US Coast Guard cutter Alert, commissioned in 1969, had just days left before retirement when its crew spotted a suspected crew of drug smugglers speeding toward the West Coast and this 1980s cop movie cliche shit doesn’t work that well on boats so we’ll just get to it: CNN reports that Alert seized an estimated $143 million worth of cocaine from the fuckers during this one last tour before it spends the rest of its days fishing in Key West… Well we don’t know what’s going to happen to it next but that’d be pretty goddamned funny if it ended up becoming a fishing tour boat in Florida.
Or if it became the patrol boat for a small-town sheriff in the Keys or the Virgin Islands or somewhere and then the cartel’s other boats come back for revenge over the $143 million they lost.