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Convicted felon President Trump just got off the phone with his dom, Russian dictator Vladimir Putin, and is expected to debrief the media on how he was degraded by Vlad on their call.

In a statement issued Tuesday that no website seems to have the full text of, Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts told convicted felon President Trump to please be very nice to judges.

“For more than two centuries, it has been established that impeachment is not an appropriate response to disagreement concerning a judicial decision… The normal appellate review process exists for that purpose,” said Roberts in the statement, which was presumably longer but again, no fucking other sites seem to have the whole thing just yet. John’s obviously feeling kinda of burned after he did Donald not one but two solids last year in getting him off the hook for the whole insurrection thing so he could return to office and continue destroying democracy, so who can blame him for being unhappy with this being the thanks the federal judiciary gets?

The great Tesla firebombing spree of 2025 continues: First in Las Vegas, at least five cars were set ablaze and exploded after a molotov attack on the Tesla Collision Center located in the 6000 block of West Badura Avenue at approximately 2:45 AM PDT Tuesday, per the Las Vegas Review Journal.

“Communications received information that an individual had set several vehicles on fire in the parking lot and caused damage to the property,” Las Vegas Metro Police said in a statement emailed to the Review-Journal. FBI agents were on scene, per Attorney General Pam Bondi’s directive.

Meanwhile Bondi’s department last week triumphally spiked the cocktail on South Carolina libtard Daniel Clarke-Pounder, writing in a statement “he been arrested on criminal charges related to an arson at a North Charleston Tesla charging station. The complaint alleges that on March 7, the North Charleston Police Department and North Charleston Fire Department responded to a Tesla charging station on Tanger Outlet Boulevard to reports of an arson. Witnesses reported that a man spray painted in red paint, ‘Fuck Trump’ and ‘Long Live Ukraine’ in a Tesla charging station parking spot.”

“The man then pulled out five incendiary explosive devices, commonly known Molotov cocktails, and threw them at the Tesla chargers, damaging the chargers. Agents with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives investigated the arson and identified Clarke-Pounder. He was arrested last night and arraigned this afternoon in federal court,” the statement continued.

According to the New York Post a witness had told cops that Clarke-Pounder “had accidentally caught their own back on fire while throwing the devices.” Couldn’t have been that bad if the Justice Department didn’t mention it. You’d think they’d love a good self-own by a “deranged leftist.”

“Nestle USA is initiating a voluntary recall of a limited quantity of Lean Cuisine® and STOUFFER’S® frozen meals due to the potential presence of wood-like material. This recall is isolated to a limited quantity of batches of the following items: Lean Cuisine® Butternut Squash Ravioli, Lean Cuisine® Spinach Artichoke Ravioli, Lean Cuisine® Lemon Garlic Shrimp Stir Fry, and STOUFFER’S® Party Size Chicken Lasagna that were produced between August 2024 – March 2025. These products were distributed at major retailers in the US between September 2024 – March 2025. This recall does not involve any other Lean Cuisine® or STOUFFER’S® products,” says Nestle in a press release.

“We are taking this action after consumers contacted Nestle USA about this issue, including one potential choking incident to date. Consumers who have purchased these products should not prepare or consume the product and should return it to the retailer where it was purchased for a replacement or a full refund. For any further support needed, please contact Nestle USA at (800) 681-1676 Monday-Friday from 9 am-6 pm EST. We are actively investigating the source of the wood-like material. We are confident that this is an isolated issue, and we have taken action to address it,” the release continued, assuring consumers that there’s no need to worry.

Maybe it’s a little incongruous that they’re so certain the problem is isolated in scope but not in nature and they have to call it “wood-like material” rather than, uh, wood. Like what the hell else could it be? If it’s freaking pressboard or some other kind of composite shit just say it’s “wood.”

Nobody’s going to want to eat it. Probably no one’s going to want to eat it. There’s a solid chance they won’t. Look just because they’re eating Lean Cuisine or Stouffer’s doesn’t mean they’re going to just willingly shove some “wood-like material” in their mouths. Don’t assume that about people.

Heh heh Treasury Suckretary. Good one. Anyway Trashery Suckretary Scott Buttsent really blew on Maria Bartiromo’s show on Tuesday morning, cleaning up his inability to rule out a recession by continuing to not rule out a recession. Batty Barty even got pissed at him in the middle, asking him why the reason for imposing tariffs keeps changing from fair trade to fentanyl to import inspections.

