Category: Uncategorized

You know what we really need right now? Someone with the guts and know-how to put the current situation in historical context by comparing President Joe Biden to German President Paul von Hindenburg. The writer should start pitching it to The Atlantic or the New Yorker right away.

“What two feckless and overly proud octogenarians that let economic discontent fuel the rise of a charismatic fascist have in common,” can be the sub-hed before like 12,000 words about how the US in 2021 to 2025 echoed the 1920s Weimar Republic and the interwar period in Germany. “No, Americans weren’t wheelbarrowing billions of reichsmarks to the bakery to buy a loaf of bread, but they sure felt like it every time they had to fill up their 2023 Ford Super Duty to drive to a national park to go fishing and rafting once or twice a month. That counts,” the writer can crank out.

The letters of some obscure Jewish academic based in Munich observing that about how the “podcast bros” of his day were getting rowdier and rowdier while his cohorts establishment class were too preoccupied with “enlightenment” and the petty day-to-day of their fields to notice. Of course that academic will have to have met a grim fate after the second half of the 1930s, so it’s better for this 21st century academic to pre-select their nervous German Jew as one who did not eventually escape to the United States or Mandatory Palestine. Then work backwards to find their contemporaneous writings and – Presto! – you have your “foreshadowing” element.

“Future historians may look back and summarize this way: The first reign of Kaiser Trump bookended a tumultuous period in which the rage of the masses fueled his rise as Fuhrer Trump,” the essayist could write, though maybe that’s a little too on the nose. A good PhD and/or MFA could do better.

Justice Department: “A 40-year-old Nigerian national was arrested upon his arrival at an airport in Texas on an indictment returned in the Western District of Washington. Franklin Ikechukwu Nwadialo was indicted in December 2023 for 14 counts of wire fraud connected to his romance fraud scheme. Nwadialo was traveling from Nigeria when he was arrested. Nwadialo will be transported to the Western District of Washington for arraignment. According to the indictment and criminal complaint filed in the case, Nwadialo allegedly defrauded victims of more than $3.3 million.”

“According to the indictment, Nwadialo used various versions of the name ‘Giovanni’ when he met his victims online on websites such as Match, Zoosk, and Christian Café. Nwadialo used false images for his profile and typically told the victims that he was in the military and deployed overseas so he could not meet the victims in person. Using these personas, Nwadialo invented many reasons he needed the victims to send him money. In one such case in 2020, he indicated he had been fined by the military for revealing his location to the victim. He asked the victim to help him pay the $150,000 fine. In all, that victim was defrauded of at least $2.4 million. Finally, in August 2020, Nwadialo defrauded another victim who he met on an online dating site and caused this victim to transfer at least $310,000 by claiming he needed financial assistance, including help paying for his father’s funeral or his son’s tuition. The fourteen counts of wire fraud relate to the communications with Nwadialo and the wiring of funds from victims to the defendant and his co-schemers.”

As final votes are tallied around the country, particularly in Democratic-heavy California, the Democrats’ disappointing performance in the presidential race–and the overestimation of Democratic voter enthusiasm–comes clear in one startling statistic:  Somewhere between seven and ten million people who voted for Joe Biden in 2020 did not show up for Democrats in the 2024 election.

About 156 million Americans cast votes in the election.  Trump’s vote total is likely to finish up in the range of 79 million votes, around a nine percent increase from what he received in 2020. Harris’s total, however, will likely fall in the 71- to 73 million range, lower than the 81 million people who voted for Biden in 2020.

There’s a lot of data in the exit polling, but one item stands out:  52% of white women voted for Donald Trump.  In an election where women’s bodily autonomy was on the ballot in a number of states, those female voters chose to split the ticket, voting to preserve their rights to abortion, but voting for the ticket that did the most to remove those rights.

Vice President Kamala Harris on Wednesday called convicted felon President-Elect Trump to congratulate him, CBS News’s Scott MacFarlane reports on the end of the 2024 campaign.

Feeling kind of depressed now that convicted felon former President Trump is now convicted felon President-Elect Trump? Did you get owned last night? Want the pain to go away? There might be an option: You could just decide to like Trump and be excited that he’s returning to power.

