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Mike Johnson hasn’t lost control of the House: Mike Johnson

Speaker of the House Mike Johnson, faced with a situation that had it happened to Nancy Pelosi the media would have declared that she’s lost control of the House, insisted to reporters on Wednesday that he has not lost control of the House. He did not offer any evidence to back up this claim.

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Dan Bongino already turned in his papers: report

Douchebag Assistant FBI Director Dan Bongino has told associates he’s done at the bureau and will not even be back at the Hoover Building ahead of his official exit next month, MS Now reports.

The asshole will naturally go back into podcasting but of course the question is what if anything he’s actually going to say about his time as K$H Patel’s Numero Dos as well as the Trump Administration writ large. Clearly his tenure was a failure, his exit could only have happened due to disillusionment, and that becoming an outside critic of the Trump Regime could be a problematic switch when his fanatic loyalty to the Orange Tyrant was the only reason he took the job in the first place.

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Ex-Harvard Med School body shop chief sentenced for selling parts

Yeah there’s only so much space for the headlines here and line wraps are excruciatingly painful to a certain person, so instead of a more appropriate – and perhaps more tasteful – header like “Former Harvard Medical School morgue chief sentenced to eight years for selling body parts.”

Either way, that’s what happened, per Reuters. Cedric Lodge, who managed Harvard’s morgue for over 20 years prior his 2023 arrest, having plead guilty in May to transporting stolen goods across state lines and sentenced on Tuesday to eight years in the joint. Lodge’s wife Denise got a year in the scheme in which the two had sold leftovers from donated research cadavers to people who had been buying them for who the actual hell knows what reason. Back in the old days research WAS the reason the bodies of the deceased were stolen and sold to medical schools. One shudders to think what these people were buying parts for. Simply macabre trophies to be put in jars on shelves and then otherwise left alone in some goddamned weirdo’s basement is the best case scenario here.

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Obamacare extension discharge petition reaches 218 votes

That was fast. Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman reports Republican Pennsylvania Congressman Ryan Mackenzie on Wednesday became the 218th signer to a discharge petition calling for a three-year “clean” extension of Obamacare premium subsidies. No gimmicks, no bullshit, no abortion restrictions, just three more years of everything that GOP leadership does not want to vote on.

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South Africa arrests Kenyan migrants illegally hired by US State Department to process white Afrikaner asylum applications

South African officials on Wednesday announced the arrests of at least seven Kenyan nationals during a raid of an office rented by the US State Department to process the asylum applications of white trash Afrikaners fleeing due to the “genocide” taking place against them, the BBC reports.

The Ministry of Home Affairs’s intelligence arm had determined that the seven Kenyans “had recently entered South Africa on tourist visas and had illegally taken up work” despite “only being in possession of tourist visas, in clear violation of their conditions of entry into the country.”

Yeah this one speaks for itself and there’s no need to editorialize it – except to note this world-class piece of shade in the statement, where the ministry noted how the raid and arrests demonstrate the commitment that South Africa “shares with the United States to combating illegal immigration and visa abuse in all its forms.” Not all heroes carry guns or badges. Some work in government press offices. The only question is which one and whether Uber Eats operates in South Africa and will deliver a box of donuts with a note long enough to specify how and why they were earned.

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Lack of that Kushner magic dooms Paramount bid for Warner

“Warner Bros Discovery, Inc (‘Warner Bros Discovery’ or ‘WBD’) today announced that its Board of Directors (the ‘Board’) has unanimously determined that the tender offer launched by Paramount Skydance (‘PSKY’) (NASDAQ: PSKY) on December 8, 2025 is not in the best interests of WBD and its shareholders and does not meet the criteria of a ‘Superior Proposal’ under the terms of WBD’s merger agreement with Netflix announced on December 5, 2025. The Warner Bros Discovery Board unanimously reiterates its recommendation in support of the Netflix combination and recommends that WBD shareholders reject PSKY’s offer,” says a press release from Warner Discovery’s board.

“‘Following a careful evaluation of Paramount’s recently launched tender offer, the Board concluded that the offer’s value is inadequate, with significant risks and costs imposed on our shareholders,’ said Samuel A Di Piazza, Jr, Chair of the Warner Bros Discovery Board of Directors. ‘This offer once again fails to address key concerns that we have consistently communicated to Paramount throughout our extensive engagement and review of their six previous proposals. We are confident that our merger with Netflix represents superior, more certain value for our shareholders and we look forward to delivering on the compelling benefits of our combination,'” the release continued.

The fail comes less than 24 hours after Axios reported that global business/diplomacy wunderkind Jared Kushner had backed out of financing Paramount’s bid, disappointing the Warner shareholders who pined for his singular force of cunning and personality. More seriously, there’s that the stick figure’s father-in-law posted “For those people that think I am close with the new owners of CBS, please understand that 60 Minutes has treated me far worse since the so-called ‘takeover,’ than they have ever treated me before. If they are friends, I’d hate to see my enemies!” on Tuesday. Easy to imagine some of those that had been open to Paramount’s bid were thinking that MAYBE the shittier Paramount offer was a safer investment in the short/middle term given the political context…

That is until the fat bastard injected his usual screechy fucking tantrums into it.

