“Police say they’re searching for a shrimp thief on Long Island. The woman allegedly stole $310 worth of frozen shrimp from a grocery store in East Northport. It happened on June 16 at the Stop & Shop on Jericho Turnpike. Police said the suspect took off in a white 2013 BMW with Pennsylvania license plate LSA 3422” CBS 2 New York reports.
Like her Californian counterpart Pistachio Pete, “Shrimpy Shirley” has not been referred to as such by any media outlet besides National Zero. But like the “MAGA Bomber” and the “Barefoot Bandit” these colorful nicknames need to originate somewhere. Why not us? What if this is just the beginning of a series of shrimp thefts up and down the East Coast? We’ll be ahead of the curve.
Plus if she starts stealing lobsters and crab legs too we can smoothy transition into calling her “Seafood Shirley”. Admittedly “Seafood Sue” would probably be better at that point, but we’re already committed to “Shirley” here. We were tempted to go with “Crustacean Karen” but while it sounds good it isn’t as catchy-looking in text. Plus then we’d be fucked if “Shirley” branches out into halibut and salmon thefts. “Fishy Fran” would be too hard of a change to pull off.