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New York Post amps up suspense for “I’ve swallowed something!”

Yes, Sanjay Kapur‘s last words before falling off his horse and dying of a bee sting in his mouth or throat were were “I’ve swallowed something,” and not like “Rosebud” or some reveal of a deep personal secret or whatever. It was just “I’ve swallowed something,” and then he died. No need to click into the article to see the quote sourced from British rag the Telegraph.

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Fat Hitler declares war on American cities

“Our Nation’s ICE Officers have shown incredible strength, determination, and courage as they facilitate a very important mission, the largest Mass Deportation Operation of Illegal Aliens in History. Every day, the Brave Men and Women of ICE are subjected to violence, harassment, and even threats from Radical Democrat Politicians, but nothing will stop us from executing our mission, and fulfilling our Mandate to the American People. ICE Officers are herewith ordered, by notice of this TRUTH, to do all in their power to achieve the very important goal of delivering the single largest Mass Deportation Program in History,” posted convicted felon President Trump on Sunday.

“In order to achieve this, we must expand efforts to detain and deport Illegal Aliens in America’s largest Cities, such as Los Angeles, Chicago, and New York, where Millions upon Millions of Illegal Aliens reside. These, and other such Cities, are the core of the Democrat Power Center, where they use Illegal Aliens to expand their Voter Base, cheat in Elections, and grow the Welfare State, robbing good paying Jobs and Benefits from Hardworking American Citizens. These Radical Left Democrats are sick of mind, hate our Country, and actually want to destroy our Inner Cities — And they are doing a good job of it! There is something wrong with them. That is why they believe in Open Borders, Transgender for Everybody, and Men playing in Women’s Sports — And that is why I want ICE, Border Patrol, and our Great and Patriotic Law Enforcement Officers, to FOCUS on our crime ridden and deadly Inner Cities, and those places where Sanctuary Cities play such a big role. You don’t hear about Sanctuary Cities in our Heartland!” the fat fuck continued screaming in rage and fear.

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“No Kings” may’ve been largest protest in US history

Saturday’s nationwide “No Kings” protests – at least 2,100 events in 50 states – may have tuned out as many as 4 to 6 million demonstrators opposed to convicted felon President Trump’s second reich, likely eclipsing the 2017 Women’s March, which drew between 3.3 and 5.6 million people, according to rough calculations by elections data geek G Elliot Morris at Strength in Numbers.

The fat fuck’s birthday parade, said to be pretty low-energy did not draw anywhere near the 250,000 “patriots” claimed by angry, large-headed propagandist Steven Cheung. Rolling Stone wrote that the Orange God Emperor “told close associates that protesters were going to try to overshadow the military parade, including in media coverage, in DC and elsewhere, and that he was determined not to let that happen.” Might’ve been why he was so miserable during the “perade.”

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Ted Cruz completely murders definition of “accomplishment”

…three more performative acts that are technically in the job description of senator and then…

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Orange God Emperor appears to blame Walz for assassinations

Asked by ABC News’s Rachel Scott on Sunday about whether he plans to call Minnesota Gov Tim Walz after one of his fanboys murdered state House Dem leader Melissa Hortman and her husband and shot state Senator John Hoffman and his wife, convicted felon President Trump appeared to blame Walz for the attacks, saying “Well, it’s a terrible thing. I think he’s a terrible governor. I think he’s a grossly incompetent person. But I may, I may call him, I may call other people too.”

On the Israel-Iran conflict, fat bastard said “We’re not involved in it. It’s possible we could get involved. But we are not at this moment involved,” and said he’d be “open” to Russian dictator Vladimir Putin’s help mediating. “He is ready. He called me about it. We had a long talk about it. We talked about this more than his situation. This is something I believe is going to get resolved.”

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Rollins got Trump to make ICE exceptions for farms and restaurants

Sources tell the New York Times that it was Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins who was hearing a ton of shit from trade groups and farmers that ICE raids were seriously threatening their businesses, leading to what the Times writes was “top White House officials,” Stephen Miller included, being caught unaware and “furious at Ms Rollins” for fucking up their zero-tolerance plans.

Then donors heard about it and asked for hospitality workers to be exempted too and the decision was done, with a memo ordering ICE to “hold on all work site enforcement investigations/operations on agriculture (including aquaculture and meat packing plants), restaurants and operating hotels” sent out by senior ICE official Tatum King on Thursday.

