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“Florida Governor DeSantis just received the kiss of death. George Soros has endorsed DeSantis for 2024. This could not be worse for DeSantis. When the devil likes you, you might be doing something wrong,” LGBT-owned and operated far right fake news site the Gateway Pundit reported Thursday.

Further down, underneath a web ad box with links reading “Urologist: Plenty of Men With An Enlarged Prostate Do Not Know About This Simple Solution” and “A Simple Trick Helps Solve Vision Problems, Throw Away Your Glasses Now!” beneath an illustration of an enlarged prostate and a stock photo of an eye, respectively, the article then quotes a story from another far right fake news site called “Conservative Tree House,” which in turn sourced from far right mostly fake news site the Washington Examiner whose reporters actually quoted Soros from an appearance at the Munich Security Conference on Wednesday. It’s not clear why the Gateway Pundit didn’t just source the Examiner or better yet find a video of Soros’s speech to quote from directly.

Anyway, Soros told the crowd in Munich he believes the Florida Governor will end up being the Republican 2024 nominee, calling Ronnie Meatball “shrewd, ruthless, and ambitious.” At no point did the Global Champion of Democracy and Honorary Founding Father of National Zero actually tell his fans that they should vote for DeSantis, making the characterization of it as an “endorsement” a stretch at best. The readers of the Gateway Pundit, with their typical perspicacity, saw the “endorsement” as sabotage. “Soros may also be trying to make sure that DeSantis doesn’t win. He’s evil, not stupid,” wrote the top commenter when sorted by “best.”

Maybe if the people of East Palestine Ohio pretend they’re Palestinians from the Middle East the Biden administration will actually pay some attention to them and send them aid.

— Donald Trump Jr. (@DonaldJTrumpJr) February 17, 2023

What a mastermind of jocularity this guy is. See how he so deftly uses the common occurrence of “Palestine” in the town where that train derailed and the bottom half of the modern apartheid state of Israel to weave into an acerbic takedown of the Biden Administration? Gosh, if only we had half the comedic talent he holds in his pinky toe. We would be global social media stars like him.

And Catturd. Have you guys seen some of Catturd’s material? Just wow. The guy is brilliant. He wields his pen with such wondrous ease, slicing the RINOs and libtards to shreds with his tweets.

Two MAGA Idaho state lawmakers on Wednesday introduced a bill making it a misdemeanor offense to administer or distribute a vaccine “developed using messenger ribonucleic acid technology for use in an individual or any other mammal in this state,” meaning Pfizer and Moderna COVID-19 vaxes, with one of them claiming the shots were never actually approved by the FDA, KTVB reports.

When a Dem state House member told one of the co-sponsors, GOP state Senator Tammy Nichols, that the vaccines have in fact already been approved by the FDA, Nichols responded by saying the process “may not have been done like we thought it should’ve been done,” whatever that means. “I think there is a lot of information that comes out with concerns to blood clots and heart issues,” Nichols added, again simply rambling without specificity as to what her fucking malfunction is.

It’s not clear if the Nichols or the other co-sponsor, state House Representative Judy Boyle, ever addressed why they only pegged the “crime” as a misdemeanor and not a capital offense. After all, if injecting a patient with an mRNA vaccine is murder, then it would be poetic justice for the person administering it to die by lethal injection. Bullshit jokes aside, it does legitimately raise the question of how serious these potato heads are. We would have to assume that by introducing the bill they mean business and it isn’t simply performative nonsense, so why not show the paranoid MAGA freaks in the voter base they mean business and at least make it a felony?

The “This ChiCom balloon attack never would have happened if Trump was still president!” bullshit two weeks ago died another death Friday as the Wall Street Journal reports that in the summer of 2020 a small circle of intel officials at the Pentagon assessed that at least three incursions of US airspace by objects they suspected then but are now certain were ChiCom spy balloons.

The assessment wasn’t conclusive and thus not shared with the Trump White House, but fuck it. The fanboys would never give Biden the benefit of the doubt, so why should we? Trump is supposed to be this omniscient superbeing always winning at 12D chess against the ChiComs, which makes this yet another catastrophic failure by his administration to protect America from its enemies.

Scumbag Trump lawyer Evan Corcoran, facing possible criminal liability for false statements to the Justice Department and an effort by special counsel Jack Smith to force him to testify under a crime-fraud exception to attorney-client privilege, has himself lawyered up, Reuters reports on that lame old “Making Attorneys Get Attorneys” backronym for MAGA coming true once again.

