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A Villages, Florida man was arrested last week on a DWI charge after the Marmaduke Lodge in nearby Leesburg called to report he had left without paying his bar tab, Villages-News reports.

Cops responded to the establishment at 2 AM last Saturday to speak with 61 year-old registered Republican David Ray Beck after receiving the call. Pulling into the parking lot, they found Beck behind the wheel of a green Subaru SUV with his wife in the passenger seat. An officer with Leesburg PD attempted to complete a field sobriety test but gave up because Beck was too shitfaced to finish. He provided breath samples that registered .180 and .184 blood alcohol content.

Asked why he had left the Lodge without paying, Beck claimed “while at the bar he was provided with free beers,” and then showed a receipt to prove he had paid, but it was from a neighboring establishment called Brick and Barrel, per a police report. Beck was arrested on a charge of driving under the influence. He was booked at the Lake County Jail and released after posting $1,000 bond.

Doug Emhoff will head to hostile territory on Friday as the Sumter County Democratic Committee announced the Second Gentleman will host an event somewhere on the mean golf-cart streets of The Villages, Florida, at a location not yet actually disclosed by the party, Villages-News reports.

“While the details have not been completely set, Doug Emhoff will visit The Villages in the afternoon on Friday,” Sumter Dems Party announced in an email to local members, saying simply the stated the visit will be held in a “local theater room” that can hold about 200 people. “Following Mr Emhoff’s presentation, we will have a golf cart caravan,” said Sumter Dem party chair Bob Berg.

“I hope all of the voters who left the Democrat-run states, putting up with illegals, rape, murders, and muggings, and moved to Florida, leave their Democrat voting there. Florida is a nice conservative place to live. Please don’t ruin it by voting for the communist Democratic Party. You moved to get away from crime wanting some peace and safety. Keep it that way. Thank you, and God bless you,” writes The Villages, Florida man Harold Scott in a letter to the editor at Villages-News.com, who evidently printed it for the banal comedy value typical to the site’s content.

Residents of The Villages, Florida are a mixed bag when it comes to the new Hooters location set to open its doors some time in the coming months, with one telling Villages-News.com she’s “sure there will be plenty of dirty old men that are going to love it,” as if that wasn’t the point.

“It’s just another way our society devalues women as purely objects,”the Villager, Kathy Strope continued. “Personally, I do not think it will last very long. They should stick to constructing close to college campuses. That would serve them well,” said another female Villager. News to us that Hooters was a “close to college campuses” thing… well, actually it makes sense for hiring at least.

“I think The Villages has enough Peter Pans here without giving them even more toys,” said Geraldine Digiorgio, adding she sees “future problems” from the wings-and-boobs themed chain.

Villages-News’s story did not quote a single woman who was pro-Hooters. The men on the other hand were, well you already figured out where this was going. “I welcome Hooters to Lake Denton Plaza. Close to home. Besides the ‘Hooters,’ the wings and cold beer are always good. I will be a regular,” said Rich Nichols, who we’re sure subscribed to Playboy for the articles too. Sam Stevens complimented the chain’s business acumen. “I should imagine that their corporate management team had the gumption to run studies on their target audience to determine that there were enough prurient fellows, not unlike myself, who would be drawn to sipping the occasional brew whilst enjoying the scenery,” said Stevens, the one closest to admitting why he would patronize the place.

A Sumter County, Florida sheriff’s deputy wasn’t fooled last week when he saw clearly through the back window of the vehicle he was pulling over that the female driver and the male passenger in the front seat quickly switched places in order to avoid the consequences for whatever it was.

Funny that, as Villages-News.com reports that not only did that not work out for 31 year-old Brittany Ann Northington who had been driving with a suspended license, it also got 31 year-old Christopher Austin Yates arrested too, as the dumbass had his license suspended for failure to pay child support.

Yates and Northington put in a really solid effort with their arrest at the Love’s Travel Stop in Bushnell, but they’ll still miles away from topping the unnamed stupid asshole in Colorado who last year switched places with his dog in a failed attempt to escape a drunk driving arrest.

