant Napoleon hat-shaped waterslide by the pool.