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An Italian physician is under investigation for wasting public resources by giving his cat a computed axial tomography scan after she fell six stories off the roof of his building, the Guardian reports.

Dr Gianluca Fanelli, head of the radiology unit at Umberto Parini hospital in Aosta, said his cat Athena was “between life and death” he “knew I could only save her with a quick intervention,” requiring the computed axial tomography scan to diagnose her injuries. Fanelli then performed surgery on Athena and indeed saved her life. Local health authorities were less than pleased with Fanelli for the rogue, non-human medical care and referred the case to prosecutors to investigate whether charges of wasting public resources and depriving patients of essential services.

Fanelli says the computed axial tomography scan and surgery had both been conducted after-hours when none of the equipment or rooms were booked for human patients, adding that he’s more than willing to reimburse the hospital for the supplies he used to save his cat. Whether or not an actual veterinarian in the town was on-call at the time and could have done the job is not known.

And yes computed axial tomography scans are abbreviated as CAT scans. It’s very cheeky.

Republicans in Georgia are restarting a stalled push to end the state’s open primary system that first hit a dead-end in 2022 after convicted felon President Trump’s MAGA challengers failed to take down Governor Brian Kemp, Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger, Attorney General Chris Carr, and others, surviving partially on the backs of liberal and indie sandbaggers crossing over after previously voting in the 2020 Democratic primary, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports.

“It is common sense to limit participation in Republican primaries to those voters who declare their allegiance to the Republican Party so our nominees reflect the philosophy of our voters,” said Georgia GOP chair Josh McKoon. The AJC notes that any such effort will have to go through the state legislature where its prospects are murky at best given the last fail, but who knows.

Officials in North Dakota on Wednesday deputized local paper The Jamestown Sun to inform locals that a convicted sex offender will be henceforth residing at 1610 Business Loop East, Unit Number 8.

The sex offender, no reason to print his name, it’s in the linked story if you’re really that curious, is described as being 5 ft 8 inches tall and weighing 220 lbs. The article specifies that the offender was convicted of gross sexual imposition involving a 14-year-old girl in 2017 and does not own a vehicle, making it likely he travels on foot to shop and conduct other personal errands at establishments within a short distance of his address. The offender is of Latino heritage in a state that is 81 percent non-Hispanic white and, as a convicted felon, is prohibited from owning a firearm.

In summary the offender may face some challenges going forward at his new address.

Ughhhhh, holy shit. At least Kayleigh McEnany doesn’t seem too fazed by the fact that last week Trump lawyer Alina Habba went on Fox News and mocked her openly, she’s still a happy proxy for Team Orange on the network. And not a very good one as evidenced by this segment.

This “four dimensional chess” shit was old seven years ago. It’s not like Trump is completely devoid of strategic acumen, he’s a seasoned pro at saying something stupid and outrageous to divert attention from something he fucked up at. Just as often he really actually means what he says and there’s no ulterior explanation required. His scumbag son-in-law literally said repeatedly that Gaza is prime seafront real estate and he wants it seized one way or another. That doesn’t require any contingent “maybe” to assert. Kushner said it. And this also isn’t the first time Trump floated forcibly depopulating Gaza. The last time was 10 goddamned days ago, so really the simplest explanation is that on Tuesday he was following that through to the end and he really means it.

There’s no fucking quantum checkmate here, you freaking two-Spindrift lightweight.

Drug addicted billionaire Elon Musk’s minions have gained access to the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid payment systems in an ostensible quest to search for “fraud,” the Wall Street Journal reports without mentioning whether they’ve asked Senator Rick Scott for any tips on how to find it.

A CMS official told the Journal that the agency has “two senior agency veterans who are leading the coordination with DOGE,” and that CMS leaders are “taking a thoughtful approach to see where there may be opportunities for more effective and efficient spending in line with meeting the goals of President Trump,” before their recommendations are ignored and the entires system is bricked.

A Maryland federal judge on Wednesday halted convicted felon President Trump’s batshit stupid order ending birthright citizenship in the United States, ABC News reports.

Joining late but Republicans already tabled a Dem motion to subpoena Elon Musk, as if they don’t want him there to sell the virtues of unlimited power to cut off Treasury payments.

The Philippines House of Representatives on Wednesday approved articles of impeachment against psychopath Vice President Sara Duterte, daughter of similarly unhinged former President Rodrigo Duterte after her threats to have President “Bong Bong” Marcos assassinated, with 215 of 306 members present endorsing the complaint sending it to the Senate, Politiko.com.ph reports.

The six-count complaint includes conspiracy to assassinate President Ferdinand Marcos Jr, First Lady Liza Araneta-Marcos, and Speaker Romualdez, alleged malversation of P612.5 million confidential fund, bribery and corruption in the Department of Education, unexplained wealth and failure to disclose assets, involvement in the extrajudicial killings (her dad’s “Davao Death Squad”), and destabilization, insurrection, and public disorder. It’s not clear yet if she’s doomed at trial.

Reminder that the Philippines is like North Carolina where you could have a fucking freak like Mark Robinson elected as Lt Governor and a normal Democrat like Roy Cooper elected governor.

A Florida man escaped from the scene of a fatal crash on I-295 in Jacksonville on Tuesday afternoon, hitching a ride on the back of a semi truck that was passing by, WJXT reports.

The unidentified man had stolen a green 2001 Chevy pickup and was driving it the wrong way on the highway when he struck a 66 year-old motorcyclist. The motorcyclist was then horribly crushed by a white Acura sedan that had been traveling behind it. The pickup thief then tried to jack another vehicle but was thwarted somehow before he climbed onto the back of semi-truck passing by.

