Top Trump crony and tech oligarch Jensen Huang – the married Nvidia CEO who over the weekend admitted he’d been effing a Chinese communist secret agent with the same surname – had last October hired a PR firm called Heller that, per Wired, “has a reputation as a fixer for powerful men facing allegations of sexual misconduct” whose founder Risa Heller’s “past clients and people who have sought her advice include former congressman Anthony Weiner, chef Mario Batali, and writer Jeffrey Toobin,” none of whom were accused of leaking national security secrets to sexy spies.

And, more importantly, their careers weren’t actually salvaged by Heller’s intervention. Yes, Toobin’s recovered but that’s because his transgression was pretty victimless and not really all that transgressive by comparison – he thought the Zoom call had ended and started jacking off to internet porn in what he thought was the privacy of his own home. To the extent that Heller may or may not have advised Toobin to apologize and take a very extended break from the media world well, yeah, that worked because he’s been back on CNN plenty of times since his exile.

Batali and Weiner have yet to make similar comebacks and probably never will. Huang’s future is up in the air – maybe the smart move is to believe there’ll be consequences when you see them. Still, what the Heller (hee-hee) did he hire these PR chodes for? Were they still in the “response planning phase” when the Alice Huang story broke last week? If they knew Jensen had been copulating with a Chinese spy shouldn’t the heroic story about how Jensen found out her true allegiance – and immediately had his personal security team zip-tie the evil dragon lady and hand her over to the FBI or DHS – have dropped on a Friday evening? Would be good PR for the PR industry because, fair or not given that their biggest successes would tend toward the ones you never hear about, this Heller outfit’s record is meh – and yet an extremely powerful tech CEO still hired them to do… something.