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Presiding over a preliminary hearing in American Oversight’s complaint against the MAGA Reich over their use of auto-delete-y texting app Signal to discuss their fucking attack plans against the Houthis in Yemen, DC Circuit Judge James Boasberg on Thursday ordered the dumbasses to preserve all their messages from March 11th through 15th, ABC News reports.

It had to be a little awkward for Don Jr to have a new baby half-brother when he was 29, from a stepmom who has only a few years on him. He’s probably chatted about this with Lachlan Murdoch, whose half-sister Grace is also 30 years younger, ex-stepmom Wendi four years older.

There’s a woman named Svetlana in Berlin who’s got them beat though, as her new baby brother Philipp is 45 years younger. There’s another difference and this story’s so fucking wacky that it needed some kind of roundabout intro: It was Svetlana’s mom, 66 year-old museum owner Alexandra Hildebrandt, who gave birth to Philipp, her 10th, per Fox News, citing German outlet Bild.

For her part Alexandra looks to be in extraordinarily good shape for her age, and told Bild she eats “very healthily, swim regularly for an hour, run for two hours, don’t smoke or drink, and have never used contraception,” and feels “like I’m 35.” Philipp was born via c-section like most of his siblings.

It’s not clear if Alexandra’s descended from the product of some Nazi breeding program. Those were real and there’s no way around it that their freakishly superior genetics are present in the populace today. Still get the sense that it’s kind of “taboo” there to identify as having some Nazi selection.

Israeli officials complained to their submissives in the US intel community after reading that “The first target – their top missile guy – we had positive ID of him walking into his girlfriend’s building and it is now collapsed,” line dumbass National Security Advisor Mike Waltz had written in the Signal chat the moron invited the Atlantic’s Jeff Goldberg to join, potentially compromising an informant the IDF has on the ground in the Houthi-controlled region of Yemen, the Wall Street Journal reports.

Pretty standard shit for a crew so fanatically obsessed with protecting Israel from terrorists.

Note that Turkish Tufts PhD candidate Rumeysa Ozturk, 30, is not alleged to have actually participated in any “ruckus.” All she did was write an op-ed in support of the Palestinians. That’s what got her abducted off the street by ICE agents in Somerville, Massachusetts on Tuesday.

“The Secretary expressed concerns regarding recent arrests and protests in Türkiye,” says a Wednesday State Department press release about a meeting with Foreign Minister Hakan Fidan. The concerns were not elaborated upon but maybe had something to do with freedoms of speech and expression being cracked down during protests over anti-democratic political repression, lol.

Senate Foreign Relations Chairman Jim Risch on Thursday confirmed that the White House has officially pulled shrieking monster Elise Stefanik’s nomination to the UN Ambassadorship, Semafor’s Burgess Everett reports on a total bummer for those of us who never wanted to see her again.

“As we advance our America First Agenda, it is essential that we maintain EVERY Republican Seat in Congress. We must be unified to accomplish our Mission, and Elise Stefanik has been a vital part of our efforts from the very beginning. I have asked Elise, as one of my biggest Allies, to remain in Congress to help me deliver Historic Tax Cuts, GREAT Jobs, Record Economic Growth, a Secure Border, Energy Dominance, Peace Through Strength, and much more, so we can MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN. With a very tight Majority, I don’t want to take a chance on anyone else running for Elise’s seat. The people love Elise and, with her, we have nothing to worry about come Election Day.”

“There are others that can do a good job at the United Nations. Therefore, Elise will stay in Congress, rejoin the House Leadership Team, and continue to fight for our amazing American People. Speaker Johnson is thrilled! I look forward to the day when Elise is able to join my Administration in the future. She is absolutely FANTASTIC. Thank you Elise!” posted convicted felon President Trump shortly after, confirming the withdrawal and admitting failure while calling it a win.

The Trump Regime wasn’t worried about Stefanik’s NY-21 seat being empty for months so much as actually losing it this November or whenever the special would be held, according to “RINO” op-ed guy Matt Lewis, who writes “A MAGA fan/CEO named Anthony Constantino was gonna run as a 3rd party candidate. Plus the Democrat has raised a couple million dollars already, I’m told…”

Russian dictator Vladimir Putin on Thursday told a gathering of his fearful, trembling sycophants that it “would be a grave mistake to think that” convicted felon President Trump’s imperial ambitions of conquering Greenland are “just some eccentric talk of the new American administration, nothing of the kind,” Sky News reports. “Those plans have deep historic roots and it is obvious that the US will continue to promote their geopolitical, military and economic interests in the Arctic,” Vlad added, with the “historic roots” alluding to some 19th century US attempt to annex Greenland and Iceland.