Yeah, really. Politico has the story.

Secretary of Labor Marty Walsh will be the first Cabinet Secretary of the Biden Administration to resign after taking a job to be the head of the National Hockey League’s player’s union, NBC News reports.

The 55-year-old former mayor of Boston will go back to his union roots:  he led the Boston Building Trades union prior to entering politics.  He’s scheduled to leave his job in mid-March to become the executive director of the NHL Players’ Association.

Interesting things happen around the National Zero virtual office, and they come full circle some days.  Today was one of those days.  This morning, Spartan virtually sauntered into my virtual corner office in the virtual National Zero office tower in Brooklyn, puts his feet up on my desk–a habit I find SO annoying because lord knows where those flip flops have been!–and asks a question about journalistic ethics:  “Would it be fair to say John Solomon is criminally implicated if he sourced articles from classified documents?”

He had picked up the story on Solomon using classified information in his stories, and it started a conversation we frequently have on things we’re writing to make sure neither of us is going over a journalistic or ethical line.  (Because believe it or not, National Zero holds itself to higher professional, moral and ethical standards than Fox News, those motherfuckers.  NatZero:  More swearing.  Less sexual harassment.) The questions I had came from confusion about Solomon’s role:  was he acting as an advisor or a journalist?  When did he have access to the classified information and when did he report it?  Was he “read into” the info, or was the info declassified?  The roles Solomon played determined whether criminal charges would apply.  (Ultimately, it appears Solomon can make a reasonable legal claim that he understood the information had been declassified by the President-at-the-time when he received it and that he received it in his capacity as a journalist, making it plausibly coverable by press shield laws.)

Fox News hosts and staff talked a lot of shit about fat now-former President Trump and his minions during and their ultimately futile attempts to overturn Donald’s humiliating loss to Joe Biden in the aftermath of the 2020 election, according to text messages obtained in discovery by Dominion Voting Systems’ lawyers as part of their lawsuit against the network, the New York Times reports.

“Sidney Powell is lying by the way. I caught her. It’s insane,” Tucker Carlson wrote to Laura Ingraham after a train wreck of an interview with the Kraken on November 18th, 2020. “Sidney is a complete nut. No one will work with her. Ditto with Rudy,” Frau Ingraham replied to Tucker.

Yet Tucker also wanted the “real news” side of Fox to shut up and wrote to Ingraham and Hannity that a reporter needed to be punished for fact checking a Trump tweet about Dominion. “Please get her fired. It needs to stop immediately, like tonight. It’s measurably hurting the company. The stock price is down. Not a joke,” Tucker wrote on November 9th, 2020. The texts were included in a motion for summary judgement filed by Dominion on last month, moving in for the kill against Fox News with evidence such as these texts to argue that their case has already been proven without need for a trial.

This really is a fascinating example of how Tucker Carlson can lie directly to his viewers… and they believe it.  The clip opens with Democratic Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer saying in the state of the state speech that “thoughts and prayers are not enough” in the fight against gun violence.  Within 60 seconds, Carlson has turned a plea for action against a weapon of mass violence into an all-out assault against prayer by Democrats.  And he did after showing the video of Whitmer not saying what he claims she said.  His viewers will believe him over what they just saw.

A rigged panel of pro-Dominion Voting Systems judges on Thursday rejected Republican legitimate Governor of Arizona Kari Lake’s appeal of the rigged rejection of her lawsuit contesting the outcome of the rigged gubernatorial election which she won but was stolen because it was rigged.

“Kari Lake appeals the [rigged] Maricopa County [socialist] Superior Court’s [fraudulent] ruling [improperly] rejecting her [totally legitimate, totally perfect] request to set aside [libtard] Katie Hobbs’s 17,117 [fake] vote win [actually lost] in Arizona’s 2022 [stolen] gubernatorial election. Lake’s [patriotic, America First] arguments highlight [rigged] election day difficulties, but her [irrefutable] request for relief fails because the [overwhelming] evidence presented to the [woke leftist] superior court ultimately supports the court’s conclusion that [Chinese Communist] voters were able to cast their [bamboo] ballots, that votes were counted correctly [the algorithms], and that no other basis [based] justifies setting aside the [third world] election results. Accordingly, we affirm,” the rigged three judge appeals court panel wrote in the opinion, which we annotated to make more patriotic.

