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When Donald Trump wants to smear someone, who else would he turn to than his prime time consigliere, Fox’s Sean Hannity?  In this case, Trump is nervous that Pennsylvania Republican Senate candidate Kathy Barnette will leech enough support away from the Trump-annointed Mehmet Oz that either she or David McCormick, a more “moderate” far-right loon, would win.  With Barnette’s popularity rising–because she’s a conspiracy-spouting Republican–Trump’s cabal is nervous. So Hannity pulls out all the stops, which means acknowledging many of Trump’s 2016 campaign tropes were false–like Obama wasn’t born in the US.  By implying that Barnette’s old tweets are those of an unstable person, Hannity is admitting Trump is not stable.

All the crypto douchebags are freaking out because something something invested way too much money in stupid digital fiat currency backed entirely by hype, even gold and diamonds have real world industrial applications so what the fuck is crypto’s use besides pretend money something something but the crypto douchebags who made “Let’s Go Brandon Coin” and invested in it don’t really have to worry about that stuff. They were completely screwed weeks ago. Seriously, if you bought $10,000 LGB Coin when it first launched in November 2021, your investment would be worth $9 today. You could’ve spent the same amount on a used Hyundai and it would depreciated less than that. Hell you might’ve even turned a small profit reselling it with car prices these days.

A group of unidentified bystanders helped to stop a coasting car after the driver of the car had a medical emergency and slumped over the steering wheel in Boynton Beach, Florida. A coworker of the woman, driving in another car, saw the woman slumped over her steering wheel as she drove by her after they left work. The coworker got out of the car and ran alongside the coasting vehicle. Bystanders ran to the car to stop it, while another person got a barbell to break the back window and get into the car.

Boynton Beach Police wish to identify the good Samaritans to honor them for helping the woman, who was taken for medical attention, WPBF ABC 25 in Palm Beach reports.  (Note that YouTube slapped an unwarranted age restriction on it for some reason.)

Let’s start by acknowledging that Tucker Carlson is an idiot.  We’ll have more commentary after you read/listen to this:

But then this week, the Post took things even further than that.  They published an op/ed that reads, quote, that George Washington University needs a new name.  But honestly, George Washington University is such a bad and ridiculous university, like, who cares what they call it, prolly better just to shut it down or make it in’a some kind of subsidized housing for MS-13 and their baby mamas.  That would be the preferred outcome, but why are they offended by the name?  ‘Cuz it’s named after George Washington, and that means it’s racist.  Well, what does that mean for the Washington Post, which [starts seizure] is named after Washington.

First, it was an opinion piece, submitted by a reader, not the opinion of the Washington Post or its editorial board.  (Actual journalists understand the difference.)  Second, Tucker slides in his trademarked racism.  Third, we can figure out who didn’t get admitted to the 72nd best university in the nation, according to Forbes.  (Tucker’s alma mater, Trinity College, ranks 86th.)  And someone needs to get this man his anti-seizure meds pronto.

When the pilot of the two seat Cessna began babbling incoherently–not about making America great or any of that nonsense but actual gibberish–Darren Harrison took over control knowing just one thing:  he didn’t know how to fly a plane.

According to CNN, Harrison got direction from Robert Morgan, an air traffic controller who also happened to be a flying instructor, who pulled up the control console of the Cessna and walked Harrison through the instructions.

Harrison, who was returning from the Bahamas with his unnamed friend, got his bearings and with Morgan’s help, was able to navigate to Palm Beach International Airport, where he successfully landed the aircraft.  

The sale of the Trump International Hotel to a group of investors was completed Wednesday, ending its days and nights of corrupt deals, overpriced food and drinks, probably a lot of prostitution, tripling the nightly rates to capitalize on the fervor of QAnon dumbasses who thought Trump was going to be reinstated to office, and requiring employees to read a seven step guide on how to serve that fat orange fuck a Diet Coke, the New York Times reports.

Flying under the radar in these crazy times was Texas State House Bill 20, which gives Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton broad power to force social media providers to censor virtually anything he determines is “unlawful.”  “What content would be “unlawful’?” you properly ask.  Well, HB 20 doesn’t say; it just give the state Attorney General the ability to sue social media platforms for up to $25,000 per day if the whatever that unlawful message isn’t removed.

The law, just upheld by a three judge panel in the US Fifth Circuit of Appeals (with a Reagan-appointee and a Trump-appointee voting for it, and a GHW Bush-appointee dissenting), will go into effect immediately with no clear guidance on what Paxton is allowed to censor.

