Winner: Late-night talk show hosts who decided to get back in front of the camera at so-perfectly the right time you’d think they manipulated the situation.

Loser:  Oh, hell, yeah, Number One Loser is Matt Gaetz.  He fucked around, and he is gonna find out. When your political leverage in the House turns on fewer people than what’s needed for a full baseball squad (without a relief pitcher) you’ve made a wager you have no capital to cover.

Winner:  Kevin McCarthy.  Yeah, he won.  Think about it.  He didn’t really want to be Speaker.  He just wanted to have been the Speaker.  He wanted the portrait in the Lobby; he didn’t want the responsibility.  He’ll make the list, but he won’t have a legacy.  He’ll be the Jm. J Bullock of House Speakers:  Yeah, I know the name, but was he a ventriloquist, a ’70s actor, or the guy from that budget showdown that one time?  And guess what?  He’ll see a pension bump, too.

Loser: Marjorie Taylor Greene.  All that suckin’ up goes down the drain.  Who’s she gonna saddle up to now?  She was booted from the Freedom Caucus when she hooked her wagon to the McCarthy Machine.  Now that it’s malfunctioned, she’s in the wind.

Winner:  Nancy Pelosi.  There is a certain grace in winning a race you didn’t even know you were in, but Republicans really believed Pelosi was evil and dictatorial when she was Speaker.  What they learned is not that she was evil; she was effective.  She was a leader.  A graceful leader who made a very hard job look easy.  Even Republicans acknowledge that now.  Bravo, Madam Speaker Emerita.

Loser:  Lauren Boebert shouted “No… for now” during the rollcall vote exposed the spine of a jellyfish.  She thought she was being clever; she ended up adding to a growing list of embarrassments that will not play in the traditionally-conservative Colorado district.

Winner:  Adam Schiff.  In an interview about Gaetz, Schiff said, “He’s not wrong.  He’s just an asshole.”  When you can quote The Big Lebowski and be on point, The Dude abides.