Look, it could work out for you. Just start watching Fox News like four or five hours a day for the rest of the week and let the celebration of victory seep in to your psyche. You might think “Hey, maybe women’s health and basic rights are less important than that it feels like gas was cheaper in November 2020. Maybe immigrants aren’t really human and Vladimir Putin is a decent leader who was just protecting his country from globalist expansionism,” and other such propaganda.

Now we’re not recommending it so much as saying that the option’s there for you should you want to turn that frown upside-down and enjoy politics again. You can just give up. It’ll be easier than you think. A week or two of consuming right wing media would probably do it. Uncritical thinking is available to you. We understand if you want to do it. Just give it a shot if you want to be happy.

A raccoon suddenly fell through a ceiling panel above the Spirit Airlines gate at New York City’s LaGuardia Airport on Monday, with the little fucker caught and released outdoors by Port Authority cops later that morning after a frenzied chase through the terminal, the New York Post reports.

The incursion has prompted an investigation and a new effort to prevent future breaches by raccoons and other similarly-sized wild animals. “To ensure safety, airport staff is working closely with a professional wildlife control company to monitor the area, identify potential entry points, and implement necessary precautions,” the Port Authority said. “Ongoing inspections and follow-up efforts are in place to prevent future incidents.” It’s not clear if the animal came from outside or arrived on a flight. The second possibility should not be ruled out given that it’s Spirit Airlines.

“Rafael continues to intensify as it approaches western Cuba. Deep convection within the hurricane’s Central Dense Overcast (CDO) is very intense, with cloud tops colder than -80 deg C.”

“There are also strong convective banding features surrounding the CDO. Observations from an Air Force Hurricane Hunter aircraft indicate a closed eyewall at times, with the central pressure falling at a rate of around 2 mb per hour. Based on the highest flight-level winds reported from the aircraft so far, the current intensity is set at 80 kt for this advisory. Rafael’s inner core is relatively small in size, with hurricane-force winds extending about 25 n mi from its 10-15 n mi wide eye.”

“The hurricane continues its northwestward trek, and the initial motion is a slightly faster 315/12 kt. For the next day or two, Rafael should continue to move along the southwestern side of a mid-level high pressure system and move over the southeastern Gulf of Mexico through Thursday night. After 48 hours the track guidance becomes very divergent, with a number of model solutions taking the system toward the southwest Gulf in 3-4 days. It appears that, during the latter part of the forecast period, a mid-level ridge could build to the north of the tropical cyclone. This could force Rafael to turn to the west or south of west in 4 to 5 days. In order to maintain continuity from the previous NHC predictions, the official track forecast is shifted to the left of the previous one, but not as far as dictated by the latest model consensus. If future model runs continue to show this trend, however, additional leftward adjustment to the NHC track may be required,” says an NOAA bulletin.

Enjoy these while they last. Might not be getting such accurate information next year.

Fuck it. Might as well just call it and if by some miracle we have to walk it back we’ll be thrilled to do it. Trump wins, Harris loses, everything in America’s going to be shit for a while. Or forever.

The vice president ran a hell of a campaign, the loss isn’t on her. There’s only so much her team could do in a fucked up information environment. We can’t put it on the people who voted for what they believed to be their economic interest either because blaming voters is for the weak. That said, many will end up regretting it. And when that time comes they can blame themselves.

Feel free to disconnect from politics for a few months. It’s the only way to preserve your mental health and fortitude for the coming tribulations. Believe it, they are coming. We’re now about to find out what happens when a vengeful tyrant tries to deport 15 or 20 million people en masse and dramatically raise prices on all virtually every product consumers buy. That’s when all the “I was better off under Trump” voters are going to start feeling some buyer’s remorse.

American democracy has been dealt a massive, perhaps fatal blow. But the resistance to his misrule in 2017 through 2021 was an extremely fierce and formidable rage from those who would and could not abide the cruelty and incompetence. Trump is going to be worse. A lot worse. He’s going to go too far and it’s going to ignite a fire that could finally for once and for all consume him.

So stay tuned for National Zero on that. In the meantime we’re probably going to have to run more articles about animals, UFOs, and fast food products just to stay sane after this gut punch.