Confusingly, the law also demands that social media companies may not censor “a user, a user’s expression, or a user’s ability to receive the expression of another person based on . . . the viewpoint of the user or another person.”  Except, apparently, if that person is Ken Paxton, because there will be no court trial for what is legal or illegal content.  There is only Paxton.

Still going after that slot on Russia Today huh? https://t.co/WFtgrvTS6m

— Dan Crenshaw (@DanCrenshawTX) May 11, 2022

Abbott Laboratories is fessing up that the baby formula shortage is largely their fault due to a February recall over possible contamination with a deadly bacteria called cronobacter at a Michigan manufacturing facility, announcing that the FDA have given them the green light to expedite quality control and speed up production, WXYZ reports. “We understand the situation is urgent – getting Sturgis up and running will help alleviate this shortage. Subject to FDA approval, we could restart the site within two weeks. We would begin production of EleCare, Alimentum and metabolic formulas first and then begin production of Similac and other formulas. From the time we restart the site, it will take six to eight weeks before product is available on shelves,” Abbott said in a statement, without saying Biden stole all the baby formula like Fox News have been claiming.

Two infants died of cronobacter infection recently, though it has not been definitively established that it was the result of them consuming Abbott’s Similac formula or other brands but the recall was still made as a precautionary measure because of course that’s what they should freaking do.

Now personally I can attest to why Abbott was keeping this quiet. Recently the wife and I stopped in a CVS to grab some stuff and she remembered to check to see if they had this one certain brand of trendy children’s allergy relief marketed toward Caucasians has been completely out of stock at every retailer – both online and bricks and mortar – for months. The guy working there, who deserves a serious promotion given his courteous and helpful nature in contrast to most other hourly drug store chain employees, explained to us that it was almost certainly recalled. He told us recalls of products made for babies and toddlers are far more common than reported publicly, adding he has to pack up different baby medicines all the time to ship them back. The CVS guy said most of the recalls aren’t reported publicly because the manufacturers prefer to keep it as quiet as possible given the risk of reputational damage. Which is shitty to do to people who may have already bought the products (should’ve asked him about that) but hey, that’s capitalism.

“If Justice Thomas really wants to deal with bullying in American or this problem of people supposedly unwilling to accept outcomes that they don’t like,” Democratic New York Congressman and all-around bad ass Hakeem Jeffries started out saying in a committee hearing Wednesday afternoon, “I’ve got some advice for Justice Thomas:  start in your own home.  Have a conversation with Ginni Thomas.  She refused to accept the legitimacy of the November 2020 election.  Why?  Because she didn’t like the outcome.”

And Rep. Jeffries goes on from there about Clarence Thomas’s hypocrisy and unsuitability for his job.

Republicans in the Senate did what they were expected to do, blocking bringing the Women’s Health Protection Act that would codify Roe v. Wade into law to debate on the floor, the New York Times reports.

Suddenly fearful of voter backlash for pushing through a revocation of Roe through years of exploiting of Senate procedures to allow them to manipulate who gets put on the Supreme Court, Republicans are doing everything in their power to prevent them from having to go on the record to support the language of the draft decision revoking Roe, written by Justice Samuel Alito.  Republicans have even instructed their key TeeVee propagandist to lie repeatedly to make people think that there will be no less access to abortion if the decision is handed down as written, even though that is an obvious lie given more than 20 states have trigger laws that would make safe and legal abortion essential disappear in their borders.

The Republicans were joined by Democratic West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin to make it a 51-49 vote on the floor, well short of the 60 needed to proceed.  Republicans Susan Collins of Maine and Lisa Murkowski of Alaska voted with Republicans even though they have stated they are in favor of keeping Roe in place.

Ukraine Prosecutor General Iryna Venediktova announced Wednesday she’ll be putting Russian army Sgt Vadin Shyshimarin, 21, on trial for the murder of an 62-year-old civilian man who was gunned down while riding his bike past Shyshimarin’s unit in northeastern Ukrainian village of Chupakhivka on February 28th, the AP reports. The trial will be the first of many as Ukrainian officials have recorded more than 10,700 possible war crimes offenses and have identified over 600 suspects. Shyshimarin faces 15 years if convicted at trial, the date of which has not been set.

I cannot wait to welcome @TedCruz to the Commonwealth this week! It’s an honor to receive the endorsement of a true America First fighter and one of the strongest conservative voices we know. Check out our schedule! We look forward to seeing you all soon!