“As for Greenland, I think that this is an issue that concerns two states and has nothing to do with us. However, we are concerned by the fact that the NATO countries increasing identify the far north as a foothold for possible conflicts,” Putin continued, as if Denmark isn’t already in NATO and that there’s an US Space Force base in Greenland’s far north where Jaydee and Usha are soon headed.

Bizzare moment person in Pikachu costume flees Police amid protests in Turkey pic.twitter.com/40X2aKtyJA

— New York Post (@nypost) March 27, 2025

Sources tell Axios that Dem Minnesota Congresswoman Ilhan Omar is working on articles of impeachment of white nationalist alcoholic Pete Hegseth, CIA Director John Ratcliffe, and idiot National Security Advisor Mike Waltz for their texting dumbassery.

Obviously it’s a tall order, especially given that Dems are in the minority but Axios writes that she could try to force some kind of vote on it through a privileged motion. Depending on how it’s played, Omar might be a smart pick given how the MAGA dickheads act like she’s “pro-terrorist” and it’d be tough to paint her as somehow sympathetic to the Houthis if she’s demanding accountability for conduct that at least in theory could have compromised a lethal military operation against them.

“We the undersigned bar organizations stand together with and in support of the American Bar Association to defend the rule of law and reject efforts to undermine the courts and the legal profession. In particular, as outlined by the ABA: We endorse the sentiments expressed by the chief justice of the US Supreme Court in his 2024 Year End Report on the Federal Judiciary, ‘[w]ithin the past year we have also seen the need for state and federal bar associations to come to the defense of a federal district judge whose decisions in a high-profile case prompted an elected official to call for her impeachment. Attempts to intimidate judges for their rulings in cases are inappropriate and should be vigorously opposed,'” says the American Bar Association in an open letter.

“We support the right of people to advance their interests in courts of law when they have been wronged. We reject the notion that the US government can punish lawyers and law firms who represent certain clients or punish judges who rule certain ways. We cannot accept government actions that seek to twist the scales of justice in this manner. We reject efforts to undermine the courts and the profession. We will not stay silent in the face of efforts to remake the legal profession into something that rewards those who agree with the government and punishes those who do not.”

“Words and actions matter. And the intimidating words and actions we have heard and seen must end. They are designed to cow our country’s judges, our country’s courts and our legal profession.”

What does this actually mean in practice? Who the hell knows. Maybe nothing. Maybe it does actually signal that they’re going to start throwing their weight at the Trump Regime and their minions for trying to neutralize court challenges to their evil plans by crippling law firms. One would have to think that the body with sway over the ones who can and cannot actually practice law in the United States and its courts just miiiiight be formidable here. Let’s see if they’ll do something.

Monstrous fascist Republican New York Congresswoman Elise Stefanik may back out of the nomination for UN Ambassador, confirmation for which has been on hold for months, per CBS’s Jen Jacobs, who writes the new gig is “in jeopardy as pressure mounts for her to back away” from the job “partly because Republicans hold a small majority in the US House. There are discussions being held this morning about whether she should pull her nomination as soon as today.”

First off that would sure suck if Stefanik stays in Congress and not at the UN where nobody has to ever hear from her again, but more importantly that’s pretty fucking strange, right? Why wouldn’t they at least wait until after the specials in Florida next week? Republicans have FL-1 in the bag and are still heavily favored in FL-6, despite Randy Fine being such a cunt that even other MAGA clowns hate him. Two House Dems in blue districts died just this month and probably won’t have anyone taking over until November, so by next Saturday it’ll (likely) be 220 R to 213 D. How’s that meaningfully different than where they were at when Stefanik accepted the nomination?

Not going to tantalize anyone by speculating that maybe they know something we don’t about a major scandal and/or a health issue facing one or more other House Republicans. The most likely explanation is that now they simply underestimated how hard it would be to cut taxes on the wealthy while inflicting more suffering on poor people and need every single vote they can get.

The left image is the bicep of Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth with the “Deus Vult” tattoo that got him removed from the National Guard assignment to President Joe Biden’s inauguration in 2021 due to its association with Neo-Nazi extremist groups. Whether Hegseth’s reason for having inked it was that he identifies as a member of such groups or is a mental teenager who thought it sounded badass without fully realizing its prevalence among hate groups is unknown but probably somewhere in between, solely to give him the benefit of the doubt he wouldn’t get if it said “1488.”