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Zambian president unvited to predecessor’s funeral

“Secretary to the Cabinet, Mr Patrick K Kangwa has advised that, the nation will be updated shortly on the ongoing funeral arrangements relating to the funeral of the late President, Dr Edgar Chagwa Lungu as the family and Government consultative process has reached advanced stages. The Secretary to the Cabinet has further called for calm as the arrangments are being finalised,” says a very low-context, medium-typo Saturday press release from the Zambian Secretary of the Cabinet.

Lungu, 68, was a National Zero favorite and even in death he’s still a fucking asshole. Current President Hakinde Hichilema, 63, had defeated Lungu in 2021 after no fewer than five attempts in the 2006, 2008, 2011, 2015, and 2016 elections but spent the next four years being heckled by Lungu. And more than heckled as last year Lungu plotted a coup against Hichilema, who responded by putting Lungu on house arrest and having former First Lady Esther Lungu, daughter Chiyeso Katete, and another relative prosecuted for what were probably credible charges of property fraud.

And then there’s the time in December when several of Lungu’s minions were arrested for witchcraft rituals in which they sacrificed animals to put a dark hex on Hichilema. That one’s a long, funny story as one of the guys was the brother of a Lungu fanboy MP who escaped from a hospital…

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Blaze reporter names Vance Boelter in Minnesota assassinations

Julio Rosas, a reporter for Glenn Beck’s right wing propaganda site claims he’s been “told by a police source in Minnesota the suspect in the shootings of MN state lawmakers is Vance Luther Boelter.”

Boelter was appointed to the state Governor’s Workforce Development Board by Dem Gov Mark Dayton in 2016 and then reappointed by Tim Walz in 2019. His term expired in January 2023 and it does not appear he was reappointed after that. Boelter’s LinkedIn claims he’s got a doctorate in education and lists him as “CEO – Red Lion Group” in the “Democratic Republic of Congo” since December 2021 but before that as “General Manager – 7-Eleven” from “Apr 2016 – Nov 2021.”

Soooooooo something’s not quite right. Minnesota doesn’t list voter party affiliation so that’s a dead end. Facebook locked his profile but National Zero was able to view it briefly in the first few minutes after Boelter’s name began to spread. He’d had the privacy settings on pretty high in that all that could be viewed were his profile pics, none of which contained any indication of his politics either way. One of those bullshit “people finder” sites lists his city and zip as Greene Isle, Minnesota 55338 and on OpenSecrets.org there’s a Mary Boelter with a handful of small donations to Republicans.

And per CNN the suspect’s car contained a list including Dem Senator Tina Smith as well as abortion providers, pro-abortion rights advocates, and lawmakers in Minnesota and other states. ABC News reports the list also included Walz, state AG Keith Ellison, and Congresswoman Ilhan Omar.

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White House staff posts pic of Trump post White House staff wrote

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Dem Minnesota House leader Melissa Hortman dead after shooting

Minnesota Governor Tim Walz on Saturday announced that Democrat state Representative Melissa Hortman and her husband were killed by the still-unidentified gunman and/or his accomplice earlier this morning. Walz called the attacks on Hortman and state Senator John Hoffman – who Walz said he and his wife are still in surgery Saturday morning – a “politically motivated assassination.”

Hortman was the top-ranking Dem in the state House had entered into a complex power-sharing agreement with Republican leader Lisa Demuth as the result of a 67-67 tie in the chamber’s makeup.

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North Slope Borough, Alaska mayoral recall effort fails miserably

North Slope Borough, Alaska Mayor Josiah Aullaqsruaq Patkotak has survived a recall effort due to the incompetence of the rebels who were trying to take him down, Alaska Public Media reports.

The 31 year-old independent former Acting Speaker of the state House and lead actor in the middling 2011 Sundance film festival entrant On The Ice had been accused of expensing tens of thousands of dollars of public funds on first class airfare on trips to New York City, Peru, DC, Los Angeles, Seattle, and other places, often booking luxury accommodations and bringing his family along with him. In December 2024 the borough assembly, led by Assembly President Crawford Patkotak – yes, he’s the mayor’s dad – voted 8 to 3 to legalize expensing travel costs for family members. This was still after the $16,000 September 2024 trip to the International Whaling Conference in Lima, Peru where Patkotak – whose salary is $280,000 a year, nearly twice that of Alaska Gov Mike Dunleavy’s $145,000 – stayed eight nights in a luxury suite equipped with a hot tub and sauna, bringing his wife and infant daughter along with him on important whaling business.

