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Trump claims he’s “not going on Twitter,” will “stay on TRUTH”

Fat former President Donald Trump told Fox News on Monday that he’s going to stick with his lame Twitter clone that he doesn’t post on, even as fanboys agitated for Twitter’s new owner Elon Musk to reinstate the Orange Warlord. “I am not going on Twitter, I am going to stay on TRUTH I hope Elon buys Twitter because he’ll make improvements to it and he is a good man, but I am going to be staying on TRUTH” the Former Guy said in an interview, adding he’ll start “TRUTHing” this week.

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Musk to buy Twitter for $44 billion: reports

In news that will make Truth Social CEO Devin Nunes update his resume, Tesla founder Elon Musk has struck a deal to buy social media giant Facebook for $44 billion, Bloomberg reports.

Shareholders will receive about a 5% premium on their shares in the takeover offer, getting $54.20 for a stock currently selling for around $52 per share, which itself is a 30% increase from the stock’s closing price on April 1st, when Musk first made overtures for the company.

Conservatives had praised the idea of the famously libertarian Musk taking over Twitter, which has banned a number of conservative figures for disseminating pandemic misinformation, hate speech and election conspiracy theories–and that was just Donald Trump.  Others have made direct threats against liberal politicians and personalities.

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Nunes brings in Don Jr, Kash Patel to shake things up at TMTG

Ultra-successful Trump Media and Technology Group CEO Devin Nunes is making moves and reaching for top talent outside of the company by bringing in real estate magnate Donald Trump Jr, super national security mastermind Kash Patel, star TV producer of “Apprentice” fame Wes Moss, and some dipshit former Department of Homeland Security lawyer Scott Glabe to take the media and tech company’s already skyrocketing fortunes into hyperspace, the New York Times reports. Donald Trump Junior is the New York Times bestselling author of “Triggered” who now seeks to bring his boundless talents to the Trump media empire. Patel is a particularly stellar hire who just barely missed out on White House appointments to direct the CIA and/or FBI in December 2020.

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Texas appeals court delays execution of woman convicted of killing her child because of mounting evidence of innocence

A Texas appeals court has delayed the execution of Melissa Lucio, who had been convicted of beating her 2-year-old daughter to death, but whose conviction has been challenged in the face of mounting evidence that the child died of an accidental injury, the Associated Press reports.

Scheduled for execution by lethal injection on Wednesday, Lucio has proclaimed her innocence despite having given a confession after being worn down by seven straight hours of interrogation.  Throughout the interrogation, Lucio declared her innocence, saying her daughter Mariah fell down a stairway two days prior to her death.  One of Lucio’s other children also told police he saw the child fall down the steps after losing her balance trying to walk down the stairs.

Lucio was convicted of the child’s murder despite having no evidence that she ever beat the child.  A cocaine addict at the time of her child’s death, prosecutors used her drug use and her confession after hours of interrogation, when she was exhausted and stressed, to convict her. 

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Hannity, Meadows texts show Fox host aided Trump campaign in potential violation of Federal Election Commission rules

A series of text messages between Fox host and Trump campaign advisor Sean Hannity and White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows shows the Fox network host playing an undisclosed role in overtly changing the content of his program to help promote the Trump campaign’s efforts during the 2020 election.

The issue of this is more than just journalistic malpractice; it’s a possible violation of Federal Election Commission bans on in-kind contributions to campaigns, in that Hannity is coordinating with the campaign to put a campaign message out, giving the campaign complimentary airtime which could be seen as a violation of donation laws. 

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Wisconsin man charged with hate crime for threatening Black, Hispanic families in neighborhood, vandalizing cars

A white 44-year-old Wisconsin man has been charged with a series of felonies and hate crimes for repeatedly harassing and threatening Black and Hispanic families, leaving ominous notes and damaging their vehicles, WISN ABC-12 Milwaukee reports.

William McDonald was charged by federal officials for multiple crimes after a search warrant was executed last week during which officers found screwdrivers, a baseball bat and a note in a sandwich bag in his car.  According to the criminal complaint, the note read:  “Drive like a stupid ghetto fucking [n-word] in MY neighborhood. This is what happens bitch. I’m watching all you fucking monkeys around here. Get the fuck back to the northside ghetto where you belong. Next time it will be your windshield you piece of shit fucking [n-word]. TEST ME!”

Because of his raging racism and anger issues, McDonald had set out to intimidate and frighten non-white families in the neighborhood, terrorizing families within a mile of his apartment in West Allis, Wisconsin.  Notes found on cars and doors match McDonald’s handwriting. 

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“TELL THEM TO GO HOME !!!” Reince Preibus screamed to Mark Meadows during Capitol riot in texts obtained by CNN

CNN obtained 2,319 text messages between former Trump White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows and various MAGA assholes between Election Day 2020 and January 2021 and there are some gems in there as Meadows acted as peoples’ conduit to the Orange Warlord.

“TELL THEM TO GO HOME!!!” – Reince Preibus, 1/6/21.

