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In a Monday press release, Virginia-based satellite communications company Intelstat announced that “the anomaly previously disclosed on October 19 has resulted in the total loss of the Intelsat 33e satellite. We are coordinating with the satellite manufacturer, Boeing, and government agencies to analyze data and observations. A Failure Review Board has been convened to complete a comprehensive analysis of the cause of the anomaly. Since the anomaly, Intelsat has been in active dialogue with affected customers and partners. Migration and service restoration plans are well underway across the Intelsat fleet and third-party satellites,” and so on and so forth.

It’s not clear why they used the world “anomaly” to describe what CBS reported was the fucking thing just exploding in orbit. Was Intelstat thinking “Ehhhh Boeing’s been catching enough shit lately, maybe we shouldn’t pile on them, especially since we can milk this for a discount”?

Then again, the CBS story mentions the Russians had recorded and analyzed the explosion, finding that the satellite – which had been in orbit without incident since 2016 – had met an “instantaneous and high-energy” fate, meaning nobody’s sure if it definitely exploded on its own and maybe they shouldn’t rule out that a small asteroid or piece of space junk to make it go kaboom in orbit.

Lebanese terrorist group Hezbollah on Wednesday confirmed that new leader Hashem Safieddine had been killed in an Israeli airstrike earlier this month, the Associated Press reports.

So here’s former Trump White House press secretary-turned-Fox News host and it’s not like there’s any fucking difference anyway Kayleigh McEnany telling the rest of the idiots the couch this morning that, although she wasn’t as the December 4th, 2020 meeting in which her convicted felon former boss screamed “It doesn’t cost 60,000 bucks to bury a fucking Mexican!” after getting a bill from the family of slain US Army solider Vanessa Guillen – a bill he had promised to pay personally and did not, according to the family’s lawyer – Kayleigh insists that Trump never said those words.

Kayleigh however doesn’t say whether or not he had offered to pay for it or did pay for it.

“I write to express deep concern over the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation’s (TBI) recent execution of search warrants against the City of Millersville Police Department, seizing investigative files in what appears to be an inappropriate and retaliatory action. This matter raises serious questions about the integrity of the investigation and the legal and political motivations behind it. As a state representative and former law enforcement officer, I believe it is imperative to address these concerns directly. First, it has come to my attention that this investigation appears to have been triggered by intentionally misleading stories from one media outlet,” wrote Republican Tennessee state Representative Bud Hulsey in a letter, co-signed by fellow MAGA Representative Monty Fritts, to TBI Director David Rausch demanding they return materials seized in a raid on the Millersville Police Department, WTVF reports on the tip of a very QAnon iceberg in the small Tennessee town.

The TBI also raided the home of Millersville Assistant Police Chief Shawn Taylor, the QAnon freak who’s now accusing the TBI of being part of the child sex predator cabal… It’s a deep rabbit hole of excellent reporting by WTVF’s maverick Phil Williams and it would take a while to sort through and summarize here, but if you’re looking to go down into the dystopia it’s all listed there in order.

Convicted felon former President Trump’s co-campaign chair Chris LaCivita retweeted a bunch of posts denouncing the fat fuck following the January 6th, 2021 MAGA insurrection, including one calling for the 25th Amendment, CNN reports on the same shit, different 30 pieces of silver.

Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton sued Department of Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas and other members of the Biden-Harris Administration for refusing to comply with federal law requiring them to assist States in verifying the citizenship status of potentially ineligible people registered to vote. On October 7, Attorney General Paxton sent a letter demanding that the federal government fulfill its legal obligations by verifying the citizenship status of people who may be illegally registered to vote in Texas by October 19. Attached was a list of approximately 450,000 voters whose citizenship status has never been checked because they registered without a State of Texas-issued driver’s license or identification card. Federal law requires the federal government to provide that information and Attorney General Paxton’s letter formally triggered those obligations.”

