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But what are the chances it's unscripted? pic.twitter.com/ctzSv8QpGQ

— Breitbart News (@BreitbartNews) August 26, 2024

Their actual article is based on a single sentence in an Axios report from early Monday reading “The vice president is packing her campaign schedule this week, starting with a bus tour in southern Georgia. She’ll also sit for her first interview as a presidential candidate and ramp up preparations for her Sept 10 debate against Trump.” No outlet was mentioned, but might as well assume the sit-down will be “scripted.” Then the goalposts will be some minor factual error or policy flub.

The terror on the seas continued Sunday as the crew of a yacht found themselves nearly getting their entire world fucked up by a pod of orcas off the coast of Spain as the irritable cetaceans incapacitated a sailboat, injuring one crew member and requiring a rescue, CBS News reports.

Perhaps the most troubling aspect is that the Amidala (it’s very possible the owners named it after Natalie Portman’s character in the Star Wars prequels) was attacked off Galicia in northwestern Spain, over 700 miles sailing distance from the Strait of Gibraltar where the Alboran Cognac sank following a killer whale beatdown in May. It’s entirely possible, maybe even likely, that the same whales were responsible for both attacks given that the animals’ habitat range is limited to about 70 percent of the planet’s surface and that is not a hard swim for them to make over three months.

Boaters around Spain and the Mediterranean better hope that’s the case because if they’re learning from each other and the knowledge gets passed along then tornadoes will seem manageable.

A Georgia judge on Monday booted Russian asset Jill Stein, Trump-supporting roadkill collector Robert F Kennedy Jr, and socialist scrub Claudia De La Cruz from the ballot pending a final decision from Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger’s office, WABE News FM’s Rahul Bali reports.

In not as good news, the Wisconsin Supreme Court also declined to take up a Dem challenge to Stein’s ballot access in the Badger State. No reason was given for the de facto undisqualification.

In an article headlined “Exclusive: Kaplan Poll Shows Trump Trailing Harris by 4 Points Among Registered Voters,” MAGA propaganda site RedState.com plainly felt like they had to make good on the sunk cost of commissioning a survey and report the findings even if they really didn’t want to.

The giveaway is that they put the registered voter number, Harris 50 to Trump 46 percent, in the headline rather than the likely voter number, Harris 52 – Trump 45, percent to make it look closer even as, you know, the likely voter finding is universally seen as the more accurate heuristic. The Hill pulled the same bullshit last week when ABC and Washington Post’s poll put Harris ahead by 6.

The article then quotes pollster Doug Kaplan spinning the findings with “This is a very close race, and the Trump campaign is absorbing the full-on assault of Harris campaign – and yet, Harris, with everything going in her favor, is still not pulling away from Trump.” Jesus Christ, lol. Harris 52 to Trump 45 would be a fucking apocalyptic landslide if that were the final result. We have no idea who Doug Kaplan is and if he just signed off on a quote Red State wrote for him or if he’s actually unskewing his own poll. It doesn’t really matter, nor do we actually take this crackerjack’s finding seriously, it’s just hilarious that a right wing outlet has to publish it and piss off their readers.

Very weak. Sad. No energy. Low T. Sleepy. Tired. Lethargy. Exhaustion. Old. Very droopy. Fox News cut coverage less than 10 minutes into it. Needs nap. Needs no teleprompter. Very sad.

Pennsylvania-based gas station and convenience chain Sheetz is set to cut the ribbon on its first-ever location in Michigan on Wick Road in Romulus on Tuesday with a grand opening set to feature door prizes, free coffee and free “pop,” according to the Detroit Free Press’s reporting.

What the fuck is “pop”? And yeah, we know what it actually is, but who the hell writes the news like that? They might as well be writing a headline that says “Oncologists warn of a deadly new form of belly cancer” or “Israelis kaboom dozens of innocent Gazans in airstrike.” It just looks so friggin dumb. Please do better, Detroit Free Press. We expect adult coverage of culty convenience stores.

All we have is a tweet from Medium Buying reporting that convicted felon former President Trump’s campaign bought up a series of 15-second ad spots in the West Palm Beach, Florida market, so we don’t know exactly why they would be spending money in a state that’s extremely unlikely to flip.

