Categories
Uncategorized

Criminally insane Capitol rioter Pauline Bauer convicted

With all the attention lavished on big name Capitol rioters and conspirators like the QAnon Shaman, Oath Keepers founder Stewart Rhodes, Proud Boys leader Enrique Tarrio, Ashli Babbitt, “Cowboys for Trump” asshole Couy Griffin, 3%er Guy Reffitt, and others who were already D-listers in the MAGA social media world beforehand, such as “#WalkAway” assclown Brandon Straka and that “Baked Alaska” chode, many of the unsung villains of the MAGA insurrection tend to slip through the cracks. Even the ones now doing hard time for felonies rarely merit coverage here or elsewhere.

Nothing wrong with that. After all, you wouldn’t be as excited if the next Batman movie featured “Colonel Sulphur” as the main antagonist instead of the Joker. However sometimes you have to slow down and truly appreciate a compelling, if obscure, character when one comes along.

Meet Pauline Bauer, a Pennsylvania pizzeria owner who screamed “Bring that bitch out here now. Bring her out. Bring her out here. We’re coming in if you don’t bring her out. They’re criminals. They need to hang. Bring her out. Bring Nancy Pelosi out here now. We want to hang that fucking bitch. What are you trying to protect a fucking Nazi. Is that what you’re protecting?” during the riot, bragged about it on Facebook, and then was arrested on a felony obstruction charge.

Now while Bauer may not stick out for her actions or other circumstances during the riot as much as the asshole who stole Pelosi’s lectern, or the little Neo-Nazi who stole Pelosi’s laptop to sell it to the Russians, or the dipshit who put his feet up on her desk, or the one with the Confederate flag, or the one who wore his fucking painting business’s jacket with his goddamned phone number on it, the other one who was still wearing his goddamned high school varsity jacket at age 26, or that family of Texas hicks who were all charged together. It’s how Bauer acted after she was charged.

Other websites are labeling Bauer as a “sovereign citizen,” an old chestnut of anarcho-libertarian right wing batshittery that pre-dates the MAGA era by a few decades, and she indeed relied on some of the tropes associated with the movement during her many, deeply cringey exchanges with a legitimate court of law. But calling Bauer merely a sovereign citizen doesn’t quite capture her deranged refusals to engage, as she repeatedly declared herself an incorporeal soul unbound by the machinations of petty mortals like DC Circuit Court Judge Trevor McFadden.

Bauer was jailed at least twice in 2021, the first time after she refused to answer basic questions from the court after the judge refused to let her read a 37-page manifesto during her “divine special appearance” at a preliminary hearing. She was released and then cited “Admiralty Law” and challenged “challenge the court’s jurisdiction and dominion over a living soul” in a later motion. The court assigned her a “babysitter” lawyer even after she attempted to represent herself, but it didn’t work out, as in September 2021 Bauer was jailed again after this exchange captured by then-NBC Washington (now CBS News national) reporter Scott MacFarlane:

“Judge: ‘You’ve shown contempt for the rule of law.’ Bauer then interrupts judge, referencing ‘dominion over the land.’ Bauer says she has diplomatic immunity. And is appearing as a ‘friend of the court. ‘Bauer says ‘it’s pretty clear we are not going to get anywhere’… asks to go to appeals court. Judge shuts down hearing. Bauer never references the argument a court appointed lawyer made on her behalf. Bauer goes back to jail.”

We lost track of Bauer as time passed and other non-Capitol riot news happened. It’s not clear if or when she was released from the clink ahead of her bench trial which concluded Tuesday, as Judge McFadden found her guilty on all counts. Bauer is out awaiting sentencing on May 1st, in front of McFadden again. It’s not clear which way he’ll go with it, but given the time she’s already served he may let her go with probation, even with the felony count. McFadden cannot however release Bauer from the prison of her madness or the ensuing hilarity that made this case so special.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

Virginia Republicans defeat bill to prohibit candidates from spending campaign funds on vacations, mortgages, country clubs

25 mins ago

FBI “raids” Biden’s Delaware beach house

1 hour ago

Florida man calls other Florida man a “RINO GLOBALIST”

2 hours ago

Capitol rioter caught secretly filming woman naked in tanning bed

3 hours ago

Republicans almost resigned to blowing 2024 Arizona senate race

4 hours ago

Trump campaign building COVID-19 vaccine oppo file on DeSantis

5 hours ago

Fox News reports Blue State going soft on crime again

6 hours ago

Aussies find missing radioactive capsule

6 hours ago

Google, YouTube cancel baseball!!! Outrage! Freedom!!!