Still, Hegseth screamed he was being unfairly targeted for his tattoo and, obviously, the vast majority of Republican Senators didn’t see it as an issue (nor the credible rape accusations or alcoholism he outright admitted) and confirmed him to lead the most powerful military in human history where he now regularly uses unsecured chat apps to discuss ongoing operations.

On the above right is a tattoo on what appears to be the thigh (?) of Neri Alvarado Borges, a Venezuelan native who had it inked to support his 15 year-old brother Nelyerson, who is autistic. Borges taught swimming classes for developmentally disabled kids in his home country until 2023 when he migrated to the US and took a job at a Venezuelan bakery outside Dallas. It’s not clear whether Alvarado, 25, who was detained outside his apartment last month, had jumped the border or was in the US on asylum or temporary protected status. Either was his sister and his boss both tell Mother Jones that an ICE agent had told Alvarado “You’re clean. I’m going to put down here that you have nothing to do with Tren de Aragua,” after reviewing his phone and tattoos.

“The World is on fire and spiraling out of contro, we have no leadership, no one running the Country, we have a non-existent President in Joe Biden, and a completely absent Vice President, Kamala Harris, who is too busy fundraising in San Francisco, a City which she and Gavin Newscum totally destroyed, and staging fake photo ops. No one is in charge and it’s not even clear who is more confused: Biden or Kamala. Neither has any idea what is even going on. When I was President, Iran was in total check. They were starved for cash, fully contained, and desperate to make a deal. Kamala flooded them with American cash and, ever since, they’ve been exporting terror all over, and unraveling the Middle East,” wrote convicted felon President Trump in a lengthy statement on October 1st, 2024, just before zero people died in a massive Iranian missile and drone attack on Israel that the US military under Joe Biden had helped repel for the second time that year.

“Under ‘President Trump,’ we had NO WAR in the Middle East, NO WAR in Europe, and Harmony in Asia, No Inflation, No Afghanistan Catastrophe. Instead, we had PEACE. Now, War or the threat of War, is raging everywhere, and the two Incompetents running this Country are leading us to the brink of World War III. You wouldn’t trust Joe or Kamala to run a lemonade stand, let alone lead the Free World. It is no surprise that Iran desperately wants Kamala Harris to be President, because they know as long as she is in power, they can take advantage of America. That is why they have tried to target me. If I was in charge, Oct 7th never happens, Russia/Ukraine never happens, Afghanistan Botched Withdrawal never happens, and Inflation never happens. If I win, we will have peace in the World again. If Kamala gets 4 more years, the World goes up in smoke,” the statement continued.

On Thursday the New York Post reports that the Houthis began firing missiles at Israel.

At least six Russian tourists got OceanGated in the waters off the Egyptian Red Sea resort town of Hurghada on Thursday as a submarine operated by a local company called Sinbad tours sank during an excursion, the BBC reports citing Egyptian media and the Russian embassy in Cairo.

The vessel was carrying at least 45 people, with all of the passengers Russian. But like the 1990s comedian who shares the name with the sub’s owner, this isn’t funny. Or at least not as funny as the last time a sub full of Russians sank. Maybe the headline would’ve been better if the Pharaoh in the book of Exodus had been named, because that way the joke would’ve been about how now they know what he feels like being at the bottom of the Red Sea. “Six Russian tourists know how the Pharaoh feels now” was just too vague without an actual name for him. That Prince of Egypt movie called him Rameses II, but that was just dramatic license for a production that tried way too hard to be a Disney animated musical. Like if the market was there for it then Disney would’ve made it.

About that movie though: Why don’t you hear that many Jews claiming credit for building the pyramids? Are they too busy debunking other conspiracy shit about space lasers and what not that they haven’t gotten around to reclaiming their engineering achievement from aliens?

Attorney General Pam Bondi, Virginia Gov Glenn “Diet MAGA” Youngkin, FBI Director-ish guy Qash Patel, and the other Trump Regime assclowns are touting their arrest of an MS-13 leader but for all we know the guy’s a landscaper who was wearing a Mississippi State number 13 basketball jersey he bought at a thrift store when they found him mowing some GOP lobbyist’s lawn.