This is it ladies and gents. Tonight decides what tomorrow knows… Well actually it’s all but already been decided. The revelation of that decision is when we know whether January 21, 2025 dawns on a democracy or a dysfunctional police state that would make Idi Amin facepalm.

Vermont’s Republican Governor Phil Scott told reporters he defended the Constitution by voting for Democratic presidential candidate Kamala Harris, breaking with the Republican Party and its nominee, Donald Trump, Vermont Public Media reported.

“I did some soul searching and thought about a lot of different things — what would benefit Vermont, what I needed to do myself — and came to the conclusion that I had to put country over party, and do the same thing that I did four years ago when I voted for Joe Biden, and vote for Kamala Harris,” Scott said, virtually assuring a nuclear test on his state if Trump should somehow get back into office.

Scott previously announced that he would not vote for Trump, but he did not commit to voting for any other candidate, let alone the Democratic rival.

“A usually reliable source tells me that the North Korean soldiers who have deployed to Russia have never had unfettered access to the internet before. As a result, they are gorging on porn,” reports Financial Times chief foreign affairs correspondent Gideon Rachman. Copied that verbatim to not over-credit the sourcing, even if it sounds like it makes a lot of sense. Idle hands and all.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW TO TURN OUT THE TRUMP VOTE? CALLING, TEXTING, EMAILING, DRIVING TO THE POLLS?

TURN OUT THE VOTE!!!

— Stephen Miller (@StephenM) November 5, 2024

“The only talk about massive cheating has come from one of the candidates, Donald J Trump. There is no factual basis whatsoever within law enforcement to support this wild allegation. We have invited complaints and allegations of improprieties all day. If Donald J Trump has any facts to support his wild allegations, we want them now. Right now. We are not holding our breath,” says Philadelphia District Attorney Larry Krasner in a statement responding to Trump’s meltdown.

“Philadelphia and Detroit! Heavy Law Enforcement is there!!!” the fat fuck posted afterward.

Meanwhile Politico’s Jonathan Martin reports more bomb threats are being called in to polling places in Atlanta from some desperate Russians who couldn’t think of anything more creative.

Equatorial Guinea Vice President Nguema Obiang Mangue on Tuesday wasn’t naming names but just said it: Too many government officials are using taxpayer time and property to fuck and it has to stop immediately, Reuters reports. “The executive is taking this decision following the videos of a sexual nature that have gone viral on social media in recent days and that denigrate the country’s image,” said the tiny West African country’s state information agency in a statement on the crisis.

It’s not clear why it’s the veep and not his boss, President Teodoro Obiang, speaking publicly about the crackdown, but it’d be hilarious if the job was handed to Mangue and he’s leading the anti-fucking in government offices task force as part of his vice presidential “portfolio,” kind of like the time Trump announced Mike Pence would lead the COVID-19 response so he could take the blame.

Anyway, the crackdown means increased security patrols in the buildings and more surveillance cameras to stop encounters that reportedly surfaced after a police raid on the home of a finance ministry official turned up hundreds of amateur porn clips of women who Reuters writes “appeared to include wives of other powerful government figures and other family members.” Yikes.

“A lot of talk about massive CHEATING in Philadelphia. Law Enforcement coming!!!” posted convicted felon former President Trump on Tuesday, clearly agitated and impotent per usual.

It may or may not be a coincidence that Harris campaign officials tell the Washington Post’s Matt Viser they’re seeing high turnout among Puerto Rican voters in the city. Actually it probably isn’t a coincidence that the reporting among an ethnic group that his campaign managed to insult and piss off last week is leading Trump to freak out and make empty threats of “Law enforcement” coming.

And a Philadelphia Police source tells CNN they have no idea what the hell Trump’s talking about.

Tú, disfrutando de una buena Crunchy Wrap Tejana, con un Crush Burrito, unas papas bien delis y tu agüita bien fría.

