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Florida cop quits before he can get fired for rear-ending vehicle while watching porn on his phone behind the wheel of patrol car

The Lake County, Florida Sheriff’s Office last week announced that an internal investigation had found that a deputy who had claimed his “brakes locked up” when he plowed his patrol car into a woman’s vehicle on November 6th was actually distracted because he watching porn on his phone behind the wheel, leading the deputy to resign before he could be fired, WESH 2 reports.

It does not appear that any injuries were inflicted on the unidentified woman who was waiting behind a stopped school bus when registered Republican now-former Deputy Tristan Macomber smashed into her car and the sheriff’s department paid for the damages. Macomber’s story steadily unraveled over the next two months as when the brakes lie fell apart due to the body cam footage he then “admitted” to looking at a group text chat with other cops. Then when the internal affairs investigators said it was obvious from the footage Macomber was looking at images of some sort on the phone, he said they had been sent in that group chat. “The group’s text messages contained no memes or videos,” said the internal report – obtained by WESH – about that line crumbling too.

It’s obvious that at this point Macomber had to know he was fucked but wanted to maintain some shred of dignity and spare himself the embarrassment of being known as the guy who got fired because he was looking at porn when he smashed up some lady’s car – or at the very least claim that it had been sent in a group chat. It was during a later interview with investigators that Macomber admitted he was looking at “inappropriate pictures,” and then “clarified” it was porn.

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No tsunami expected after 6.9 magnitude quake off Japan

Almost immediately following a 6.9 magnitude earthquake off the Japanese island of Kyushu about a half-hour ago, the US Tsunami Warning Center on Monday issued a bulletin stating “There is no tsunami danger for the US West Coast, British Columbia, or Alaska. Based on earthquake information and historic tsunami records, the earthquake is not expected to generate a tsunami.”

Which is great news for folks in the Los Angeles area, who can now say “Well at least there probably won’t be a massive tsunami crashing into the coastline today. Still pretty early in the day though.”

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Los Angeles fires death toll rises to at least 24

The Los Angeles County Medical Examiner on Sunday announced that at least 24 people have been killed by the fires ravaging the region for nearly a week now, the AP reports, adding that a further 16 people are considered missing from the Palisades and Eaton fire zones, per Sheriff Robert Luna.

Meanwhile a relatively calm Monday forecast will give way to increased winds on Tuesday.

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“SAVE RUDY!”

The above headline encompasses the entirety of a Sunday afternoon Truth Social post by convicted felon President-Elect Trump, coming two days after a DC federal judge found alcoholic shitbrain former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani in contempt for continuing to defame former Georgia election workers Ruby Freeman and Shae Moss. It was the second such finding that week as on Monday another federal judge in New York – Trump appointee Lewis Liman – had slapped Captain 9/11 with contempt for failing to turn over assets and discovery info to Freeman and Moss to satisfy the $148 million defamation judgment Rudy owes for falsely claiming the terrorized mother-daughter duo had been part of a vast conspiracy to rig the 2020 election against the fat orange fuck.

Too bad posting “SAVE RUDY!” is all Trump can do for his friend facing poverty and homelessness simply for standing up for America First during one of its darkest times. It’s not like Trump is close with an extremely wealthy individual who could spare $148 million quite easily. Or dozens more who could each contribute a portion of that amount, enough to cover the bill pretty quickly.

Nobody should however take Trump’s inability to reciprocate Rudy’s painful sacrifices as a sign that he won’t fulfill his promises to the American people to make their lives easier to afford. He’s not going to let a single one of his voters down now that he’s gotten a second chance.

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Congresswoman offers novel solution to California fires

Georgia Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene on Sunday proposed an outside-the-box solution to the wildfires plaguing the Los Angeles area, arguing that weather control technology could be easily deployed to provide badly-needed moisture to the area to prevent wildfires.

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Nunes says Mark Zuckerberg should invest $450 million in Truth Social and Rumble to prove he’s serious about free speech

Trump Media and Technology Group CEO Devin Nunes on Sunday told Fox News he’s “skeptical” of Mark Zuckerberg’s new commitments to “promote free speech,” adding that if Zuckerberg is serious about prostrating before the might of the Orange God Emperor, “he should spend $450 million investing into pro free speech companies like Truth Social and Rumble to make up for the $450 million he spent against President Trump in 2020,” scary gothic racist Laura Loomer reports.

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“He’s a very blunt and honest human being”

Confronted by ABC’s Jon Karl with the October 2023 Truth Social post in which convicted felon President-Elect Trump wrote he has “many wonderful friends wanting to be Speaker of the House, and some are truly great Warriors. RINO Tom Emmer, who I do not know well, is not one of them. He never respected the Power of a Trump Endorsement,” thereby derailing the House Majority Whip’s bid for the speakership, Emmer laughed it off, claiming that the fat fuck has been nothing but kind to him and his wife, lol. Might as well be crawling on all fours naked with Trump pulling him on a leash.