So yeah it should’ve been a slam dunk politically and easy enough to get more than 371 verified signatures in a borough (Alaska’s word for “county”) of 11,031 in two months, even if it is the size the state of Utah. The Arctic Ocean shore city of Utqiagvik, formerly Point Barrow, is home to nearly 5,000 people. Yet this week Borough Clerk Sheila Burke (lol) issued her determination that only 153 signatures had been verified in a jurisdiction where Patkotak won the October 3, 2023 election to his post with 796 votes while his three opponents received a combined total of 669 votes.

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“REMEMBER, A RAINY DAY PERADE BRINGS GOOD LUCK”

TACO Man forgot how to spell “parade” nine words after all-caps typing it in correctly on Saturday, posting “OUR GREAT MILITARY PARADE IS ON, RAIN OR SHINE. REMEMBER, A RAINY DAY PERADE BRINGS GOOD LUCK. I’LL SEE YOU ALL IN DC” on Truth Social ahead of his big birthday “perade.”

There’s no tradition asserting rain on a parade is good luck. Some cultures do consider it a blessing if it rains during a wedding, but the closest reference to the stupid shit Trump posted is the turn of phrase “I hate to rain on your parade” which means “I’m hesitant to deliver bad news while you’re excited about something that’s important to you,” one that’s awfully literal in this context.

He also posted “This is a big day for America!!! DJT” and “HAPPY FLAG DAY!” as he just barely mustered the restraint necessary to suppress the urge to post “Happy Birthday to me!”

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Minnesota Dem state lawmakers, spouses shot by fake cop

A person dressed up as a cop shot Democrats Minnesota state Senator John Hoffman and his wife, state Representative Melissa Hortman, and her husband in the Minneapolis suburb of Brooklyn Park early Saturday morning, Fox 9 reports. The suspect is still on the loose and Gov Tim Walz activated the state emergency response center. Details are otherwise sketchy, but it would seem targeted.

“The suspect is a white man with brown hair wearing black body armor over a blue shirt and blue pants and he may be impersonating law enforcement. Authorities say there were two suspects involved in the shooting. One suspect is in custody after an officer-involved shooting in Brooklyn Park,” Fox 9 writes on what appears to be an act of MAGA terrorism until proven otherwise.

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Danish Trump fanboy blames Biden for being stuck in ICE gulag

In an interview from ICE’s LaSalle Detention Center in Jena, Louisiana, where pro-Trump Danish man Kasper Eriksen has been detained since April while his American wife is alone with four kids under the age of 10, all thanks to a paperwork fuckup from 2015, Eriksen tells his native country’s Ekstra Bladet newspaper it’s actually Joe Biden’s fault for some reason he didn’t really explain.

“The reason I’m sitting here is more or less a product of the Biden Administration. They were the ones who let me go through this process without saying there was a problem. They didn’t keep an eye on it. It wasn’t until Trump that things got sorted out,” said Eriksen who, despite never personally ever having cast a ballot for Donald, posted upwards of 2,000 MAGA memes on social media before he was locked up. Wife Savannah agreed, saying “We are conservatives, we own guns, and we will give our lives for our country. Kasper is trapped in a broken system, but we still support the president and the things he does. But just because you support someone, it doesn’t mean you support them 110 percent in everything they say and do.” Savannah and her four kids are living in an RV now because Kasper obviously can’t work while locked up with 100 mostly Latino men.

Asked if they still support Trump’s immigration policies, Savannah said “Yes, and we still do. As Kasper says, 90 percent of those who are trapped [slightly dicey translation by Google] now do not deserve to be in the country. They do not speak English, they came here illegally, they have criminal backgrounds. I do not feel safe with them in the country. Then there are 10 percent who have documentation and who are caught in the system. When so many people enter the country illegally, it hits hard. We just had no idea that it would hit us so hard.” Got what she voted for.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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