“Trump administration officials are roiled in debate over how to implement the president’s pledge to equalize US tariffs with those charged by other nations, with aides scrambling to meet the president’s self-imposed deadline of April 2 to debut a plan. Officials have recently weighed whether to simplify the complex task of devising new tariff rates for hundreds of US trading partners by instead sorting nations into one of three tiers, according to people close to the policy discussions, who emphasized that the situation remains fluid and could evolve in the coming weeks,” says the lede to a Tuesday Wall Street Journal article, copied verbatim to emphasize what it could’ve just said instead: These fucking morons have no idea what they’re doing and they can’t even get all their stupid “America First” bullshit right, let alone what little actual normal governance they still do.

“This Radical Left Lunatic of a Judge, a troublemaker and agitator who was sadly appointed by Barack Hussein Obama, was not elected President – He didn’t WIN the popular VOTE (by a lot!), he didn’t WIN ALL SEVEN SWING STATES, he didn’t WIN 2,750 to 525 Counties, HE DIDN’T WIN ANYTHING! I WON FOR MANY REASONS, IN AN OVERWHELMING MANDATE, BUT FIGHTING ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION MAY HAVE BEEN THE NUMBER ONE REASON FOR THIS HISTORIC VICTORY”

“I’m just doing what the VOTERS wanted me to do. This judge, like many of the Crooked Judges’ I am forced to appear before, should be IMPEACHED!!! WE DON’T WANT VICIOUS, VIOLENT, AND DEMENTED CRIMINALS, MANY OF THEM DERANGED MURDERERS, IN OUR COUNTRY. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Tuesday, evidently trying to find an out instead of openly defying the orders of Judge James Boasberg.

It’s not clear what this fat fucking idiot thinks this is going to accomplish when there won’t be 67 votes to convict Boasberg in the Senate. Or maybe he hasn’t thought that far ahead yet.

In a new ad campaign aimed at dinging potentially vulnerable House Republicans John James, Don Bacon, Scott Perry, Zach Nunn, and Jen Kiggans, lefty PAC VoteVets is skipping convicted felon President Trump and focusing instead on unelected ketamine freak Elon Musk to highlight the DOGEing that has inflicted needless suffering on scores of former service members and promises more with anticipated cuts to the VA workforce within the year, the Bulwark reports.

“It feels like veterans are being personally attacked by Elon Musk,” said one veteran in the ad. “I did not put my life on the line for some tech bro billionaire from South Africa to come in here and try to destroy our country,” said another in the spot depicting vets sitting around a table.

The Bulwark notes that the idea behind focusing on Musk rather than Trump comes from polling that shows the South African pregnancy fetishist’s approval coming in lower than fat Donald’s.

🚨 READ THIS: @AP ran an insane fake story about @DNIGabbard— they were forced to retract it.

Media has attacked my friend, @TulsiGabbard since day 1. They failed. Tulsi is Senate-confirmed and hard at work. I guarantee this will only make her stronger and more mission-focused. https://t.co/inpckia1zf pic.twitter.com/OfDuOegT75

— Markwayne Mullin (@SenMullin) March 18, 2025

Picasso-faced Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton tells Punchbowl News he’s inching closer to a primary challenge against Senator John Cornhole Cornyn, saying outright he’s going to make a decision in “the next couple of months” and he “can win if I have $20 million. I’ve run these primaries in Texas before. I honestly don’t see how he overcomes his numbers.” The “numbers” Paxton was referring to was not clear, but had to be polling numbers since a Republican from the second most-populated state in the union doesn’t win six statewide elections on empty campaign promises alone.

“I think it’s just time,” Paxton said. “He’s had his chance. He hasn’t performed well, and the voters know it. You can go a long time without people paying attention. And they’re paying attention now. If the numbers were the other way, I wouldn’t be sitting here.” Yeah he meant polls, but all incumbents are unpopular these days. “I’m going to start calling him ‘Senator Ukraine,’ because he’s funding Ukraine more than he’s funding our border, and that’s a problem in Texas,” Paxton added, workshopping a campaign slogan for a primary campaign fueled by a lot of mutual personal hatred.