US consular personnel in Greenland’s capital of Nuuk apparently literally went door-to-door this week to find someone, anyone willing to host Second Lady Usha Vance and her couchfucker husband, according to a Google translation of the caption below a video clip by Danish broadcaster TV2 that reads “Representatives of the US government have been ringing doorbells in Greenland’s capital, Nuuk, in recent days, ahead of the now-cancelled visit from the US Second Lady, Usha Vance. This is what TV 2’s correspondent in Nuuk, Jesper Steinmetz, says. American representatives have been going around knocking on one door after another in recent days to ask if they would like to have a visit from the vice president’s wife. Everywhere the answer was the same: ‘No, otherwise thank you,’ says Steinmetz. And that’s why the plans have been changed, he adds.”

It’s not clear why the White House won’t just do what Don Jr and Charlie Kirk did on their trip.

Gone from the itinerary are the dogsled race, the photo op at any “cultural site,” and the gift shop/tourist company that unvited Vance on Wednesday. In fact, per USA Today, it’s unlikely the Vances will have an audience with any native Greenlanders whatsoever during their trip, as the visit is now confined solely to the Space Force Base at Pituffik, which sure as shit sounds like the regime’s out to still be able to say that they “visited Greenland.” Fucking idiot Mike Waltz was supposed to make a separate visit but now will accompany the Vances to the Space Force base.

So yeah, the Trump Administration’s efforts to conquer Greenland aren’t going so great. In a moment when the vast, frozen island’s future is in flux and there might conceivably been an opportunity to approach the people there with an offer of a peaceful and equitable accession, the fat idiot’s deranged mix of subtle threats and unambiguous threats have turned them off and made a “Make America Go Away” hat, complete with Greenland’s red and white flag on the side, popular

Officials in Lithuania on Thursday said they’ve located the armored vehicle that was carrying the four US Army soldiers who went missing during a training exercise two days ago and are trying to get it out from a depth of 16 feet down the peat bog it had apparently sank into, NBC News reports.

Defense Minister Dovilė Šakalienė told Lithuanian broadcaster LRT on Thursday that overnight rescue efforts involved water pumping and ground reinforcement, leading to “certain positive signs that give hope for a quicker scenario,” that the vehicle could be recovered from the murky abyss just six miles from the border with Putin client state Belarus, a location inviting ominous speculation.

Nice of Lithuanian officials to provide that update as there’s been nothing from convicted felon President Trump’s administration. The fat bastard himself on Wednesday had no idea what the fuck a reporter was talking about when asked to comment on the situation, a reaction that would’ve been covered on the scale of 9/11 times the Holocaust in both the MAGA media and much of the mainstream as well if that had been Joe Biden’s response to such a question.

In one of their signature bullet points, semi-official GOP messaging operation Axios on Thursday assessed that the Signal chat shitshow (now dubbed “Signalgate” within their confines) represents a moment in which “The MAGA movement’s ability to bend reality through brute force is facing its stiffest test yet, courtesy of the most explosive and widely read story of Trump’s second term.”

The bullet point was assigned “Why it matters,” a classification almost as weighty as a “Zoom in” or even “Zoom out.” The “Between the lines” bullet point was actually pretty goddamned funny and well-produced, identifying five distinct and kind of contradictory different talking point strategies in the MAGA propaganda-industrial complex, a telltale sign that it’s a problem when they can’t settle on a single line of bullshit to explain why something’s a hoax or a witch hunt or whatever.

On the list are “5D chess,” quoting bald incel Tim Pool saying “I’m going to have to go ahead and say I think they’re manipulating this journalist because he basically published their PR message for them,” and a “Deep State” setup, linking firecrotch MAGA influencer DC Draino tweeting “Very ‘interesting’ how this Signal situation was leaked right before all these Congressional hearings so that Democrats could scold Trump’s admin.” Then there’s “It’s a mistake, but it’s refreshing,” citing small-faced shitbag Charlie Kirk’s “It shows integrity, it shows symmetry, it shows consistency,” line and “Jeffrey Goldberg can’t be trusted,” citing Don Jr tweeting “I’m shocked that the perpetrator of the ‘suckers and losers’ hoax would exaggerate and lie about what was in these messages!!!”

Lastly there was “Take the L,” led by date-rapey Barstool Sports founder Dave Portnoy – who Axios says “represents a significant segment of Trump voters who aren’t hardcore loyalists” – calling on Mike Waltz to be fired for embarrassing allegedly soft supporters like himself. Fucking worm.

Trump admin declares the Atlantic's Signal article a 'hoax' after it drops 'war plans' rhetoric https://t.co/Rvcctr5Odc

— Fox News (@FoxNews) March 27, 2025