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Fox News hypes sex pest’s documentary about former sex worker

Going to have to remember to keep a tab open to Variety or the Hollywood Reporter to keep an eye on the box office receipts for this one now that Fox News is already in payola mode – of course failing to mention that this is director Brett Ratner’s big comeback after being out of the game for the better part of a decade, owing to his years of sexual predation of women in the industry.

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Donald’s approval rating sinks to 38 percent: Marist/NPR/PBS poll

A new Marist College/NPR/PBS national survey finds convicted felon President Trump’s overall job approval rating down to 38 percent, matching the lows of January 2021, while his disapproval sits at 54 percent. Specific to his handling of the economy the fat bastard is down to a pathetic 36 to 57 percent approve/disapprove, matching a low Joe Biden only hit once in February 2022.

Worse yet for the MAGA party, in Marist’s own words: “37 percent of Americans say the Democratic Party is the party to better handle the economy. 33 percent believe the Republicans are better equipped to address the economic forces at play. 12 percent view both parties as equally capable while 17 percent say neither the Democrats nor the Republicans can do a good job. This is a shift from September of 2022 when the Republican Party (39 percent) outpaced the Democratic Party (26 percent) in terms of the party who could better address the economy.”

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Incompetent slob rips Brown’s alleged lack of security cams

“Why did Brown University have so few Security Cameras? There can be no excuse for that. In the modern age, it just doesn’t get worse!!! President DJT” posted convicted felon President Trump at 12:40 AM on Wednesday, four days after the fat idiot mistakenly claimed that the shooter was in custody and then subsequently Kash Patel’s FBI fucked up in the same way.

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Candace Owens does not course correct after Erika Kirk meeting

Sur-fucking-prise: CNN reports that sociopathic conspiracy theorist Candace Owens is still claiming that a French-Israeli cabal – along with elements inside of Turning Point USA itself – killed Charlie Kirk even after what had been billed as a “peace summit” with his widow Erika.

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Orange Fuhrer announces blockade of Venezuela

“Venezuela is completely surrounded by the largest Armada ever assembled in the History of South America. It will only get bigger, and the shock to them will be like nothing they have ever seen before – Until such time as they return to the United States of America all of the Oil, Land, and other Assets that they previously stole from us. The illegitimate Maduro Regime is using Oil from these stolen Oil Fields to finance themselves, Drug Terrorism, Human Trafficking, Murder, and Kidnapping.”

“For the theft of our Assets, and many other reasons, including Terrorism, Drug Smuggling, and Human Trafficking, the Venezuelan Regime has been designated a FOREIGN TERRORIST ORGANIZATION. Therefore, today, I am ordering A TOTAL AND COMPLETE BLOCKADE OF ALL SANCTIONED OIL TANKERS going into, and out of, Venezuela. The Illegal Aliens and Criminals that the Maduro Regime has sent into the United States during the weak and inept Biden Administration, are being returned to Venezuela at a rapid pace. America will not allow Criminals, Terrorists, or other Countries, to rob, threaten, or harm our Nation and, likewise, will not allow a Hostile Regime to take our Oil, Land, or any other Assets, all of which must be returned to the United States, IMMEDIATELY”

“Thank you for your attention to this matter!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Tuesday, not really explaining what the hell “land” Venezuela seized from the US or when it happened.

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Letitia James’s attorney thanks Susie Wiles for the help

“The White House Chief of Staff admitting that President Trump turned the Justice Department into his weapon for political retribution against Attorney General Letitia James only confirms that this has been an improper vindictive prosecution,” says James’s lawyer Abbe Lowell in a statement Tuesday.

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Politico affixes a “Here’s why” to article headline

On Politico.com’s homepage on Tuesday the lead story declared “A blue wave in next year’s midterms might not flip that many seats. Here’s why,” deploying that most douchey of mainstream media tropes to a premise already tailor-made to be derided by those long past sick and tired of the sane-washy bothsides-y limp dick narratives of the Beltway/national political press that would print a headline like “Trump disparages Rob Reiner’s political views a day after his murder.

The article itself had a more tolerable headline of “The underrated factors limiting the power of a blue wave next year,” and the content even much more so makes the compelling case – that also isn’t surprising if you’ve internalized what the top election geeks have been saying and writing for the past three years or so – that, along with smaller factors like geographic assortation, the 2021 decennial redistricting greatly reduced the number of truly swing seats across the country.

Defensible, informed content with good data science design to it. If the writers end up being wrong it’ll be because of their small-c conservatism, not big-C. The big C-words are the editors who want the MAGA C-words to click on it out of excitement when they see the “Here’s why” but then don’t actually read the whole thing because it isn’t actually telling them what they want to read.

The editors probably wrote the headlines and appended that douchey “Here’s why” to the end of the one on the homepage. Make a statement and let the text itself tell you why it’s true rather than being such a twatwaffle that you need to affirm what’s already supposed to be self-evident.

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Trump warns he’s addressing nation at 9PM EST Tuesday

“My Fellow Americans: I will be giving an ADDRESS TO THE NATION tomorrow night, LIVE FROM THE WHITE HOUSE, at 9 PM EST. I look forward to ‘seeing’ you then. It has been a great year for our Country, and THE BEST IS YET TO COME!” posted convicted felon President Trump ominously on Tuesday and one can only speculate as to what kind of Reichstag fire he wants to set this time.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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