Also, what’s with the “17,117 vote win”? Q is the 17th letter of the alphabet! Soros probably left a coded “fuck you” to patriots in that rigged number! It just shows how biased these so-called “judges” are that they can’t see the obvious symbolism in the evidence right in front of them!

National Zero will resume our regular coverage now that we’ve feigned sympathy for the ceaseless rage and paranoia burdening our MAGA readers. We hope they enjoyed this “rigged” news report.

Following the footsteps of his colleagues George Santos and Anna Paulina Luna, freshman Tennessee Republican Congressman Andy Ogles has been exposed as a total fucking fraud in an in-depth report by Nashville CBS affiliate WTVF detailing Ogles’ volumnuous resume fabrications.

First there’s his claim to be an “economist.” Ogles got a bachelor’s in international relations, with minors in psychology and English from Middle Tennessee State University – in 2007, at age 36 – which isn’t economics. His website says he got the degree in “policy and economics.” Then there’s his claim to be “a former member of law enforcement, worked in international sex crimes, specifically child trafficking,” when in reality he was an unpaid volunteer Williams County, Tennessee deputy reserve sheriff for two years before being fired for not showing up for required training. “There is nothing in Mr. Ogles training or personnel file that indicates he had any involvement in ‘international sex trafficking’ in his capacity as a reserve deputy,” a Williams Sheriff’s Office spokesperson said.

Ogles’ experience with fighting sex trafficking amounts to a part-time position with a charity called Abolition International founded by some gospel singer with helps sex trafficking victims. Ogles was paid a grand total of $4,000 for his work in 2011 with the group, which wasn’t the kind of operation that exposes and takes down international sex trafficking rings. People associated with the group didn’t want to get into it with Ogles, except to say that calling himself the chief operating officer was a gross exaggeration at best. So yeah, here’s yet another fine upstanding citizen in the House GOP.

We can’t really call certain Capitol rioters our “favorites” as that would imply we actually like them. We don’t. They’re all shit both in their politics and by and large in their personal lives. But some of their cases we gave more attention to than others in our coverage for one reason or another.

Matthew Beddingfield of North Carolina is one of them and we’re almost sad to see him go, as his Thursday guilty plea on a single count of felony assault for attacking cops – for which he faces at least eight years – during the insurrection is the penultimate chapter in Beddingfield’s debased saga.

In 2019 at age 17, Beddingfield was charged with attempted murder after shooting another teenager in the head in Walmart parking lot during a dispute over an unspecified matter which we would feel comfortable betting was drugs because what the hell else would they be doing in a Walmart parking lot. The other teen apparently survived and it was probably a graze wound given that Beddingfield’s bond, initially set at $1 million, was bumped down to $100,000, and he was allowed to plead down to an unspecified lesser charge in August 2021. This of course was seven months after the MAGA insurrection, at which Beddingfield was caught on video outside the Capitol assaulting police, and then identified by Huffington Post reporters just three months later. For whatever reason this never came to the attention of the court in North Carolina prior to Beddingfield’s conviction for which he was only sentenced to probation. It took until February 2022 for the FBI to catch up to him.

Beddingfield laid low enough under pretrial conditions, except for that one Saturday night outing at Buffalo Wild Wings with his mom back last May. But as he faces sentencing on June 22nd, this period of relative peace will prove fleeting for him, as will our interest in covering the hard fist of the American federal justice system breaking his little fucking Nazi derelict jaw.

Justice Department officials in DC have taken control of the corruption investigation into piece of shit Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, removing it from the hands of Texas-based federal prosecutors and potentially signaling a major escalation of the long and sordid saga separate from his longer and sordid saga of avoiding trial on state-level securities charges, the AP reports.

It’s not clear exactly what prompted the move, other than that it immediately followed a recusal by the San Antonio-based US Attorney’s office just days after Paxton settled a lawsuit brought the four former deputies who he fired in 2020 in retaliation for reporting him to the FBI for his scumbaggery and extramarital affair with an employee of one of his donors. With the probe now in the hands of the Justice Department’s Public Integrity Division, things could (hopefully) finally get moving.

In related news, Paxton on Wednesday sued President Joe Biden for signing the $1.7 trillion omnibus funding package into law in December for some fucking stupid made-up reason.

