“A large tropical wave centered several hundred miles east of the Lesser Antilles is producing limited shower activity due to environmental dry air. Conditions are forecast to become a little more conducive for development over the warmer waters of the southwestern Atlantic Ocean, and a tropical depression could form late this week while the system is in the vicinity of the Greater Antilles or the Bahamas. Interests in the Greater Antilles, the Bahamas, and the southeastern US should monitor the progress of this system,” says the National Hurricane Center in a bulletin putting the probability of the wave developing into a named storm at 60 percent over the next seven days.

The tropical storm – or hurricane – would be called “Debby,” as “she” is the next name on the list.

Ugh… Can’t they just make a list from what people are actually naming their kids and not like some dumpy, Virginia Slims menthol-smoking bar hag 30 years past her “prime” is named? Same with “Marsha” or “Tammy” or… ooof, “Trish.” And lest you think we’re being somehow misogynistic here, we’re of the same mind about the next name on the list, “Ernesto.” It just sounds like some really flamboyant, fun Latino guy who’s good at dancing and always the life of the party. What if it hits Fire Island? Will the real-life Ernestos be welcome there anymore? Similarly who the fuck wants their dying thought to be “I wished I had heeded the evacuation warnings about Hurricane Dexter, now my family and I are going to drown in this massive storm surge because I didn’t take the name so seriously”? Or if instead of “Dexter” it was “Herman” or “Dillon” or “Barry” or “Herbert.”

We’re not advocating for them to switch to calling them “Argos” or “Cthulhu” or “Odin” or “Poseidon” or “Valkyrie” or – well we’re not advocating against it either. We’ll be perfectly fine with it if they just stick to normal names unweighted by association with a “type” of douchey or unlikeable person.