— Dave McCormick (@DaveMcCormickPA) May 11, 2022

A DC federal judge voided a plea deal for notorious anti-semitic human urinal cake MAGA-QAnon influencer Anthime “Baked Alaska” Gionet on Wednesday after Gionet declared himself innocent of his Capitol riot charge in court and said he only accepted the plea deal to avoid a felony, NBC News reports. Gionet was set to plead to one local DC misdemeanor when Judge Emmett Sullivan asked Gionet to formally affirm if he was pleading guilty because he is indeed guilty of the charge.

“I wanted to go to trial, but the prosecutors if I went to trial they would put a felony on me, so I think this is probably the better route. I believe I’m innocent… but they’re saying if I go to trial they’re going to hit me with a felony,” said Gionet. Sullivan then promptly tossed the plea deal, saying “I’m not trying to trick you… Don’t plead guilty to please me,” and ordering Gionet to face a federal felony trial on charges of knowingly entering or remaining in any restricted building or grounds without lawful authority and violent entry-disorderly conduct on Capitol grounds. MAGA!

Trump-endorsed Florida US House candidate Anna Paulina Luna smoked drugs out of a drugs pipe at some unspecified point in her life, but it was probably a long time ago because the Central Florida Post blog, who found the photo of Luna smoking drugs, said it was from her MySpace page.

The article makes Luna sound like a complete LUNA-tic, exhaustively detailing all sorts of batshit orders of protection against people, claiming her great grandfather was personally executed by Pancho Villa – fifteen years after Villa’s death, allegedly working as a stripper while serving in the Air Force, otherwise misrepresenting her military service, claiming to be Hispanic but leaving it off her voter registration, and claiming Roger Stone tried to poison her… well that last one’s not actually that farfetched. The blogger with Central Florida Post seems pretty fucking crazy himself, judging by the past entries about BLM and Antifa, so it looks like a MAGA on MAGA hit piece.

Dem elections lawyer Marc Elias reports that a Florida court has rejected the use of highly gerrymandered Congressional district maps put forth by Republican Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, with the state circuit court in Leon County siding with the plaintiffs in a motion to prevent their use in upcoming primaries. “I am finding the enacted map is unconstitutional because it diminishes African Americans’ ability to elect candidates of their choice,” said Judge Layne Smith.

DeSantis had personally taken over the responsibility of redrawing Congressional districts after multiple versions prepared by the Republican-led legislature were rejected by various courts. DeSantis rejected district boundaries created by state-assigned independent non-partisan groups, and decided he knew how to screw the voters of Florida out of their voice in government better. The court disagreed, and now the issue must be resolved again.

“The Secretary’s arguments are nothing but a transparent attempt to muddy a straightforward constitutional challenge,” the motion read. “The DeSantis Plan plainly dilutes Plaintiffs’ electoral power in violation of the Florida Constitution. For these reasons, and those stated below, Plaintiffs respectfully request that the Court grant their motion for a temporary injunction.”

New York Judge Arthur Engeron has lifted the contempt order against fat former President Trump with a number of conditions, including payment of $110,000 in daily fines accrued and compliance with documents subpoenaed by the New York AG by May 20th, CNN reports.

Confused West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin told reporters that he supports the codification of Roe v. Wade into law, but he will not support the Women’s Health Protection Act, which codifies Roe into law and will be brought to the Senate floor for a vote, per Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer.  The WHPA prevents states from enacting laws that would make abortion illegal prior to the viability of the fetus, or after fetus viability, if the mother’s life is in danger.  It also prevents state and local governments from blocking access to abortion clinics through legislative maneuvers to implement rules and regulations targeted at ensuring no clinic can operate without being in violation.

KPNX Phoenix’s Brahm Reznik reports inmate Clarence W Dixon (no relation to Hardy Boys author Franklin W Dixon), sentenced to death in 2008 for the 1978 rape and murder of Deana Lynne Bowdoin, had KFC, a 1/2 pint of strawberry ice cream, and a bottle of water for his last meal prior to his scheduled execution Wednesday. The handout sheet Reznik tweeted describing the last meal of the first inmate to be executed in Arizona since 2014 did not indicate why the state Department of Corrections would specify the quantity and flavor of ice cream consumed by Dixon but not the KFC.

Dixon was already serving a sentence of life in prison for a 1986 sexual assault conviction when DNA analysis implicated him in the cold case murder of Bowdoin. At any moment Dixon will be executed for the brutal crime, having chosen lethal injection over the gas chamber as the method, but for now it remains unclear if he chose regular or extra crispy for his last meal.

We like our version of his reaction better. At the very least Donald should act like he still won anyway because a Republican and not a Democrat won the Nebraska GOP governor’s primary.