No lo se, piénsalo. pic.twitter.com/9dYShswfX7

— Taco Bell Guatemala (@TacoBellGuate) November 5, 2024

Huh… Why is it “Taco Martes” and not just “Taco Tuesday”? Like there’s already an English word in the name of the not-really authentic Mexican fast food chain. They don’t call it “Taco Campana” in Guatemala or Mexico or whatever other predominantly Spanish-speaking countries in which it operates, so clearly they’re not afraid of associating with the American origins of the brand. Which leads us to question why “Taco Tuesday” was too much of stretch for the marketing of the weekly celebration of “La Campana’s” namesake staple. And don’t even get us started on why it’s “Taco Martes” and they couldn’t even put an actual goddamned taco in the image but instead went with a Crunchwrap and a burrito. Might as well have added a few ketchup packets next to the fries too.

“An Ann Arbor, Michigan, man was charged in a federal criminal complaint today with sending a threatening communication, announced United States Attorney Dawn N Ison. Ison was joined in the announcement by Cheyvoryea Gibson, Special Agent in Charge, Federal Bureau of Investigation, Detroit Field Division. Charged was Isaac Sissel, 25, who is currently staying in Ann Arbor.”

“According to court records, on Nov 2, 2024, the FBI National Threat Operations Center in West Virginia received an anonymous online threatening submission. The threat read in part: ‘I shall carry out an attack against conservative christan, (sic) filth in the event trump wins the election. I have a stolen ar15 and a target I refuse to name so I can continue to get away with my plans. Without a specific victim or ability to find the place I hid the gun, there’s not a thing the FBI can do until I complete the attack.’ Sissel was arrested by the FBI this morning and will be making an appearance in federal court this afternoon,” says an Eastern District of Michigan press release.

Allies and advisers of convicted felon former President Trump are telling him he’s got nothing to lose by prematurely claiming victory on Tuesday night and he should do it if he’s got any 100,000+ vote lead in Pennsylvania even if the count is far from over, sources tell the Guardian. Others however, Steve Bannon included, have warned that it’ll make him look foolish if the race is closer than that.

All of it hinges on whether Trump travels from his private Mar-a-Lago watch party to a larger one for his campaign at the Palm Beach convention center, a situation which the paper’s Trump beat guy Hugo Lowell describes as fluid. “Trump’s aides have suggested if he does decide to announce himself as the winner, he will motorcade over from Mar-a-Lago, and if not, he might not make an appearance at all,” writes Lowell about how the night could go for the Orange God Emperor.

In other “Trumpworld” reporting, Puck’s Tara Palmeri on announced on the Tuesday edition of her podcast that she will not be reporting for Amazon Prime’s inaugural news broadcast from Mar-a-Lago as billed because her credentials have been yanked due to her pissing off one too many Trump minions with a recent story. Probably the one about them panicking over newly registered female turnout in Pennsylvania if we had to guess. The Washington Post meanwhile on Tuesday printed a valedictory for the fat fuck’s final (?) campaign on Tuesday, writing that Donald has lately “evinced some private doubt, especially compared with some of his advisers and allies. While his team has frequently predicted victory – citing internal polls, large crowds and what they say is an enthusiasm gap for Harris among key demographic groups – Trump has at times asked guarded questions, even after being shown polling that has him winning,” with Trump reacting by asking his sycophants “Why isn’t the national media saying we are going to win?” Unmentioned is that most if not all of that polling is complete horseshit concocted by right wing operations specifically to skew the averages.

Alcoholic shitbrain Rudy Giuliani cleared out his Manhattan condo last Thursday morning. Well all the valuable stuff, the New York Times reports on what workers sent by former Georgia election workers Ruby Freeman and Shae Moss found at the place when they came to collect his valuable possessions to satisfy the $148 million defamation judgment a federal jury awarded them.

In the condo were “rugs, a dining table, a few small pieces of furniture and inexpensive wall art,” per the Times while the “art, furniture and sports memorabilia” that was supposed to go to the mother-daughter duo were not. Rudy also fucked off on completing the paperwork necessary to hand the condo over to them, the workers told a judge on Monday. Even better, a Reuters photographer took a pic of the drunken former mayor in a Mercedes convertible outside of the Palm Beach, Florida polling station as convicted felon former President Trump voted on Tuesday morning. The convertible was already supposed to be signed over to Moss and Freeman to satisfy the judgment.