“While the majority of the voters on the list are likely citizens who are eligible to vote, Texans have no way of knowing whether or not any of the voters on the list are noncitizens who are ineligible to vote without additional information. However, the Biden-Harris Administration has refused to comply with the law and has failed to supply Texas with the required information necessary to secure the integrity of Texas elections. The Texas Secretary of State has joined the Office of the Attorney General as a co-plaintiff,” says Picasso-faced Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton in a statement making it clear enough that this frivolous bullshit isn’t about Texas itself but in all likelihood the groundwork for another national “Stop the Steal” effort all centered on non-citizen voting fairy tales.

A new finding printed Wednesday from the most recent USA Today/Suffolk survey – one they hyped in advance so we’re guessing this is supposed to hold significance in the current environment – but they chose to put it in the negative, writing “Nearly 72 percent of respondents said that they had not seen Harris on a podcast and 77.5 percent said that they had not seen a Trump podcast appearance,” a small edge for Harris probably reflective of the MAGA-ish shows Trump goes on.

A new Emerson College survey of likely voters in Texas finds gremlin-faced coward Senator Ted Cruz leading Dem Congressman Colin Allred 48 to 47 percent while convicted felon former President Trump leads Vice President Kamala Harris 53 to 46 percent. Independent voters break for Allred 47 to 42 percent while Trump leads Harris among the same group by 49 to 47 percent.

This is probably Emerson’s final poll of the Lone Star State in 2024 and by now there’s no question of whether Allred is running a close race. We’ve well established by now Emerson’s pro-GOP bias and it’s time to actually take seriously the possibility that Allred could pull this off. On Tuesday we’d been a little puzzled as to why Harris is heading to Houston for a rally on Friday, we’ve since learned that Allred will be taking the stage with her, which tells us that Harris probably has some internal polling showing Cruz to be even more vulnerable than maybe even this public polling suggests. The fact that Trump is running that far ahead of him with indie voters and overall is another clue.

Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin on Wednesday told reporters that US intel has confirmed that North Korean troops are on the ground in Russia, but it’s not clear yet if they’re headed toward the front with Ukraine as had been expected by observers over the last few weeks, Reuters reports.

“There is evidence that there are DPRK troops in Russia. What exactly they are doing? Left to be seen. These are things that we need to sort out,” Austin said to a press pool while in Rome.

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskiy has cited intel indicating possibly up to 12,000 North Korean troops were being prepped to be to deployed to battlefields in his country.

Trump Supporter Trolls Taylor Swift Concert with "Cat Lady" Banner pic.twitter.com/SAqK6O4taG

— Breitbart News (@BreitbartNews) October 22, 2024

Jesus Dork Speaker of the House Mike Johnson will open for convicted felon former President Trump at Madison Square Garden on Saturday, Punchbowl News reports.

Six alleged victims of Sound of Freedom asshole Tim Ballard’s rapey coercion scheme have filed a lawsuit alleging his ruses to get them to pretend to be his wives/girlfriends during his undercover sex trafficking stings were themselves violations of the Trafficking Victims Protection Reauthorization Act because Ballard was laundering money to support it, Fox 13 Utah reports.

“Ballard and [Operation Underground Railroad] engaged in human trafficking and exploitation of women under the guise of humanitarian anti-trafficking operations,” attorneys for the women exploited by Ballard wrote in a statement to media. “Instead of rescuing women and children from trafficking, these defendants used their positions of trust to exploit and abuse and traffic women.”

Ballard, the anti-sex-trafficking activist and real-life inspiration for 2023 QAnon fan-favorite film Sound of Freedom, starring adrenochrome freak Jim Caviezel, is already accused in at least one other lawsuit of coercing Mormon housewives into sex acts when they volunteered to pose as his wife when going “undercover” on trips to third-world countries to meet with slavers and “liberate” victims. The scandal has led to the downfall of Utah Attorney General Sean Reyes, who was listed as a producer for the film and wrote himself a scene for the unlikely-to-be-made sequel.

Two weeks until Election Day:  Donald Trump is being forced to work, and he hates it.  Not only is Trump on the trail trying to drive up turn out and doing bro-centric podcasts, but he’s gotten so tired and unfocused he can’t properly grope former Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard during his appearance in North Carolina on Tuesday.