“After 23 years he’s finally got a real opponent – potential opponent – he’s gonna do that, right? I mean, no one’s gonna be surprised by that. Voters are not stupid. Like suddenly he veers to the right? We’re less than a year from the primary now. And as soon as it’s over… he goes back to being John Cornyn,” said the impeached scumbag of Cornhole’s attempts to go extra MAGA.

Paxton isn’t even afraid of the possibility that the Orange God Emperor could play it safe and stick with Cornyn on an endorsement, but still plans on lobbying the fat fuck hard to be showered with his golden glory. “I don’t want to run against Trump’s pick, but, I mean, I think his numbers are so bad, I don’t think there’s any reviving,” the unfaithful husband to a shitty country music artist said.

At least 413 people have been killed in Gaza during the last 10 or so hours of the “ceasefire” brokered by convicted felon President Trump, including at least two dozen civilians who were sheltering at a school in Gaza City, the AP reports. “People are sleeping peacefully, they set the alarm to wake up for [Ramadan breakfast], and they wake up to death,” said Fedaa Heriz, who was at the scene. “I heard screaming, my mother and sister screaming, calling for help. I came and entered the room and found the children under the rubble, under the stones,” said another woman.

“The Israeli military had no immediate comment on the school strike,” the AP writes.

A Chicago-area libtard faces charges of felony criminal damage to property and misdemeanor criminal trespass after spray-painting “FUCK ELON MUSK” and “TRANS RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS” on the windows of the newly-opened Buffalo Grove, Illinois Tesla dealership, the Chicago Sun-Times reports, mentioning that the graffiti was scrubbed off later the same day.

Which raises the question of why the hell 26 year-old Erin White faces a felony for what took at most a few hours and at most a couple of grand in fees for an outside contractor to undo. It’s not like she threw flaming molotovs to accelerate what Teslas can and often do on their own, and racked up damages in the tens of thousands of dollars. It’s just goddamned spray-paint. Yeah, it’ll get pled down but so could an upper-tier misdemeanor, and it’s this starting point that may indicate it’s some MAGA incel low-level assistant DA playing hardball he wouldn’t if it were “FUCK YOON SUK YEOL” painted on a Hyundai dealership. “Oh fuck yeah, I’m soooo making an example of this evil trantifa terrorist! You don’t mess with free speech in this district! Tagging @pambondi in my tweet!”

In an annual update to its “basket of goods and services” used to calculate the cost of living in the United Kingdom, the British government’s Office of National Statistics on Tuesday for the first time in God knows how long, omitted the average cost of a DVD rental from the “basket,” while adding yoga mats, virtual reality headsets, and pre-cooked pulled pork, Bloomberg reports.

It’s not clear how overdue this change was and how many stores (or kiosks) are still renting DVDs in the United Kingdom or its overseas territories. One could imagine that with plenty of remote rocky islands and isolated villages in tiny coves that have dogshit internet service that, yeah, maybe physical video’s more of a thing there than it is here. Still weird they kept factoring it in until 2024.

Biden admin criticized for emboldening Iran-backed Houthis as Trump ramps up military strikes https://t.co/2CbRG4dZ1Z

— Fox News (@FoxNews) March 18, 2025

The above headline is the end product of butthurt that the Houthi attacks on traffic in the Red Sea did not miraculously stop as soon as convicted felon President Trump took office again.

At least 44 people are dead in Gaza after the Netanyahu Regime resumed bombing Gaza early Tuesday local time, the AP reports on airstrikes that were launched over what Israeli military leadership said was “a lack of progress” in Hamas releasing hostages taken in the brutal October 7, 2023 attack on Southern Israel. “It was not immediately clear if the operation was a one-time pressure tactic or if the 17-month-old war was being resumed altogether,” the AP noted dryly.

How’s that Nobel Peace Prize to Trump for “brokering” the “ceasefire” coming along?

Toronto Mayor Olivia Chow informed taxi and rideshare drivers that their purchases are no longer qualified for the city’s electric vehicle tax credit if they buy a Tesla, Reuters reports.

“We have certainly said that if you want to buy a Tesla, go ahead, but don’t count on taxpayer money to subsidize it,” Chow said, adding the impact wouldn’t be large. “It’s more symbolic.”

“Puddle of Mudd’s lead singer, Wesley Scantlin, has found himself in a puddle of trouble. He was taken into custody after Torrance Police responded to a home in the area. On Tuesday, March 11, officers were called to a home in Torrance. A short time later, Scantlin was arrested by Torrance PD officers following an incident involving allegations of domestic violence and drug possession,” says the lede to a Monday Fox 11 Los Angeles article, filed under the “entertainment” section.