It is however pretty easy to make an inference based on a June 9, 2020 Daily Beast article: “Trump Camp Runs Ads on DC Cable to Ease the Boss’ Anxieties and Buck Up Congressional GOPers.” Like we feel pretty confident that when you switch out some of geographic nouns and excise the parts about the Republicans in Congress (bucking them up was apparently the Trump 2020 campaign’s cover) then the part where the Beast wrote “two knowledgeable sources – one a Trump campaign adviser, the other an individual close to the president – said the DC-area ads had another purpose as well: to put the president himself at ease,” since the fat fuck watches TV all day.

Former Trump White House Press Secretary and campaign spokeswoman Kayleigh McEnany on Monday complained over what she saw as too tough of questioning of Senator Tom Cotton by ABC News journalist Jonathan Karl, accusing Karl of acting like a surrogate for Vice President Kamala Harris’s campaign. We were able to write that sentence with a straight face. Even better is how this clip begins with complete fucking chode game show host Kevin O’Leary crying along with Kayleigh.

🚨🚨🚨 WOW 🚨🚨🚨 CNN reports Former Hawaii Congresswoman TULSI GABBARD is expected to officially endorse former President Trump 🚨🚨🚨 HOLY FUCK! 🚨🚨🚨 Total game-changer! 🚨🚨🚨

Seriously who fucking cares. Gabbard is a complete scumbag who was groomed by her evil “Hindu” cult to infiltrate American politics. The fanboys are going to act like it’s the apocalypse for Harris.

Asked by NBC’s Jake Traylor whether he would want to keep the mics on at all times if he does end up debating Vice President Kamala Harris, convicted felon former President Trump said “We agreed to the same rules. I don’t know, doesn’t matter to me, I’d rather have it probably on… The agreement was that it would be the same as it was last time. In that case, it was muted.” Trump then continued rambling for a bit and falsely claimed Harris is trying to get out of the debate, not him.

The answer comes just hours after Politico Playbook quoted Trump campaign milkshake abortion expert Jason Miller standing firm on the mic rules – ones that were introduced in 2020 after Donald absolutely lost his shit in the first debate with Joe Biden. “Enough with the games. We accepted the ABC debate under the exact same terms as the CNN debate. We said no changes to the agreed upon rules,” Miller said in response to Harris’s team mocking Trump’s “handlers.”

New findings published by the paleontology team at Southern Methodist University in Texas don’t literally say “HOLY SHIT! We found a continuous track of dinosaur footprints that started in Brazil and end in Cameroon that were split by the breakup of ancient supercontinent Gondwana,” but they come pretty close to it. You can kind of tell SMU’s Louis Jacobs definitely wants to say it.

“We determined that in terms of age, these footprints were similar. In their geological and plate tectonic contexts, they were also similar. In terms of their shapes, they are almost identical,” is as close as he can get though. “One of the youngest and narrowest geological connections between Africa and South America was the elbow of northeastern Brazil nestled against what is now the coast of Cameroon along the Gulf of Guinea. The two continents were continuous along that narrow stretch, so animals on either side of that connection could potentially move across it,” said Jacobs.

It’s not clear if these findings will prove particularly controversial among the “young Earth creationist”-type assclowns or if it’s too third-order to matter. Feels like continental drift and dinosaur footprints wouldn’t be a game-changer if you already think the planet is 6,800 years old.

A 30 year-old Punjab, India man suffering from what family believed was demonic possession called in a pastor and several others to perform an exorcism last week and by some measures they got the job done as the man no longer shows any signs of torment by the alleged entity, WION reports.

Problem is that the pastor, Jacob Masih, and his team kind of overdid it with Samuel Masih (no relation mentioned in the source article) and their methods applied to “force the devil away” ended up killing Samuel. It’s not clear if Jacob was holding up a crucifix (or Hindu totem, though “Pastor” implies Christian) and praying loudly before he and his crew decided to beat the shit out of Samuel or if they just chose violence from the get-go. Local prosecutors are investigating the incident.

All across America on Monday, MAGAmericans will be celebrating Afghanistan Withdrawal Day, a festive occasion in which they exchange warm greetings of “This never would have happened if” their Jesus had still been in the White House. The sacred holy day takes on a renewed urgency this year however, as devout adherents of the religion await the prophesied political resurrection of their one true savior so that their faces may be once again showered with his golden glory.

The Prince of Pussy is scheduled to visit Arlington National Cemetery to lay wreaths at the tombs of those killed in the withdrawal, Marines he would otherwise have called losers and suckers. There he will strain to act as if Vice President Kamala Harris has their blood on her hands.

