Categories
Uncategorized

Mississippi cops say one herpes-infected lab monkey still at large

“On 10/28/25 a wreck occurred on I59 near mile marker 117. This was a truck carrying Rehsus monkeys from Tulane University. The monkeys are approximately 40lbs, they are aggressive to humans and they require PPE to handle. The monkeys carry hepatitis C, herpes, and COVID. Tulane University has been notified and will send a team to pick up the monkeys tomorrow (the ones that are still caged),” the Jasper County, Mississippi Sheriff’s Department posted on Facebook Tuesday.

In an update edited into the same post at some point later, department officials wrote that “there are 3 monkeys still on the loose after the officials from Tulane were able to get inside the truck and get a correct count. Officials from Tulane arrived this evening rather than tomorrow as previously reported. We are doing our best to update the public, but we are still in the midst of gathering all pertinent information. We will continue to release updates as we get more information.”

The thrilling minute-by-minute hunt later continued with “All but one of the escaped monkeys have been destroyed. We have been in contact with an animal diposal company to help handle the situation. Mississippi Wildlife and Fisheries is also on site with our local law enforcement. We are continuing to look for the one monkey that is still on the loose.” The sheriff’s department officials did not elaborate on what “destroyed” meant specifically, though “shot their heads off with a Glock semi” would seem the most likely method and means of spanking this monkey problem.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

Sedentary senior citizen doesn’t like US Olympian’s opinion

7 hours ago

Starmer’s chief of staff resigns over vouching for Epstein pal

8 hours ago

Villages-area cops bust golf cart chop shop operation

10 hours ago

Movie Night Saturday: Valkyrie

20 hours ago

K$H halted Good murder probe to avoid contradicting Trump

1 day ago

They already know they’re gonna get crushed in the ratings

1 day ago

Judge orders Trump to cough up NY-NJ tunnel project funds

1 day ago

Comer makes possibly dumbest move yet with Omar probe

1 day ago

LISTEN LIVE: Another stupid Air Force One “gaggle”

2 days ago

Demented old scumbag’s latest “Sir” story indisputably falsifiable

2 days ago

Enjoy Jaydee getting booed before NBC files a takedown notice

2 days ago

Justice Department to allow Congress to see full Epstein files

2 days ago

NYPD sergeant convicted of fatally Igloo cooler-ing fleeing suspect

2 days ago

Lara Logan appears to believe Trump was born orange

2 days ago

Judge tosses Missouri v Starbucks

2 days ago

Republican Congressman Mark Amodei announces retirement

2 days ago

Supposedly competent leader begs Newsom to do the work for her

2 days ago

“A White House staffer erroneously made the post”

2 days ago

Top anti-doping cop vows to investigate ski-jumpers’ penises

2 days ago

Chuck E Cheese CEO resigns after name appears in Epstein files

2 days ago

Tim Scott’s prayers unanswered

2 days ago

Floridians sue to stop DeSantis’s planned gerrymander

2 days ago

Congo’s M23 rebels un-end one of Trump’s claimed peace deals

2 days ago

Frau Ingraham cracks whip at wavering Florida Republican

2 days ago

Kushner already planning post-Ayatollah real estate deals

2 days ago

Top Russian GRU official shot in Moscow

2 days ago

War criminal goes out of his way to deny Mossad-Epstein ties

2 days ago

NJ-11 Dem special primary turnout surges over 2022 and 2024

3 days ago

Fat Donald posts video depicting Obamas as monkeys

3 days ago

WATCH LIVE: Addled old corpse thrusts “TrumpRx” onto Americans

3 days ago

Orange Fuhrer tells Schumer he’ll release funds for New York-New Jersey tunnel project if Penn Station renamed Trump Station

3 days ago

WINNING! President Trump making Bitcoin affordable again

3 days ago

Babylon Bee guy hasn’t replied yet

3 days ago

Thai official considering changing killer bull elephant’s behavior

3 days ago

Kentucky Congressman desperately simps for Orange Jesus

3 days ago

WATCH LIVE: Karoline the Kruel lords over all you hapless mortals

3 days ago

Fatter, older, dumber, weaker version of Orban endorses real deal

3 days ago

Mississippi senator urges Noem to build ICE gulag in other state

3 days ago

Comer warns Hillary she better show up to be interrogated behind closed doors and not at a public hearing like she demanded

3 days ago

Virginia Dems moving ahead on 10D – 1R congressional map

3 days ago

Fat Hitler’s economic approval rating lowest ever in Marist poll

3 days ago

Gateway Pundit reports example set by House of Orange

3 days ago

French Navy refrains from summarily bombing drug boats

3 days ago

Slotkin says thanks but fuck off to DOJ interview over “sedition”

3 days ago

WATCH LIVE: Antichrist addresses National Prayer Breakfast

3 days ago

Kamala Harris soft-launches (?) 2028 campaign

3 days ago

Mamdani endorses Hochul

3 days ago

Pro wrestling crowd screams “FUCK ICE! FUCK ICE! FUCK ICE!”

3 days ago

Tunisian cops cuff disrespectful smart-mouth little twerp MP

4 days ago

Jesse Watters admits ICE left Maine to help Susan Collins win

4 days ago

x
x
x
x
x
x