“Two Missouri vacationers won’t be charged in a girl fight in The Villages,” Villages-News.com reports in the lede of a Saturday article credited simply to “Staff Report” in the byline.

Cops in the vast Floridian retirement community responded to the May 6th “girl fight,” and arrested 31 year-old Katherine Northrup of St Peters, Missouri and 28 year-old Gina Danforth of Fenton, Missouri, the two presumably renting a home in The Villages while visiting Disney World, with the police report mentioning screaming, spitting, pushing, punching and hair pulling, in a dispute over a golf cart rental and tickets to the world-famous amusement park. Sumter County prosecutors last week declined to pursue misdemeanor battery charges against the two “girls” for the altercation.

Great for them but we still have questions about the editorial decision-making process that led to the words “girl fight” being used to describe the brawl. Was there some pushback in the newsroom on an earlier draft that said “cat fight” and “girl fight” ended up being the compromise? The use of “Staff Report” does at least appear to be standard operating procedure for crime reports at Villages-News, as every article we’ve seen this morning says the same in the byline. Probably smart considering that other Villagers might seek violent retribution against local media for correctly reporting on their punching old women and peeing on lawns. The “girl fight” between grown women is just weird and whoever wrote that needs to get out of The Villages for a while to clear their head.

The staff at Villages-News.com could have at least written the headline as “Trump has been the only clear anti-(((globalist))) president” if they didn’t want to go that far. The guest editorial writer Bill Nitardy also misspelled World Economic Forum chairman Klaus Schwab’s name while suggesting that his lieutenant, (((Yuval Noah Harari))), is actually the real power center of the WEF cabal.

“I agree that Laura Loomer shouldn’t have said that the Democrats should have death sentence, however look what this administration is doing. Slowly transitioning this country to a socialist/communist country. This how Hitler managed. People saw him as a great leader only to find out that he was misleading the world. We all know what happened in WWII. We must be open minded and look at what this administration is doing to us and this country,” writes Villager Erika Yaeger in a letter to the editors of Villages-News.com in response to the website’s article about Loomer – a white nationalist influencer well acquainted with MAGA Villagers – telling incel podcaster Tim Pool that Dems “should get the death penalty. You know, we actually used to have, the punishment for treason in this country,” after fat former President Trump was convicted last week.

Kind of obvious that Yaeger doesn’t actually disagree with Loomer so much as wish she hadn’t said it out loud to make the right wing’s bloodlust so obvious to independent/undecided voters.

A registered Republican resident of The Villages, Florida is in trouble for possessing some of Hunter Biden’s favorite rocks after a traffic stop last week at a local Wawa, Villages-News.com reports.

Amanda Gayle Clay, 40, was driving her yellow Yamaha golf cart when she failed to come to a complete stop at an intersection near BJ’s in the Villages and was promptly stopped by a Sumpter County Sheriff’s Deputy. A search of the vehicle revealed the crack, as well as unprescribed Xanax and fentanyl. The form of the fentanyl was not disclosed but it’s certainly possible it was the rainbow kind. Clay was taken into custody on drug possession charges. She was booked and held on $13,000 bond. She’s probably still inside as the article contains no mention of her posting bail.

A 78 year-old The Villages, Florida man pleaded no contest Wednesday to a charge of indecent exposure for having been “nude from the waist down masturbating in front of an open kitchen window” on January 4th when he “knocked on the window” to get a passing woman’s attention, according to an arrest report from the Sumter County Sheriff, and then “began vigorously masturbating while looking at the victim,” Villages-News.com reports. A judge slapped James L Martin of the Village of Sanibel to six months probation and 50 hours of community service.

A 60 year-old The Villages-area woman is out on $2,000 bail after being arrested on a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon last week, the consequence of swinging a machete at her husband out of anger that he was still keeping a machete in the house after she had repeatedly told him to get rid of the dangerous brush-clearing blade, Villages-News.com reports.

It’s the third domestic arrest for Summerfield, Florida resident Nancy Ann Simmons in the last seven years as she was cuffed in 2017 for using scissors to cut up and man’s wallet and again in 2022 for throwing a wine glass at her son for refusing to wash the dishes. This one’s her first felony.