“Sports reporter Matt Vereen has been arrested and charged with three counts of sexual exploitation of a minor, according to Internet Crimes Against Children (ICAC) Task Force investigators with the South Carolina Attorney General’s Office. WACH FOX News understands the severity of these allegations and Vereen has been placed on suspension pending an investigation.”

“As this is a personnel matter, the station will not be commenting further at this time,” says Sinclair-owned Greenville, South Carolina Fox TV affiliate WACH in a statement via Fox Carolina.

Fox Carolina is a different affiliate owned by Gray Television Networks. We don’t know what if any political bent they have to their local news. Local broadcast TV is a lot like the fast food business where you can have entities owning and operating locations for different chains, like a McDonald’s owner also running a Taco Bell and a KFC – and a 7-Eleven and a Shell gas station, and so on. And sometimes the affiliate is actually owned by the network brand, like WNBC in New York is owned by Comcast-NBC Universal. The point being that just because it says “FOX” on the affiliate doesn’t mean that it’s a right wing propaganda operation employing a pedophile. But that WACH is Sinclair-owned means that yes, it is, a right wing propaganda operation employing a pedophile.

This is a suppression tool used by the media to drive a narrative they concoct ..then they “report” on.@ABC should disown it if they want to maintain any credibility 538's model mystery | Semafor https://t.co/RWXhLNtq77

— Chris LaCivita (@LaCivitaC) August 26, 2024

A Monday report in the Guardian lays out what appears to be a malaise among Trump fans in Northeastern Pennsylvania during a rally which saw wide swaths of the arena empty out before the convicted felon former president had finished his rambling 100 minute speech on Saturday, August 17th. Though the Guardian implies a plural number of attendees told the reporter that Trump’s crazy bullshit act was getting old, they only quoted directly from one. It’s still pretty funny.

“He reminded me why I’m not going to vote for him this time,” said Jenny, a businesswoman who didn’t want to give her full name for fear of alienating customers. “I voted for him in 2016 and had a Trump flag in the front yard. I voted for him again in 2020 but didn’t put the flag out that time. I’ve been thinking of voting for him again because Biden’s been so bad for the economy and Kamala won’t be any better. But after listening to that, I’m actually afraid of Trump being president again. I don’t know what he was talking about half the time. Perhaps he was always like that but he seems worse, more unstable,” Jenny continued, saying even though she had decided beforehand she would still hear Trump out as she’s part of an informal group that goes to all political events.

Frank Scavo, a local activist who reportedly led a MAGA coup of the Luzerne County GOP earlier this year, had apparently been uneasy about how Trump would do before the rally started. “These rallies fire up the base to go out there and knock on doors. His base will walk on fire for him, but plenty of other Republicans don’t vote. Are they demoralized? Do they think their vote doesn’t count? Most of it is apathy. But if we don’t get people out there knocking on doors, Trump’s not going to win Luzerne county,” he said. The Guardian didn’t get a quote from Scavo afterward.

In a standoff preceding convicted felon former President Trump’s suddenly renewed threats to bitch out of the September 10th debate against Vice President Kamala Harris on ABC News, Politico Playbook reports the two campaigns are at an impasse in negotiations over the rules of the debate, specifically the muting of the candidate’s microphone during the other’s turn to speak as had been agreed to earlier this year when Joe Biden was still running and the dates were set.

Surprisingly, it’s not Trump’s team that want that rule tossed, but Harris’s. “We have told ABC and other networks seeking to host a possible October debate that we believe both candidates’ mics should be live throughout the full broadcast,” Harris campaign comms adviser Brian Fallon told Playbook. “Our understanding is that Trump’s handlers prefer the muted microphone because they don’t think their candidate can act presidential for 90 minutes on his own. We suspect Trump’s team has not even told their boss about this dispute because it would be too embarrassing to admit they don’t think he can handle himself against Vice President Harris without the benefit of a mute button.”

The whole point is to try to create a situation in which Trump melts down like he did during the first debate against Biden in 2020. “She’s more than happy to have exchanges with him if he tries to interrupt her. And given how shook he seems by her, he’s very prone to having intemperate outbursts and I think the campaign would want viewers to hear that,” said a Harris campaign source.

Experts warn DHS equity push has made the country less safe: 'Literally a road to anarchy' https://t.co/VXNBtdYo9C

— Fox News (@FoxNews) August 26, 2024