“Mark: he needs to stop this, now. Can I do anything to help?” – Mick Mulvaney, 1/6/21.

“The president needs to stop this ASAP” – GOP Congressman Will Timmons, 1/6/21.

“They will try to fuck his entire legacy on this if it gets worse.” – Don Jr, 1/6/21.

“Mark I was just told there is an active shooter on the first floor of the Capitol Please tell the President to calm people This isn’t the way to solve anything” – Margie Greene, 1/6/21.

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Delusional Devin gonna have a cow when he learns Trump will go back on Twitter if allowed, dooming Truth Social

As a screaming charlatan questions his future employment prospects, a social media CEO watches as his job vanishes.

“Well, I can only report on what he said,” taurophobe and perpetual failure Devin Nunes says, unable to comprehend Trump lies constantly.  “He said he really doesn’t have an interest in going on Twitter and my, and my guess is that that would continue to be the same.  I mean, look, until you get in there and, and get that company and wipe out everything that’s been happening there in the last several years, ah I just see, Twitter right now is nothing but a PR wire, ah, it’s, it’s got a global footprint, but there’s just nobody there, and I mean, and how do you explain how we have more engagement on Truth Social than they have on Twitter.”

How do I explain that?  Easy:  it’s a lie.  Twitter has half a billion tweets posted daily; Truth Social has just half a million users, and its app adoption has plummeted.

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MAGA Michigan state senate candidate prefers white families

A right wing fifth columnist running as a Democrat for the Michigan state senate recently complained on his radio show that families depicted in TV commercials are too diverse, Deadline Detroit reports. “Can’t even watch a college basketball tournament without commercials telling me I have to feel guilty because I think a family should be a White mom, a White dad and White kids,” said Randy “Trucker Randy” Bishop on March 31st. “They want us to die and go away. And they’re going to try to do it through politics this year. Well, we have got to be just as smart.”

There’s no doubt this son of a bitch is simply blue shirting in this election, given that he’s previously run as a Republican and has pushed for a “forensic audit” of the 2020 election.

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Twitter board continues talks with Musk on buyout

Twitter’s board of directors and world’s richest man Elon Musk continued discussions over Musk’s offer to buy out the social media platform for a bid of $54.20, causing the price to jump in early trading, the Washington Post reports.

Shares are about 3% higher at the open of the market as reports put the nascent oligarch closer to coming to an agreement to buy Twitter, a move that would likely bring back social media pariahs like Donald Trump to the platform.

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Beijing COVID outbreak prompts massive panic buying

Communist, authoritarian utopia city Beijing, a paradise of efficient government, descended into chaos Monday as residents fearing a nightmarish total lockdown flooded grocery stores to avoid starving like Shanghaiese people have been during their horrific lockdown, the Guardian reports.

“The current outbreak in Beijing is spreading stealthily from sources that remained unknown yet and is developing rapidly,” said a local official on Sunday. “There have been so many epidemics in Beijing, and I have never seen such a situation. It [seems] that the failure of Shanghai’s early epidemic prevention and supply has been a big blow to the confidence of the people,” said one user of Chinese Twitter clone Weibo on Sunday. The user’s whereabouts are unclear as of Monday. They may or may not have been thrown in a labor camp for undermining the state.

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US to resume diplomatic operations with Ukraine

The United States will restart normal diplomatic operations in Ukraine, moving the center for the State Department from the capital of Kyiv to the western city of Lviv, which has been largely untargeted by Russian forces, the Washington Post reports.

The announcement comes after Secretary of State Anthony Blinken and Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin visited Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy in Kyiv, in a show of solidarity with the besieged democratic government.

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TrUmP wOuLd oF sToPPeD RuSSiA frM iNvAdiNG UkRAiNe tHo

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Five teens shot during fight outside a Georgia Waffle House; pair hijack car from valet parking to go to hospital

Five teens were shot during a fight outside a downtown Atlanta Waffle House, and two of the victims carjacked a vehicle from the valet parking attendant to drive to the hospital, ABC News reports.  In other news:  a Waffle House in Georgia has a valet parking attendant.

None of the victims suffered life threatening injuries, and the valet was also uninjured, but did we mention the valet worked parking cars at a Waffle House?  I’ll bet the people at the nearby Cracker Barrel feel taken for granted.

A larger group got into a fight outside the Waffle House, which had valet parking, with at least one person pulling a gun and firing.  The victims were all between 15 and 19 years old.  The two boys who carjacked the vehicle will be charged with carjacking from the valet parking service at the Waffle House.

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Madison Cawthorn campaign’s “Endorsement” page sits empty

Poor Madison Cawthorn!  The Q Congressman from North Carolina is not only losing his invitations to the coke-fueled orgies that frequent the ritziest residences in DC, but he’s also lost all of his endorsements from 2020.  His “Endorsements” page of his website show a 404 error:  nothing found.

The FireMadison PAC has contacted 18 of the endorsers from the 2020 election, and not one of them has endorsed him for 2022.

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