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MAGA Texan misidentified as non-citizen, kicked off voter roll

Texan Mary Howard-Elley, a hardcore Trump fan who says that only her Orange Messiah can protect America from the scourge of illegal immigration and that migrants are secretly voting in elections all the time, tells the Texas Tribune her voter registration was canceled and she almost couldn’t cast a ballot next week as the local clerk erroneously reported her as a non-citizen to the state.

The fuckup apparently happened when she responded to a jury summons by asking for an exemption because she needs to help take care of her grandchildren, but instead the clerk marked her as a non-citizen. “Who is allowing people to do this to United States citizens? I understand we have a problem with immigration, but come on now,” Howard-Elley told the Tribune.

Of course due to her whiteness, Howard-Elley’s voter registration was restored after media attention to the matter. “I just hope they don’t do this to anybody else ever again because it’s not fair.”

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WATCH LIVE: Orange God Emperor holds “press conference”

Whether the fat fuck is going to take any questions whenever he finally gets on stage is anyone’s guess. We can however say he’s “answered” one question he would be guaranteed to face as earlier on Tuesday he told ABC’s Rachel Scott the old “I don’t know him, someone put him up there. I don’t know who he is,” when asked about shitty comedian Tony Hinchcliffe’s set at the Sunday Madison Square Garden rally. “Trump also insisted he didn’t hear any of the comments, even as they’ve been played on television and written about extensively. When asked what he made of them, he did not take the opportunity to denounce them, repeating that he didn’t hear the comments,” ABC wrote.

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North Carolina tied: SurveyUSA poll

The final SurveyUSA North Carolina poll of 2024 finds Vice President Kamala Harris and convicted felon former President Trump tied at 48 percent each in the Tar Heel state. Harris leads 50 to 47 percent among the 38 percent of respondents who already voted. As of Tuesday, the early vote electorate in the state is 34.1 percent R, 33.4 percent D, and 32 percent indie, per TargetSmart.

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Harris says Jeff Bezos in Trump’s billionaire cabal

Appearing on The Breakfast Club Tuesday morning, Vice President Kamala Harris told host Charlamagne Tha God that Washington Post owner Jeff Bezos’s bitchass decision to halt the paper’s editorial board from endorsing her was because of “Donald Trump and the billionaires club.”

“They are who is in his club,” said Harris, per the Daily Beast. “That’s who he cares about.”

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Republican Bologna running as filler for empty seat

Voters in New York State’s Lake Erie-area 144th Assembly District face a choice next week: Do they go with a name evoking imperial courage and strength in Democratic Lockport Mayor Michelle Roman? Or do they go with the vaguely salty and gross pink processed meat-sounding Paul Bologna, the chief of staff to incumbent Mike Norris, who’s running for a state Supreme Court seat.

“When I say I believe in local control and home rule I mean that you have to give a local government the opportunity to make decisions on whether or not these massive energy generating facilities, whether it’s wind, solar or what have you, battery storage, is going to be in their community,” said Bologna at some candidate forum reported on by the Lockport Union-Sun-Journal and how is the guy’s name pronounced? Is it like Bo-LOG-na or is it “baloney”? Does he have to correct people when they say “Paul Baloney”? How the fuck does someone run for elected office with a last name like that? Like it might as well be “Malarkey” except malarkey is funnier because Joe Biden.

Hell, even “Wiener” is a better last name than Bologna/Baloney. If he was Paul Wiener then he could say he was going to stay extra hard for his constituents. In conclusion, baloney is gross.

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Hezbollah names replacement replacement leader

Lebanese terrorist group Hezbollah on Tuesday named Naim Qassem to replace replacement leader Hashem Safieddine after leader Hassan Nasrallah was killed in an Israeli airstrike but then Safieddine was killed in an Israeli airstrike so now they’re going with Qassem because he hasn’t been killed in an Israeli airstrike yet, Reuters reports on the target of a likely incoming Israeli airstrike.

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Orange Warlord 48 – Harris 47 in Michigan: Emerson poll

A new Emerson College survey of likely voters in Michigan finds convicted felon former President Trump leading Vice President Kamala Harris 48 to 47 percent. Since this is Emerson, and especially because the sponsor is right wing circlejerk site RealClearPolitics, this is actually a good poll for non-MAGA. In their final October 2022 poll of the state they found Governor Gretchen Whitmer leading QAnon freak Tudor Dixon 49 to 44 percent, Whitmer ended up winning by nearly 11 percent.

