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The powerful rotisserie chicken industry applied what proved to be unrelenting heat from multiple angles to Congress and saw the deliciously juicy meat of its labors paying dividends on Thursday as by an overwhelming margin lawmakers passed Arkansas Congressman Rick Crawford’s amendment allowing SNAP beneficiaries to purchase the pre-heated birds. The abeyance, which runs contrary to traditional opposition to access to prepared food products in the social safety net, only further slippens the slope toward ribs, wings, fried chicken buckets, and other grocery heat-lamp foods.

And to be serious for a minute who gives a shit if Crawford’s industrial chicken farmer donors did push him into it only for him to sell it as responsive to his economically and educationally deprived constituents. People on SNAP shouldn’t have to buy a goddamned whole raw chicken when there’s a properly-cooked one right there for a not-meaningfully higher price. That this amendment was even necessary speaks to how fucking stupidly the burden of preventing beneficiaries from buying Heineken and Winstons is applied to those who really do need to feed their families.

Without actually pointing to any significant general public outcry agitating for the immediate removal of the late night host, the President of the United States on Thursday nevertheless insisted it was currently erupting forcefully, posting “When is ABC Fake News Network firing seriously unfunny Jimmy Kimmel, who incompetently presides over one of the Lowest Rated shows on Television?”

“People are angry. It better be soon!!!” the President concluded, implying consequences for the national television network and its corporate parent despite his lieutenants already having initiated a lengthy, complex, litigious, and far from guaranteed-to-be-successful challenge to the broadcast licenses of the television affiliates that air Kimmel’s show… Six days after the host simply joked that a nearly 80 year-old man in ever-increasingly grave physical and mental health is likely to die soon.

The president then expressed futher frustrations with legislative friction in a subsequent post, writing “How much abuse can the Republican Senate take from the Radical Left Lunatics in the form of Democrat Senators, before they BLOW UP (TERMINATE!) THE FILIBUSTER, and approve things at a record clip, including The Save America Act, that would be unthinkable without the Filibuster Termination??? The Dems will do it on the first hour of their first day. DO NOT BE STUPID!!!”

Dem Maine Governor Janet Mills, age 77, announced on Thursday she’s dropping out of the senate primary to take on Concern Lady in November, leaving problematic, kind of weird, yet still formidable outsider Graham Platner as the effective nominee in the must-win race to flip the Senate.

Whether the Bernie Sanders and Liz Warren-backed Platner really knew his tattoo was a Nazi SS symbol when he got it inked and some silly shit he posted on Reddit over a decade ago aren’t as likely to matter in November as how cold it is and how much a gallon of home heating oil costs. The price last month was already up 44 percent year-over-year and in a state where half the homes are heated by black gold pumped from delivery trucks it there’s going to be a point where Eric Swalwell could be a viable contender against an incumbent from the party led by the fucking idiot who was posting a “Strait of Trump” meme on Wednesday in between not trying to demilitarize it.

The AAA National Average is at $4.30 a gallon as of Thursday morning but Stevie obviously hasn’t looked it yet, claiming on CNBC that it’s “in the threes” as in the $3.00 to $3.99 range.

The “Church” of Scientology on Wednesday invoked religious freedoms as it decried a recent TikTok trend of kids “speedrunning” onto its properties by simply entering the door and seeing how deep they can get before security grabs them and drags them out, ripping into the fad as “trespassing, harassment and disruption of religious facilities,” NBC News reports while sanewashing the sci-fi cult as “a fiercely private religious group that follows the teachings of founder L Ron Hubbard.”

“Over recent weeks, individuals have repeatedly forced their way into Church properties on Hollywood Boulevard, disrupted religious and public facilities, damaged Church property, and endangered staff, parishioners and visitors,” the “Church” said, adding that turning its “OT reading centers” into “targets for viral stunts is not journalism, protest or civic activity.”

The cult – which teaches that human psychological problems are caused by “thetans” who are the ghosts of trillions of aliens that were imprisoned by the evil galactic Lord Xenu 75 million years ago and sacrificed by being immolated on board one of dozens of giant golden spaceships shaped exactly like McDonnell-Douglas DC-8s as they were intentionally crashed into Mauna Loa in Hawaii and then those alien ghosts were again imprisoned and brainwashed by Xenu before he released them into the aether where they floated until they infected human souls – was particularly incensed after a Saturday mass “speedrun” of a Los Angeles center. Among the dozens of rogues rushing into the Hollywood Boulevard location were Sonic the Hedgehog and Jesus Christ cosplayers.

Despite six months of really lame efforts to sell convicted felon President Trump’s stupid White House ballroom as necessary, an ABC News/Washington Post national survey finds the project at 28 percent approve to 56 percent disapprove plus 16 percent not sure, exactly the same as in October.

Trump putting his signature on US currency stands at 12 percent approval.

LIV by the bonesaw, die by th- Anyway the Wall Street Journal reports the Saw-di (tee-hee-hee) blood money-backed golf promotion got stuck in the sandtrap for good and this could go on fore a while with the Allah-awful puns mixing golf and theocratic brutality but let’s just cut it off right here.

Get it? Cut it off? Because that’s what MBS’s goons did to a guy and it was utterly horrible.

Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell on Wednesday announced during his regular remarks he’ll be remaining on the Board of Governors “for a period of time to be determined” even after his replacement Kevin Warsh is confirmed, thereby screwing convicted felon President Trump out of the opportunity to install some Gulf Emir or crypto douchebag or racist conspiracy freak or whoever.

Hastily bade Zarathustra’s most distant, nihilist kin down unto the nadir on Friday last whilst Superman: The Ride, a rivet-steel ubermensch of thrilling twists and hallows of Six Flags New England. The red-caped god is dead, dead for petty material failure in is dreadful cogs.

And yeah, the roller coaster broke down and the riders had to be evacuated, People reports.

Convicted felon President Trump personally told Axios that his naval blockade of Iran “is somewhat more effective than the bombing. They are choking like a stuffed pig. And it is going to be worse for them. They can’t have a nuclear weapon,” and of course Axios being Axios, they didn’t ask him why he didn’t just order a blockade in the first place instead of the bombing campaign that cost the lives of hundreds of civilians in Iran and elsewhere across the Middle East in the retaliatory strikes.

In one fell swoop three defections – Florida maniac Anna Paulina Luna, Wyoming Senate hopeful Harriet “I am not George Santos” Hageman, and Arizonan white nationalist gubernatorial hopeful Andy Biggs – from the House GOP caucus’s Wednesday rule vote on extending FISA, the annual farm bill, and a budget resolution wiped out the most slapdick plans of mice and Mike Johnson.

There’s been a lot of coverage of dysfunction among House Republicans this week on the political news sites. To call it “news” is taking it too far however as the word by nature implies that dysfunction among House Republicans is not news. One could compare it to the wetness of the ocean and that only when a tsunami or hurricane inflicts said wetness upon what was typically dry does it become news. Then again this might simply be a slightly-above-normal high tide.

In a 6-3 pro-MAGA decision, the US Supreme Court on Wednesday nuked a Black-majority Congressional district in Louisiana but did not wholly strike down Section 2 of the Voting Rights Act.

The consensus from the legal Twitters so far seems to be that yes, of course this advantages Republicans given the number of majority-minority districts across the South, while at the same time it does not appear to mean a clean win on the scale of how the Dobbs decision immediately ended abortion access at 10:01 AM the day of. There will be a shit ton more lawsuits filed and anyone who tells you this is 12 free seats for the GOP in November is simply working off maximal expectations.

That people even have those expectations speaks to how entrenched a revanchist, malevolent autocracy is in American federal power structures and the position is simple: Next Dem trifecta 100 percent has to (A) kill the filibuster to squash the GOP veto on meaningful changes. (B) Add seats to the Supreme Court or otherwise nullify the MAGA majority’s stranglehold (C) Pass a new Voting Rights Act ending partisan gerrymandering and expanding the number of seats in the House with a strong tilt toward more densely-populated regions. (C) Add new states to the union that are more or less guaranteed to send Democrats to the Senate. And then pad it out. Look to smaller countries in the Carribbean, even South America or Africa, that would become states willingly, voluntarily, and by the popular consent of their people the same way the Republics of California, Texas, West Florida, and a number of others joined way back when. The GOP needs decades in the wilderness to reform and become anything recognizable again as a chemically-balanced party of government.

That’s the agenda. No more fucking litmus tests about puberty blockers or microaggressions or pronouns or whatever the next unforced electoral liability is going to be. THIS is the litmus test for Dem candidates: Are you going to have the balls to do the job and quarantine the sociopaths until they get well? Or are you going to “defer to tradition” and “avoid rocking the boat” until the minute President Donald Trump Jr falsely swears to uphold the law on a crypto-sponsored Bible in 2033?

Minutes after Dems on the committee announced a bid to hold disgraced and rejected former Attorney General Pam Bondi in contempt for failing to testify, Punchbowl’s Max Cohen reports that chairhick James Comer’s staff say it’s “unnecessary” and Bondi’s coming in on May 29th.

A source tells the Atlantic that convicted felon President Trump’s self-image is starting to catch up with some of us in the non-MAGA electorate and meida’s perception of him as a false messiah, Antichrist, and so on with the tropes whose tiredness doesn’t make them any less true.

“He’s been talking recently about how he is the most powerful person to ever live. He wants to be remembered as the one who did things that other people couldn’t do, because of his sheer power and force of will,” said the source in one of the most believable insider quotes ever printed.

Another source goes on to describe Trump as being liberated from giving a fuck about how Republicans do in the midterms, indirectly quoted saying Donald’s “not particularly worried whether he loses the House, and that he cares only slightly about holding the Senate,” as a Dem majority in the upper chamber means “a six-month impeachment trial versus three hours.”

No, both sides aren't equally responsible for political violence. The media loves sharing graphs and "data" showing the Right is more violent than the Left, but the organizations producing that data are cooking the books so they can smear the Right with the Left's crimes. pic.twitter.com/nqidqSOcTu

— Batya Ungar-Sargon (@bungarsargon) April 29, 2026

Dangerous domestic terrorist James Comey is expected to be permitted to self-surrender – again, for the second time in under a year because this is the second time in under a year he’s been indicted on a bullshit charge – when he shows up in court Monday for threatening to kill the President of the United States because he posted a pic of seashells that said “8647,” CNN reports.