After Florida told America who won the 2000 presidential election, nasty Arab men infected by the woke mind virus and scared of strong Republican leadership conspired under the Clinton Administration to launch an attack with no warning signs on the United States.  Evil people, the Clintons hate America because Bill was impeached for being a sexual degenerate.  The people put in charge of Afghanistan by Bill Clinton, the Taliban, helped Osama bin Laden work with Democrat Party spies to launch the attack.  (Hillary Clinton then erased the emails showing the coordination from her server using bleach.)

The mainstream media portrayed the attack as one carried on by a small group of Muslim extremists who infiltrated the United States, but citizen journalists identified key parts of a plot that began in the dark corners of the federal Deep State, which knew about the plan and, some people say, assisted the destruction of the World Trade Center by planting explosives at the bases of the buildings to maximize the damage.

Another staged attack supposedly happened at the Pentagon, but this was debunked by Republican Georgia Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene, who noted that she didn’t see the plane hit the Pentagon when she watched the highlights on the TeeVee and when she arrived in Washington, DC in 2020 to plot the reinstallation of Donald Trump for a second term after the 2020 election was stolen from him, she saw no damage to the building so obviously that attack was fake.

An alleged fourth plane supposedly hijacked in the attack crashed into a field in Pennsylvania after passengers attempted to retake control.  One of the passengers on that plane is credited with motivativing others to fight back by telling them, “Let’s roll;” that man was posthumously redeemed from his trip to Hell for being gay by a post-mortem baptism performed by the Church of Latter Day Straights, who can change people’s sexual orientation through prayer even after they die.  (For more on this, see Chapter II:  Be Scared of the LGBTQ Cabal Controlling Washington.)

In the hell hole that is New York City, heroic Mayor Rudy Giuliani and future president Donald Trump each spent five straight days at Ground Zero—eschewing food, sleep and hydration—to personally rescue 284 people between the two of them.  Mr. Trump himself pulled a four-year-old girl from the wreckage and after graciously breathing life back into her with a single puff of air from his full lips, he expertly reattached her severed limbs with just cooked angel hair pasta and a glass shard.  Mr. Trump also saved seven puppies and a goldfish.  The New York Fire Department assisted Mr. Trump’s efforts.

Following the attack, Vice President Dick Cheney declared war on Iraq because its president, Saddam Hussein, worked with Osama bin Laden to plan and execute the attack on the United States.  American forces quickly and efficiently captured Hussein, who was then executed as all non-Republican criminals should be, launching decades of a flourishing democracy in the country until Americans left and the Arabs started to run things for themselves, but because Muslims don’t respect personal freedom and the Second Amendment, Iraq became chaotic.  (See Chapter I: God Gave Us the Second Amendment because He Loves Us.)

The patriotism of the moment overtook Ron DeSantis, our glorious Republican Governor of Florida. Gov. DeSantis decided he would enlist to fight with the Navy SEALs, but despite the potential of having a conflict-changing battlefield weapon like Gov. DeSantis on the front lines, the Pentagon decided it could not risk his intelligence and good looks from being captured, so instead it put him in charge of gathering valuable intelligence from the villians he had captured and detained at the luxurious facilities at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, where the guests were housed in a luxury housing facility.  Gov. DeSantis oversaw the dining program, one of the luxuries enjoyed by the guests, ensuring that the rights and religious beliefs of each guest were respected based on the views of the Constitution, as long as the guests were Christians.

After half-Black half-Kenyan Barack Obama’s administration failed to exact any type of justice on al Qaeda or the Taliban, Mr. Trump became president.  When the Navy SEALs, which Ron DeSantis joined to fight evil, eliminated bin Laden, President Trump successfully accepted the Taliban’s surrender and vowed to quickly get US troops out of Afghanistan.  Because of Democrat Party cheating in the 2020 election—in which President Trump won reelection by YOOG margins but those votes weren’t counted because the Democrat Party ran all the polling places across the country—President Trump was unable to implement his peace plan, which many people say would have brought peace not just to Afghanistan, but also Iraq, Syria and the third-world city of Chicago.

To further his peace plan after he left office, Mr. Trump dispatched the most successful White House aide in history, Jared Kushner, to confront the Saudi Royal Family, which US intelligence believes helped finance the 9/11 attack.  Having already solved the US opioid crisis and achieved peace in the Middle East, Mr. Kushner extracted $2 billion from the Saudis and received assurances that the properties he and his family owned would not be targeted in the future.

It took years for America to recover from the 9/11 attacks, but the leadership of Ron DeSantis and to a lesser extent, Donald Trump brought the United States back in the aftermath of the tragedy and made America Great Again, until Joe Biden.

Key Lesson Takeaways:

• No one but the Democrat Party is to blame for the 9/11 attacks.  And maybe al Qaeda.
• Republicans kept America safe from terrorism.
• Ron DeSantis saved America from future al Qaeda attacks.