Separately a Detroit News/WDIV survey of the state finds Harris leading 47 to 44 percent.

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Dipshits in disarray

A climate of fear is permeating convicted felon former President Trump’s campaign team from within as developments justifying that fear are percolating from without. Semafor reports that Donald’s minions aren’t so sure their internal polling data showing the fat fuck with a modest lead in enough states to get to 270 electoral votes is really painting a clear picture of a solid position.

“There’s not enough wood to knock on,” a lamprey told Semafor. “There just isn’t. After what happened in 2020, and the ‘red wave’ that didn’t materialize in 2022, there are more skeptics than there are optimists.” Staffers are poring over the data, trying to figure out what if any blind spots may exist, all the more sweaty about it as their boss and all his sycophants in the media project nothing but confidence of a guaranteed win because that’s what they always do.

Outside of the campaign the news from Pennsylvania is bad, if only anecdotal for now: Politico reports the Keystone State’s large Puerto Rican community is very quickly turning against El Naranjo Puto for the Hinchcliffe shitshow. “It’s spreading like wildfire through the community,” said Allentown Dem precinct captain Norberto Dominguez. “It’s not the smartest thing to do, to insult people – a large group of voters here in a swing state – and then go to their home asking for votes.”

“This was just like a gift from the gods,” said Allentown radio station owner Victor Martinez. “If we weren’t engaged before, we’re all paying attention now,” Martinez continued, adding that a caller on a talk show who had been a vocal Trump supporter was now telling listeners not to vote for Donald.

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More it was just a joke, grow up libs

MAGA C-lister Ryan James Gidursky found himself perma-banned from CNN on Monday night after a heated exchange with liberal commentator Mehdi Hasan in which Gidursky said “I hope your beeper doesn’t go off,” meaning he hopes the Israelis don’t maim or kill him with an exploding pager the way they did to Hezbollah terrorists en masse last month, which was pretty racist-y.

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“WOW!!!”

“Wow! York County, Pennsylvania, received THOUSANDS of potentially FRAUDULENT Voter Registration Forms and Mail-In Ballot Applications from a third party group. This is on top of Lancaster County being caught with 2600 Fake Ballots and Forms, all written by the same person.”

“Really bad ‘stuff.’ WHAT IS GOING ON IN PENNSYLVANIA??? Law Enforcement must do their job, immediately!!! WOW!!!” posted convicted felon former President Trump on Monday night.

If this is actually real, in all likelihood the fat bastard is referring to a scam apparently pulled by QAnon sex freak superfan Scott Presler, who may or may not be under criminal investigation in (at least) Lancaster County for having submitted a shit ton of fraudulent registrations.

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Neighbors say Ohio houses noticeably quieter after DHS raids

Folks living near several homes in Dayton, Ohio that were raided by the Department of Homeland Security tactical teams in July tell WHIO the houses have been noticeably quieter since then, with fewer people coming and going and the windows usually dark when there had been activity before.

“So since the raid, I think it was a SWAT raid that occurred. Things have gone quiet over there,” said Mary, who lives and works near on of the homes on Irving Avenue. But lately however there has been an increase in work done at the house. “We’re noticing a lot of construction, we’ve noticed carpet sort of being hauled out.” Another neighbor of a different house visited by DHS agents agreed. “We noticed perhaps in the last month or so that they started doing some work on the property that involved cleaning up some of the landscape and repairing things,” Miami Township resident Greg Jump said. “So something, you know, obviously, has been going on.”

DHS officials would not give any specifics about the raids that occurred three months ago, with one special agent saying only “Our investigation is focused on allegations of financial crime, money laundering, labor exploitation, and potential human smuggling violations.” But whatever, it was just an army of feds ripping apart a bunch of houses that seem to be getting rented out to new tenants.

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Team Kamala feeling good, Team Trump not so much

Convicted felon former President Trump has lately been “privately cranky and stressed, according to three people in contact with him, with a schedule marked by chronic lateness,” the New York Times reports from inside the Reich-in-waiting while Vice President Kamala Harris’s team are growing more optimistic by the day as the top of the hourglass empties inexorably, the veep energized by her raucous rally crowds and running mate Minnesota Governor Tim Walz telling people he would rather be him than couchfucker JD Vance as far as their respective positions in the race go.