11 hours ago

Vance’s lips move but they haven’t budged from Trump’s backside

12 hours ago

Haley announces announcement of 2024 presidential campaign

13 hours ago

Alina Habba drops out of Trump defense in E. Jean Carroll case two weeks after million dollar fine assessed for frivolous lawsuit

13 hours ago

Two missing monkeys from Dallas Zoo found. In other news: pair of missing monkeys latest in string of Dallas Zoo mysteries

14 hours ago

US charges four in connection with Haitian presidential murder because no one trusts Haitian courts to handle it

15 hours ago

RNC plans permanent war on elections

16 hours ago

US accuses Russia of cheating on nuclear treaty

16 hours ago

After midterm disappointment, Trump struggles raising money

17 hours ago

Manchin really excited West Virginia tree selected to be cut down and covered with lights to serve as 2023 Capitol Christmas tree

17 hours ago

Just hear us out: What if Charlie Kirk is getting paid by Russia?

18 hours ago

Matt Schlapp accuser sues MAGA operative for defamation

18 hours ago

MAGA Land growing suspicious toward Jim Jordan

19 hours ago

Mississippi doctor fired for prescribing ivermectin runs for governor

20 hours ago

Stormy Daniels thanks Trump for owning up to it

21 hours ago

Goya CEO launches “real” QAnon-style organization

21 hours ago

Firehouse fire quickly extinguished by firemen returning from fire

22 hours ago

New York AG asks judge to sanction Trump for false statements

23 hours ago

FBI agents searched Biden’s former DC office in November

24 hours ago

Ron pretty unsubtly mocks Don for losing reelection

1 day ago

George Santos to quit committee seats: report

1 day ago

Trump apparently admits Stormy Daniels payoff

1 day ago

Staffer says suspended MAGA South Dakota state senator and her husband grossly harassed her about breastfeeding and vaccines

1 day ago

More than a quarter of Republican voters say they would back Trump third-party presidential bid if he loses 2024 GOP primary

1 day ago

Hunter Biden pals consider legal defense fund

1 day ago

Hungary now tied with Burkina Faso on global corruption index

1 day ago

Vast majority in district say Santos should resign: poll

1 day ago

Highly scientific survey of tweets deems Trump Las Vegas Hotel 10th ugliest building in world

1 day ago

Colbert resurrects classic Report bit to scorch Jim Jordan

1 day ago

Let’s go, Brandon! IMF raises world economic outlook for 2023, improves projections for first time in year

1 day ago

Ingraham turns Fox into Christian Broadcasting Network 2, goes on full-on christo-fascist martyr rant about “regime” hating Christians

1 day ago

Biden shuts down talk about sending F-16s to Ukraine

2 days ago

Disgusting: Carlson blames Tyre Nichols’ death on affirmative action

2 days ago

Tucker Carlson really needs to just take a rip and calm the F down

2 days ago

Pentagon negotiating expanded access to Filipino ports, bases to counter China

2 days ago

MSNBC’s Ari Melber questions Matt Gaetz on sex trafficking accusations in rare non-MAGA media bubble interview

2 days ago

Kari Lake might have kind of committed a felony with this tweet

2 days ago

Staff who found Trump docs at storage unity testify to grand jury

2 days ago

Judge rules Texas AG must face 2020 election bar misconduct suit

2 days ago

Biden to end COVID-19 state of emergency

2 days ago

Celebrating two years of boring, unremarkable fuckups by election officials becoming nationally newsworthy to right wing media

2 days ago

Trump sues Bob Woodward for releasing interview tapes

2 days ago

x
x
x
x
x
x