Trump is reportedly considering the Florida federal judge who threw out his federal documents case–a decision that will likely get overturned on appeal–to be his next Attorney General if he gets reelected, ABC News reports.  Judge Aileen Cannon, who was appointed to the bench by Trump, has made a number of questionable decisions in his case, and she had only sat over a handful of trials while on the federal bench before getting the Trump case.

If he walks like a fascist and talks like a fascist…  One of Donald Trump’s four chiefs of staff during his single term in office, John Kelly danced around directly calling Trump a fascist when a reporter for the New York Times asked him, but he said Trump “certainly falls into the general definition of fascist, for sure.”

“Well, looking at the definition of fascism: It’s a far-right authoritarian, ultranationalist political ideology and movement characterized by a dictatorial leader, centralized autocracy, militarism, forcible suppression of opposition, belief in a natural social hierarchy,” Kelly said citing a definition he found online.  “So certainly, in my experience, those are the kinds of things that he thinks would work better in terms of running America,” adding, “Certainly the former president is in the far-right area, he’s certainly an authoritarian, admires people who are dictators — he has said that. So he certainly falls into the general definition of fascist, for sure.”

After spending nearly $45,000 per month despite telling the court that he was “nearly homeless,” spitting coach and former attorney Rudy Giuliani is now officially homeless after a federal judge ruled he must turn over his New York apartment, his Mercedes-Benz, his watch collection and his sports memorabilia collection to two Fulton County election workers he defamed, the Associated Press reports.

The property, which will be sold, will barely scratch the surface of the $148 million Giuliani owes Ruby Freeman and her daughter, Wandrea “Shaye” Moss, for defaming them and saying they were passing drugs while rigging the results of the 2020 election.  Giuliani’s false statements causes the pair to have to quit jobs and relocate after facing the irrational wrath of MAGA.

While Rudy will lose his New York apartment, Judge Lewis Liman also ordered him to turn over his Palm Beach apartment as well, but that may be delayed as Giuliani claims the $3 million should be exempt because it’s his primary property.  Giuliani will lose his treasured New York Yankees World Series ring collection, as well sports memorabilia including a signed Joe DiMaggio jersey.  The former New York mayor, Trump lawyer, and hair dye dispenser will also lose his watch collection, which includes 25 pieces including a Rolex, two Bulovas and five Shinolas.

Rapper Eminem will introduce former President Barack Obama at a rally for Vice President Kamala Harris in Slim Shady’s native Detroit on Tuesday. Not sure whether the veep is there too.

A cockatoo that nearly a fuckin month bugged inna Coles in Sydney was snatched up by a wildlife rescuin’ crew after they chased the twat round the shop the whole time, UPI reports.

The sulphur-crested cockatoo, dubbed Mickey by some fuckin wombo, flew inna Coles in Campbelltown’s Macarthur Square shopping centeroo thru a wide open loadin dock door and was unable to get’is way out afteh. Mickey spent nearly a month fuckin around back an forth an again thru the Coles. Sydney wildlife blokes got’im now and will soon release the cunt back in the wild.

“Mickey is looking pretty healthy, all things considered and will be released back home soon. We hope he stays out of trouble and lays off the brioche for many years to come,” Sydney Metro Wildlife posted on the webaroo. Mickey best stay clear of crocos, they gettin hungry in summeh.

At least one person is dead and 10 others have been hospitalized from E Coli infections linked to McDonald’s Quarter Pounders, NBC News reports and OH YEAH BY THE WAY THERE’S STILL NO PROOF KAMALA HARRIS EVER WORKED AT A MCDONALD’S LIBS! NO PROOF AT ALL!

The CDC said in total 49 cases in 10 states – mostly Colorado and Nebraska – have been LIBS DID YOU SEE HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE OUTSIDE THE MCDONALD’S IN PENNSYLVANIA WHEN PRESIDENT TRUMP SERVED DELICIOUS BURGERS AND FRIES TO SURPRISED CUSTOMERS?!?

The specific ingredient in the burger had not been identified but CDC investigators were IT WAS SUCH A STROKE OF GENIUS FROM TRUMP’S CAMPAIGN! HE REALLY CONNECTED WITH EVERYDAY AMERICANS, MANY OF WHOM WORK IN REGULAR JOBS LIKE AT MCDONALD’S!!!