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Florida man brings knife to a gunfight, wins

A Florida man brought a knife to a gunfight and won early Sunday after an argument at a house party in Oak Hill, WFLA reports. Volusia County Sheriff’s officials said that at approximately 1:42 AM a man at the party fired a gun at the intended victim and missed, leading the other man to charge the shooter with a knife and stab him in the stomach. The terrible shot was airlifted to a nearby hospital, possibly indicating that the wound was extremely serious, maybe even life-threatening.

Damn that’s gotta fucking suck for him, especially if there’s permanent damage. He’s probably already looking at like at minimum a decade in the joint for attempted murder, time he may have to do in a wheelchair, maybe even paralyzed from the waist down. Worse, it’s entirely possible the intended victim wasn’t carrying the knife prior to the altercation, but simply grabbed it from a nearby birthday cake and plunged it into the shooter’s abdomen immediately after ducking the bullet.

The terrible shooter would almost be luckier if he dies of his injuries rather than have to live with other inmates asking him if the doctors got all the sprinkles and frosting out of the stab wound.

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Jaydee deftly blame shifts for upcoming failures

Couchfucker assistant to Elon Musk’s assistant JD Vance on Sunday was quick on his feet with blaming California’s leadership for being unable to refill reservoirs during years plagued by long periods of drought but otherwise not identifying any other “policy failures” on their part that led to fire hydrants going dry during the still-ongoing infernos in Los Angeles. Jaydee then responded to Fox News Sunday anchor Shannon Bream pointing out the strong December jobs report by saying he and the Orange God Emperor will be inheriting a “dumpster fire” of an economy, bitching about bond yields and that “oil prices are now shooting through the roof,” almost as if to say Biden is somehow intentionally sabotaging their incoming regime’s ability to fulfill unrealistic pledges.

Vance also got preemptively offended at Dems causing an uproar over family separation policy, making it clear they’re going to intern migrant children apart from their parents again, saying it’s a term “you’re gonna hear a lot in the next couple of months, the next couple of years, family separation,” because the libs will be stirring up outrage over such cruelties being inflicted.

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Orange Shitbag again puts property before people

“Fires are still raging in LA. The incompetent pols have no idea how to put them out. Thousands of magnificent houses are gone, and many more will soon be lost. There is death all over the place.”

“This is one of the worst catastrophes in the history of our Country. They just can’t put out the fires, what’s wrong with them?” posted convicted felon President-Elect Trump at 1:24 AM on Sunday, angrier that luxury homes are getting burned than that people have been killed by the infernos.

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“Why do we have South Africans, the most racist people on earth, making any comments at all on what goes on in the United States?”

White nationalist alcoholic Steve Bannon this week doubled down on his declaration of jihad on ketamine brained billionaire Elon Musk, vowing to an Italian newspaper he “will have Elon Musk run out of here by Inauguration Day. He will not have a blue pass to the White House, he will not have full access to the White House, he will be like any other person,” Breitbart reports.

“He is a truly evil guy, a very bad guy. I made it my personal thing to take this guy down,” Bannon added. “Before, because he put money in, I was prepared to tolerate it, I’m not prepared to tolerate it anymore… This thing of the H-1B visas, it’s about the entire immigration system is gamed by the tech overlords, they use it to their advantage, the people are furious,” Bannon said, noting that “76 percent of engineers working in Silicon Valley are non-Americans. No blacks or Hispanics have any of these jobs or any access to these jobs.” Use LetThemFight.gif in the comments sparingly.

“Peter Thiel, David Sachs, Elon Musk, are all white South Africans,” Bannon continued. “He should go back to South Africa. Why do we have South Africans, the most racist people on earth, white South Africans, we have them making any comments at all on what goes on in the United States?”

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Cigna tells shark attack victim to fuck off on bill for prosthetic arm

Facing increased personal protections costs borne by policy holders, the American health insurance industry’s leaders are apparently feeling secure enough to continue doing what got their dude blasted by Lone Wolf Luigi last month, as the New York Post reports a 51 year-old Virginia mom who got her left arm ripped off by a shark does not need a $73,000 myoelectric prosthetic replacement.

“This was certainly one of the lowest points of this entire experience I’ve had,” former Starbucks barista Elisabeth Foley, who obviously needs two hands to work, said. “It’s insane and so frustrating, because I paid for health insurance my entire life, and had the healthiest life, so I barely used it. But I need their help now, and they won’t help me.” Last June Foley was in the water off Sound Beach, Florida when a shark tried to charge her an arm and a leg for entering its territory. It got one.

Cigna got both, cruelly and cuntishly denying her. Luckily strangers stepped up through America’s actual single-payer healthcare system, GoFundMe, and enough was raised since the denial in October for Foley to purchase the new arm out of others’ pockets. “While many of our health plans cover a number of prosthetic options, we are evaluating benefit updates to help expand coverage of advanced prosthetics for more people,” Cigna said in a meaningless statement to the Post.