Massachusetts State Police Bomb Squad robo K9 officer Roscoe is dead after being shot by a madman during an armed standoff on Cape Cod earlier this month, Boston 25 reports.

Deranged 30 year-old suspect Justin Moreira was holding his mother hostage in their home in Hyannis on the morning of March 6th when Roscoe and his partner Spot, two Boston Dynamics “Spot” model robo K9s, entered the home to confront the madman. Both came under fire but Roscoe tragically took three bullets from a rifle after getting the drop on Moreira in a hallway. SWAT officers then fired tear gas into the house and the scumbag quickly came out to surrender.

Roscoe is at least the second US police robot to be killed in the line of duty this month. An unidentified robo-officer who served with the Marion County, Florida Sheriff’s Department’s SWAT team was shot dead during a similar armed standoff with a deranged suspect in The Villages on March 15th. James Savage, 54, aka Mario Gambino, has pleaded not guilty to charges of Violation of Domestic Violence Injunction, Possession of Firearm and/or Ammunition by Convicted Felon, Throw Deadly Missile at Within or In Building, Resisting an Officer with Violence, Aggravated Assault on Law Enforcement Officer (two counts), Criminal Mischief (over $1,000 damage), Criminal Mischief ($200 to $1,000 damage). The last charge was probably the one for the robo-murder.

The 62 year-old live-in son of a couple residing in the Village of Santo Domingo section of The Villages, Florida was arrested Wednesday on a charge of voter fraud over his casting a ballot in the 2022 midterms while being ineligible to do so due to prior felony convictions in three separate incidents of domestic abuse and probation violations, Villages-News.com reports.

David Robert Morgan, who registered as a member of the Independent Party of Florida in 2020 and then cast a mail-in ballot in October 2022, was flagged by the Sumter County Supervisor of Elections William Keen’s office as still owing $3,000 in fees, thus barring him from voting under the proscriptions of the DeSantis Regime. Morgan’s first arrest on Villages-News’s record was in 2019 when he walked out on his waiter job at Red Lobster and took $179.85 that should’ve been cashed in with his manager at the end of the shift. The manager called him several times to get the money back but got no answer, prompting them to call the cops to Morgan’s parents’ home.

A registered Republican man residing in The Villages, Florida area has been released from a six month bid the Sumter County Detention Center after his June 2023 arrest for breaking and entering the Red Lobster at at Buffalo Ridge Plaza, Villages-News.com reports. The arrest occurred when a Sumter County sheriff’s deputy responded to a burglar alarm at approximately 2:00 AM and found 36 year-old Ronald Eric Johnson (no relation to Wisconsin Senator Ronald Harold Johnson) sitting in an Adirondack chair near the restaurant’s entrance, bar glass in his hand.

It was Johnson’s third arrest at a national chain establishment in as many years, as he was previously cuffed for mumbling incoherent statements” to guests at an area Holiday Inn Express in 2022 and for stealing a shopping cart from a Dollar General store in 2021.

For the second time in as many weeks a police K9 sniffed out unprescribed Viagra during a traffic stop in The Villages, Florida-area on Saturday, Villages-News.com reports, leading us to suspect that a wave of illicit trafficking of the erectile dysfunction wonder drug has hit the vast, sunwashed golf cart maze hard. Very hard. And it’s lasting much longer than four hours.

Worse, the personal circumstances of the arrest of 39 year-old Matthew Allan Kibbey – carrying 15 of the little blue pills as well as an undisclosed quantity of methamphetamine – and his 34 year-old passenger Jennifer Lynn Whitley – violating a drug charge parole as she was in possession of a pipe and two straws – could suggest that Kibbey and/or Whitley were on their way to make a delivery to an elderly Viagra user rather than Kibbey simply being a user himself. This in contrast to last month’s arrest of 68 year-old Marc Arlon Nuyen. That guy was probably stoned up to his waist on Viagra.

A 68 year-old The Villages, Florida man is facing charges of possession of viagra without a prescription after a K9 unit sniffed out the sexual performance-enhancing drug during a traffic stop near the sunny golf cart maze prompted by a suspicious license plate, Villages-News.com reports.