Important to this is the early voting numbers that Trump fanboys are touting as a harbinger of a return of their Orange Fuhrer to power, numbers the Harris Campaign says are simply would-be Election Day voters turning out early for the fat fuck. Even better is the Times writing that “some close to Mr Trump worry that the push to label him a budding dictator who has praised Hitler could move small but potentially meaningful numbers of persuadable voters,” as if the “label” wren’t true.

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Still no straight answers from Team Orange on “comedy” bit

Sources inside convicted felon former President Trump campaign team are still telling CNN conflicting stories about how Sunday’s shitshow happened with one saying all speeches were supposed to be reviews ahead of time and was uncertain as to who failed to spot Tony Hinchcliffe’s “jokes.” A different minion said the speeches were vetted but tried the “ad-libbed” excuse.

“By Monday, there were still disputes within the campaign over who approved Hinchcliffe’s set, which was replete with racial tropes. One adviser suggested no one had reviewed Hinchcliffe’s remarks in full. Another said the campaign was not given a draft that included some of the comedian’s more indecent jokes but did flag one,” CNN writes and you know the rest.

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Rural Virginia Trump merchandise store owner calls indecent exposure and sexual assault charges “election interference”

Boone’s Mill, Virginia Trump merch shop proprietor and mayoral candidate Donald “Whitey” Taylor tells Virginia Business that the sexual assault accusations by three female employees that led to his arrest last week are “fake news” and “election interference” meant to derail his bid for office.

“I did not do anything they accuse me of, OK? Not guilty,” wrote the 74 year-old Taylor in a text to the news site. Taylor faces three charges of misdemeanor simple assault and one charge of misdemeanor indecent exposure for a number of incidents at the store, including one in which a female employee alleged grabbed her arm “and shoved his hand in my pants and restrained me,” adding that the Trump superfan has “continually verbally abused me and other co-workers for months and years.” Another female staffer wrote in a complaint that, on or around September 26, Taylor called her to the back of the store, where he exposed himself and asked her to perform a sex act. The woman also noted that on October 13, Taylor grabbed her ass. “He has repeatedly sexually, mentally, emotionally and physically, verbally harassed me,” the woman wrote.

As much as it is on brand for a hawker of cheap, shitty Trump merchandise named Donald to reflexively call serious allegations of sexual assault election interference, what it really shows is that Taylor’s simply just not a star. Because when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything.

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Chickenshits bothsides Hinchcliffe “jokes”

“More than 20,000 New Yorkers of every race, color, religion, and creed attended the rally at MSG this weekend. This is America, and people should be free to support and vote for whoever they want for any office without being personally demeaned or attacked. To that end, let me be crystal clear: I categorically condemn the racist comments made by one unfunny comedian and over-the-top, inappropriate rhetoric by others long before President Trump took the stage. Likewise, I condemn those suggesting that everyone there was a Nazi. What a ridiculous and insulting thing to say, especially to the thousands of Jews in attendance – who, by the way, were far safer and more welcomed at MSG than they would be at Columbia University. My record as a bipartisan leader in Congress who works with people in both parties to get things done is beyond dispute, and it’s a record I am confident voters will reward me for on November 5th,” said “moderate” New York Congressman Mike Lawler in a statement on Monday in response to the “garbage” jokes.

Fellow wiener Marco Rubio took his bitch-assery further, tweeting “Puerto Rico isn’t garbage, it’s home to fellow American citizens who have made tremendous contributions to our country. I understand why some people were offended by a comedians jokes last night. But those weren’t Trump’s words. They were jokes by an insult comic who offends virtually everyone, all the time… because that is what insult comedians do. What isn’t a joke is how Kamala Harris destroyed our economy and allowed dangerous criminals to illegally enter our country and terrorize, rape and murder Americans. And what isn’t a joke and truly outrageous is how ‘journalists’ are helping Kamala Harris’s with her dangerous campaign of hate by calling Trump the new Hitler and how MSNBC used old footage of Nazi rallies TO SMEAR TRUMP SUPPORTERS AS NAZIS!”

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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