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FDNY rescues Staten Island Goonies lost in storm sewer

New York City Fire Department officials did not laud the bravery and adventurousness of five 11 and 12 year-old boys they had to rescue from the storm drain system in the vicinity of the Staten Island Zoo on Tuesday after they got lost in the dark underground maze for an hour, Fox 5 reports.

“We’re stuck in the sewer,” one of the boys said to a 911 operator, having called after realizing they weren’t going to find the legendary treasure of pirate Captain Jolly Roger McCutcheon or whatever it was. “It’s like a tunnel where all the pipes are,” the boy said when asked where they were.

“Overall it was a very successful operation, we walked along the route that we knew the sewer traveled and opened up manhole covers searching for the children,” said FDNY Chief John Hodgens at a Wednesday press conference arranged at the site to celebrate his mens’ courage and determination in the face of adolescent dumbassery. All five boys and one firefighter were hospitalized for some reason that the Fox 5 digital news team did not care to explain.

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