Florida Highway Patrol officers then pulled over the semi down the road, but the man was no longer hanging on. The driver who is on the run is described as a short Black man with short dreadlocks pulled into a bun. He was last seen wearing black shorts and a black shirt, per the FHP.

Experiencing some automotive issues in central Florida early Tuesday, specifically that he drove his $300,000 Lamborghini SUV onto railroad tracks while drunk and likely high on cocaine after fleeing from a traffic stop in a neighboring county, Marcus Jordan, son of NBA legend Michael Jordan, informed officers from the Maitland Police Department of his famous forebear, TMZ reports.

“Bro,” Jordan told one of the officers who approached the vehicle as he hit the gas and the wheels spun. “I’m Marcus Jordan. I’m Michael Jordan’s son. I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m just trying to get home. And I made a wrong turn. OK? clearly, we would just like to get our car off of the fucking train tracks which we were not trying to be on,” Jordan continued as he explained his quandary as seen on bodycam video obtained by the celebrity media outlet. The scion of the greatest pro basketball player of all time was then subjected to a field sobriety test, which he failed, and then a search of his pants, prior to which he claimed all cops would find was “big dick and some big balls.”

The assertion of the size of Jordan’s genitals was neither confirmed nor denied by law enforcement. They did however also find a small bag of cocaine, which resulted in a possession charge on top of the DUI crash with property damage and resisting an officer without violence counts. Jordan was released from the local lockup several hours later and did not comment to reporters as he departed.

🤔 https://t.co/H9429n8Ob4

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) February 5, 2025

“Effective February 5, 2025, the Postal Service will continue accepting all international inbound mail and packages from China and Hong Kong Posts. The USPS and Customs and Border Protection are working closely together to implement an efficient collection mechanism for the new China tariffs to ensure the least disruption to package delivery,” says a message on the USPS website, posted just minutes prior to the previous version of this story, which was sourced from an AP article about how customers of ultra-low-quality e-commerce giants Shein and Temu would be affected, with the AP noting that the two brands are “popular with younger shoppers in the US for cheap clothing and other products, usually shipped directly from China,” and that Shein was going to be more affected than Temu given the former’s far more heavy reliance on individually fulfillment via standard mail.

The USPS policy was part of the tariffs convicted felon President Trump imposed on China. Whether the reversal means the whole tariff regime is scrapped is unclear as of yet. Stay tuned for the cave.

Several Gazans contacted by Reuters were a little underwhelmed by convicted felon President Trump’s “proposal” to send US troops to take control of the territory and forcibly relocate them.

“Trump can go to hell, with his ideas, with his money, and with his beliefs. We are going nowhere. We are not some of his assets,” said Samir Abu Basel in Gaza City via a chat app. “If he wants to resolve this conflict he should take the Israelis and put them in one of the states (in America). They are the strangers, not the Palestinians. We are the owners of the land. He spoke with much arrogance…he can test us, and soon he will find out his fantasies don’t work with us.”

Hey Kamala, GAZA is speaking now bitch.

— Nour Zeidan (@nour_zeidan) November 6, 2024

Fuck Trump. Fuck Netanyahu. Fuck Israel.

Palestine is for Palestinians ONLY.

— Nour Zeidan (@nour_zeidan) February 5, 2025

Fat feckless President Trump doesn’t care about regular Americans. Crime and prices are out of control under his regime, with the situation so bad that the New York Post is reporting a trailer full of over 100,000 organic chicken eggs was stolen from a poultry farm in Pennsylvania on Saturday.

In a statement the farm, Pete and Gerry’s, said they’re “aware of a recent incident in Franklin County, Pennsylvania, and we are actively working with local law enforcement to investigate. We take this matter seriously and are committed to resolving it as quickly as possible. Due to the ongoing investigation, we cannot comment any further on this matter.” Warmonger Trump was too busy talking about sending American troops to die taking over Gaza than comment on the egg heist.

From a Caldwell, Idaho Police Department Instagram post: “On February 2 at 6:00 pm, officers were dispatched to Walmart in response to a theft in progress. While en route, dispatch informed responding officers that the suspect, later identified as 32 year-old Dylan Rockwell, had exited the store heading westbound on Cleveland Blvd in his vehicle and provided a description. Through their investigation, officers identified Rockwell and intercepted him at his residence. Officers detained him without incident and recovered the stolen merchandise. During questioning, our officers interviewed Rockwell, who admitted to committing several thefts from Walmart over a period of time.”

“Rockwell admitted to wearing a ring with a barcode, specifically for tomato soup, which he wore on his finger and would scan large items, causing the system to register the items at a much lower price. On this occasion, Rockwell had stolen a grill, valued at $300.00, which scanned as the tomato soup. Rockwell was arrested and charged with felony burglary,” the post continued.

There’s a Green Lantern joke in there somewhere. Any DC Comic nerds want to step up here?

Free spirited backpacker and accused murderer Luigi Mangione has hired big shot lawyer Avraham Moskowitz, described in a court filing as “a member of the SDNY Capital Panel and has frequently been found learned in the law of capital cases. In arriving at the recommendation, I have contacted the government and defense counsel and have reviewed the conflict list. Mr Moskowitz is available and does not appear to have any conflict,” JustSecurity’s Adam Klasfeld reports.

Obviously just taking a plea deal would be cheaper given the lack of any reasonable doubt of his guilt, but equally obvious is Mangione’s intent to “put the system on trial” (provided a judge will put up with that) or just roll the dice for on jury nullification in both his federal and state-level cases.

For any other defendant that’s a bad bet, but Luigi may just be a white OJ Simpson.