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Palisades Fire surges east toward Brentwood, Encino

A new flare-up of the Palisades Fire in the western coastal regions of Los Angeles County prompted evacuation orders in the Brentwood and Encino areas of the region, threatening the Getty Center art museum, the site of OJ Simpson’s old house, and other landmarks, Fox 11 reports.

Little relief from the winds fueling the flames are in sight as the National Westher Service’s Saturday forecast called for “Another round of gusty northeast winds will develop through today into Sunday, then a stronger offshore wind event will likely develop between Monday night and Wednesday. Cold overnight temperatures are expected in wind protected areas.”

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German libs derail start of Fourth Reich party’s conference

Liberal protestors on Saturday delayed the start of the far right Alternative for Germany (AfD)’s conference in Saxony, with as many as 10,000 demonstrators blocking roads and holding up the vast majority of the 600 or so Fourth Reich delegates who planned to attend, DPA reports.

The AfD are putsching the pedal down hard in next month’s snap national elections, called following the collapse of Chancellor Olaf Schulz’s governing coalition in December.

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Movie Night Friday: Stargate

This may indeed be the valedictory for Movie Night Friday four weeks into this new open thread format. There just aren’t that many PG-13 films left worth running here at the current moment in YouTube’s library. Probably best to expect it to rotate in again once it refreshes.

Stargate is worth running. Kurt Russell’s pretty badass. James Spader is a dork. The alien pharaoh guy is creepy as fuck. The whole concept of a bronze age human civilization enslaved on a distant planet for millennia is damned original. It’s the second full-budget Hollywood effort by director Roland Emmerich, who went on to make Independence Day, The Patriot, The Day After Tomorrow, 2012, and Midway among his films that were actually entertaining and Godzilla 1998, Independence Day: Resurgence, and Moonfall among those that were complete shit… 10,000 BC was okay.

Stargate belongs in the former group. It’s damn solid, if not an absolute masterpiece.

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Reports of Bass firing LAFD chief premature

Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass’s office tells KABC 7’s Josh Haskell that the Daily Mail is full of shit and Bass did not fire LAFD Chief Kristin Crowley. “The Mayor and Chief met. The priority remains fighting these fires and protecting Angelenos,” City Hall added in a statement.

KABC 7’s current scorecard for all of the fires in Los Angeles County this week stands at 11 dead from nine fires, 13,397 structures and vehicles burned on 30,701 acres of land, and six of the nine listed fires mostly or even 100 percent contained, the least of those the first and the worst one – the Palisades Fire – at only 30 percent containment as of Friday evening West Coast time.

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Swalwell sparks massive online backlash: Fox News

“Rep Eric Swalwell, D-Calif, sparked online backlash with a post in which he questioned President-elect Trump’s ability to bring down grocery prices. Social media users were quick to point out that food prices spiked under President Biden’s leadership. ‘I don’t care if Donald Trump wants to buy Greenland. I just want to know what he’s going to do to lower the cost of groceries,’ Rep Swalwell wrote on X. But social media users noted that the congressman’s party had control of the House, Senate and White House while Americans struggled to afford food. While they later lost control of the House after the 2022 midterm elections, the Democrats held on to the Senate,” Fox News reported in a Wednesday article titled “Swalwell slammed on social media for questioning how Trump will lower grocery prices” asserting that “social media users” incontestably shut down the Dem Congressman for daring to question the convicted felon president-elect.

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Danish military proposes increasing dog sled patrols in Greenland

“Denmark’s government has proposed purchasing two new Arctic inspection vessels and increasing dog sled patrols to boost its military presence in Greenland, as US President-elect Donald Trump sets his sights on the island, local media reported. The government has also proposed upgrading the airport in Kangerlussuaq, a former US military base in western Greenland, to accommodate F-35 fighter jets, broadcasters DR and TV2 said on Friday,” says the lede to an actual Reuters story.

Copied that verbatim to present the raw absurdity of all this, in which the dog sled patrols is the most straight-to-DVD “comedy” movie script element. Like what the actual fuck do they think is going to happen if the convicted felon orders an attack? It’ll be a few hundred Navy SEALs and MARSEC Marines storming into Nuuk in the middle of the night and taking control of the local government, setting up a crackerjack puppet regime Denmark will be forced to recognize. Then days later the “legitimate” Greenlandic government would sign the island’s sovereignty over to US.

It will be over very quickly IF Trump is serious about seizing the island. The US military is literally already on the ground there and for all we know the manpower needed to take Nuuk is stationed at Thule this very moment. Any Danish efforts at “deterrence,” even the fucking dog sled teams, are probably just going to antagonize the fat bastard – or worse, his cult. It takes some imagination, but not a lot, to see how some MAGA bravos would on their own attempt to seize Nuuk and declare it a sovereign territory of the US, hold the city hostage with the help of local collaborators until either the Danes or the locals sign some sort of capitulation and then for Trump to endorse it.

And this is all assuming that Danish suzerainty over Greenland would still be in effect. If they’re an officially independent nation in a few months then it gets even easier for the Orange Caesar.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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