Now to be fair, prior to the lede, the article does say “Are you or someone you know a recent survivor of domestic violence? Help is available. Los Angeles County has a hotline, which can be reached at 1-800-978-3600. A national hotline can be reached at 1-800-799-7233,” so the writer, credited only as “FOX 11 Digital Team,” does at least notionally treat the subject of domestic abuse seriously – for about as long as it takes the reader to scroll down to see the “puddle of trouble” part.

Easy to imagine they were just dying to use that little quip but experienced a few moments of angst over trivializing what’s very likely to be a tragic situation for Scantlin’s partner and/or children, wishing it was solely the drug possession thing he’d been arrested over, but then said “eh, fuck it” and hit “publish” with that line in there anyway. Or maybe there was no such crisis of conscience.

Maybe there was even less guilt on the part of that writer than this one after a circa 2002 faux pas concerning Scantlin’s band. This reporter, 18 at the time, asked out loud “Why is ‘Puddle of Mudd’ abbreviated as ‘POD’? Shouldn’t it be ‘POM’?” to which a peer sporting blonde-frosted spiked hair tips, a chain wallet, and possibly a black “KORN” t-shirt exclaimed “THEY’RE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BANDS, YOU IDIOT!” This reporter then simply laughed in the face of the offended party.

At no point in the brief screed above did Congresswoman High School Dropout say she was actually going to file articles of impeachment against the judges who have been blocking the Trump regime’s autocratic ambitions – or putting them in a position to create a full-blown constitutional crisis by creating a situation in which the reich much more openly an unambiguously defies a court order. She did at least say “we” as in the House GOP majority, but otherwise she sounded more or less the same as some asshole on Twitter who has no agency to effect an impeachment against the “rogue” jurists. She could do it next Monday if she wanted to.

“Recent reports in the media that Social Security plans to eliminate telephone services are inaccurate. SSA is increasing its protection for America’s seniors and other beneficiaries by eliminating the risk of fraud associated with changing bank account information by telephone.”

“SSA continuously investigates and analyzes potential threats to strengthen and secure our programs and protect people who receive benefits. Approximately 40 percent of Social Security direct deposit fraud is associated with someone calling SSA to change direct deposit bank information. SSA’s current protocol of simply asking identifying questions by telephone is no longer enough to prevent fraud,” says a Social Security Administration press release dated March 12th, headlined “Correcting the Record about Social Security Direct Deposit and Telephone Services,” and posted to their website hours after the Washington Post reported that they’re going to pull the plug on live phone support, a lifeline for luddite seniors who can’t or won’t use online portals.

Now Axios reports that the next day an internal memo circulated outlining changes that still, in the words of one former administrator, “would, in essence, break the agency,” mostly by requiring recipients to verify their identity in-person at field offices (that are being closed) rather than over the phone. “People have a lot of trouble with the identification process” already, says Jen Burdick, a lawyer who provides free legal services to recipients and that the proposed changes in the new memo are “a way they’re trying to use red tape to literally block people from getting benefits.”

In related news last week, 82 year-old Washington state man Ned Johnson told the Seattle Times that he had $5,201 wiped from his bank account after he was declared dead by DOGE last month.

After weeks of calling and calling he finally went in person to an office that’s soon-to-be-closed by Musk, waited four hours, and weaseled in to get the attention of a worker to show them his passport. It worked, kind of as Ned was resurrected insomuch as the bank returned the $5,201 to his account, but still has yet to receive his February and March Social Security payments.

“Hunter Biden has had Secret Service protection for an extended period of time, all paid for by the United States Taxpayer. There are as many as 18 people on this Detail, which is ridiculous! He is currently vacationing in, of all places, South Africa, where the Human Rights of people has been strenuously questioned. Because of this, South Africa has been taken off our list of Countries receiving Economic and Financial Assistance. Please be advised that, effective immediately, Hunter Biden will no longer receive Secret Service protection. Likewise, Ashley Biden who has 13 agents will be taken off the list” posted convicted felon President Trump on Monday.

Suppose it’s the least Trump could do to Old Smokes-Crack-A-Lot after Joe pardoned him and James Comer failed so miserably at impeaching him for his failed Jared Kushner wannabe act