In an earlier post, Trump wrote “The long awaited important sections of the Georgia report, which do not even mention President Trump’s name, have nothing to do with the President because President Trump did absolutely nothing wrong. The President participated in two perfect phone calls regarding election integrity in Georgia, which he is entitled to do – in fact, as President, it was President Trump’s Constitutional duty to ensure election safety, security, and integrity…” then continuing in another post with “Between the two calls, there were many officials and attorneys on the line, including the Secretary of State of Georgia, and no one objected, even slightly protested, or hung up. President Trump will always keep fighting for true and honest elections in America!”

Should work out just fine for him, with no need to amend this statement in the future.

Dem Pennsylvania Senator John Fetterman on Thursday checked himself into Walter Reed Army Medical Center due to symptoms of depression, his office announced in a statement.

President Biden on Thursday will deliver remarks on the ongoing invasion of unidentified flying objects over North America’s skies, but probably won’t talk much about the alien ones.

Sucktacular fake news propagandist John Solomon has been pulled deeper into his Holy Orange Messiah’s criminal schemes as independent journalist Murray Waas reports that Trump may have given classified intel related to the Russia investigation to Solomon in the final days of his term.

Shortest possible version: Solomon was in the White House during the final weeks of Trump’s single-term, trying to help Donald figure out which documents to declassify to “prove” his innocence in the Russia scandal – something Jack Smith is looking at as a possible criminal motive for stealing other materials and holding them hostage. Trump’s last-minute declassification effort failed, but according to Waas, Solomon published at least two stories on his website around the same time, “exclusives” based on information that could have only come from said documents. It’s unlikely Solomon could be criminally implicated given shield laws that protect journalists – even shitty ones with an agenda – from prosecution for reporting sensitive information. The same can’t be said for Trump as this reporting, if accurate, would serve as further evidence of his Russia scandal-related intent.

The recent FBI search of documents housed at the University of Delaware dating from President Joe Biden’s Senate career found initially nothing marked as classified, but agents took some materials for further review to make a determination on their sensitivity, the Washington Post reports.

Now of course a future search of some other premises could turn up additional classified documents or damning details about what their contents were could always leak at some point. No one should discount that possibility. Barring that however, it’s hard to see how much more mileage the MAGA chodes are going to get out of Joe’s fuckup as far as being able to say “Look! Biden did the same thing Trump did!” especially with newer reporting on shit like a Trump aide storing classified info on a laptop that was likely unsecured while connected to the internet and that Jack Smith is seeking to force Trump’s lawyer to testify under a crime-fraud exception to attorney client privilege.

Worse yet for the fanboys is that it’s been nearly six weeks since the first report on the discovery of classified material dating to his time as Vice President and we still know nothing about the contents. It took all of two days after the Mar-a-Lago raid for it to leak that Trump had been purposely hanging onto top secret nuclear intel. Assume that whatever source leaked the nuclear detail to the Washington Post about Trump did so to damage him politically and that whatever source leaked to CBS News about the Biden docs fuckup wanted to do the same to Joe. Why didn’t that source add any details about what Biden had that he wasn’t supposed to? Is it because if it was elaborated upon then people might start asking “Well why the fuck was that still even classified in the first place? Who cares which floor of a hotel in Paris Biden stayed on in 2011?” That might kind of further desensationalize something that was already “bad optics” at its most maximal media hype.

Second Chinese “exotic vehicle” (drone) was shot down over Lake Huron.

Pentagon is very tight-lipped about retrieval of this vehicle.

Source tells me: CCP might be testing American military response to sudden incursions into our air space.

These two “drones” were not balloons.

— Emerald Robinson ✝️ (@EmeraldRobinson) February 16, 2023

Call us uptight if we’re a little skeptical of this report from a former B-movie actress who managed to get herself fired from fucking Newsmax after she tweeted that the COVID-19 vaccines contain “Luciferase” (a real but harmless class of bioluminescent enzymes found in nature, not in any kind of vaccines) and then went to work for Mike Lindell’s propaganda channel. We just need to see some more information, preferably from other sources, before we make a determination about the reliability of this report. In lieu of that we’ll simply question why she didn’t just fucking say it was aliens. She’s already a good 90 percent of the way there with this “exotic vehicle” shit.