Michigan native Marc Arlon Nuyen was cuffed in the nearby town of Fruitland Park after a cop ran a check of his Washington State license plate and found no match in the national database. Nuyen was observed making “furtive movements,” prompting the officer to call a K9 unit in to search the vehicle. It was then that Nuyen admitted he didn’t have a driver’s license. And when the dog found “several Viagra pills, which require a prescription from a licensed practitioner” in the van, along with some suboxone that Nuyen claimed belonged to his wife. Cops promptly cuffed Nuyen.

The Michigander-Washingtonian-Floridian was charged with possession of suboxone without a prescription, driving without a license and refusal to sign a citation. He was booked at the Lake County Jail on $3,500 bond, hopefully time to contemplate turning his life around and maybe starting a PSA campaign on the dangers of illicit Viagra with a slogan like “No Rx? No senior sex!”

A 31-year old The Villages, Florida man said to be occupying a home owned by his deceased grandfather and a former leasing agent for an apartment complex in the vast corporate-ruled retirement community has once again outshined older offenders in the Villages-News.com crime blotter with possibly his third arrest in under a year for vandalizing vehicles owned by his former boss Mike Hoopfer, though you might say that Jeremy Powell held back a bit after the first one.

Or held it in, as the registered Republican voter Powell shit on the roof of Mike Hoopfer’s car last year in what Hoopfer, a former Community Development District 13 supervisor and son of “powerful” Village Center Community District Board supervisor Bobby Hoopfer, said was “over a girl.” Powell was, as one might expect, fired from his job at the appropriately named Brownwood Lofts thereafter but the malice continued. On the second incident in December Powell went to Brownwood and damaged vehicles owned by Hoopfer and his brother Matt and has been out on $4,000 bond ever since. Villages-News.com does not have an arrest report for the most recent incident yet, but because the charges list “charges of driving under the influence and driving under the influence with property damage” it’s possible Powell might’ve rammed his car into the Hoopfer’s or some other property owned by them. Stay tuned for updates as this story continues to unfold.

A 44 year-old The Villages, Florida man is in jail on $2,500 on a resisting arrest charge after refusing to pull his bicycle over after a Wildwood Police Department officer ordered him to stop riding on the side of County Road 466A without a rear light attached to the bike, Villages-News.com reports.

“I ain’t gotta stop for you. I didn’t do nothing,” sad-looking bald man Douglas Fox told the officer who had rolled down the window to ask him Fox to pull over. Fox then lost control of the bike and fell from it. He began to flee on foot, but the cop caught up and zapped Fox with a taser. Somehow the asshole kept running but eventually gave up and allowed himself to be taken in.

Two The Villages, Florida men in their 60s were arrested on indecent exposure and lascivious charges after they were caught doing you know what in Lake Okahumpka Park on State Road 44 in Wildwood last week, making it clear it’s not okay to hump ya there, Villages-News.com reports, based on a Sumter County Sheriff’s arrest record including the words “before falling on his rump.”

A Sumpter County, Florida judge on Tuesday sentenced Robert Rivernider Jr – a The Villages, Florida Trump fanboy who last month convicted on three felonies forging his then-recently departed father Robert Rivernider Sr’s ballot for the disgraced former president in October 2020, days after the old man died of COVID – to 180 days in jail and to pay $916 in court costs, Villages-News.com reports.

We’ve very extensively chronicled Rivernider’s fuckery and that of his defense lawyer – Republican former state Representative Anthony Sabatini who, per Villages-News, “rested the defendant’s case without putting any evidence before the jury” – and how Rivernider was ineligible to vote under the DeSantis regime’s laws as he was only out of federal prison because of the pandemic of the very virus that killed his father and still owes $20 million in restitution for the real estate scam, and blamed a “pro-DeSantis” conspiracy for the charges. You can see all that in the links above.

What sticks out here is how once again a middle-aged Caucasian MAGA Villager – one on federal probation, no less – gets basically a slap on the wrist for willfully committing voter fraud while a Black man in Alachua County (albeit a complete piece of shit pedophile) got three years after pleading no contest to simply voting without being eligible due to a sex offender conviction.